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  • December 08, 2016, 02:30:38 AM

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Author Topic: After the POF meeting  (Read 858 times)

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Raintree

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After the POF meeting
« on: December 04, 2016, 01:35:24 AM »
I'm new to this. I went on my first POF meeting/date.

We met for a walk in the park during the day. It was fine, conversation was fairly easy. Nice, friendly person. Enjoyable enough walk. I don't really feel any need to see the guy again. Nor did I get the impression he was interested in me beyond the one meeting we had. The signals I got were: at one point, I asked if he wanted to keep going or turn around, and he said "let's turn around here" plus instead of walking all the way back to our meeting spot, he stopped walking and indicated he was going to turn off at an earlier street so he could do some errands - whereas I could have gone either way - walk together longer, or not...but I took that as a sign that he wasn't all that interested either. So it's all good, and I'm sure it goes that way most of the time.

I thought it'd be polite of me to send a quick message to say, "thanks for an enjoyable walk today" or something to that effect, but I fear the etiquette of on-line dating is quite different and I don't want it to be construed as looking for another get together. So do I say, "Thanks for the walk; nice to meet you. I don't think it was a match but good luck in your search" as I've heard other people do if the other person asks about a second meeting. Is this even necessary or is no message of acknowledgement needed if you don't want to get together again? What if I said, "Thanks for an enjoyable walk! I didn't think we were a match and I got the feeling you didn't either, but it was great to meet you and chat, and good luck with your search." Or is that unnecessarily blunt and presumptuous, in that no message at all would also convey that we weren't a match?

FauxFoodist

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Re: After the POF meeting
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2016, 02:01:00 AM »
I'm new to this. I went on my first POF meeting/date.

We met for a walk in the park during the day. It was fine, conversation was fairly easy. Nice, friendly person. Enjoyable enough walk. I don't really feel any need to see the guy again. Nor did I get the impression he was interested in me beyond the one meeting we had. The signals I got were: at one point, I asked if he wanted to keep going or turn around, and he said "let's turn around here" plus instead of walking all the way back to our meeting spot, he stopped walking and indicated he was going to turn off at an earlier street so he could do some errands - whereas I could have gone either way - walk together longer, or not...but I took that as a sign that he wasn't all that interested either. So it's all good, and I'm sure it goes that way most of the time.

I thought it'd be polite of me to send a quick message to say, "thanks for an enjoyable walk today" or something to that effect, but I fear the etiquette of on-line dating is quite different and I don't want it to be construed as looking for another get together. So do I say, "Thanks for the walk; nice to meet you. I don't think it was a match but good luck in your search" as I've heard other people do if the other person asks about a second meeting. Is this even necessary or is no message of acknowledgement needed if you don't want to get together again? What if I said, "Thanks for an enjoyable walk! I didn't think we were a match and I got the feeling you didn't either, but it was great to meet you and chat, and good luck with your search." Or is that unnecessarily blunt and presumptuous, in that no message at all would also convey that we weren't a match?

I don't really see why it would be necessary to contact him as it wouldn't be rude not to thank him for the walk (you didn't say that when you parted ways at the end of the walk?).  If you didn't discuss possibly seeing each other again or keeping in touch at the end of this date, then there's really no need to contact him again to confirm you weren't a match.

What does "POF" mean?

Raintree

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Re: After the POF meeting
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2016, 03:38:06 AM »
I'm new to this. I went on my first POF meeting/date.

We met for a walk in the park during the day. It was fine, conversation was fairly easy. Nice, friendly person. Enjoyable enough walk. I don't really feel any need to see the guy again. Nor did I get the impression he was interested in me beyond the one meeting we had. The signals I got were: at one point, I asked if he wanted to keep going or turn around, and he said "let's turn around here" plus instead of walking all the way back to our meeting spot, he stopped walking and indicated he was going to turn off at an earlier street so he could do some errands - whereas I could have gone either way - walk together longer, or not...but I took that as a sign that he wasn't all that interested either. So it's all good, and I'm sure it goes that way most of the time.

I thought it'd be polite of me to send a quick message to say, "thanks for an enjoyable walk today" or something to that effect, but I fear the etiquette of on-line dating is quite different and I don't want it to be construed as looking for another get together. So do I say, "Thanks for the walk; nice to meet you. I don't think it was a match but good luck in your search" as I've heard other people do if the other person asks about a second meeting. Is this even necessary or is no message of acknowledgement needed if you don't want to get together again? What if I said, "Thanks for an enjoyable walk! I didn't think we were a match and I got the feeling you didn't either, but it was great to meet you and chat, and good luck with your search." Or is that unnecessarily blunt and presumptuous, in that no message at all would also convey that we weren't a match?

I don't really see why it would be necessary to contact him as it wouldn't be rude not to thank him for the walk (you didn't say that when you parted ways at the end of the walk?).  If you didn't discuss possibly seeing each other again or keeping in touch at the end of this date, then there's really no need to contact him again to confirm you weren't a match.

What does "POF" mean?

OK, thanks. I am glad to hear that. In any other situation I'd send a quick note of "nice to meet you" or something even though I stated that at the end and so did he. POF stands for Plenty of Fish, a free on-line dating site.

#borecore

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Re: After the POF meeting
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2016, 09:12:33 AM »
In my online dating experience, if it didn't go great and the feeling was likely mutual, it was usually best to just let it lie rather than open the door for continuing communication.

Your message would be perfect if you misread the cues and he does reach out again.

Raintree

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Re: After the POF meeting
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2016, 12:35:54 AM »
Yeah, he hasn't messaged me either so, I guess you are all right, it's not really necessary unless one person expresses further interest that the other does not share.

As I say, it's all so new to me as in any other situation, if I met someone for any kind of get together for the first time, I'd follow up with a "hey, thanks, nice to meet you" with no expectations of further contact, as long as they WERE actually nice people and it hadn't gone horribly badly.