Author Topic: Going to try this with my ex  (Read 8259 times)

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Take2

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Going to try this with my ex
« on: June 28, 2011, 02:58:08 PM »
I have tried really hard to make my relationship with my ex smooth, for the sake of the kids and my blood pressure.

I haven't pressured him to come get several pieces of furniture he left here, as there is space and I know it is challenging to arrange. Finally, 10 months after he moved out, he has plans to come get his stuff this week. Hooray!

So he calls me back today and says "I need a favor." His apartment complex won't let him keep 3 cars there anymore. He has the car he bought his new wife as an engagement present, HIS brand new car and the car he took when we split. So he wants to bring the old car back here and keep it in my driveway until he can sell it. In what universe is that a reasonable request? My boss called at that moment, so I just told him I would call him back. I am so afraid of the fight we will be having soon. I am hopeful that this phrase will help.

Deetee

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2011, 03:07:46 PM »
First think about what you want.

If you'd be willing to store the car for $50 a month, say so.

If you are not willing to store the car, say so.

It does take two people to have a fight, so don't justify, don't explain, just say it doesn't work for you and he will need to find another place to store the car. (It helps to tell someone what they need to do instead).

If you are afraid he may yell or fuss while picking up his stuff, invite over a couple of friends and ignore him/leave if he gets loud.

Also, this is getting a little bit pop-pysch, but it sounds like he is still trying to keep some claim/attachment to you by removing his furniture and leaving a car.

Take2

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2011, 07:22:55 PM »
I think it is the HOUSE he is trying to keep some claim on, not me. But yes, I will mention that local storage is an option. I tried suggesting he ask another friend, but he doesn't have any.

Kaypeep

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2011, 08:03:20 PM »
I'm a firm believer in "no good deed goes unpunished."  If you agree to have the car there, does that mean he'll start using your house as the meeting point for when he tries to sell the car?  Will you have the keys and be able to move it if you do? What happens when it's parked there and the neighbor's kid hits a baseball and smashes the back window?  Too many annoying scenarios to mention. 

You don't owe him this favor.  It took him 10 months to deal with the furniture.  If that car is on  your property, out of sight, out of mind.  He will cancel the insurance and let it sit there forever.  Don't do it!  Text him back and say "Sorry I had to get that other call earlier and had to run off like that.  Anyway, I gave it some thought and I don't think storing the car here will work for me.  I believe the XYZ gas station might lease spots for cars trying to be sold, though.  I'm sorry I can't help you at this time."


SamiHami

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2011, 08:05:00 PM »
Neither he nor his wife have any friends or relatives that could do this for him? You are the only person on the planet that can help him out? Yeah. Sounds like he can't let go.

If he and his wife can afford brand new cars, he can afford to rent a place to store it until it sells.

Just tell him no, that won't work for you and leave it at that. Do not give him a reason-he will only try to convince you that your reason is not valid. Don't allow him to draw you into an argument. No matter what he says, just keep repeating that it will not work for you. When he asks why, you only need to say "because it doesn't." He'll get frustrated and angry; just don't let him bait you into an argument.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Take2

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2011, 09:41:29 PM »
I don't think they have any friends nearby, I know they don't have any family. But that is their problem, not mine. As is the car thing. And yes, they are not hurting for money. My guess is he is just ticked that A. I have the nice house while he has an apartment and B. he'll be paying $100/month to store a car worth $500 or so. So he can donate it to a good cause and take the writeoff, it's not coming here.

Kaypeep

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2011, 10:47:49 AM »
A $500 beater car?  No way!  Do NOT let him keep it at your house.  He sounds like a procrastinator.  That rust bucket will be at your house indefinitely if you let him keep it there.  Please, tell him sorry but no.  Don't let him guilt you into it.  This has nothing to do with the kids, there's no reason for you to do this favor for him.

Take2

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2011, 02:44:58 PM »
So odd. I told him no, it wouldn't be possible the first time he brought it up. I explained it would be a hardship for me to have it in my driveway. He started to argue, but my boss called and I had to get off the phone. He seems to have processed that it won't be happening, and hasn't brought it up again. So maybe my boss should just "call" every time he asks for unreasonable favors. How many times will this work? "No, sorry we can't discuss because my boss is on the other line, we can talk later, bye!"

Yeah, it's a 1998 SUV that looks OK on the outside but would need major internal repairs to pass inspection. It runs, but overheats if it goes more than 5 miles or so. I am sure the offers will be pouring in for him to sell it  ::) But that will have to happen off my property.

magician5

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2011, 09:43:11 PM »
"Maybe you can park it at a used-car dealer. They may even be willing to sell it for you."
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

rhirhi

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #9 on: July 05, 2011, 08:47:38 PM »
If you want to be nice, he can sign the car over to you for one dollar and then you can sell it yourself. Everyone (sort of) wins- he's rid of the car, it's sold and you make the money  ;D

rain

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Re: Going to try this with my ex
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2012, 09:06:34 PM »
Take2  - how's it going?  My ex is having "extinction outburst"  - I just played dumb tonight & didn't engage the crazy.
"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"