News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • December 14, 2017, 07:11:00 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: A birthday message-when you and the birthday person aren't on speaking terms  (Read 14509 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

whiskeytangofoxtrot

  • Member
  • Posts: 316
Well, maybe it's a start...?

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • Member
  • Posts: 29273
  • a/k/a KeenReader
No, anyone looking at his wall could see that he was still snubbing me if he'll give a personal response to everyone's message but mine.

He also did not respond to the E-mail and I don't expect him to.  It looks like he's still giving me the silent treatment.  I'm sick of it.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

refereetoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
  • Formerly Referee
No comment would not indicate to me that he was snubbing you.  If I didn't see a written response from one-sibling to another, I would automatically assume that there had been some private communication. 

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • Member
  • Posts: 29273
  • a/k/a KeenReader
No comment would not indicate to me that he was snubbing you.  If I didn't see a written response from one-sibling to another, I would automatically assume that there had been some private communication.  

Except there hasn't been any.  And it is known, to our parents at least, that he and I have not been speaking.

If I happened to write a birthday message on someone else's wall and saw that I and everyone but one person got an actual response, I'd wonder myself about the person who didn't.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2011, 02:20:39 PM by Lisbeth »
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

refereetoo

  • Member
  • Posts: 40
  • Formerly Referee
You know that he's not speaking to you and your parents know as well, but if I failed to see a response specifically to a sibling, on a FB friend's wall, I wouldn't thiink that the siblings were in a dispute.  I would assume that they were communicating in a more private manner than FB.  I am not addressing what you know to be a fact, but rather what the general unsuspecting public is aware of. 

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • Member
  • Posts: 29273
  • a/k/a KeenReader
You know that he's not speaking to you and your parents know as well, but if I failed to see a response specifically to a sibling, on a FB friend's wall, I wouldn't thiink that the siblings were in a dispute.  I would assume that they were communicating in a more private manner than FB.  I am not addressing what you know to be a fact, but rather what the general unsuspecting public is aware of.  

But just because you would make that assumption doesn't mean anyone else would.

And that's not to mention that my parents were included in the people he did respond to.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2011, 07:03:46 PM by Lisbeth »
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Kiara

  • Member
  • Posts: 2591
    • My dragons!
I agree with Lisbeth.  If I saw someone reply to all greetings except one....I'd raise an eyebrow and wonder what's up.  Because it's sending a message.  I'm sorry that happened, Lisbeth.
Rogers/Barnes 2016 - With You 'til the End of the Line.

whiskeytangofoxtrot

  • Member
  • Posts: 316
At the risk of sounding flippant or callous, write him off, and move on. NYP.

FWIW, I've got a sibling acting like the north end of a southbound horse, too.  ::)

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • Member
  • Posts: 29273
  • a/k/a KeenReader
At the risk of sounding flippant or callous, write him off, and move on. NYP.

FWIW, I've got a sibling acting like the north end of a southbound horse, too.  ::)

No, I don't think you sound flippant or callous, and that's just what I'm going to do.  Thanks for the advice.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

Mikayla

  • Member
  • Posts: 4313
Sorry you're going through this, Lisbeth.

On the issue of how the FB snub looks to others, I can't tell how worried you are about that, but I think people were just making the point that most casual observers (ie, not your parents) would assume that bro and sis had a more private exchange.  That's what I'd assume. 

On the rest, I'd defriend and block him.  The reason I say this is that one of the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with FB, and even texting, is they offer cheap ways to get inside someone's head.  All he had to do was click on "like" -- mission accomplished.  Don't make it so easy on him.  If he wants to go out of his way to be a cad, at least make him....go out of his way.

Lisbeth

  • I am a rock, I am an island
  • Member
  • Posts: 29273
  • a/k/a KeenReader
Sorry you're going through this, Lisbeth.

On the issue of how the FB snub looks to others, I can't tell how worried you are about that, but I think people were just making the point that most casual observers (ie, not your parents) would assume that bro and sis had a more private exchange.  That's what I'd assume. 

On the rest, I'd defriend and block him.  The reason I say this is that one of the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with FB, and even texting, is they offer cheap ways to get inside someone's head.  All he had to do was click on "like" -- mission accomplished.  Don't make it so easy on him.  If he wants to go out of his way to be a cad, at least make him....go out of his way.

Well, given that he did not have a more private exchange with my parents or our other brother, for example, (at least not to my knowledge) but responded to their greetings right there on the wall with a personal message, I don't think anyone else would make that assumption.

But, I'm not going to go out of my way for him anymore.
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

boxy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1037
I agree - he was sending you a passive message on FB. 


BusyBee

  • Member
  • Posts: 450
We must be related!  Same silent treatment and my family has exactly the same business-as-usual-eventually approach.  I've seen this show before, I know how it ends, can we just move along with it...

You did the right thing by offering your wishes.  His response reflects on him, not you.  Enough people would notice, but they won't say anything either way.  It's none of their business, try not to worry about them.

pod to blocking his feed so you don't have to watch him ingoring you. The last fb straw was when my sibing posted 6 times in one day and was the only one to completely ignore my DC's (her godchild's) night at the ER that weekend.  I quietly blocked her feed and am much happier for it. 

Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.  It's sad, but my relationshps with them are easier since I decided there would never be another opportunity to be disappointed.  So sorry for what's happening, but glad you've gotten used to the quiet.