Ok, mine is actually part of the stories on the main page.
After my divorce, and I was ready to start dating
again, I signed up with a few on line dating
agencies. I got a ton of weirdoes, which I quickly screened out. Then "Mike" emailed me. He seemed nice enough, we exchanged a few emails, finally went on to a phone call. Again, he seemed nice enough, seemed to have a good sense of humor, seemed smart. We exchanged pictures. Not a bad looking guy.. pics are kinda out of focus ... but to me, it's not looks, but what the person truly is. We decided to meet.
He told me he was 5'10" and 170 lbs. Nice size, since I'm 5'2" and 125. So, I go to the public location where we are to meet. I don't see any 5'10" guy walking around, but I do see this little nervous guy about 5'1" and maybe.. MAYBE 110 lbs. Yup. Not only was I taller, but I outweighed him. That was Mike. We decided to go to a huge open market in Seattle for our date. This guy IMMEDIATELY latched onto me and would not let go. Each time we walked by another guy, Mike would wrap both arms around me and cling to me. UGH. Finally I had to pat his arm and say "Don't worry.. I'll protect you."
Mike must have suffered from sinus problems. He kept blowing his nose into his hanky. He'd pull out that hanky, honk loudly into it, THEN PEEK!! Also, he kept um.... releasing intestinal pressure. We all fart, and sometimes one does slip out. You get embarrassed, say excuse me, and move on. Not this guy. He kept farting. Didn't say boo diddly about it either.
We went into one of the shops there. It had all kinds of old stuff, which I love looking at. I picked up a hat, tried it on, and thought it looked really cute. The price was much much MUCH more than I would have thought, and I said a surprised "Sh*t!!" You'd think I just ran over Mike's mother the way he carried on. He threw his arms up, looked completely surprised, stuttered.. and said he's not used to such 'foul language.'
Well, by this time I know the date's gonna end soon and it's gonna be the ONLY date. So I had to have fun with him. I started saying every cuss word I could think of just to watch his reaction. We got hungry, so we went to eat. He said he couldn't eat spicy as it didn't agree with him. So we went to a Chinese place and got Mongolian Beef. Um... SPICY! The waiter kinda tossed two menus onto a dirty table in the corner and said that was our table and pointed us there. He brought the tea, I poured (Mike's cup first, manners you know) and the pot kinda slopped a bit. Mike jumped up, squealed like a little girl, threw his arms up and jumped back about 3 feet. All for a drop of tea that landed on the table.
The Mongolian Beef comes and we start eating. I used the chopsticks and wasn't paying attention to Mike, kinda just nodding and saying "uh huh" a lot. I was starving so was eating. I ate a good 2/3 of my lunch, then glanced at Mike's plate. He barely had 1/4 of his gone. He said "Oh, I chew each bite 27 times. It helps me digest it better." Sheesh. I said I wanted to go home as I had to pick up my son and take him to a movie I had promised to take him to. We're walking to the car and I was putting my earrings in my ears. I have 7 holes. He looked kinda nervous and asked if I had my nose pierced. I don't, but I have a teeny gold hoop earring that will sit just right so it looks like I do. I put that on and grinned at him. He looked even MORE nervous and asked if I had anything else pierced. Right there on the streets of Seattle I said, loudly, "SURE!! Both nipples!! Wanna see??" and started unbuttoning my shirt. The look on his face was priceless. That was a first date/LAST date with that guy. I did call him up and thank him for a memorable afternoon (hey, I didn't lie!), but I don't think we'd be compatible in a serious dating