Please don't tell me to smile.

[Mental Magpie]

Heard a story once. A woman was making her first trip to the grocery store following the death of her teenage son. It was heartbreaking for her to see all his favorite foods she used to buy for him. She managed to get through the trip with only a few tears and was loading up the car. A woman walks by and says "Smile my dear, nothing could be that bad." She sat in her car and cried for half an hour.

My dad died July 5, 2008.  When I request July 5th off, a lot of people will say "Oh, I know why your'e requesting that day off!" implying I will be hungover.  Really, I can't blame them, so I usually don't get mad.  I usually just smile my laughing smile, trying to not make them feel uncomfortable because they really didn't mean to insult me, and say, "No, that's the day my dad died, otherwise, yes, that would probably be it."  However, there was one person I will never forget.  Sneering, he said, "Just because you're irresponsible doesn't mean other people should have to cover your shift."  I look him straight in the fact and said, "Thank you for blaming my father's death on my irresponsibility.  I will be sure not to give anyone cancer in the future."  Did I cry?  No, I was too dingdangity mad (I already didn't like him).  That was the last time he suggested anything about my character, but I was only chillingly polite to him for the rest of my time there.

[FlyingBaconMouse]

Heard a story once. A woman was making her first trip to the grocery store following the death of her teenage son. It was heartbreaking for her to see all his favorite foods she used to buy for him. She managed to get through the trip with only a few tears and was loading up the car. A woman walks by and says "Smile my dear, nothing could be that bad." She sat in her car and cried for half an hour.

My late BF was sick for ten months before he died. People have been telling me to smile since kindergarten.

With nothing else to do while he was in the hospital and not always able to have visitors, I did a lot of stuff just to get out of the house, and I was determined that if anybody told me to smile while I was out and about, I was going to tell them exactly what was going on! I was going to become the Cheer-Up Avenger!!

...and do you know, no one did? That might be the longest stretch of my adult life where someone hasn't tried to get me to smile. 

[Reuth]

Maybe you had an "I dare you to approach me" look on your face?

[FlyingBaconMouse]

I probably did.  That happens with customer service, too: if I have to get psyched up to ask them to fix something I'm upset about, usually they just fold. I even got the big blue store to do that once. Too bad I can't turn whatever-that-is on at will...

[WolfWay]

This thread made me think if this blog post:

http://nijla1.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/dont-tell-me-to-smile/
 
And apropos of the thread in general:  

[Emmy]

This thread made me think if this blog post:

http://nijla1.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/dont-tell-me-to-smile/
 
And apropos of the thread in general:  

Good thread, I can totally relate to what the author is saying.  I know others have had different experiences, but in my case it has always been a man telling me to smile.  I've never heard this type of comment directed at a man.

[NutMeg]

One of my friends has perfected a face for just this occasion. When someone tells him to smile, he puts on this almost cave man looking face (angry and uninterested), and says in a deep growl, "I AM smiling." People usually have no idea how to respond. It's hilarious.

[AlwaysQuizzical]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this a lot. Unfortunately I also look sad when I have my "neutral face" on as I call it. Whenever I'm just walking around not thinking of much, people try to cheer me up. I guess unless I'm feeling a particular emotion I look sad.

Worst of all is when people get offended by thinking I'm not happy with them. I was shopping with my BF's Mother and Sister and they thought I was miserable with the whole trip. I was perfectly content to shop with them despite the fact that I didn't have the money to shop for myself.

Whenever this happens I feel awful that I've offended people or made people think I'm trying to get sympathy.

[greencat]

Another clever and inoffensive response would be to state "Oh, no, forcing yourself to smile gives you wrinkles!"

[Lisbeth]

How about "Give me a reason to smile by dropping the subject forever."

[Ida]

"I'm not miserable. It's just me face."
覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧由ingo Starr

[WolfWay]

"I'm not miserable. It's just me face."
覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧覧由ingo Starr

I'm so using that in future (bonus points if I can do the Liverpool accent it deserves).

[Morticia]

Don't we always say, "No." is a complete sentence? While I really like "Dance!", I suspect it borders on retaliatory rudeness.

[Abacus]

I don't mind a person telling me to smile, even when I'm upset. They could never know my personal situation if I haven't told them so I can't hate on them for asking. It's when they are persistent is what bugs me. To ask again...and again....and again....yeah, it can make a person come so close to snapping.

Instead of being told to "Smile!" which may or may not be followed by the usual annoying/cliched comments (e.g. "it might never happen"; "it could be worse"; etc), throwing a random yet sincere compliment works wonders (e.g. "I love the way you've styled your hair this morning") and normally elicits a more natural smile and a raise in the other person's spirits.

One of the most socially incompetent approaches I had was a guy who approached me with a grin saying "You look peed* off!" (*he used the stronger version of the word). When I replied that I in fact was not, he kept on saying with a smile "Well, you do look peed off!" hoping it would get me to smile. Of course, this started to irk me, and I even went as far as to tell him that it was an inappropriate way to 'greet' a stranger yet he just kept on repeating it, yet expecting me to smile and engage him in what he hoped would be a pleasant conversation. It resulted in me ignoring the man and him wondering why I wouldn't talk to him. Go figure.

[Reuth]

They could never know my personal situation if I haven't told them so I can't hate on them for asking.

That's exactly why they shouldn't tell you to smile. They don't know your situation.

But the main problem is this: the person in my original post is not some kindly soul genuinely trying to cheer me up. That would be a different thing entirely. He's a creepy person who stares at me and demands a smile. It's disconcerting and weird.