Author Topic: You hate me so...no. (long)  (Read 34239 times)

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Fluffy Cat

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2011, 02:22:11 AM »


This was actually what I tried, at first. He seemed to agree but I'm told that later he bragged about me being afraid of him and trying to get him to leave me alone before lamenting on all the terrible things I did he needs to pay me back for. First the tough bully and then the poor victim because who needs to make sense?

Eventually I thought "Fine, do your worst." and to be honest it doesn't bother me any more. I've got a devastatingly attractive woman by my side who gives me more compliments in a day than I get insults from him in a month.

Having Tallfiancee in my life drives me to be a better man and she's happy with me letting him take as many free hits as he likes, at least when she's not in ear shot. Retaliating in kind would for me feel like I was just as bad. I can't really avoid him so I practice my polite, distant smile and get on with my life.


I've noticed a lot of your posts focus on your size and the hotness of your girlfriend (unless you're officially engaged now in which case, congrats!) and it is a little disconcerting to me.  If you truly think you've moved on from your (not abnormal) bad past behavior, then just don't associate with this person anymore and end the issue. You either aren't being as gracious and nice as you think, or, he isn't willing to let it go, or both.  Either way, I would drop the relationship entirely as it is clearly doing neither of you any good.
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TurtleDove

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2011, 10:05:16 AM »
I think this is incredibly unfair. Many other posters refers to family members with variations of their own screen name. (babybartfast and babysqueak coming immediately to mind. Tallone referred to his girlfriend as "tallgirlfriend" for some time, and as I recall, they *are* engaged. Would you ask any other poster to change the way they refer to family?

I don't think the poster was referring to the use of the OP's screenname or that of "tallgirlfriend."  The poster was referring to continued references to the "new" size and confidence of the OP and the hotness of tallgirlfriend to provide context for the OP's actions.

Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2011, 10:13:16 AM »
I think this is incredibly unfair. Many other posters refers to family members with variations of their own screen name. (babybartfast and babysqueak coming immediately to mind. Tallone referred to his girlfriend as "tallgirlfriend" for some time, and as I recall, they *are* engaged. Would you ask any other poster to change the way they refer to family?

I don't think the poster was referring to the use of the OP's screenname or that of "tallgirlfriend."  The poster was referring to continued references to the "new" size and confidence of the OP and the hotness of tallgirlfriend to provide context for the OP's actions.

Then the poster should have quoted a *relevant* portion, or none at all. To me, Tallone is simply referring to his fiancée. As I recall, also, Tallone is comparatively young, and his growth and confidence are factors both of the surety of someone close in his life and his own relative maturation. Nor do I recall excess commentary about girlfriend's hotness. The previous poster was making a mountain out of a molehill.
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Peggy Gus

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2011, 11:00:28 AM »
I think this is incredibly unfair. Many other posters refers to family members with variations of their own screen name. (babybartfast and babysqueak coming immediately to mind. Tallone referred to his girlfriend as "tallgirlfriend" for some time, and as I recall, they *are* engaged. Would you ask any other poster to change the way they refer to family?

I don't think the poster was referring to the use of the OP's screenname or that of "tallgirlfriend."  The poster was referring to continued references to the "new" size and confidence of the OP and the hotness of tallgirlfriend to provide context for the OP's actions.

Then the poster should have quoted a *relevant* portion, or none at all. To me, Tallone is simply referring to his fiancée. As I recall, also, Tallone is comparatively young, and his growth and confidence are factors both of the surety of someone close in his life and his own relative maturation. Nor do I recall excess commentary about girlfriend's hotness. The previous poster was making a mountain out of a molehill.

It is a trend of his to mention how hot his girlfriend is, I have seen it numerous times.

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2011, 11:09:51 AM »
I think this is incredibly unfair. Many other posters refers to family members with variations of their own screen name. (babybartfast and babysqueak coming immediately to mind. Tallone referred to his girlfriend as "tallgirlfriend" for some time, and as I recall, they *are* engaged. Would you ask any other poster to change the way they refer to family?

I don't think the poster was referring to the use of the OP's screenname or that of "tallgirlfriend."  The poster was referring to continued references to the "new" size and confidence of the OP and the hotness of tallgirlfriend to provide context for the OP's actions.

Then the poster should have quoted a *relevant* portion, or none at all. To me, Tallone is simply referring to his fiancée. As I recall, also, Tallone is comparatively young, and his growth and confidence are factors both of the surety of someone close in his life and his own relative maturation. Nor do I recall excess commentary about girlfriend's hotness. The previous poster was making a mountain out of a molehill.

It is a trend of his to mention how hot his girlfriend is, I have seen it numerous times.

I have seen it as well, and frankly I find it very distracting.  If it's not a relevant detail in the story it's best to leave it out.
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LadyL

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2011, 11:36:29 AM »
I think this is incredibly unfair. Many other posters refers to family members with variations of their own screen name. (babybartfast and babysqueak coming immediately to mind. Tallone referred to his girlfriend as "tallgirlfriend" for some time, and as I recall, they *are* engaged. Would you ask any other poster to change the way they refer to family?

I don't think the poster was referring to the use of the OP's screenname or that of "tallgirlfriend."  The poster was referring to continued references to the "new" size and confidence of the OP and the hotness of tallgirlfriend to provide context for the OP's actions.

Then the poster should have quoted a *relevant* portion, or none at all. To me, Tallone is simply referring to his fiancée. As I recall, also, Tallone is comparatively young, and his growth and confidence are factors both of the surety of someone close in his life and his own relative maturation. Nor do I recall excess commentary about girlfriend's hotness. The previous poster was making a mountain out of a molehill.

It is a trend of his to mention how hot his girlfriend is, I have seen it numerous times.

I have seen it as well, and frankly I find it very distracting.  If it's not a relevant detail in the story it's best to leave it out.

Huh, I've always read the descriptions as a bit tongue in cheek/humorously over the top...not saying Tallone is exaggerating his fiance's looks, more that describing her as "devastatingly attractive" is so romance novel esque that it just read as humorous to me.

MommyPenguin

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2011, 11:41:47 AM »
Yeah, I thought it was just meant as humorous, and sort of a way of talking nicely about his girlfriend.  I'm nothing extraordinary to look at, but my husband tells me I'm hot, and he'll jokingly say something in passing to his friend about college, "But that was before I was married to this hot woman by my side," something like that.  It's meant as a way of talking flatteringly about one's girlfriend/spouse, more than a "I have a hot girlfriend so I must be the coolest person ever, neener neener neener."  Or, at least, maybe that's how I understood it because Tallone doesn't seem like a guy who thinks of women as trophies, based on his posts.  The only post in which he really seemed to be talking about his girlfriend's looks in a "look what I've got" way was in the one where he was in line for ice cream, and in that particular story the girlfriend's looks were a crucial point of the story (because the other guys in line were discussing her looks without knowing that she was attached to Tallone).  So I don't have a problem with it myself, although, Tallone, you might want to take note that some people find it disconcerting, and keep it in mind when you post.

little bird

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2011, 11:44:01 AM »

It is a trend of his to mention how hot his girlfriend is, I have seen it numerous times.

I have seen it as well, and frankly I find it very distracting.  If it's not a relevant detail in the story it's best to leave it out.

That may be, but I just reviewed both of Tallone's posts in this thread, and unless I missed it (possible), neither mentions that aspect.  So why bring this is up now, and here?

Lord knows, it's not like the way other posters have hijacked threads or been completely self-absorbed in their posting, to a *much* greater degree.

Well, it's in post #10. 
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2011, 11:55:49 AM »

It is a trend of his to mention how hot his girlfriend is, I have seen it numerous times.

I have seen it as well, and frankly I find it very distracting.  If it's not a relevant detail in the story it's best to leave it out.

That may be, but I just reviewed both of Tallone's posts in this thread, and unless I missed it (possible), neither mentions that aspect.  So why bring this is up now, and here?

Lord knows, it's not like the way other posters have hijacked threads or been completely self-absorbed in their posting, to a *much* greater degree.

Well, it's in post #10. 

Conceded.  I was looking specifically for the term "hot", not the phrase "devastatingly attractive". 

Very well.  I will delete the previous posts. 
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Lisbeth

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2011, 12:09:15 PM »
Ah, I think this thread is being hijacked with the complaints over the "hot" girlfriend descriptions.  That seems to me more appropriate for a PM.

Getting back on topic:  I agree that it wasn't necessary to give P a ride and I wouldn't have either.  But I do agree with the PP who said that if you want to have a "clean slate" with someone,  then don't keep it to yourself-make sure the other person knows that there have been problems that you're now willing to overlook.
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2011, 12:10:09 PM »
Ah, I think this thread is being hijacked with the complaints over the "hot" girlfriend descriptions.  That seems to me more appropriate for a PM.

Getting back on topic:  I agree that it wasn't necessary to give P a ride and I wouldn't have either.  But I do agree with the PP who said that if you want to have a "clean slate" with someone,  then don't keep it to yourself-make sure the other person knows that there have been problems that you're now willing to overlook.

See post 11. 

Edited to clarify that the reason for looking at Post 11 is Tallone's report of the results of having extended the "thorny olive branch". 

Lady L suggested:
I think it's also worth extending what my friend Peter ingeniously calls the "thorny olive branch." It's basically a truce where you don't have to agree to like each other but you do agree to play nice. You could say something like "Look, I know there's a lot of history and bad blood between us, but for the sake of our mutual friends I would like to try to be civil. We don't have to be friends but let's not make a production out of our differences either - so no public badmouthing or insults. I'll agree to it if you will."

Tallone replied:
This was actually what I tried, at first. He seemed to agree but I'm told that later he bragged about me being afraid of him and trying to get him to leave me alone before lamenting on all the terrible things I did he needs to pay me back for. First the tough bully and then the poor victim because who needs to make sense?
« Last Edit: August 16, 2011, 12:18:47 PM by Blue Falcon »
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Nora

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2011, 12:15:08 PM »
Oh for the love of little green apples! He's young and in love! Of course he's going to describe the socially desirable traits of his girl! I've studied sociology, and am currently in uni to become a psychologist. Nothing he has said about his girlfriend sounds at all out of the ordinary to me. Nothing.

He has also mentioned that she is very intelligent, that he shares her values, and that he looks forward to spending his life with such a mentally healthy woman. What, he should only say "My clever girlfriend"? "My moral fiance"? "My ideal mate"?

I think that hanging on the looks comments tells a lot more about the people who find this unusual (in what society, really?), than about the lovefool making the comments.
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Lisbeth

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #27 on: August 16, 2011, 12:48:44 PM »
Ah, I think this thread is being hijacked with the complaints over the "hot" girlfriend descriptions.  That seems to me more appropriate for a PM.

Getting back on topic:  I agree that it wasn't necessary to give P a ride and I wouldn't have either.  But I do agree with the PP who said that if you want to have a "clean slate" with someone,  then don't keep it to yourself-make sure the other person knows that there have been problems that you're now willing to overlook.

See post 11. 

Edited to clarify that the reason for looking at Post 11 is Tallone's report of the results of having extended the "thorny olive branch". 

Lady L suggested:
I think it's also worth extending what my friend Peter ingeniously calls the "thorny olive branch." It's basically a truce where you don't have to agree to like each other but you do agree to play nice. You could say something like "Look, I know there's a lot of history and bad blood between us, but for the sake of our mutual friends I would like to try to be civil. We don't have to be friends but let's not make a production out of our differences either - so no public badmouthing or insults. I'll agree to it if you will."

Tallone replied:
This was actually what I tried, at first. He seemed to agree but I'm told that later he bragged about me being afraid of him and trying to get him to leave me alone before lamenting on all the terrible things I did he needs to pay me back for. First the tough bully and then the poor victim because who needs to make sense?


My point is that this isn't relevant to the thread topic, which is, Should tallone give a ride to someone he doesn't like?  It has nothing to do with what his girlfriend looks like, but there have been so many posts about it that I think the discussion of "What tallone's girlfriend looks like" is encroaching on this thread.
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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #28 on: August 16, 2011, 12:55:14 PM »
(snip)

Getting back on topic:  I agree that it wasn't necessary to give P a ride and I wouldn't have either.  But I do agree with the PP who said that if you want to have a "clean slate" with someone,  then don't keep it to yourself-make sure the other person knows that there have been problems that you're now willing to overlook.

See post 11. 

Edited to clarify that the reason for looking at Post 11 is Tallone's report of the results of having extended the "thorny olive branch". 

Lady L suggested:
I think it's also worth extending what my friend Peter ingeniously calls the "thorny olive branch." It's basically a truce where you don't have to agree to like each other but you do agree to play nice. You could say something like "Look, I know there's a lot of history and bad blood between us, but for the sake of our mutual friends I would like to try to be civil. We don't have to be friends but let's not make a production out of our differences either - so no public badmouthing or insults. I'll agree to it if you will."

Tallone replied:
This was actually what I tried, at first. He seemed to agree but I'm told that later he bragged about me being afraid of him and trying to get him to leave me alone before lamenting on all the terrible things I did he needs to pay me back for. First the tough bully and then the poor victim because who needs to make sense?


(snip)

The bolded from your original post is what my modified post addresses.  See the blue bolded portion.
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PeasNCues

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #29 on: August 16, 2011, 03:51:54 PM »
Honestly, it was probably just feeding the drama.

You and he both have behaved badly in the past. You make a particular note that you were especially pointed and cruel in your insults towards him. Not saying that this excuses him, but I bet he has a lot of memories of that time that make him very angry and that's not all his fault. So, while you attempt to paint him as a bad guy in this, I can only see what made him get to this point, and a lot of that has to do with your own behavior. Yes, he should be acting more maturely. I'm not sure how he was insulting you when you were telling the story - was he insulting you or mentioning past behavior you'd rather forget? My point is, I guess, YOU helped establish this as your relationship patern with him - insults and all. Now YOU want to call the shots and say "enough." Well, he's not ready to let go of his anger yet. 

Either be civil to him or cut him out of your life. Don't continue this tit-for-tat behavior. That's not going to help anything.

He may hate you, but it is definitely not without reason IMO. YMMV.
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