Author Topic: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...  (Read 2036 times)

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Thipu1

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S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« on: July 07, 2011, 11:20:06 AM »
...Things go horribly wrong.

Mr. Thipu and I enjoy good food and we're both quite decent cooks. 

We will order coffee from Hawaii or Mexico.  Every so often he will spent three hours out and back on the subway to get the pastrami cured salmon he enjoys with his morning bagel.

However, we have had a few debacles that tell us we are not true foodies.  Here are some examples:

The Annetto Oil.
For those of you who don't know it, annetto oil is used in Mexican and Caribbean   dishes.  I was told that the lovely orange seeds would yield up their color and flavor when gently sauteed in a neutral oil.  The things went off like a box of M-80s and, before I could get a lid on the pan, the kitchen had been refinished in orange and I had been burned on the back of my neck.  I don't know about you but I'm not thrilled with food that attacks me from behind.

The Sherry Peppers.
Visitors to Bermuda know about sherry pepper.  It's an infusion of  hot bird peppers into a dry sherry.  It's a wonderful thing when added at the table to soups and stews.  It was hard to come by here so we made our own and it all seemed fine.
I went out to work and everything was properly infusing.  I came home from work and the entire kitchen was covered with peppers, sherry and shattered glass.  Honey, I think it's time to go to Bermuda again. 
 
The Steak Flambe.
This one worked out all right but we took precautions.  I was searing the steak in a pan and preparing to add the cream and the cognac.  Mr. Thipu was standing at the ready with a fire extinguisher in hand. It was delicious but the presence of the fire extinguisher dampened the romance of an Anniversary Dinner.

The Peking Duck.
This one also turned out well.  It was delicious but it took forever to make.  I truly believe that any recipe that requires a bicycle pump verges on the obscene.

So E-Hellions, what humorous disasters have you encountered that tell you are not true foodies? 


     
               

 

Ferrets

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2011, 11:25:45 AM »
I truly believe that any recipe that requires a bicycle pump verges on the obscene.

I now want to buy an apron for cooking in, just so I can embroider that quote on it. ;D

Irishkitty

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2011, 11:58:42 AM »
I tried making bread sticks once. They turned out great, but since they took 24 hours to make I'm never making them again.

Telling on a friend here  >:D

DH's BFF wanted to show off and flambed a sauce with whiskey. The resultant flames burnt out the inside of the extractor fan which had to be replaced. He kept (most of) his eyebrows. But the fire alarm going off and waking up his two young children who had just gone to sleep was the sorest point for his DW...

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siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2011, 12:20:35 PM »
My father, who was an amazing cook, tried to make these one time.  I don't know WHAT he substituted for the veal, but they were like balls of wallpaper paste.  Truly nasty, so bad in fact, the dog even turned her nose up at them!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%B6nigsberger_Klopse

Thipu1

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2011, 02:36:02 PM »
Since I don't have the umlaut option, please excuse me for substituting the 'e'.

Koenigsberger Klopses are a blast from the past for me.

When I first moved into Big City I lived in a neighborhood that was still very German.  A good and inexpensive place to eat was the 'Ideal'. It looked like an old diner from the Depression but the food was wonderful and Koenigsberger Klopses was a specialty of the house. 

The meatballs were made in the Viennese style with a mixture of veal, pork and beef.  Because the meals were so inexpensive there was a lot of bread crumbs mixed in.  The dish (which cost all of three USD) was served with an excellent gravy, mashed potatoes and home-made kraut.

After a hard day at work there was nothing better than going to the 'Ideal'.  It was especially nice when the weather was cold and sleety.   

Hey, we're getting into good food here!  Let's get back into the fun stuff, shall we? 

   

   

 

siamesecat2965

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2011, 02:51:52 PM »
I love this thread!   :D  Am I evil for wanting to post in it too?

I'll share my biggest culinary disaster so far:  I made lasagne once, shortly after moving out on my own for the first time.  I worked so hard -- I carefully boiled and rinsed and laid out the noodles, I layered everything in the pan, I did my absolute best to make it just perfect.

Except, I kind of forgot to add the sauce.  Or any liquid at all.   :-X  It was this awful dry noodle-and-meat brick of awfulness. Oh, and did I mention it was awful?   :P

     - saphie

One of my co-workers made lasagana too, but left out the noodles!  We still make fun of her for that.

Giggity

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2011, 02:55:34 PM »
The only time I've ever attempted paella, I was making a few tapas also, and the paella pan got out of hand and started to smoke. Financier came into the kitchen and asked me what was on fire, and as I was standing over the smoking pan, I said, "I'm not sure where that's coming from."

He still asks me when we're gonna have paella, and that was like 14 months ago.
Words mean things.

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2011, 06:25:03 PM »
I truly believe that any recipe that requires a bicycle pump verges on the obscene.

I now want to buy an apron for cooking in, just so I can embroider that quote on it. ;D

That and " I don't know about you but I'm not thrilled with food that attacks me from behind."
Current foster kittens: Friday (F: green collar), Duffy (M: blue), Fez (M: orange), Kipling (M: pink), Thirteen (F: yellow).

Ms_Cellany

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2011, 06:26:51 PM »
I've said it before, and will say it again, and when I don't, The Sweetie will:

Nutritional yeast is NOT a good cheese substitute for vegan pesto.

In fact, there is NO such thing as vegan pesto. Give up.
Current foster kittens: Friday (F: green collar), Duffy (M: blue), Fez (M: orange), Kipling (M: pink), Thirteen (F: yellow).

Raina

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2011, 06:34:30 PM »

That and " I don't know about you but I'm not thrilled with food that attacks me from behind."

Still laughing about that line myself :)

I'm going to out myself and hope my friend (she posts here too) who was the recipient of these cookies doesn't read this:

I wanted to make something special for my best friend's birthday and had some gorgeous blood oranges in the fridge and wanted to use them since she hadn't had them before.  I made a layer cake with blood orange curd for the filling, but the layers slid every which way when I tried to frost it (cool cakes and cold curd, loose frosting).  I even made two cakes! Sailed on the FailBoat both times.

So then I got this brilliant idea that I could make orange butter cookies but with the blood orange zest and juice! And not have to deal with the frustration of the sliding layers. Except somehow after baking, the cookies didn't look light brown, or orange, or even slightly pink or colored by the color of blood orange. Nope.  They were pale GREEN.  I brought them over anyway since they tasted good and hoped that in the dimness of her home, she wouldn't notice  >:D

Thipu1

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2011, 12:05:04 PM »
Thanks everybody! 

I'm really enjoying the posts and have a few more of my own to offer.

There's a lasagne story I heard on another site: 
A man came in to return a box of lasagne noodles because they were 'defective'.  The box looked a bit singed and he was asked about the problem.  It was a great story.

He'd seen the 'serving suggestion' depicted on the box.  He thought that, if he put this box of raw noodles in the microwave, it would come out with all the wonderful cheese and meat sauce shown in the illustration.  It didn't happen that way.

There is the strudel story:
Some decades ago, my mother and I decided to make a home-made strudel.  It would be wonderful because it would be filled with raspberry preserves from our own raspberries.  We just didn't count on the rigors of making a strudel.

Making a proper strudel required rolling out dough approximately the size of a large dining room table.  Folding it, rolling it again, folding and rolling it again and again and again.

The strudel did turn out well.  My father really enjoyed it but my mother and I were so tired of seeing the thing in the making that it we couldn't enjoy it until a day had passed.

Finally, there is the strawberry-rhubarb pie story:

Mr. Thipu was the first suitor I had that my parents really liked.  When he was coming to visit, my mother went all out with a wonderful roast and a strawberry-rhubarb pie made with our strawberries and rhubarb.  Mother made excellent pies but was a bit cowed by her SIL who was (self-described)  as the best pie maker in the county. 

The pie looked great when it came to table but something was wrong.  Mr. Thipu, always the diplomat remarked that it was 'a bit tart'.  That was the understatement of the year.  Mother, in her angst over pie-making had forgotten to add any extra sugar.         



Betelnut

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2011, 11:57:38 AM »
You know that you're not a foodie when...Lean Cuisine BBQ chicken pizzas seem really, really delicious to you!
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LadyClaire

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2011, 04:30:04 PM »
DH is the cook in the family. I do not cook. I should probably not be allowed in the kitchen, really.

The thing is, he was really sick one day. Too sick to cook. But I had to feed him, because what kind of wife would I be if I let my husband starve to death on top of being miserably sick?

So I decided to make him steak and scrambled eggs. The scrambled eggs..well..I think I over-cooked them, because I'm pretty sure they're not meant to be brown.

Then the steak. I'm also pretty sure I over-cooked that, too, because steak is probably not supposed to curl up so much at the edges that it looks like a little cup. Into which I helpfully loaded the burnt scrambled eggs.

DH ate instant oatmeal instead.

lilfox

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2011, 06:59:51 PM »
I've discovered that my fancy dessert craving can be satisfied with sugar-free instant pudding.

Seriously, the chocolate pudding, served with a graham cracker and topped with whipped cream (from a can, of course) = bliss.
Followed closely by the cheesecake pudding, served with a graham cracker and topped with fresh sliced strawberries in a light syrup.  The graham crackers are key, I use them in place of a spoon.

Also, I love Arby's.  And McNuggets.  In short, I can never be a foodie.   ;D

Thipu1

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Re: S/O You Know You're Not a Foodie When...
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2011, 08:12:22 PM »
Actually, Ms_Cellany, you can make vegan pesto.

I know that the traditional recipe uses cheese but I've found a few that claim the cheese is optional.

Basil
Garlic
Olive oil
Pine nuts. 

Those alone can make a really tasty pesto.  What's not Vegan there?