Author Topic: Please don't tell me to smile.  (Read 44034 times)

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Reuth

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Please don't tell me to smile.
« on: June 15, 2011, 11:58:13 AM »
I had gotten in the habit of stopping at a particular gas station on my way to work, to get a cup of coffee. (I can't make good coffee at home. I've given up.) Almost every day, the same cashier is there, and there is a man who hangs out in the store and talks to her. Frequently, he has something to say to me when I come up to the register. It would be fine if he were saying, "Good morning," but it's usually along the lines of, "Smile!" or "Aren't you excited to go to work?" or some version of him telling me to smile.

Now, I do offer the cashier a polite smile and a greeting, but I don't think I'm required to walk around grinning all the time. I struggle with depression and mornings are often very difficult for me. I do my best. It's not like I'm scowling at anyone, but a blank expression is all I can manage on some days.

Usually, I give him no response other than a brief, nervous smile. But that isn't going to stop his comments. Last week, he outright stared at me without saying anything. I glanced up at him, and he continued to stare openly. I haven't been back to the gas station since then. The problem is that it's the only place that's convenient for me to get a cup of coffee on my way to work.

I don't know what to say. I'm certainly not going to explain to a complete stranger why I don't look happy. And I really didn't know what to say to the staring. Help?

Dragons 8 Cactus

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2011, 12:11:06 PM »
ughh, shivers down my spine.

I detest being to 'Smile'

But, the guy Staring at you, not saying anything... ugh, Creepy.

Disclaimer, i am not calling him a creep, just his behavior. Yes, there is a difference lol

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

NotTheNarcissist

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2011, 12:14:02 PM »
You sound like me. I don't wake up (really wake up) till around 12N and my body/face reflect that. Corny, I know, but I think if it were me, I would fight this one with humor: "I AM smiling. You don't like my smile?" Because it sounds like you're gonna have to "live" with this guy during your coffee run, and the sooner you 2 reach common ground, the better...

leafeater

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2011, 12:49:08 PM »
I hate it when vendors get conversational in the morning.  The guys at the gas station I went to used to ask for the location of my office and notice when I varied my method of payment ("No credit card this morning, eh?")  I wish there was a polite way to say "Look, just serve me my dang coffee."

Reuth

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2011, 12:58:28 PM »
And you know, I have never seen the cashier smile, ever. She's always complaining to the guy about something or other. And half the time she doesn't even return my greeting.

It seems like the owners/manager wouldn't want some random person hanging around near the register every day, bothering the customers.

whiskeytangofoxtrot

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2011, 01:42:05 PM »
Oh, big pet peeve of mine too! One guy at a large chain taco joint had a real reputation for that. One day he even refused to give me my order until I did. Excuse me?? My blood sugar was a little low, so I wasn't in the jolliest of moods to begin with; I snarled, "I left it in my other pants!", and drove off with my order while he stood at the window making gaping goldfish faces.

I don't know if he's still there or not. I haven't been back.

Emmy

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2011, 01:37:21 PM »
I hate hate hate this. 

Recently DH and I were in a meeting for the closing on the selling of our old house.  My realtor's boss (also a realtor we had met a handful of times) looked at me and said "Smile, aren't you happy you just sold your house?  You look like a deer in headlights."  He said this in front of a room full of people.  I find people saying this to be very condescending.  Just for the record, DH was with me and he also wasn't smiling, but the realtor's boss did not tell him he needed to smile or he looked like a deer in headlights.  Hmm.  In my experience it has only been men who have said this to me.  I hate feeling like my facial expressions are being analyzed and when somebody says this to me, it seems obvious they don't respect me as an equal.  When I get these comments, I tend to just have my face relaxed in a 'normal' expression and am not pouting, angry, or frowning (and even if I was, nobody has the right to tell me to smile).

Mental Magpie

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2011, 01:57:30 AM »
So what do we say when people tell us to smile?  I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines.  We need a polite phrase for this one!
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Erich L-ster

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2011, 02:38:15 AM »
i always just put on a fake smile to get them to shut up. what you could try is not catching his eye. look the other way, give him as wide a berth as you can.

Larrabee

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2011, 02:42:22 AM »
So what do we say when people tell us to smile?  I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines.  We need a polite phrase for this one!


"No thanks?"

I hate this too, do these people ever ever say it to men?

leafeater

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2011, 03:34:06 AM »
So what do we say when people tell us to smile?  I feel like saying "Why would I want to do that?" would elicit a response of "Because it's a great day!" or something along those lines.  We need a polite phrase for this one!


"No thanks?"

I hate this too, do these people ever ever say it to men?

I think I've seen women say it to men.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2011, 03:40:39 AM »
I've been told by strangers, by relatives, by men, and by women.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Amava

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2011, 07:49:26 AM »
I'm not the first to say this on this forum, but I suggest the Sheldon Cooper smile for these situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdoXhvHvK3I

MorgnsGrl

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #13 on: June 18, 2011, 08:32:48 AM »
Other person: SMILE!

Me: Dance!

(Other person looks confused.)

Me: Oh, sorry. I thought we were giving each other random, inappropriate orders.  >:D

Reuth

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Re: Please don't tell me to smile.
« Reply #14 on: June 18, 2011, 10:00:26 AM »
what you could try is not catching his eye. look the other way, give him as wide a berth as you can.

He stands right by the counter, where I have to stand while I am paying for my coffee, and stares at me.