Author Topic: I need jokes!  (Read 8755 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Seraphia

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1757
  • Unabashed cat person
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #105 on: January 10, 2012, 06:40:34 PM »
I've posted this before, but it's my dad's favorite, so I'll post it again.

You know how, when you see geese flying, they're always in that V shape? Did you ever notice, when they're flying, that one leg of that V is always longer than the other? You want to know why that is?

......

......

......




There's more geese on that side.
Ancora Imparo - I am still learning

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5259
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #106 on: January 10, 2012, 07:25:06 PM »
I've posted this before, but it's my dad's favorite, so I'll post it again.

You know how, when you see geese flying, they're always in that V shape? Did you ever notice, when they're flying, that one leg of that V is always longer than the other? You want to know why that is?

......

......

......




There's more geese on that side.

I don't know if I posted this one, but your joke made me think of it...

Why do some people press the elevator button with their fingers and others with their thumbs?






To make the elevator work.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

deadbody

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 882
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #107 on: January 10, 2012, 08:27:20 PM »
A lady gets on the bus holding her baby.
"Lady that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen" says the bus driver.
The lady goes to sit down in the back of the bus fuming.  She sits next to a man and says
"The bus driver just insulted me"
The man looks at her and says
"You shouldn't take that.  Go right up there and give him a piece of your mind.  Go on I'll hold your monkey for you"

Now this one made me LOL!

Can I borrow it?

Sure I stole it from someone else.

Isometric

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 717
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #108 on: January 10, 2012, 08:33:46 PM »
Not sure if these have been posted but;

A bear walks into a pub and says to the bartender "Can I please have a rum and.......  coke"

The bartender says, "sure, but why the pause?"

The bear looks down at his paws and says "I don't know, I've had them my whole life!"

Or

Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

Hollanda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2637
  • Believe in yourself.
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #109 on: January 14, 2012, 06:20:16 PM »
Bruno Mars: I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin bad...
Girl: Oh wow, me too! I need some new clothes!
Bruno Mars: I don't think so, cos girl you're amazing, just the way you are!
Girl: Really, do you think so? What would you do for me?
Bruno Mars: I'd catch a grenade for you!
Girl: Even today?
*Grenade hits her*
Bruno Mars: Today I don't feel like doing anything...

***

My mate said he'd get me a brand new digital clock for Christmas. It turned out to be a wind up.

***
On the instructions on my washing machine, it says "When cycle is finished, leave door a jar." I wonder if the empty Chicken Tonight one will do?

***

People say I have a short attention - ooh, look at that bird!!!

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.


Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11003
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #110 on: January 17, 2012, 09:48:51 AM »
I have Al Pacino via Johnny Depp to thank for this one.  Apparently while filming Donnie Brasco, Pacino repeatedly told this joke to Johnny who took a while to get it.   

A skeleton goes into a bar.  Orders a beer...and a mop.

Here's Johnny on Letterman telling the joke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84-vIZztZLo
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12951
Re: I need jokes!
« Reply #111 on: January 26, 2012, 11:25:43 AM »
Did you hear the one about the guy who named his cat Santa Claws?
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.