Please don't tell me to smile.

[poundcake]

OP, I'd stop going to that particular location. Or, if that's not possible, next time he demands "Smile," tell him "No, I don't feel like it, and if you don't stop demanding it, I'm going to stop giving you my business." Or even, "You may think you're cheering someone up by telling them to smile, but not everyone wants to." Sometimes it's part of customer service demands; when I worked at certain chains, I had to keep up a bright smile no matter what as long as I was behind the counter. But if you are the customer, you don't have to perform "happy" on demand. Go somewhere else. And don't smile unless you darned well feel like it!

I'm not the first to say this on this forum, but I suggest the Sheldon Cooper smile for these situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdoXhvHvK3I

I use this one myself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4FcHxDBel0

Good thread, I can totally relate to what the author is saying.  I know others have had different experiences, but in my case it has always been a man telling me to smile.  I've never heard this type of comment directed at a man.

I KNOW, RIGHT?! I've spouted off about this a lot, because this is one of my biggest peeves and I too have a "serious" face. And it's usually some guy, but sometimes an older woman, demanding "Smile!" The old guy who did that to me in the grocery store line got the version in my link. The one who demanded it after a family death got a "No." The elderly woman who insisted I needed to smile because I'd "look so much prettier/nicer [I don't remember exactly which it was] if you did!" got "Well, I'm functional, not decorative." But I do like the version with "Smile!" "Dance!"

[Reuth]

I can't look at those youtube links at work, but I can imagine what they might be!

OP, I'd stop going to that particular location. Or, if that's not possible, next time he demands "Smile," tell him "No, I don't feel like it, and if you don't stop demanding it, I'm going to stop giving you my business." Or even, "You may think you're cheering someone up by telling them to smile, but not everyone wants to." Sometimes it's part of customer service demands; when I worked at certain chains, I had to keep up a bright smile no matter what as long as I was behind the counter. But if you are the customer, you don't have to perform "happy" on demand. Go somewhere else. And don't smile unless you darned well feel like it!

Since I originally posted this thread, I have stopped going there. Unfortunately it's the only place that is convenient for me to get coffee on my way to work, and I make lousy coffee at home - I've switched to tea. Last week I stopped there for gas. The storefront is mostly glass, and I didn't see him there (he's not an employee, just "some guy" that hangs around talking to the cashier) so I went in. I was getting my coffee when I felt someone standing behind me. I glanced around and there he was, staring at me. I finished putting the cream in my coffee, etc., and glanced around again - he was still staring at me, with a creepy half-smile on his face. (He wasn't just waiting for me to get out of the way, either. I had moved to the side and he could have gotten coffee if he wanted it.)

[poundcake]

Wow. That's several etiquette steps beyond "smile!"  It might be time to contact the place and see if they can discourage loitering, his in particular. His being kicked out for making other patrons uncomfortable would certainly make ME smile, too. 

[virgo]

That's one of my pet peeves, also.  Another one is a co-worker walking by my desk and saying, "Are we having fun yet?"  One time, I said NO.   >:(That got their attention...lol

[Black Delphinium]

That's one of my pet peeves, also.  Another one is a co-worker walking by my desk and saying, "Are we having fun yet?"  One time, I said NO.   >:(That got their attention...lol

I usually say "If I were having any more fun I'd just have to kill myself."

[Mental Magpie]

That's one of my pet peeves, also.  Another one is a co-worker walking by my desk and saying, "Are we having fun yet?"  One time, I said NO.   >:(That got their attention...lol

I usually say "If I were having any more fun I'd just have to kill myself."

I'm going to have to use this.  It's not a coworker, but my customers.  Please let me explain...I work security at a race track.  My main job is to make sure that people passing me have wristbands that say they are allowed into the pits; secondarily, my main job is to make sure people going into the grandstands have stamps on their hands.  As for the wristbands, this is usually done as the trucks towing the car trailers pass me (I hold up my arm, point to my wristband; they hold up their arms to show me they have wristbands).  It's almost like "It must be free!" to cashiers when people hold up the arm without the wristband.  Do you really want me to make you stop your truck?  I will, just try me.  That and "Having fun yet?"  Yes, I love sitting in the humidity and blaring sun, sweating, making sure grown adults can abide by the rules... (FWIW, I am getting college credit for this).  I guess it doesn't help that I am a large-chested 23 year old female... *sigh* what can a girl do?  Oh wait, that's right, say, "If I were having any more fun I'd just have to kill myself."

[Reuth]

You know, that's really going to backfire the day you say it to someone whose relative just committed suicide.

[Larrabee]

You know, that's really going to backfire the day you say it to someone whose relative just committed suicide.

Hopefully someone in that position would be much less likely to be so obnoxious in the first place.

[Reuth]

You know, that's really going to backfire the day you say it to someone whose relative just committed suicide.

Hopefully someone in that position would be much less likely to be so obnoxious in the first place.

Not really sure why you think that? The pain of losing a loved one to suicide goes on for years, or a lifetime. Just because someone is annoying enough to say "having fun yet?" (which many people don't even realize is annoying) does not mean they should have that wound re-opened. It is never, ever OK to joke about suicide with someone you don't know well.

[dawbs]

You know, that's really going to backfire the day you say it to someone whose relative just committed suicide.

Hopefully someone in that position would be much less likely to be so obnoxious in the first place.

I'm sure I've been 'obnoxious' in the past while trying to be light-hearted.
I'd not say something, but my gut would wrench.
Mental health issues aren't generally funny, are generally painfull, and are handled either as pariah or joke in the world at large--something at least as painful as the issues.

I'd consider the comment from a stranger to be distasteful and it would give me an inner shudder and I'd have to have an inner battle not to get on my 'soapbox'.

[Larrabee]

You know, that's really going to backfire the day you say it to someone whose relative just committed suicide.

Hopefully someone in that position would be much less likely to be so obnoxious in the first place.

Not really sure why you think that? The pain of losing a loved one to suicide goes on for years, or a lifetime. Just because someone is annoying enough to say "having fun yet?" (which many people don't even realize is annoying) does not mean they should have that wound re-opened. It is never, ever OK to joke about suicide with someone you don't know well.

Maybe it is an assumption, but I do assume that people who've been through tragedies tend to become a little more aware of saying things like 'Smile!' 'cheer up it might never happen' 'having fun yet?' and so on to strangers who look a bit down.  I know I did.

Also, you did say 'just' committed suicide.

I do though see a lot of jokes about suicide in popular culture and hear a lot day to day, some more lighthearted and some in better taste than others.  I don't think all of them are automatically off limits, I think you should just use your best judgement.

[Biker Granny]

I had terrible teeth for most of my life so when I did smile...for any reason...it was closed mouth.

I detest people telling me to smile....on my bitter little troll days if they were stupid enough to tell me to smile, I would reply...why?  They reply...it's a beautiful day!  The sun is shining?  Troll me replies...so what?  Maybe I feel we need the rain....and so forth and so on.  (I don't let Troll me out in public much...she can be fun tho )

I have been known to reply...Darn!...I smiled yesterday and you missed it!

[Black Delphinium]

I really do try to know my audience with that line, and usually only use it with friends/close co-workers. I tend to also do it in a very deadpan kind of way, and have never had an issue with it.

[Thyisa]

I also agree with complaining to the management. They are losing business over Mr. Creepy, and you can't be the only one bothered by it. I likely would have run away from the store if someone did that to me.

I also get told to smile a lot, since my neutral face seems rather sad, apparently. And since I am terribly shy, instead of thinking that people were being nice to me and reminding me that the world is a happy place, usually being told to smile made me panic and think that they had a problem with me. I really despise this comment, as I feel my face is my own and I don't want to have to force myself to smile for the pleasure of others.

[Auntie Mame]

Other person: SMILE!

Me: Dance!

(Other person looks confused.)

Me: Oh, sorry. I thought we were giving each other random, inappropriate orders. 

Ahahahaha! I do the exact same thing!