Author Topic: I need jokes!  (Read 8499 times)

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Carnation

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2011, 01:53:21 PM »
What do cannibals eat for dessert?  Farmer fannies (Fanny Farmer)

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?  They taste funny.

Do you serve crabs here?  Lady, we serve anybody. ;)

Ferrets

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2011, 03:43:59 PM »
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Mental Magpie

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2011, 03:58:14 PM »
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to his belt.  The bartender finally gets the guts to ask the pirate about it.  The pirate says, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"

You know why pirates are so mean?  They just Arrrrr!

What's a pirate's favorite letter? "R" You'd think it'd be the R, but really it's the C! (the sea)
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Mental Magpie

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2011, 06:33:30 PM »
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

GIR

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2011, 11:06:17 PM »
What's did one burp say to the other? .....Let's be little stinkers and go out the other end.

Why did the watch maker throw his clock out the window? ..... He wanted to see time fly.
 
A blonde , brunette and a redhead are walking down the the street , the blonde walks into a bar........ the brunette and the redhead duck.
Evil Minions: Not always really useful!

purplemuse

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #20 on: June 15, 2011, 10:48:46 AM »
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? 
A: It doesn't matter, he won't come when you call.

Two atoms were walking down the street, when one said: "I think I've lost an electron!" The other asked: "Are you sure?" and the first atom replied "I'm positive!"

deadbody

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #21 on: June 15, 2011, 12:23:43 PM »
A man walked into a bar.  Ouch.

POF

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #22 on: June 15, 2011, 12:27:48 PM »
If you call the birds that fly over the sea - seagulls,

What the name of the birds who fly over the bay ?  Bagels ( Baygulls )

How much do pirate earrings cost ? a bucannear

Ms_Cellany

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #23 on: June 15, 2011, 12:31:37 PM »
A scientist is interested in the mechanics of amphibian locomotion. So he teaches a frog to jump on command and measures the distance.

Then he cuts off one leg. "Jump, frog, jump!"  Conclusion: frogs with three legs can jump only 3/4 the normal distance.

Cuts off another leg. "Jump, frog, jump!" Conclusion: frogs with two legs jump half the normal distance.

Cuts off another leg. "Jump, frog, jump!"  One-quarter normal distance.

Cuts off the last leg. "Jump, frog, jump!"

Conclusion: frogs with no legs are deaf.
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2littlemonkeys

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #24 on: June 15, 2011, 01:33:41 PM »
HA!  I'll have to share some of these with the kids. 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Ms_Cellany

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #25 on: June 15, 2011, 01:50:59 PM »
Speaking of jokes involving cutting legs off animals: "a pig like that, you don't eat all at once."
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ydpubs

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #26 on: June 15, 2011, 01:54:11 PM »
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Aileen.

What do you call the same woman in Japan? Irene.

No matter where you go, there you are...

Ms_Cellany

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #27 on: June 15, 2011, 01:57:54 PM »
This is a visual; let's see if I can pull it off.

(hold hand palm down with first two fingers bent and wiggling, move hand like it's "running")

What's this?

Two of these! (bend and wiggle just the index finger)
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Kimblee

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #28 on: June 15, 2011, 02:02:10 PM »
Why did the elephant paint its toenails purple? So it could pass for grapes in the fridge.

Did it work? Of course, do you see an elephant in the fridge?

How do you tell there's an elephant in the fridge? Footprints in the Jello.

purplemuse

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Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #29 on: June 15, 2011, 02:03:00 PM »
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still-no-eye-deer (still no idea)

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a bullfight?
Gord

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel

And not a joke, but why do so many of these involve mutilated humans and animals?