Meeting the new boyfriend's parents- were they rude to me?

[Sharnita]

I agree with the idea that BF messed it up. First, it would have been much better to meet and get to know his parents before meeting extended family. It could have been awkward either way. If they had conversed with you and gotten to know you with extended family looking on, it might have felt like you were being interviewed by a panel.

Additionally, the holidays can be extremely stressful for people so even good change might be unwelcome at that time. The timing and venue were both wrong and the nervous vibes given off by BF porbably made the situation worse.

[snowball's chance]

I agree that your BF should have introduced you around the table.  When he didn't do so, the host(s) should have introduced themselves and said "Welcome."  A question, Were you invited personally?  No matter what, his aunt should have been a gracious host, but if your BF didn't ask if you could come, it might have been wierd for her.  (my younger bro is famous for this, every new GF [one very few months or so, so far, with a few long-term GFs thrown in] is the love of his life, and has to come to every family activity at his insistence.)

Something similar happened when I met my ex-BF's extended family, so I finally just said, "Hi, everyone, I'm so-and-so".

BTW, the bringing a dessert was a VERY classy move.

It's too bad his family didn't make you feel more comfortable, though.

[Twik]

All I can say is something's weird with the whole vibe in this situation.

Ideally, the person who knows both parties is supposed to do the introductions. So, the first etiquette error is your boyfriend's - he should be running around going "Mom and Dad - this is herekittykitty, I know you'll like her. Aunt Mae - kitty. Cousin Frank, this is herekittykitty; she went to the same school you did." I'm not sure why he would be nervous to perform such a normal function with people he's close to (of course, I come from a family where at least one member considers it normal to show up at 5:00 with a previously-unmet girlfriend and announce "Hey, I've invited Amanda for supper. By the way, she's a vegetarian."). On the other hand, if boyfriend can't or won't perform the normal function, Mom and Dad should definitely welcome you, and take you the rounds of the rest of the family.

If boyfriend is afraid to introduce you to his family, and the family has no interest (even curiousity) in the new girl boyfriend has brought to the gathering, I'd watch the family dynamics very closely from this point on. There's something odd in the situation.

[goblue2539]

All I can say is something's weird with the whole vibe in this situation.
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If boyfriend is afraid to introduce you to his family, and the family has no interest (even curiousity) in the new girl boyfriend has brought to the gathering, I'd watch the family dynamics very closely from this point on. There's something odd in the situation.

Thank you for helping me figure out why this bothered me so much.  I've got a gigantic red flag waving in front of me right now and this explains why perfectly.  I'd watch BF somewhat carefully too.  I may be overly suspicious, but the first reason that pops into my head for the family being uninterested is that they're too used to meeting a new girlfriend however many times they get together.  I sincerely hope I'm just wrong and overly cynical, but be careful OP.

[kingsrings]

But was he ill and expected to die? That can cast a pall over a family, believe me.
I think that the hostess should have been a bit more gracious and the parents should have showed a little more enthusiasm, but it was your boyfriend who brought you into the group. Therefore the onus was on him to introduce you around to the family and his parents. I'm amazed that he just stood there like he didn't know who anyone was. Post-Christmas daze or not, I think that there are a few etiquette issues here, but I take the most exception to your boyfriend's behavior.

Agree with you completely. I've had the same thing done to me unfortunately a couple of times in the past, so I can completely emphasize with how the OP feels. If there was a pall over the family because of uncle's impending death, then BF shouldn't of chosen that time to introduce his new GF to them. The pall is completely understandable, of course, and the onus would be on the BF for not realizing that and picking another time for the introduction.

[MineralDiva]

Yes, I think they were rude to you.  They should have made at least some attempt to find common ground for conversation.

Though, I can somewhat relate to the situation.  My daughter and her boyfriend visited for New Year's, and I had difficulty keeping the conversation flowing.  It's a little tough when only one-word answers were given, in response to some of my questions.  I found myself scrambling to keep the "awkward silent moments" to a minimum.  Not an easy task, under those conditions.  UGH!