This past Christmas I officially met my new boyfriend's parents and extended family. I had dinner with my family and then went to his uncle's house for dessert (where the entire family of relatives including his parents were all day) My bf who is usually quite cool and polite was nervous and when we walked into the room crowded by 30 people (the majority of which around a giant table) and he didn't point out who his parents were (or his aunt...the hostess so I could thank her and hand her the big box of bakery goods I had brought) so it was SUPER awkward.
His parents eventually identified themselves from the table of couples (all who looked like him and therefore in my mind could easily be his parents) just as my bf realized I couldn't tell who they were after a looooooooong period of awkward silence as everyone stared at me (they had already had dessert, it was the end of the evening and they were in that post-Christmas trance we all eventually find ourselves in) The parents hardly said hello (hardly
)and then gratefully, his aunt, the hostess got up to take the giant box of cake from me and I poked my bf to at least show me where I could leave my coat. (shouldn't the hostess have taken my coat or directed me where to put it?)
In my bf's defense, he is usually quite well-mannered and thus far in our 3 month relationship
has not had any trouble introducing me to his friends and associates. So I blame his guffaw on nervousness. He told me he thought I would remember what they looked like from a family photo he had shown me for 10 seconds 2 months ago. (sheesh!!!!) I had expected (wanted/envisioned) walking directly to his parents after the host/hostess (aunt/uncle) greeted me and I thanked them and handed over the dessert but neither happened! And then when we sat at the table, they didn't even speak to me! None of them did! (we left after 90 minutes of *watching them all talk*)
They seem like a decent family and he is close to them (he still lives at home) I mean I at least gleaned that from watching them interact in the next 90 minutes though none of them interacted with me except to ask me if I wanted any reheated dinner or coffee. I am always wary about meeting the parents/family since my longest relationship
was with a man whose family should reside in E-Hell permanently. I guess I am feeling upset that I tried to do all the right things (bring cake, smile at all the faces, thank his aunt the hostess then meet the parents to show respect, etc) and kind of shocked at their lack of manners. Being the guest walking into a room of strangers aren't *THEY* the ones who are supposed to try and make me feel comfortable? Yet, I found myself sitting there trying to think of ways to make them comfortable, which seems ridiculous.
And now of course, the second time I will be in the presence of this family happens to be at a wake/funeral tomorrow morning for my bf's uncle (who wasn't at the holiday dinner) Great! Now, I am going to just pay my respect and quietly show support to him but I have to say besides the obvious funerals-are-awful-occasions feeling, I am dreading not even being acknowledged (and by acknowledged, I mean who knows if they will even say hello to me when I go to greet them? I am not implying that they ought to pay attention to me during the ordeal...for heaven's sake...it's someone's funeral! I know the day is *not about me*) He is a pallbearer so I expect I will be sitting alone (read: away from the family) in the church...it's going to be a loooooooong day.
Ok. Deep breath.
What are your thoughts on how I was treated on Christmas? I hope we eventually see eachother in a normal setting (not holiday or funeral) so I can determine if they are clods or have manners, but I can't help worry I am involved with another E-Hell family of potential in-laws! Help!