[This one works best if you can tell it aloud with a decent Scottish accent]
In an Edinburgh hospital, a new doctor from London is being shown around by a Scottish doctor. At the end of his visit, he is ushered into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, who promptly proclaims:
"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"
The English doctor, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, who fervently declares:
"Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it!"
And the next patient sits up straight and bellows:
"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!"
"Well," the Englishman mutters to his new colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward till last."
"Och nae," the Scottish doctor corrects him, "this is the Burns Unit."