Author Topic: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?  (Read 22209 times)

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Cuddlepie

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I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« on: July 10, 2011, 11:13:38 PM »
A couple of weeks ago my ex-husband sent a SMS asking if he could pop in for a cuppa and stay while his printer was repaired.  I replied that it was not convenient.  Firstly my dad had passed the day before, so entertaining my ex for 2 to 3 hours was not a priority, especially as he only lives 20 minutes drive away.  Secondly, we have not had contact for a long time.

So, this past Saturday, ex phones asking if he could visit.  Ex tries to arrange a convenient time and is not put off with me saying I was busy and unsure when I would be free.  He replied that he would keep texting over the week-end til we found a mutually convenient time to meet.

Then I realise that he actually wants something of me/from me.  After I enquire why he is so insistent he admits that he wants to ask a favour.  I tell him to go ahead and ask, but no, he doesn稚 want to ask over the phone but only in person.

I hear you all thinking 閃LM.  Me too... so again I politely fob him off.  I hung up feeling very pleased for not caving in. But he didn稚 cave either and turned up at my front door 7.30pm on Sunday evening telling me that he wouldn稚 stay long.

Now the favour.  Wait for it...... he wants to use my house as security to enable him to get a mortgage.  Add the e-hell phrase of your preference here but I was so taken-aback that I could only shake my head in disbelief, hoping I had just misunderstood what he was asking.  When further discussion did not favourably sway my opinion, he decided to leave it with me to think over and that he would call in a couple of days.
 
What do I say to get it through his thick head that I will not consider his request and that I find it totally unacceptable that he would even ask me?  At the moment my reply is not e-hell approved  :'( and I am still shaking.

wyozozo

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2011, 11:16:21 PM »
Not sure that request deserves an ehell approved response!  >:D



Spoder

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2011, 11:21:10 PM »
Send him a letter that has to be signed for on delivery, saying that you are not going to do this, now or ever, and that you do not want him to contact you again until/unless you contact him first (if you want to add that last bit).

Then do not answer any more communications from him.

He is way over the line and is showing a complete disregard for *your* needs and preferences. Stop accommodating him in any way.

MadMadge43

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2011, 11:23:59 PM »
LOL! I hope this is the best "worst" story you ever have to tell.

shhh its me

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2011, 11:35:29 PM »
  Hey it wasn't a MLM ;)

   I would normally say "why would I want to do that?"  but I think he will spend hours , days perhaps weeks telling you why.

I don't think you have to say anything but.............. NO no a thousand times no. Tomorrow the answer will be no , next week still no. IF I win the lottery still no.

Amalthea

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2011, 11:38:54 PM »
I don't think you have to say anything but.............. NO no a thousand times no. Tomorrow the answer will be no , next week still no. IF I win the lottery still no.

I think you need to add "a world of no" in there somewhere too.

Coruscation

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2011, 11:59:09 PM »
Peals of hysterical laughter?

You should have used them at the time but I don't think its too late.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 12:18:21 AM by Coruscation »

Shoo

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2011, 12:02:59 AM »
Wait.  He can't get a mortgage on his own so he wants to use YOUR house as collateral?

I'd just say something like, "Putting my house up as collateral on a mortgage for someone else would be about the stupidest financial decision I, or anyone really, could make.  So not only is the answer no, it's HELL no."


greencat

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2011, 12:05:18 AM »
How about: "We're divorced.  I want to stay that way.  I do not want to be entangled with you in any way, personal or financial."

JadeAngel

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2011, 12:20:57 AM »
I'm sorry, I think my brain just fell out of my head and landed on the floor while it was trying to wrap around that concept...

As someone said above, he doesn't have the collateral to get a loan on his own, so he wants you to mortgage your house, and effectively bet your financial security on his ability to keep up with the repayments...

I think this is going to be the 'NO' heard around the world.

Personally my first stop would be to consult a lawyer or other knowledgeable person to make sure that there is no legal recourse he can take to make you mortgage the property (no legal advice intended, just remembering a friend of mine who had an ex lodge a caveat against her for a house which he had neither lived in nor paid for and she ended up having to pay)

Once it has been established that there is no legal claim then 'No' is a complete sentence, because obviously your ex is hoping that if he keeps pushing at you long enough you'll give in. It's No now and it will continue to be no until the end of time... end of conversation.

And if he comes around to your house again, don't open the door.

Animala

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2011, 12:52:41 AM »
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the house is in only your name.

Just no is fine.  Don't offer excuses because they will just be points for him to argue.  Tell him no and to not as you again, ever.

Cuddlepie

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2011, 07:48:25 PM »
Thank you all for your replies.   RL friends said that I should have said 摘x you池e so funny then laughed till I peed   ;D.  If I wasn稚 so surprised and confused by the ex痴 request I am sure I would have laughed at his ludicrous request.  Poor man is delusional to think I壇 risk everything, although his argument is that there is no risk to me at all. 

Rather than pretending that I was still thinking it over, I sent Ex an SMS advising that I was not and never would consider signing the forms and that the matter was closed.  About 30 seconds later my home phone rings, but guessing it was the Ex I didn稚 answer.  He left a message to the effect that I was a stupid selfish lady dog and that he had given me the chance to do the right thing without it costing me and now it will.

The house is in my name, so I know he has reacted with a hollow bluff.

kherbert05

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2011, 07:54:49 PM »
If there is a way you can put some type of fraud alert on your house, I would. He might try to use your house anyway in some type of fraud.
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Animala

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2011, 08:09:12 PM »
Just in case, keep the message.

Ms_Shell

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Re: I知 sorry....I think I misheard you?
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2011, 08:14:18 PM »
OP, I can see why he's an ex.  ::)
"I've never been a millionaire, but I just know I'd be darling at it." - Dorothy Parker