Etiquette School is in session! > "Why would I want to do that?"

You hate me (long)

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Howdy all,

Oh the drama, oh the drama, oh the drama. I do so love to bring my tales of woe here and bask in eHell's collective wisdom.

For a couple months now I've been aware that someone in my circle of friends hates me with the fire of a thousand suns. Not a total shock considering the bad blood we've had in the past but definitely more extreme than I expected.

We didn't get along in high school, at all. Two guys, very similar, disliked each other from the start and in the same circle of friends for years...we did not always play nice. Quite often we would get in an argument and stand around insulting each other or generally be passive aggressive about things. After high school I decided to give my little "frenemy" the benefit of a clean slate and started treating him like any of my other friends. That seemed to work until of course I found out that it didn't. I don't like the way I treated him any more than I like the way he treated me so I've been trying to make amends for that. I have probably the bigger share of the blame because I am very good at insulting people I don't like and unfortunately that gave me an advantage that made it pretty one sided. Please don't take that as flippant; it is one of my major character flaws and I'm working on it.

My strategy for making amends has been to treat him like any other friend. It hasn't really worked, he won't stop trying to insult me and provoke an argument/fight. I have bean dipped, left conversations and ignored him until I was blue in the face...but I also haven't retaliated in about twelve months. We've seen each other maybe twenty times in that period. That might seem door mat-ish but I take it as my penance, I really have been terrible to him in the past. I thought he'd get over it eventually and start treating me nicely too but now I'm just gunning for mutual politeness and civility at some point.

End BG

TallFiancee and I had travelled up from MyCity to HomeTown for my friend A's 21st birthday dinner. It was a great night, everyone had fun and the newly designated "P" (my frenemy) was basically behaving himself. Towards the end of the dinner however we started chatting about high school and all the cool things we'd done with A over the years. (Quick BG: A was my best friend growing up so I was seated at her right hand, Tallfiancee at mine. P was a little further down the table past A to my left. This was a long table; about fifteen people were in attendance). A's little sister had prompted the topic on the ruse that she wanted to know more about what her sister got up to in high school but really so A could hear all her friends say nice things about her. It was really sweet of her. We were all chatting with the people near us so the table was sort of split into different conversations along it.

I'm telling a story about A when I noticed Tallfiancee frowning so after I finish my saga I quetly ask her what is wrong. She tells me that she can hear P interrupting stories at the other end to badmouth me every time I'm mentioned; she can hear it, it's not nice and she's pissed. Please note: A and I were inseparable through highschool. There aren't many stories involving her or myself where the other doesn't get mentioned regularly. I shrug it off, I'm not paying attention to it and don't care either way so we get back to dinner.

After dinner A invites us back to her house for drinks and a few games of pool. Her house can literally function as a bar, right down to the jukebox full of 80's rock. Tallfiancee volunteered to be my designated driver because she wanted me to be free to have a great time for A's birthday. Isn't she the best? We were going to drop by a liquor store with A and another friend to get supplies before going back to A's house.

Now P had driven himself and was now loudly proclaiming that he wanted to drink and not drive as everyone piled into cars and headed to A's house. Since P was saying he wanted to drink his passenger went to find himself another ride to A's. That turned out to be the only spare seat except for in my car.

P approached me while A,  another friend and Tallfiancee were waiting in the car for me. I'd been taking orders for people who were going straight to A's house with A's sister while we went on a booze run. P's tone was very aggresive the whole time for this encounter:

P: Hey, can you give me a ride to A's?
Me: Didn't you drive here?
P: Yeah but I decided I want to drink now. You have a spare seat right? Just give me a lift.
Me: Why would I want to do that?
P: Why not? Don't be a d*ck about it
Me: I doubt Tallfiancee will give you a lift. You drove yourself here and you can drive yourself to A's
P: Why are you such a jerk? What did I do to you?
Me: I'll see you over there.

And I left. Tallfiancee asked me what he wanted, I told her, she vehemently stated she would not be giving him a ride anywhere after what he was saying about me at dinner. Bad blood aside, it's poor form to insult someone behind their back and then demand they give you a lift somewhere. Bad blood included, if you hate someone and insult him behind his back and then demand he give you a lift somewhere you definitely deserve a place in eHell for your dread entitlement!

I think this falls under the category of Bed.  Made.   Lie...!!    8)

Also something about burning bridges....  ;)

Did you ever tell him that you wanted to start over and wipe the slate clean? If not, then I think it would be worth doing so.

I think it might have been a good idea to say that after what tallfiancee was hearing at dinner he had blown his chance at a ride that night.

I too would've explained to him why Tallfiance wouldn't want to give him a ride.   I know it's a b-day party & you don't want the drama, but it seems like you're just postponing the inevitable.

I get the sense this would have been a short ride.  Sounds like P was a jerk, but I would have probably given him a ride.  Why feed the drama. 

I guess I'm not following the story though - did P want a ride to A's or a ride home from A's?  If no one was drunk before A's, why couldn't he drive his own car?


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