I need jokes!

[Seraphia]

I've posted this before, but it's my dad's favorite, so I'll post it again.

You know how, when you see geese flying, they're always in that V shape? Did you ever notice, when they're flying, that one leg of that V is always longer than the other? You want to know why that is?

......

......

......




There's more geese on that side.

[Mental Magpie]

I've posted this before, but it's my dad's favorite, so I'll post it again.

You know how, when you see geese flying, they're always in that V shape? Did you ever notice, when they're flying, that one leg of that V is always longer than the other? You want to know why that is?

......

......

......




There's more geese on that side.

I don't know if I posted this one, but your joke made me think of it...

Why do some people press the elevator button with their fingers and others with their thumbs?






To make the elevator work.

[deadbody]

A lady gets on the bus holding her baby.
"Lady that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen" says the bus driver.
The lady goes to sit down in the back of the bus fuming.  She sits next to a man and says
"The bus driver just insulted me"
The man looks at her and says
"You shouldn't take that.  Go right up there and give him a piece of your mind.  Go on I'll hold your monkey for you"

Now this one made me LOL!

Can I borrow it?

Sure I stole it from someone else.

[Isometric]

Not sure if these have been posted but;

A bear walks into a pub and says to the bartender "Can I please have a rum and.......  coke"

The bartender says, "sure, but why the pause?"

The bear looks down at his paws and says "I don't know, I've had them my whole life!"

Or

Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

[Hollanda]

Bruno Mars: I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin bad...
Girl: Oh wow, me too! I need some new clothes!
Bruno Mars: I don't think so, cos girl you're amazing, just the way you are!
Girl: Really, do you think so? What would you do for me?
Bruno Mars: I'd catch a grenade for you!
Girl: Even today?
*Grenade hits her*
Bruno Mars: Today I don't feel like doing anything...

***

My mate said he'd get me a brand new digital clock for Christmas. It turned out to be a wind up.

***
On the instructions on my washing machine, it says "When cycle is finished, leave door a jar." I wonder if the empty Chicken Tonight one will do?

***

People say I have a short attention - ooh, look at that bird!!!

[Piratelvr1121]

I have Al Pacino via Johnny Depp to thank for this one.  Apparently while filming Donnie Brasco, Pacino repeatedly told this joke to Johnny who took a while to get it.   

A skeleton goes into a bar.  Orders a beer...and a mop.

Here's Johnny on Letterman telling the joke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84-vIZztZLo

[Bijou]

Did you hear the one about the guy who named his cat Santa Claws?