Author Topic: Do I need to reveal that I was engaged?  (Read 9351 times)

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Adelaide

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Re: Do I need to reveal that I was engaged?
« Reply #135 on: November 15, 2014, 05:53:32 PM »
If I get more than a couple of dates in, I want to know if you've been engaged and why it didn't work out, because that answer is going to weigh into whether I keep seeing you or not. It's not as heavy a subject as divorce to me, but it'll still give me pause. But to answer the actual question, I think that it depends on the person. Some people would care, and some wouldn't, as evidence by the replies in this thread. You could always play it safe and casually mention it yourself at some point.

Winterlight

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Re: Do I need to reveal that I was engaged?
« Reply #136 on: November 16, 2014, 10:47:48 AM »
Another related issue is whether you need to tell a new partner that you used to date a friend in your social circle. I've been in that position before (the ex-girlfriend, now just a friend). My ex-boyfriend introduced me to his new girlfriend as "My friend, LifeOnPluto". By that stage, we'd been broken up for three years, and I was in a new relationship myself with DF. However, his new girlfriend found out some weeks later that I was also an ex-girlfriend, and felt incredibly deceived and betrayed because my ex hadn't revealed that fact earlier.

Yeah, I see that as a problem. It definitely falls into the category of things you should tell your partner. Casual dating, maybe not, but anything serious, I'd want to know, if only to avoid being surprised with it later.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Allyson

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Re: Do I need to reveal that I was engaged?
« Reply #137 on: December 16, 2014, 09:17:02 PM »
Another related issue is whether you need to tell a new partner that you used to date a friend in your social circle. I've been in that position before (the ex-girlfriend, now just a friend). My ex-boyfriend introduced me to his new girlfriend as "My friend, LifeOnPluto". By that stage, we'd been broken up for three years, and I was in a new relationship myself with DF. However, his new girlfriend found out some weeks later that I was also an ex-girlfriend, and felt incredibly deceived and betrayed because my ex hadn't revealed that fact earlier.

That's interesting! One of my best friends and I used to date; years ago now, but we dated for about a year (though were never super serious). I honestly now just think of him as "my friend", not "my ex", and there are people who know both of us who are surprised to find out we dated. We hang out all the time, including one on one, and I think we're both 'aware' enough that we'd make a point to tell significant others "by the way we dated in 2007" because it can seem like intentionally leaving it out. But, I could see a situation like that developing with people who really have moved past dating and into friends.