Author Topic: respect is a two way street  (Read 18489 times)

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Deleted

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respect is a two way street
« on: July 08, 2011, 05:02:45 PM »
I have skin condition called dermographism. If I have the slightest need to scratch my nose or face (and do so), then I end up getting a nasty welt that will stay for a noticeable amount of time... this just from the tiny amount of pressure from a fingernail. For this condition, I take antihistamines quite often, just to keep the itching down. I used to wear makeup years ago, but found that if I went au naturel then I wouldn't feel then need rub my skin off by the end of the day. These days, I will occasionally wear some form of lip gloss, rarely put on foundation or powder, but I never wear eye makeup.

To be honest, it turned out to be quite liberating. I now feel comfortable with the way I look without makeup. I started thinking I look pretty even without makeup. So doing my best at preventative measures to keep my skin from being irritated (antihistamines, lack of makeup, etc), I'm quite happy.

Then K started working at my company. K is also a representative for a home based business that sells cosmetics. This is something she does on the side, but she regularly recruits customers at our place of work.

Just this afternoon, she told me:

Quote
People who slack on their appearance get less respect.

Now, there were two other women standing in the break-room when then was mentioned, but from the way that she was looking in my direction I knew that her comment was intended for my benefit. She has approached me before about getting a makeover, but I while I have repeatedly thanked her for the offer, I have always said I wasn't interested.

When this happened, I bean dipped and mentioned that there was cake for the July birthdays on another floor... then I left the group feigning work that needed to get done. I don't want to go into the details of my skin condition with my co-workers.

Is there a better response than "so kind of you to take an interest" because, at the same time, I don't want others thinking that I don't care about my appearance in a professional setting.

Should I just go with that? After all, my clothes are dry-cleaned and well kept, my hair is clean and ironed, and these put together I think this means there is no "slacking" on my appearance.

Yvaine

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2011, 06:20:04 PM »
There's a name for that welt thing?  :o Bless you, I've been wondering about that all my life; though for me it's kind of off-and-on for some reason. I'll have to look that up.

There are differing schools of thought on whether people "should" wear makeup in the workplace, and there are careers where it's helpful, but IMO there is nothing unprofessional or "slacking" about not wearing makeup as long as the rest of your appearance is neat and professional. I mean, men don't have to wear makeup to be taken seriously, so why should women have to?

As for this woman in particular, she's just trying to tweak you until you purchase some product from her. It has squat to do with your professionalism. These MLM companies are extremely high pressure and the salespeople are often taught rude sales techniques. She tried to hook you with a polite invitation, that didn't work, so now she's bringing out the big guns. Ignore her. And don't buy the makeup--if it's the company I'm thinking of, a LOT of people have allergy issues with the product.

Edited to add: I think your bean-dip response was fine.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2011, 06:22:07 PM by Yvaine »

Raina

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2011, 06:25:00 PM »
Next time she approaches you about a makeover, you may also try "That won't be possible" or "I'm taking care of it" :)

I don't think, though others may disagree, that there is anything wrong with not wearing makeup.  I personally don't and try my best not to judge people who do or don't either but I don't think it's required for a professional environment.  I recognize that in some instances, I look more "dressed up" if I wear a little eyeliner or eye shadow or something, but by no means is this ever a normal part of my regular routine (just for major performances or events).

It is sad though, that for men to look "well put together", generally that just means throw on a polo, khakis, and nice shoes.  It seems unfair that society tends to lean towards women must put on makeup to look more polished, in addition to the clothing, accessories, and hair.  It's too much for me.

I'm sure you look fine :) If you are dressed professionally and look tidy, you shouldn't have to put on a ton of makeup to satisfy this woman's side business.  Plus, that seems...wrong...that she tries to recruit people from the workplace.  What if something went wrong with an order? You'd still have to work with her and see her every day.  You could potentially use that as your out too if you wanted.  Maybe: I prefer to keep my work and personal lives separate so thank you for your concern but please refrain from asking in the future.

I will note however, that if you are in a face-to-face sales oriented position where you're dealing with clients in person often, it may be more socially expected to have a minimum of makeup? I don't really know how to explain it other than probably a large majority of women wear some kind of makeup so customers may just expect to see it? I actually have very similar skin to what you have so I completely understand :) I don't put anything on my face except some facial lotion, but I do also carry some oil sheets in case I gather a little extra "shine".

Erich L-ster

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2011, 06:37:27 PM »
i understand not wanting to go into your reasons in depth, would it be too uncomfortable to just say you get a bad reaction or some other reason that doesn't really need a lot of explanation? i realize you don't owe anybody an explanation but even a little one might just end it so you don't have to continually deal with the subject.

Yvaine

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2011, 06:40:52 PM »
i understand not wanting to go into your reasons in depth, would it be too uncomfortable to just say you get a bad reaction or some other reason that doesn't really need a lot of explanation? i realize you don't owe anybody an explanation but even a little one might just end it so you don't have to continually deal with the subject.

Sadly, every MLM thinks their products won't cause an allergic reaction.  ::) The OP needs to not give her anything to "refute"--it'll just be used as a sales pitch. The saleswoman is just sniping PAly and not even technically addressing the OP; the OP need not dignify that with a defense.

HorseFreak

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2011, 07:03:18 PM »
I had a saleswoman at an optical shop say something about glasses and wearing makeup, but I can't remember what we were discussing. The important point is she said in a mildly condescending voice, "Oh, well, it doesn't look like you wear makeup anyway." I'm not sure if she was jealous or horrified. I really hate wearing it since it always looks like a mess by the end of the day; I can't stop touching/scratching my face. I agree if you are clean and dressed professionally then makeup has nothing to do with anything. I see a LOT of bad makeup on company representatives and I'd rather they wear none than go all Tammy Faye.

Kinseyanne

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2011, 07:34:26 PM »
I have often deflected with "thanks, but I already have a <blank> lady." 

In your case, if she directly mentions it to you again, I might say something like "I do not wear makeup.  I haven't for years, and I don't intend to start again now.  If I ever change my mind, I would be happy to let you know."
Live believing dreams are for weaving.  Wonders are waiting to start.  Live your story: Faith, Hope and Glory.  Hold to the truth in your heart.

Mental Magpie

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2011, 01:09:25 AM »
"I prefer to be au natural, and I like the way I look."

Say it with a smile and leave. Repeat if necessary.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

O'Dell

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2011, 01:33:21 AM »
I have often deflected with "thanks, but I already have a <blank> lady." 

In your case, if she directly mentions it to you again, I might say something like "I do not wear makeup.  I haven't for years, and I don't intend to start again now.  If I ever change my mind, I would be happy to let you know."

I like this. The "If I ever change my mind..." in particular, because if she brings it up again you can "remind" her that you will contact her. Say it again and again if you have to, but IME that's not necessary.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
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judecat

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2011, 10:04:09 AM »
I don't need makeup,  I'm perfectly content with the way I look.  As long as I am clean and groomed,  then I'm perfectly professional looking,  and I prefer to be respected at work for my job performance,  not my makeup.  But then that's just me,  I've rarely worn makeup at all,  and last time I wore any at all it was lipstick and blush at my wedding 20 years ago,  and I had to borrow that from my sister.

Virg

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2011, 04:28:48 PM »
To be honest, if I was in your position, the next time she started in, I'd roll up my sleeve, write "NO" on my arm with my fingernail, and then show her the results and tell her not to bring it up again.

I've done that myself once with someone who just couldn't get it through their head about a food allergy of mine.  I picked up the food item in question, sqeezed it in my hand, and showed them the hives that popped up everywhere the item's "innards" had touched my skin.  It was surprisingly effective.

Virg

NotTheNarcissist

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2011, 05:34:33 PM »
Is there a better response than "so kind of you to take an interest" because, at the same time, I don't want others thinking that I don't care about my appearance in a professional setting.

Should I just go with that? After all, my clothes are dry-cleaned and well kept, my hair is clean and ironed, and these put together I think this means there is no "slacking" on my appearance.

I think your response will work for awhile, but if it were me, I would be prepared to give a more thorough explanation, not because I want to, not because it's her business which obviously it's not, but because she sounds PA pushy. I hope that you do not have to deal with her directly in your work...if she's that PA about personal things, I can only imagine what she would be like on business dealings.

This situation reminds me of my CW who literally burned her bra in the late 60's and that was that. She was set free & never went back. I wonder if your CW would try to sell bras to my CW....now that would be an interesting conversation.

Darcy

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2011, 11:42:25 AM »
"I don't need makeup, thank you."

kherbert05

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2011, 12:11:43 PM »
I would tell her one time - DO NOT comment on my appearance or try to sell me you make up. Do not thank her - you don't thank people for being rude. If she does it again and every time after that I would document/report Coworker interrupted my work to try and sell me her home based business makeup. This cost me X amount of work time.

I wish my work would come down on all the "home based businesses clogging my school e-mail with their spam.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

NotTheNarcissist

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Re: respect is a two way street
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2011, 12:19:01 PM »
I wish my work would come down on all the "home based businesses clogging my school e-mail with their spam.

That's a good point that I didn't think about. Our office will fire people for doing this.

I don't want to threadjack but this reminds me of CW's kids selling magazines, cookie dough, wrapping paper, etc. so they can go to band camp, or soccer camp or wherever doesn't fall into this exact category although it's somewhat related, but that is a minor pet peeve of mine. Thank goodness they just lay brochures in the breakroom; no rude comments or pressure.