Author Topic: respect is a two way street  (Read 17270 times)

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artk2002

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #15 on: July 18, 2011, 05:19:05 PM »
I think your response will work for awhile, but if it were me, I would be prepared to give a more thorough explanation, not because I want to, not because it's her business which obviously it's not, but because she sounds PA pushy.

I would not recommend giving any more explanation.  The problem with "PA pushy" people is that they aren't reasonable.  If you give a reason to a reasonable person, they take that and say "oh, I see" and leave you alone.  The PA pushy person doesn't see it as a reason, they see it as an obstacle to be overcome.  The starting point for a negotiation.  With people like that, the fewer words the better.
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Biker Granny

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2011, 09:47:22 AM »
I think at this point since she has made these types of comments repeatedly you'll have to flat out ask her what it will take to make the comments stop.
Don't stoop to her level by being rude.  Maybe something like this....

"Since we've had this discussion before, and I have told you that I'm not interested, is there a reason you feel the need to bring it up again? Because I'm starting to get offended."
Ball is now in her court.  If she continues, then it's harrassment and you can go to her supervisor.

Redneck Gravy

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2011, 10:02:50 AM »
I think at this point since she has made these types of comments repeatedly you'll have to flat out ask her what it will take to make the comments stop.
Don't stoop to her level by being rude.  Maybe something like this....

"Since we've had this discussion before, and I have told you that I'm not interested, is there a reason you feel the need to bring it up again? Because I'm starting to get offended."
Ball is now in her court.  If she continues, then it's harrassment and you can go to her supervisor.

Because I'm starting to get offended."  Feel Harassed.

Then start documenting, perhaps a short note from your HR to her is warranted.

I don't wear makeup either.  I hate it and I simply tell people to mind their own business when pushed about it.  How freeking rude.

dawbs

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2011, 12:01:56 PM »
I think at this point since she has made these types of comments repeatedly you'll have to flat out ask her what it will take to make the comments stop.
Don't stoop to her level by being rude.  Maybe something like this....

"Since we've had this discussion before, and I have told you that I'm not interested, is there a reason you feel the need to bring it up again? Because I'm starting to get offended."
Ball is now in her court.  If she continues, then it's harrassment and you can go to her supervisor.

Because I'm starting to get offended."  Feel Harassed.

Then start documenting, perhaps a short note from your HR to her is warranted.

I don't wear makeup either.  I hate it and I simply tell people to mind their own business when pushed about it.  How freeking rude.
This is what I'm thinking.
My boss can tell me she's unhappy w/ how I do things.
My co-workers can raise a concern.  But once co-workers try to passive-aggressively boss/harass, it moves into "I'm saying no, so stop it" territory QUICKLY.

If she were saying these things about your weight, your religious needs, etc, it wouldn't bet a pass--makeup doesn't either.

Zogs

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #19 on: July 22, 2011, 01:11:49 PM »
I think you handled it wonderfully.

I would have to suppress the urge to deal her an uppercut.

MLM people are a big pet peeve of mine.  They just don't take no.  It's very frustrating.  I worked with a woman who "believed in the product" - I was one of the only women in the office who didn't wear makeup or buy stuff from her.  I had to stop being polite.  I told her that coming to my office everyday was making me feel harassed, she was annoying me, and I, under no circumstances, wanted to buy anything from her company.  She never spoke to me again.  Oh well.

It's like a cult, I swear.
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gingerzing

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #20 on: July 27, 2011, 05:25:35 PM »
Glad you were able to use the answer so quickly.  (sort of)
I am another one who doesn't wear makeup normally.  Not for any major reason, just don't.  I have only ever once had someone comment on it when I was working retail.  Several women in my current office don't wear makeup. 

Ruelz

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #21 on: July 27, 2011, 06:15:39 PM »
Maybe I live in a strangely sheltered world, but I don't recall ever hearing that women 'had' to wear makeup.  You can be perfectly well-groomed and not wear any make-up at all.

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girlysprite

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2011, 10:25:52 AM »
Maybe I live in a strangely sheltered world, but I don't recall ever hearing that women 'had' to wear makeup.  You can be perfectly well-groomed and not wear any make-up at all.

Same here :) I am wellgroomed, but I just can't be bothered with putting on makeup every day.

By the way, for the people who comment how men never have to put on makeup to look 'professional': It's kind of funny that the cosmetics industry is trying to change that. After all, almost every woman uses makeup these days, and there is not much to gain there. So over the last years I've seen more and more commenrcials for skin creams and the like for men arise.

Black Delphinium

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #23 on: July 28, 2011, 11:03:54 AM »
Maybe I live in a strangely sheltered world, but I don't recall ever hearing that women 'had' to wear makeup.  You can be perfectly well-groomed and not wear any make-up at all.

Same here :) I am wellgroomed, but I just can't be bothered with putting on makeup every day.

By the way, for the people who comment how men never have to put on makeup to look 'professional': It's kind of funny that the cosmetics industry is trying to change that. After all, almost every woman uses makeup these days, and there is not much to gain there. So over the last years I've seen more and more commenrcials for skin creams and the like for men arise.
Your comment reminded me of the article I saw the other day: a couple of make-up ads have been banned in the UK for being "misleading", because the pictures are airbrushed.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

BeagleMommy

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #24 on: August 01, 2011, 05:41:34 PM »
I haven't worn make-up for about 15 years.  I just don't have the time.  If DH and I are going to a wedding or other special event I put a little on, but I generally don't wear it.  Your CW was rude.

Anastasia

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #25 on: August 03, 2011, 03:37:05 AM »
Considering women who don't wear makeup to be unprofessional is, in my experience, a culture thing. I'm from the west coast of the US, and I don't wear makeup. It's perfectly acceptable out here, as long as you are well-groomed, to go au natural at work.

I spent a few years living in a southern city, where the culture is quite different. I had trouble finding work---getting past a first interview. I finally figured out it was because I didn't wear makeup. So I started wearing small but visible amounts of eye makeup and lip gloss, and got hired in an office environment immediately.

One day I wasn't feeling like wearing the makeup, so I just put on lip gloss and left my eyes bare. I was actually reprimanded by a superior, because it was 'so unprofessional'. It was absolutely shocking to me, to the point where I threatened to file a complaint with HR, and the superior honestly couldn't understand why I was threatening her. She kept repeating 'but it's so unprofessional.' Finally I blurted out "Not where I come from!' And we both froze for a moment. Then we had a really good dialogue, where she explained to me how normal and expected this was there, and I explained to her that out west that kind of expectation would be considered rude and intrusive.

I wore makeup for the rest of the time I was working there, which wasn't very long. I headed back out west as soon as I could. :)
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WestAussieGirl

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2011, 05:54:28 AM »
I also don't wear makeup.  I usually go with "Yes, I'm so lucky to be naturally beautiful.".  So far it has always stopped them in their tracks.

Minmom3

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #27 on: August 04, 2011, 12:35:06 AM »
Considering women who don't wear makeup to be unprofessional is, in my experience, a culture thing. I'm from the west coast of the US, and I don't wear makeup. It's perfectly acceptable out here, as long as you are well-groomed, to go au natural at work.

I spent a few years living in a southern city, where the culture is quite different. I had trouble finding work---getting past a first interview. I finally figured out it was because I didn't wear makeup. So I started wearing small but visible amounts of eye makeup and lip gloss, and got hired in an office environment immediately.

One day I wasn't feeling like wearing the makeup, so I just put on lip gloss and left my eyes bare. I was actually reprimanded by a superior, because it was 'so unprofessional'. It was absolutely shocking to me, to the point where I threatened to file a complaint with HR, and the superior honestly couldn't understand why I was threatening her. She kept repeating 'but it's so unprofessional.' Finally I blurted out "Not where I come from!' And we both froze for a moment. Then we had a really good dialogue, where she explained to me how normal and expected this was there, and I explained to her that out west that kind of expectation would be considered rude and intrusive.

I wore makeup for the rest of the time I was working there, which wasn't very long. I headed back out west as soon as I could. :)

I wore makeup until my vision got bad enough that I'd do a crap job unless they come up with magic glass that I can reach around while seeing through...  I would rather be barefaced than have a lousy make up job, so I wear none.  What would your supervisor do in that situation?  I can't wear contact lenses, just glasses. 
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Audrey Quest

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #28 on: August 04, 2011, 12:42:13 AM »
Quote
People who slack on their appearance get less respect.

Response:  Maybe from you.  (and then walk away)
 

Anastasia

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #29 on: August 04, 2011, 02:05:38 AM »
I wore makeup until my vision got bad enough that I'd do a crap job unless they come up with magic glass that I can reach around while seeing through...  I would rather be barefaced than have a lousy make up job, so I wear none.  What would your supervisor do in that situation?  I can't wear contact lenses, just glasses.

I have no idea what she would have done, that was years ago. She probably would have been completely flummoxed. She was absolutely fascinated by the fact that not wearing full makeup is common and not seen as abnormal out west. She had been raised with the idea that a woman didn't look professional until they were in a dress with hair styled and full makeup on, and she really had trouble getting her head around the fact that her request was offensive to me. In fact she mentioned to me that she thought I didn't wear enough makeup (because I clearly didn't use foundation, powder or blush) but that since I was very young and had such a nice complexion, I could get away with it. :o

She also told me my hair was a little too wild to be professional there, but since it suited me and I kept it clean and out of my face, she let it slide. ::) What she meant was that I didn't style, color or straighten it. I have beautiful natural Botticelli curls; I follow the curly girl method, don't shampoo or brush or color it, and otherwise, just leave it alone. It's big and fluffy and I love it, but man, people have some real weird ideas about curls.
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