Author Topic: Secret Santa Gift Exchange  (Read 1827 times)

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dietcokeofevil

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Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« on: December 29, 2006, 02:18:54 PM »
For the last few years, several of the women in my office have participated in a Secret Santa Gift Exchange.  It's totally optional and is ran by fellow coworkers (usually me) so there is no pressure to participate.  We don't have any real strict rules or anything, but we do set a price limit.  Most of us have done this in the past and we put a lot of effort into our gift giving.

There were only 7 of us participating this year, and one was a newbie....though she has been invited in the past and just chosen not to join.  At the final (and for most of us only) gift exchange, the newbie had my name.   While what she got me was definitely on my things I like list and it was in the price range.....compared to what the others received, it was lacking.  She hadn't even really bothered to wrap it.  It's not that big of deal to me.  I thanked her for everything, told her how much I liked the stuff, and even opened up the box of candles and passed them around for everyone to smell.  While I didn't gush (not my style) I thought I showed the proper amount of appreciation.  

The next day, I received an e-mail from her stating that she was leaving me the receipt for the items, since I obviously didn't like them.  And that she must not be good at this Secret Santa thing, so she wasn't going to do it again.  She also made a remark about maybe she should have wrapped it better.

I replied immediately, that I thought everything was great and I wasn't going to return anything...that most of the items I was already using.    But now I'm feeling guilty, that I didn't show respond appropriately either to the initial gift or to the e-mail.  There is another part of my that believes she felt guilty after seeing what everyone else gave and kind of laid on me to make her feel.  I don't know what I should have done differently.

DottyG

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2006, 02:26:41 PM »
Quote
and it was in the price range.....compared to what the others received, it was lacking.

Sounds to me that it was the other women who were rude here.  If there's a price limit, it should be followed.  This person gave you gifts that were on your list that were within the limit.  If others got better, more expensive gifts, it was wrong.  The limit's there for that very reason - to avoid situations such as this.


dietcokeofevil

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2006, 09:10:40 PM »
Noone exceeded the price range to my knowledge.  And that wasn't what I was trying to say.  The difference had to do with the thought put into the gifts.  But the issue to me was not the gift itself, walking away from the lunch I was perfectly happy with the gift.  It was more that she then sent me an e-mail the next day making me feel bad, because she did.

amiboo

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2006, 09:22:31 PM »
 While I didn't gush (not my style) I thought I showed the proper amount of appreciation.  

I've had a similar problem in the past.  I'm also not a 'gusher' and really, how much gushing does someone expect when they give someone a box of candles?  I've never had someone actually email me to give me the receipt to return it but I've had people say things like, Oh you don't like it do you?  I'm sorry I didn't get you something you like.  I've always assured them that I do really like the gift and I try to be more WooHoo!!!  ;D but it's hard when the gift is ok but sort of hohum. 

Rose2Bear

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2006, 08:02:47 PM »
It sort of sounds like she was trying to make you feel guilty for some reason, or make you feel bad for her for your lack of making a gigantic fuss.

Either way, its not like you told her you hate the present or you opened it up and said "oh" and tossed it aside. As the other poster said, how much gushing does someone expect from a box of candles?

It seems to me she was just fishing to make you feel guilty and therefore bad, which is definitely not nice in this situation (or any really). You didn't do anything wrong.

WestAussieGirl

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #5 on: December 31, 2006, 12:53:35 AM »
... how much gushing does someone expect when they give someone a box of candles?  I've never had someone actually email me to give me the receipt to return it but I've had people say things like, Oh you don't like it do you?  I'm sorry I didn't get you something you like.  I've always assured them that I do really like the gift and I try to be more WooHoo!!!  ;D but it's hard when the gift is ok but sort of hohum. 

This is reason I don't like Secret Santa.  Inevitably, some pairs know each other well and can have a lot of fun with it, while others, who don't know each other well, buy safe and boring (or sometimes totally inappropriate) gifts.  The boring gift-givers see how much the non-boring gifts are enjoyed and feel bad.

I think in this case the gift-giver was totally out of line.  I agree with your assessment that she felt bad about her gift, and is putting it on you ("you made me feel this way").  You've told her that you like the gift, you've told her that you are using the gift.  I think you've done enough and I wouldn't mention it again.  If she opts out next year then that's her choice.  You shouldn't feel responsible.

FoxPaws

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2006, 01:03:03 AM »
She sounds woefully insecure. There's nothing wrong with leaving you the receipt in case you want to exchange, but making such a drama over it makes her come off like a sulky teenager.
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Venus193

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Re: Secret Santa Gift Exchange
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2006, 11:08:48 AM »
I am absolutely dreading the Secret Santa coming up next week when we're all back at the office.  I went slightly over the limit because I got the stuff on sale, but I hope all is well.  I know the recipient likes scented soap, so I hope she likes the box I bought yesterday.