Help- don't want to hurt Mom's feelings but... (longish)

[willow08]

Wow, I thought maybe you were exagerating about the bad cooking, but now I see you're really, really not. At least you can be grateful that you survived childhood.

How do your nieces feel about it? I'm kind of worried about their tummy safety (from undercooked meat) and nutrition (you mentioned a lot of starch and not a lot of veggies.) Maybe you could offer to take kosher cooking classes with your mom so she could better understand your needs and food prep safety? Two birds, one stone? Also, maybe get her a cookbook with fun, easy recipes for kids like "ants on a log" and "egg in a nest." If nothing else, the kids will be able to fend for themselves in a few years.

[Tabris]

Okay, so I was overreading what you'd written about them not having to take you. We hear so many toxic stories on this forum that I get hypersensitive.

I'm wondering if maybe you can't get around the food/rejection issue by somehow getting closer to your mom in other ways. Like bringing over old photo albums so you can talk about them with your niece/nephew, or doing a crafting type project together if you guys quilt, or something like that. Sometimes families forget how to bond over things other than food, but if you can meet that need in other ways, she might not feel so worried that she's losing her closeness with you?

[Lisbeth]

Offer to go out to dinner instead!

This is usually not a practical option for those who keep strictly kosher.

Some of the rules include:
1) Meat and dairy foods cannot be cooked, served, or eaten together.  All dishes have to be kept separate and washed separately.
2) Pork, shellfish, birds of prey, and other animals that don't meet the following qualifications are automatically not kosher and serving them with kosher foods renders the kosher foods non-kosher:
a) Animals that do not have both cloven hooves and chew their cuds
b) Sea animals that do not have both fins and scales

Most restaurants do not follow the rules at all, let alone strictly enough for an ultra-Orthodox person to be willing to eat there.

[Pixie]

  The boiled hamburger and potato dish is known in the vernacular as 'mince and tatties.'  Here is what you do to make it taste good - brown the hamburger (mince) with a cut-up onion.  Add water and gravy mix (Bisto is best if you can find it.)  Add potatoes (tatties), boil gently until they are soft,  throw in sone peas and carrots if you like, and trust me, you have a pretty tasty meal.
              Selkiewoman

Actually, my Mom made something similar, but called it "Hamburger gravy" She fried up hamburger with onion  until done and added brown gravy, or mushroom gravy let it simmer for a bit, and then served it over mashed potatoes.   Yummy comfort food! 

[ladiedeathe]

The boiled hamburger and potato dish is known in the vernacular as 'mince and tatties.'  Here is what you do to make it taste good - brown the hamburger (mince) with a cut-up onion.  Add water and gravy mix (Bisto is best if you can find it.)  Add potatoes (tatties), boil gently until they are soft,  throw in sone peas and carrots if you like, and trust me, you have a pretty tasty meal.
              Selkiewoman

I make mince and tatties myself with almost the exact same recipe as you do! Mom is German/Dutch/Scotch and leaves out important things like the Bisto (ummm Bisto!), salt, pepper, onion, and flavor. Sigh.

The girls are amazingly healthy, very active, and seem to ignore the cooking. They do get served veggies too- unseasoned broccoli and cauliflower, overcooked green beans, raw tomatos.... It seems to work for them. They both eat raw veggies as snacks too. "Fatty" junk snacks are really not in use, because the reason Mom and Dad have the girls is that my sis died after having a gastric bypass (she needed to lose weight quickly because of crippling joint pain from rheumatoid arthritis and too many diets had failed) Mom doesn't make food a focus of attention- it is more of a method of keeping you alive so you can go out and do whatever. Mom has admitted to me she hates cooking all together.

[ImperfctMe]

Mom has admitted to me she hates cooking all together.

Really? One would never have guessed...   Perhaps you could give your nieces the Rachel Ray children's cookbook for a birthday/holiday thing. I understand it's pretty healthy and easy to follow. It might help them to understand that cooking doesn't always have to be a chore, if only so they don't grow up to have the same habits as your mother.

[CosmicPossum]

No advice, but a funny.  I used to work with a guy who thought he knew it all--truly, he was as ignorant as they come.

We were having a departmental luncheon & as we went through the line, some of the others were talking about the problems they had getting kosher meals delivered (we're in a very rural area) for visitors.  Patsy (sweet, but clueless) asked, "What is kosher?"  Before anyone could tell her, Mr. Know-It-All gave a big sigh and said, "Oh Patsy, don't you know anything!  That's when Jewish people get a priest to bless their food."

[ShadesOfGrey]

bring food to her house - it will probably offend her (since food and nuturing are so closely connected for her), but since you are going to be over there often, it is really your only practical option.  Also plan to eat before/after going to her house, and bring snacks for visits.  Talk to her about it though - and include her, by asking her to 'help you guys  by keeping kosher snacks in the house for you (or you purchasing them and keeping them at her house - whatever works). 

Tell her that this is something you believe in strongly, and you dont want to NOT eat at her house (which is the only other alternative), and can she come up with a solution? (very effective way to get people involved - present the problem as you see it, not as they see it, and ask them for a solution).  If she doesnt come up with something reasonable, suggest that you will bring food to her house to heat up during dinner time and you will take care of your family and she can take care of hers and you all can eat together.