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Author Topic: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse  (Read 10895 times)

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wolfie

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #45 on: July 22, 2011, 09:10:40 AM »
I don't know, but it seems to me that if Mike has his own business and is married, that his spouse would also have involvement.

Not necessarily. My spouse has a business and I have no involvement in it and I don't want any either. 

Bijou

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #46 on: July 22, 2011, 09:40:03 AM »
I don't know, but it seems to me that if Mike has his own business and is married, that his spouse would also have involvement.

Not necessarily. My spouse has a business and I have no involvement in it and I don't want any either.
My husband and I have had two businesses together over the years and were both involved in all aspects, so I guess how involved you are can vary.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Kess

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #47 on: July 22, 2011, 09:46:49 AM »
OP, how is Mike in his interractions with Alexis?  Does he treat her as a full partner to Mike, business-wise?  I'm wondering if Kristen got the impression from Mike that Alexis is a lesser partner, and might well therefore talk to Kristen whilst the men talked business, which would mitigate Kristen's rudeness somewhat if she were just acting on the impression her husband had given her.
I'm not sure how much it mitigates it if Alexis was playing an active role in the conversation and Kristen kept cutting in to divert her to something else. That would be rude even if it was a social event. Mike arranged it, so there is no duty on Alexis and Luke to keep his wife entertained.

My bad, I mis-remembered Kristen as only trying once to divert Alexis's conversation.  Though if she (Kristen) is a bit socially clueless I can see her imagining that Alexis would like to have something else to talk about rather than (in her mind) having to try and talk with the guys talking business (again, only if she'd been given the mistaken impression by Mike that Alexis was a "spouse" rather than a "business partner").  Still rude, of course, but it might explain her thought processes a bit.

If Mike is treating Alexis as a lesser partner or views her as "and wife", that could spell trouble for the deal for the future.

It could indeed.  That was sort of what made me wonder.

i am le tired

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #48 on: July 22, 2011, 10:11:00 AM »
I don't know, but it seems to me that if Mike has his own business and is married, that his spouse would also have involvement.

Not necessarily. My spouse has a business and I have no involvement in it and I don't want any either.
My husband and I have had two businesses together over the years and were both involved in all aspects, so I guess how involved you are can vary.

My mom has a business and her husband worked for her... for awhile... and then he quit to get a "normal" job  ;D

evely28

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #49 on: July 22, 2011, 10:24:08 AM »

The problem is that Kristen has nothing to do with the business and could not contribute or be included in the conversation.


miranova

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #50 on: July 22, 2011, 10:56:35 AM »
I am not involved in any official capacity in my husband's business but I have attended these types of dinners where I am the only "outsider" so to speak and have always had a good time.  It doesn't have to be a choice of stay home or sit there and be bored.  Of course that's going to depend on someone's personality too...I like meeting people and hearing business talk because I love learning about my husband's business.  I can even intelligently contribute when appropriate...one doesn't necessarily need to be on payroll to have a meaningful contribution.  It sounds like Kristen wasn't prepared for the tone of the event and couldn't adapt.  She may well learn with time.  I think the OP's friend is wise to realize it may just be youth and inexperience.

gramma dishes

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #51 on: July 22, 2011, 11:40:56 AM »
I'm still just a little uncomfortable with this whole scenario.

I think there was certainly a lack of appropriate communication and I'm willing to concede that the blame for that can probably be placed pretty squarely on Mike's shoulders, but I suspect the situation wasn't quite as cut and dried as it sounds.

I think it is quite possible that it was Mike's original intention to simply have this dinner arrangement as a way to primarily socialize and introduce his wife to his new partners.  If it was to be entirely a business meeting, I suspect he would not have arranged it himself, but would have assumed Alexis and Luke would have done so.    I think that perhaps, since Alexis and Luke are so totally business oriented they may have ASSUMED that this was to be almost strictly a business  event.

The OP makes Luke and Alexis sound a little ... well frankly, arrogant.  There is much emphasis on how fortunate Mike is to have been selected for this position, etc.  I have no doubt that that's entirely true, but most people are not so incredibly focused on business matters that they can't take time once in a great while to meet the spouse of a new business partner in a more-or-less social way with little talk about business being on the agenda.  I'm not sure from OP's description that Luke and Alexis were quite capable of comprehending that interpretation of Mike's dinner invitation even though to me that would have been my "obvious" interpretation since it was quite clear that he and his wife were hosting.

I suspect there was a misunderstanding as to the intent of this get together from the get go and I'm not going to blast Kristen for being puzzled and confused.

rose red

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #52 on: July 22, 2011, 11:54:49 AM »
I don't get the impression it was a dinner primarily to socialize since the OP has stated the main plan was to discuss business points X, Y, and Z which was very involved and takes hours to iron out.

gramma dishes

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #53 on: July 22, 2011, 12:06:44 PM »
I don't get the impression it was a dinner primarily to socialize since the OP has stated the main plan was to discuss business points X, Y, and Z which was very involved and takes hours to iron out.

But the OP is quoting what Alexis told her.  I have no doubt whatsoever that that was Alexis' interpretation of the purpose of the event.  That does not necessarily mean that that is what Mike actually said when he initially issued the invitation.

I really do get the impression the Alexis and Luke are so business oriented that they may have assumed that that was the primary or nearly sole purpose of this get together because they simply can't imagine any other scenario, but I think that if Mike had intended it to be almost entirely business, he would not have included his wife as cohost. 

If Mike and Kristen had invited this couple to dinner in their home rather than in a restaurant maybe the object of the dinner would have been a little more obvious, but there really isn't much difference.  Mike was hosting and I don't think Mike originally intended this to be a business meeting at all.  I think Alexis and Luke simply assumed it was and put him very much on the spot by bringing up specific subjects they wanted to discuss during dinner.  He couldn't very well retract the invitation at that point.  Particularly since the OP has stated that they would probably not have agreed to a "social" event anyway because their time is so valuable.

June24

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #54 on: July 22, 2011, 12:21:16 PM »
I don't get the impression it was a dinner primarily to socialize since the OP has stated the main plan was to discuss business points X, Y, and Z which was very involved and takes hours to iron out.

But the OP is quoting what Alexis told her.  I have no doubt whatsoever that that was Alexis' interpretation of the purpose of the event.  That does not necessarily mean that that is what Mike actually said when he initially issued the invitation.

Actually it does mean exactly that. Mike specifically stated that they could discuss points X, Y, and Z at the dinner. Sorry, but it really bugs me when peoe try to come up with alternate explanations or misunderstandings when I as the OP am 100% certain of certain facts, and there really is no room for confusion. I am stating a fact when I say that this was scheduled by Mike as a business dinner, because he explicitly said so. Please trust me on that.

gramma dishes

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #55 on: July 22, 2011, 12:30:57 PM »
Okay.  Sorry.   :(

June24

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #56 on: July 22, 2011, 12:33:45 PM »
Okay.  Sorry.   :(

It's cool. I don't mean to hurt your feelings and it's nothing at all personal. I just see this happening a lot, and it's frustrating when it happens to me because I feel like nobody's really listening to me. I'm sure this was not your intention, but I just had to say something.

gramma dishes

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #57 on: July 22, 2011, 12:37:03 PM »
Okay.  Sorry.   :(

It's cool. I don't mean to hurt your feelings and it's nothing at all personal. I just see this happening a lot, and it's frustrating when it happens to me because I feel like nobody's really listening to me. I'm sure this was not your intention, but I just had to say something.

No, you are right.  I was assuming "facts not in evidence" and you are the one who knows.  I was basing my thoughts on my own experiences and that's probably not a good idea.   ;D

June24

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #58 on: July 22, 2011, 12:48:00 PM »
Okay.  Sorry.   :(

It's cool. I don't mean to hurt your feelings and it's nothing at all personal. I just see this happening a lot, and it's frustrating when it happens to me because I feel like nobody's really listening to me. I'm sure this was not your intention, but I just had to say something.

No, you are right.  I was assuming "facts not in evidence" and you are the one who knows.  I was basing my thoughts on my own experiences and that's probably not a good idea.   ;D

Totally understandable that your experiences would influence your take on my post. Thanks for understanding my POV.  :)

evely28

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Re: Confusion about business vs social event and excluded spouse
« Reply #59 on: July 22, 2011, 01:50:19 PM »
I think even if this was a social event Kristen is socially clueless. After the second attempt to engage with Alexis she became rude to continue on. If she was so bored maybe she could have asked a question relevant to the conversation instead of trying to change the conversation.