Author Topic: Drop-off party  (Read 9307 times)

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BusyBee

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Drop-off party
« on: July 14, 2011, 10:08:26 AM »
I got a text inviting DD for her BFFs birthday party and it said to drop her off at 1pm.  The girls are 6, and Im not very comfortable leaving her just yet.  Can I ask the mom if I can hang around and help out?  (I do have a knack for balloon animals.)  How should I do this?  I have met the mom at school, but we havent had a chance to get together otherwise.
Also, what age would you leave them for a drop-off party?

Not to get curmudgeony ;), but Im no good at this texting business.  I call or email, but everyone else seems to text.  So Id like to be as brief and sweet as possible. 

Bibliophile

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2011, 10:17:15 AM »
The summer before 2nd grade I was 6.  My mom started dropping me off at friends' houses in kindergarten and their parents would drop them off at our house.  I would respond back that if she needs help, you're more than happy to stay to help out, but if she declines, are you prepared to leave your daughter?  What age would you feel comfortable leaving her?

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PeasNCues

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2011, 10:25:58 AM »
Well... you're really not invited. And, by asking to be invited, you're adding one more to guest list, one person eating, etc. One more thing the host has to plan for. And, well, they may not mind!

But you're also pretty much telling them, "I don't trust that you've taken enough precautions to take care of my daughter."

If it a choice between asking and going to the party or your daughter not going, go ahead and ask. But be prepared for a "no".

Does your daughter have special needs?
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Zilla

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2011, 10:28:51 AM »
If it is at their house, no pool, and its her BFF.  I would be okay with leaving her.  Plus it is at 1 in the afternoon and not a sleepover either? 


I know that isn't what you asked, but she clearly said to please drop her off.  I know people really don't like it when parents hang around.

Peggy Gus

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2011, 10:29:05 AM »
I think that the specific wording of drop-off is the mothers way of excluding parents and or siblings.

yankeefan2017

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2011, 10:31:00 AM »
My girls are 9 & 6 and I still don't just drop them off at parties. Especially if it is with adults I don't know well or at all.

The way I word it is "I'm not very comfortable leaving DD at a party without me present. Would you be ok with me hanging around and helping out with anything you need?"

Larrabee

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2011, 10:31:17 AM »
I think 6 is fine to be dropped off unless there are unusual reasons why your child needs you with her.

From what I recall, parents started dropping their kids off for parties as soon as they were in primary school, so 4 or 5. 

If you don't trust the parents to properly supervise your daughter then decline, but don't invite yourself!  They've more than likely decided how many adults they need and have them already.

Zilla

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2011, 10:36:50 AM »
My girls are 9 & 6 and I still don't just drop them off at parties. Especially if it is with adults I don't know well or at all.

The way I word it is "I'm not very comfortable leaving DD at a party without me present. Would you be ok with me hanging around and helping out with anything you need?"


But then you put her in a spot because she already made it clear that it is a drop off party politely.  If you feel uncomfortable, I would simply decline.  I know etiquette says it isn't rude to ask but in this case you are inviting yourself.

Sharnita

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2011, 10:39:05 AM »
I think the wording makes the protocol clear.  You can decline the invite if you are not comfortable with the plan but I don't think it is a good idea to try to change the plan.

Steve

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2011, 10:45:24 AM »
My kids have been going to drop off parties since they were about 5 years old. It is the norm here. We have never had a problem.

If your kid was invited to one of our drop off parties and you would request me if you could stay with this reason, I would either be offended or think you were a SS... and either way I would feel you did not trust me with your child...

There is however nothing wrong with the "Do you need any help with this party?" question....



yankeefan2017

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2011, 10:48:35 AM »
My girls are 9 & 6 and I still don't just drop them off at parties. Especially if it is with adults I don't know well or at all.

The way I word it is "I'm not very comfortable leaving DD at a party without me present. Would you be ok with me hanging around and helping out with anything you need?"


But then you put her in a spot because she already made it clear that it is a drop off party politely.  If you feel uncomfortable, I would simply decline.  I know etiquette says it isn't rude to ask but in this case you are inviting yourself.

Considering that etiquette says it isn't rude to ask I think that I am ok.

I don't trust other people to monitor my children. 

My kids have been going to drop off parties since they were about 5 years old. It is the norm here. We have never had a problem.

If your kid was invited to one of our drop off parties and you would request me if you could stay, I would either be offended or think you were a SS... and either way I would feel you did not trust me with your child...

But that is exactly it. I don't trust other people with my children. At least not people I don't know well. If my BFF were having a drop off party I wouldn't mind it in the slightest. If one of their school friends were and I have only met the parents a handful of times...Either I am going to be there as well or my child isn't going.

I don't think there is any harm in asking. How the parent responds is all the info one needs. If they hem and haw and say that they really wanted to do the drop off thing then I would decline but would also make sure that I sent a gift to the child in question. If they unhesitatingly say of course then we will attend, also with a gift.

Larrabee

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2011, 11:12:13 AM »
My girls are 9 & 6 and I still don't just drop them off at parties. Especially if it is with adults I don't know well or at all.

The way I word it is "I'm not very comfortable leaving DD at a party without me present. Would you be ok with me hanging around and helping out with anything you need?"


But then you put her in a spot because she already made it clear that it is a drop off party politely.  If you feel uncomfortable, I would simply decline.  I know etiquette says it isn't rude to ask but in this case you are inviting yourself.

Considering that etiquette says it isn't rude to ask I think that I am ok.



Can I ask what the etiquette reference for that is?  I was always sure it was rude to ask for an invitation to something you haven't been invited to.

I know there's the 'it isn't rude to ask if you're ok with getting a no' school of thought but I strongly disagree, sometimes asking puts someone in a really uncomfortable position and is deeply awkward, which has to be rude, surely?

LadyPekoe

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2011, 11:15:57 AM »
I HATE "It's never rude to ask".  It's not true.  It's rude to ask when the answer has already been given to you through social cues or specific wording and you just don't like the answer.  There are plenty of times it's incredibly rude to ask. 
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Zilla

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2011, 11:18:17 AM »
I HATE "It's never rude to ask".  It's not true.  It's rude to ask when the answer has already been given to you through social cues or specific wording and you just don't like the answer.  There are plenty of times it's incredibly rude to ask.


Especially in this case where it is clear on the invite already.


But people will feel that their own situation is unique.

jimithing

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Re: Drop-off party
« Reply #14 on: July 14, 2011, 11:20:27 AM »
My girls are 9 & 6 and I still don't just drop them off at parties. Especially if it is with adults I don't know well or at all.

The way I word it is "I'm not very comfortable leaving DD at a party without me present. Would you be ok with me hanging around and helping out with anything you need?"


But then you put her in a spot because she already made it clear that it is a drop off party politely.  If you feel uncomfortable, I would simply decline.  I know etiquette says it isn't rude to ask but in this case you are inviting yourself.

Considering that etiquette says it isn't rude to ask I think that I am ok.

I don't trust other people to monitor my children. 

My kids have been going to drop off parties since they were about 5 years old. It is the norm here. We have never had a problem.

If your kid was invited to one of our drop off parties and you would request me if you could stay, I would either be offended or think you were a SS... and either way I would feel you did not trust me with your child...

But that is exactly it. I don't trust other people with my children. At least not people I don't know well. If my BFF were having a drop off party I wouldn't mind it in the slightest. If one of their school friends were and I have only met the parents a handful of times...Either I am going to be there as well or my child isn't going.

I don't think there is any harm in asking. How the parent responds is all the info one needs. If they hem and haw and say that they really wanted to do the drop off thing then I would decline but would also make sure that I sent a gift to the child in question. If they unhesitatingly say of course then we will attend, also with a gift.

What age would you feel comfortable with a drop off party?