Author Topic: Abandoning threads  (Read 4129 times)

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penelope2017

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Abandoning threads
« on: July 16, 2011, 10:58:43 AM »
I've noticed this a few times now on a variety of threads started by a variety of people.

Can someone help me understand the logic behind why posters would start a thread and not returning to answer questions, clarify or update? I understand perhaps some people may not have logged back in, but I'm talking posters you see as active yet ignoring their own threads. I can see if the thread becomes hostile, but these threads I'm talking about aren't. They are asking for information or updates.

Wouldn't it at least be courteous to posters who have taken the time to think about your situation and respond to let them know your situation is resolved or some other type of closure? I just don't get it.

I guess I feel that if you are not going to return to your thread if any sort of clarification or questions are asked, what's the point? Why waste everyone's time?

Or maybe someone can explain.

camlan

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2011, 11:05:02 AM »
Sometimes a thread doesn't become hostile, but it still takes a direction the OP wasn't expecting. It could be that the new direction makes the OP uncomfortable, or that it is so far removed from what the OP expected that it isn't helpful to the OP any more. They may just stop checking the new posts entirely.

Or the situation in real life becomes resolved. Or is so overwhelming that the OP can't deal with it at all, even on the internet.

Or the posters may not feel the thread was acrimonious, but the OP does.

There are a thousands reasons why someone might abandon a thread.

Yes, it would be courteous to return and give an update. But if we start demanding that all threads be updated when other posters want them to be, we run the risk that fewer people will be willing to post.

We can ask nicely for updates, but I don't think we can always expect them.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn

penelope2017

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2011, 11:10:46 AM »
Sometimes a thread doesn't become hostile, but it still takes a direction the OP wasn't expecting. It could be that the new direction makes the OP uncomfortable, or that it is so far removed from what the OP expected that it isn't helpful to the OP any more. They may just stop checking the new posts entirely.

Or the situation in real life becomes resolved. Or is so overwhelming that the OP can't deal with it at all, even on the internet.

Or the posters may not feel the thread was acrimonious, but the OP does.

There are a thousands reasons why someone might abandon a thread.

Yes, it would be courteous to return and give an update. But if we start demanding that all threads be updated when other posters want them to be, we run the risk that fewer people will be willing to post.

We can ask nicely for updates, but I don't think we can always expect them.

I definitely don't wish to demand anything from anyone and I see your point if it is an isolated incident.

But I do see some posters do it regularly, particularly if they don't have everyone sympathizing and/or agreeing with them. That's sort of where I wonder why bother.

Scuba_Dog

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2011, 01:18:47 PM »
For the most part I find that threads like that are just rants/vents where the situation is either already resolved, or the OP isn't at all willing to see another side of the issue. 

I don't think they post for the sake of sharing or seeking advice, rather they do it to vent, rant or gain sympathy.  It's odd but there are a few who do it quite frequently. 

I've just assumed it must not be against the forum rules because it's been allowed to continue.  I guess if the post doesn't have the *actual* word RANT or VENT in it, it's not considered one.   :-\
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Animala

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2011, 01:53:26 PM »
I think sometimes they don't get the opportunity to come back, particularly when thread go nuclear.  Some people just aren't on as much and sometimes threads really turn around and attack the OP and people demand answers from the OP or just become hostile in general.  Then other times the threads quickly go on a rabbit trail.  I think these are reasons that OPs don't come back. 

evely28

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2011, 01:56:41 PM »
I also think it's possible that some post while stressed but once it get's resolved there may be some fear over "identifiers."

I love detailed updates. If an OP only posted that that the problem is solved they may get some questions like "did your SIL apologize?" "Did your MIL show up?" It may also be from a bit of guilt if they think they may have over reacted. I know when I have felt anxious about a situation, come up with a different way of handling it and then the person involved behaves themselves I might second guess myself or wonder if I had been too harsh on them.

At any rate, even if they don't come back the advice given may help someone in a similar situation. ;)

kingsrings

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2011, 12:17:34 AM »
I rarely give updates. I didn't figure anyone would remember enough to want one. If someone does ask for one though, I will give an update.

As far as abandoning threads such as not responding to posts, well, if it's for negative reasons, then that's in following the rules of the forum - if it gets heated in our opinion, or we don't like the way someone is talking to us, then we follow the Coke rule. Nothing wrong with that.

zyrs

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2011, 03:20:13 AM »
I abandoned a thread once, but I did not mean to.  I just couldn't find the thread again.  I tried searching under my name and it didn't show up, tried going back 50 pages and it wasn't there - no clue at all what happened to it.  I felt really bad.

General Jinjur

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2011, 07:55:28 AM »
I think sometimes they don't get the opportunity to come back, particularly when thread go nuclear.  Some people just aren't on as much and sometimes threads really turn around and attack the OP and people demand answers from the OP or just become hostile in general.  Then other times the threads quickly go on a rabbit trail.  I think these are reasons that OPs don't come back.

This. In cases where the thread is getting unpleasant, I think it's best to back off, preferably not even opening the thread again. It's hard to resist the urge to defend oneself, but sometimes that just makes things worse.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2011, 10:12:50 AM »
I think it's the nature of the internet.  This is why I just dont get too emotionally attached to threads-it's entertainment only.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

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Luci45

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2011, 11:11:22 AM »
I also think it's possible that some post while stressed but once it get's resolved there may be some fear over "identifiers."

I love detailed updates. If an OP only posted that that the problem is solved they may get some questions like "did your SIL apologize?" "Did your MIL show up?" It may also be from a bit of guilt if they think they may have over reacted. I know when I have felt anxious about a situation, come up with a different way of handling it and then the person involved behaves themselves I might second guess myself or wonder if I had been too harsh on them.

At any rate, even if they don't come back the advice given may help someone in a similar situation. ;)
I have noticed a few threads in which the member posed a problem and after about 6-10 suggestions posted her solution and thanks.

She didn't need to come back even though people kept posting suggestions. Her problem was solved. The others were just extraneous or after-the-fact comments to her.

This is sloppy POD.

Bibliophile

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2011, 11:19:18 AM »
Sometimes your question gets answered early, or you just miss the thread in the plethora of updated threads that are always waiting when you get back later.  If a poster is posting in a bunch of different threads - one can get overlooked for a bit.  If someone really wants the poster to come back to the thread, you can send a PM for an update. 

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Surianne

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #12 on: July 27, 2011, 01:25:55 PM »
I've abandoned threads, for a number of reasons:

- Forgot I started one
- One got long and the issue was emotional to me, so I said to myself "I'll read the rest of the posts when I'm up to it" and then avoided it for a week and after that, figured no one would notice  ;D
- Couldn't find one

I'm sure there are others I've abandoned...I'm also not sure what counts as abandoning a thread.  Often I'll post in my thread a few times, thank people, and then not notice when it has more updates (some weeks I'm on the board daily, and other weeks it can be a few days between visits, so threads get bumped off the first couple of pages).

It's not intentional, I'm just a total scatterbrain. 

hobish

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #13 on: July 27, 2011, 01:35:49 PM »
I've abandoned threads, for a number of reasons:

- Forgot I started one
- One got long and the issue was emotional to me, so I said to myself "I'll read the rest of the posts when I'm up to it" and then avoided it for a week and after that, figured no one would notice  ;D
- Couldn't find one

I'm sure there are others I've abandoned...I'm also not sure what counts as abandoning a thread.  Often I'll post in my thread a few times, thank people, and then not notice when it has more updates (some weeks I'm on the board daily, and other weeks it can be a few days between visits, so threads get bumped off the first couple of pages).

It's not intentional, I'm just a total scatterbrain.

I will Pod that and add

-read the updates, was unable to answer at the time, then couldn't find thread when i could answer

...which amounts to the same thing, i guess. LOL, Podding that *I* am a total scatterbrain, not agreeing that you are!  :D
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CakeBeret

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Re: Abandoning threads
« Reply #14 on: July 27, 2011, 01:42:27 PM »
Sometimes, the thread may have gone in a direction the OP finds too distasteful, hurtful, etc. to discuss. I do think in these situations the OP should add a response to the thread stating that they won't be back, not a "Goodbye Cruel Thread" but just a heads-up so posters don't keep asking the OP for clarifications or updates when none will be given.

Sometimes, the OP may simply forget to update the thread. Other times, the OP may not think that the update is necessary--I've done that before. In a thread in All in a Day's Work I asked for advice regarding an employee, and honestly didn't think anyone would be interested in reading an update. :P I did provide one when requested. A few months later, the situation ended, but I figured at that point everyone had forgotten/would no longer be interested in an update, but a poster did ask for one awhile later, which I provided.
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