Author Topic: I need jokes!  (Read 8429 times)

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RingTailedLemur

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #90 on: September 26, 2011, 06:37:22 AM »
My ex left me because she thought it was weird how much I love touching pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

oz diva

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #91 on: September 26, 2011, 07:27:52 AM »
3 old ladies are sitting on a park bench, a flasher stops in front of them and shows them his 'bits', 2 of the ladies had a stroke, but the 3rd one couldn't reach!

Victoria

JonGirl

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #92 on: September 27, 2011, 06:03:45 AM »
3 old ladies are sitting on a park bench, a flasher stops in front of them and shows them his 'bits', 2 of the ladies had a stroke, but the 3rd one couldn't reach!


 :'(  with laughter!!!
Stewart/Colbert '16

GIR

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #93 on: September 29, 2011, 05:38:45 PM »
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper!!

Why are Budgies so easy to buy?    They're always going Cheap

« Last Edit: September 29, 2011, 08:07:45 PM by GIR »
Evil Minions: Not always really useful!

Mental Magpie

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #94 on: September 29, 2011, 07:04:01 PM »
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper!!

Why are Budgies so easy to buy?    They're always going Cheap!!

Why can't Helen Keller drive?     Cause she's a woman......

Watch yourself, GIR, that last joke isn't quite appropriate.  It's also not a "clean joke with a play on words" for which the OP was looking.  I suggest removing the joke.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

GIR

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #95 on: September 29, 2011, 08:08:49 PM »
Oh!!! Sorry I didnt realize. Thank you for letting me know.
Evil Minions: Not always really useful!

Mental Magpie

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #96 on: September 30, 2011, 12:57:28 AM »
Oh!!! Sorry I didnt realize. Thank you for letting me know.

No problem :D I was, not too long ago, new here and still figuring out things.

(FTR, I love that joke because of it's not obviousness...it's just not appropriate here...Like swearing in front of my grandmother, just not appropriate lol)
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

scotcat

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #97 on: October 02, 2011, 01:05:18 PM »
Why do elephnat wear green jerseys?
So they can walk across billiard tables without being seen

Why do elephants wear grey jerseys?
Because their green ones are  being washed.

Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside down in bowls of custard.

What is the difference between a village and a hamlet?
One is a group of houses, the other is a play by Shakespeare

What is the difference between a buffalo and a bison
You can wash your hands in a bison, but you can't wash you hands in a buffalo. ( to be said with an Eliza Doolittle accent)

But don''t get me started on the "Mummy, Mummy " jokes.

Cyradis

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #98 on: October 02, 2011, 03:06:05 PM »
The escaped petite psychic was described by the police as a small medium at large.

A lot of money is tainted. T'ain't mine and t'aint yours.

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died but I was delighted.

Contemplating my upcoming root canal was deeply unnerving.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Does England have a blood bank? No idea but it does have a Liverpool.

JoW

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #99 on: October 02, 2011, 03:08:26 PM »
If Oz Divia can post the stroke joke I guess I can post this one.


Clem came down from the hills and joined the Army. 
First they gave him a hat, then they cut his hair. 
Next they gave him a tooth brush, did a dental exam, and pulled 7 teeth.
Then they gave him a jock strap.  That was 6 months ago, they haven't seen him since. 



(For non-US - the correct name for a jock strap is athletic supporter.  Its a men's undergarment.  It supports his boy parts.)

Lisbeth

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #100 on: October 03, 2011, 01:14:48 PM »
Nothing grows faster than the unpaid balance on a revolving charge account.

It takes more brains to prepare an income tax return than it does to make the income.

How do you eat data?  Byte by byte.

What's a crazy website?  A dotty com.
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Ms_Cellany

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #101 on: October 03, 2011, 01:50:03 PM »
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Claude.
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RingTailedLemur

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #102 on: October 04, 2011, 06:05:29 AM »
What do you call a lion in a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

deadbody

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #103 on: January 10, 2012, 02:34:07 PM »
A lady gets on the bus holding her baby.
"Lady that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen" says the bus driver.
The lady goes to sit down in the back of the bus fuming.  She sits next to a man and says
"The bus driver just insulted me"
The man looks at her and says
"You shouldn't take that.  Go right up there and give him a piece of your mind.  Go on I'll hold your monkey for you"

Shoo

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #104 on: January 10, 2012, 04:08:22 PM »
A lady gets on the bus holding her baby.
"Lady that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen" says the bus driver.
The lady goes to sit down in the back of the bus fuming.  She sits next to a man and says
"The bus driver just insulted me"
The man looks at her and says
"You shouldn't take that.  Go right up there and give him a piece of your mind.  Go on I'll hold your monkey for you"

Now this one made me LOL!

Can I borrow it?