Bruno Mars: I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin bad...
Girl: Oh wow, me too! I need some new clothes!
Bruno Mars: I don't think so, cos girl you're amazing, just the way you are!
Girl: Really, do you think so? What would you do for me?
Bruno Mars: I'd catch a grenade for you!
Girl: Even today?
*Grenade hits her*
Bruno Mars: Today I don't feel like doing anything...
My mate said he'd get me a brand new digital clock for Christmas. It turned out to be a wind up.
On the instructions on my washing machine, it says "When cycle is finished, leave door a jar." I wonder if the empty Chicken Tonight one will do?
People say I have a short attention - ooh, look at that bird!!!