Etiquette and Personal Saftey

[NOVA Lady]

I'm so glad your'e okay!

Thanks for sharing the story with us, and thank you to all the responses with other advice. I hate that it happened to you, but women need to hear these stories more often.

And I'm definitely going to find that book!

Thanks Thats why I wanted to share. Things like this could happen, and its so easy to become a victim. I know there are others out there like me, friendly and have no problems chatting with strangers. But we need to look out for out saftey and trust our gut instincts and be very aware of the people around us who might cause a problem.

[Lunadiana75]

As far as I am concerned, if some creepy jerk won't take polite hints, my etiquette will fly right out the window.  These men may be of this planet, they aren't on it. In their twisted minds, any woman being the slightest bit nice to them, obviously wants to sleep with them.     You have to be downright rude to get them to go away and leave you alone.  I never feel guilty over it.

[HogwartsAlum]

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Thank you for the book recommendation. The entire time the guy was talking to me I was creeped out by him. Mostly because we wouldn't take my verbal (short answers, no questions back, clearly not interested in engaging in the conversation) and non verbal (turning my body physically away from him, not looking at him when I spoke, scooting a little away from him, no smiles, etc) social cues like most people would have.

When I saw that he followed me out and then started his car as I started mine my heart just started beating 1000 times a second. It was an instant fear response.  If I hadn't been parked directly next to the door I wouldn't have run back in, I would have done as others said and driven to the police or fire station (the fire station is closer). His behavior just screamed stalker to me, and I got scared. The security guy at the bar (a Marine by day) took me completely seriously, wrote down his name, description and plate and he wont be allowed in again. I also took note of him and his car in case we bump into each other again.
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You did just what you should have.  He was showing all the signs that de Becker talked about, and you listened to your fear.  de Becker says that true fear is your friend, because it tells you when something is wrong.  Not worrywart "awfulizing," but real, intuitive fear.  And kudos to the security guy for taking you seriously!

I am really, really glad you are ok.

[NOVA Lady]

Hogwarts and everyone else, I wanted to thank you for the encouragement. I felt really freaked out, and I am glad I didn't over or under react. Its really tough to know the right thing to do. But I don't want to let the embarasment of feeling "silly" overtake my natural fear response. I ordered the recommended book from giant online retailer of books (lol, I don't know if naming names is OK) and plan to read it cover to cover when I get it!

[Rei-chan]

MarinaDCA, just wanted to add my gladness that you are OK!

Also, you could invest in a stun gun if they are legal where you are...my BIL got me one last Christmas (I was mugged coming out of my job a few years back) and having the capability of thousands of volts in my hand makes me feel a lot safer when leaving work at night!   

[ptcruzinkim]

Thanks for the info on that book, sounds interesting.

As for the OP.....wow, just wow! I do a lot of my activities alone, being single and somewhat of a loner. It would really piss me off to no end if someone started stalking me like that. I'm also immensely private and very protective of my personal space and energy. I don't suffer the clueless well, in other words, giving the clueless short answers and not looking at them and they still won't get the subtle clue to bug off!

I think the OP did very well, even  though she was probably freaking out on the inside. I'm glad that the people at the pub helped her out and knew her as well. I think she did the right thing under the circumstances and while shaken on the inside, handled it well on the outside without showing this mutant how afraid she was.

[Lauren]

*hugs* That's some scary stuff!

Personally, when it comes to my safety ettiquette can take a flying leap. As long as I'm safe, I don't care about the other person. Because if I'm fearing for my safety, they don't care about mine.

[andi]

I was going to suggest that if you had driven off - GO TO THE POLICE STATION.   I had some wierdo follow me home from the gas station one night, i passed my apartment when i realized he was still behind me after a 15 minute drive and did exactly as posted.  He sat across from the station long enough for the cops to get a plate number.  it was terrifying.

ALWAYS listen to your insticts - many of us were raised to be sweet, polite, helpful and all around nice - and wierdos know it!  i'm gonna get  acopy of the book for my 5 nieces.

[arkzak]

On the subject of "The Gift of Fear", I haven't read that particular one, but I have just finished another book by the same author, called "Protecting the Gift". It's about how to protect your children and I found it a very sensible, informative read.

[JeanFromBNA]

Personal safety ALWAYS comes before etiquette. You are never required to sacrifice your safety to make others comfortable.  Any gentleman would know that.  But criminals know that too many women don't want to seem unpleasant, and they count on that to take advantage of them in ways that you don't want to know about. 

If you think you're being followed, go to a police station, a fire station, or other populated place.  If you memorize where safe places are on routes that you frequently travel, then if it becomes suddenly necessary, getting to a safe location will be easier, and you will not be as likely to make bad choices in a panic.

Second, third, and fourth the suggestion of reading "The Gift Of Fear."  It's might save your life.  Every high-school age woman should read it, especially before going away to college.

Thank God you are safe.  Please thank the security guard, as well, for his diligence.