Author Topic: You hate me so...no. (long)  (Read 34552 times)

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Hushabye

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #45 on: August 17, 2011, 09:44:31 AM »
LadyL - your initial paragraph is an interesting accusation, but no.  :)


I realize that came off a bit harsh - what I mean is, I'm surprised that no one noticed or objected to Tallone's posting style when it was initially posted, only weeks after the fact.

It's possible that posters didn't see this one when it was initially started, given that it's in one of the lesser-visited folders.  Or that they weren't online between now and then.  That's the way a lot of these upper folders work -- fewer people visit and post in them most of the time, but then occasionally threads here will really take off.  The thread just below this one on wedding rings is a good example of a thread that gets brought back up periodically as posters notice it and add to it, even though it's months old now.

PeasNCues

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #46 on: August 17, 2011, 09:52:12 AM »
LadyL - your initial paragraph is an interesting accusation, but no.  :)


I realize that came off a bit harsh - what I mean is, I'm surprised that no one noticed or objected to Tallone's posting style when it was initially posted, only weeks after the fact.
Personally, it was in my updated threads page and I made my initial comments based on the OP and the OP's follow ups. I don't know why you think "no one noticed or objected to" his posting style just because it wasn't referenced on the first page.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

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LadyL

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #47 on: August 17, 2011, 10:21:08 AM »
LadyL - your initial paragraph is an interesting accusation, but no.  :)


I realize that came off a bit harsh - what I mean is, I'm surprised that no one noticed or objected to Tallone's posting style when it was initially posted, only weeks after the fact.
Personally, it was in my updated threads page and I made my initial comments based on the OP and the OP's follow ups. I don't know why you think "no one noticed or objected to" his posting style just because it wasn't referenced on the first page.

I didn't realize this wasn't in "Life in general" or another more popular folder because I initially found the thread in 'recent unread threads' and then followed it after I replied. It makes more sense why it's suddenly getting attention now.

As for the bolded, the posts closest in time to the initial post did not include any objections. There seems to have been several "waves" of commenting with the last two being focused on negative critiques of the OP. I thought it was odd that a (from my POV) facetious comment about tallgirlfriend raised such ire, and that when that died out a new batch of criticism sprung up almost immediately. That discussion just seemed disjointed from the earlier one that was focused on the OPs original question.

PeasNCues

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #48 on: August 17, 2011, 10:23:57 AM »
I think one person mentioned it and it started a conversation. I'm not sure why that is odd at all.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

Peggy Gus

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #49 on: August 17, 2011, 10:28:25 AM »
I think one person mentioned it and it started a conversation. I'm not sure why that is odd at all.

I always thought that was the normal progression of a conversation myself, so I don't find it odd either.

LadyL

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #50 on: August 17, 2011, 10:30:58 AM »
I think one person mentioned it and it started a conversation. I'm not sure why that is odd at all.

I was surprised by how one comment with a strong opinion begat so many similar ones that just seemed to get harsher and harsher. One poster even told the OP that "his attitude sucks" which seemed out of character for the board. I'm just surprised that's the direction the thread has gone.

PeasNCues

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #51 on: August 17, 2011, 10:41:41 AM »
I think one person mentioned it and it started a conversation. I'm not sure why that is odd at all.

I was surprised by how one comment with a strong opinion begat so many similar ones that just seemed to get harsher and harsher. One poster even told the OP that "his attitude sucks" which seemed out of character for the board. I'm just surprised that's the direction the thread has gone.

I'm probably not seeing the progression you do. I see one or two posters mentioning his posting style re: his gorgeous GF and a couple other posters mentioning his attitude towards the situation ("smugness") and getting frustrated with his response, but it doesn't seem to be devolving or having a huge amount of people or anything. 

I'm not sure that it is out of character for the board.

Interesting to get a different perspective though!
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

jemma

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #52 on: August 17, 2011, 10:42:06 AM »
In the future, I'd avoid your acquaintance when possible.  If he seeks out your company, I'd say something like "you know we're like oil and water.  I think it would be better if I just..."  That avoids anyone being blamed for anything, and removes you from the situation.  Plus, its direct enough to avoid follow-ups.

vTenebrae

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #53 on: August 17, 2011, 10:47:55 AM »
Pardon me for appearing to be harsh, but the point of the original post was for tallone to show off how he had put a boor in his place.  He posted it in a forum that is meant to show how boorish behaviour is shut down and swiftly.  I believe he expected accolades or at least a "well done", for his actions.

I found his pride in that action to be quite a bit misplaced and stated why I felt that way.  I thought an etiquette forum wasn't just to give each other pats on the back or talk about how wrong the rest of the world is, but was also a place to learn about our own shortcomings.  I know I've learned a lot from this forum.

I follow the board and, without the intention to mommyjack, I do have a new baby at home and don't get a chance to post as often as I used to.  So pardon me for not appearing to be as timely as you would like.  The thread was at the top of the page so I thought it was still a live subject.  I wasn't aware that we weren't allowed to post to topics that are more than a week or two old.  The moderators hadn't set rules about that previously, so if you are now I would like to know..
« Last Edit: August 17, 2011, 10:49:39 AM by vTenebrae »
 

LadyL

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #54 on: August 17, 2011, 10:55:17 AM »
Pardon me for appearing to be harsh, but the point of the original post was for tallone to show off how he had put a boor in his place.

I didn't read it that way. Excluding the back story and Tallone's inner monologue, his actual denial of the request for a ride was completely polite:

P: Hey, can you give me a ride to A's?
Me: Didn't you drive here?
P: Yeah but I decided I want to drink now. You have a spare seat right? Just give me a lift.
Me: Why would I want to do that?
P: Why not? Don't be a d*ck about it
Me: I doubt Tallfiancee will give you a lift. You drove yourself here and you can drive yourself to A's
P: Why are you such a jerk? What did I do to you?
Me: I'll see you over there.

And I left.


It is often said here that judgements and inner thoughts only matter insomuch as they translate to actions. I don't think acknowledging past bad behavior negates good, new behavior. Tallone's actions were polite, whereas P calls him several names - I would say that given all the history Tallone handled the situation quite well.

ETA: His behavior the year prior to this incident also sounds spotless:

...he won't stop trying to insult me and provoke an argument/fight. I have bean dipped, left conversations and ignored him until I was blue in the face...but I also haven't retaliated in about twelve months. We've seen each other maybe twenty times in that period.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2011, 10:58:50 AM by LadyL »

wolfie

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #55 on: August 17, 2011, 11:01:58 AM »
I was surprised by how one comment with a strong opinion begat so many similar ones that just seemed to get harsher and harsher. One poster even told the OP that "his attitude sucks" which seemed out of character for the board. I'm just surprised that's the direction the thread has gone.

I think that is normal in lots of things. People think something but think they are the only ones who have that thought and don't want to post/say it for various reasons and then once one person says something similar they feel like they can say their piece too. You can see it in some of the faker threads too where people mention they thought x and y were fakers but thought they were the only ones so didn't say anything - but once it all came out you see that it was more then a few people who had that same thought.

Amalthea

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #56 on: August 17, 2011, 11:05:03 AM »
In the future, I'd avoid your acquaintance when possible.  If he seeks out your company, I'd say something like "you know we're like oil and water.  I think it would be better if I just..."  That avoids anyone being blamed for anything, and removes you from the situation.  Plus, its direct enough to avoid follow-ups.

I'd use the line "our personalities clash" when trying to avoid my friend's (thankfully now ex) boyfriend that I couldn't stand.  It worked pretty well without me having to straight up say I disliked him.

As for the other discussion, I think some of y'all are being awfully harsh.  He's young, and he's in that transitional stage into maturity.  He's not all the way there yet, and but he's working on it and coming here for advice on how to do it right.  I know I can't be the only one who wants to hide under the bed thinking of how I was as a teen.

PeasNCues

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #57 on: August 17, 2011, 11:08:42 AM »
I believe tallone is in his early 20s
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

TurtleDove

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #58 on: August 17, 2011, 11:17:49 AM »
He's not all the way there yet, and but he's working on it and coming here for advice on how to do it right. 

Yes, and I think posters are trying to provide advice on how he comes across and how to do better.

vTenebrae

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Re: You hate me so...no. (long)
« Reply #59 on: August 17, 2011, 11:19:48 AM »
Quote
He's not all the way there yet, and but he's working on it and coming here for advice on how to do it right.  I know I can't be the only one who wants to hide under the bed thinking of how I was as a teen.

He didn't come for advice.  He posted to show off how he'd shot down someone and put them in their place.  While "P" was a boor.. the OP had a few opportunities to be the bigger person and/or show that he really has come a long way.

P: Hey, can you give me a ride to A's?
Me: Didn't you drive here?
P: Yeah but I decided I want to drink now. You have a spare seat right? Just give me a lift.
Me: Why would I want to do that?
P: Why not? Don't be a d*ck about it  At this point, the OP could have said "Because my fiancee overheard you insulting me throughout the meal.  I think I'm justified in turning you down, based on that alone"
Me: I doubt Tallfiancee will give you a lift. You drove yourself here and you can drive yourself to A's
P: Why are you such a jerk? What did I do to you? "You insulted me nonstop throughout the meal"
Me: I'll see you over there.


This interaction could have gone better and the OP could have actually let "P" know that his actions had consequences.  Instead it seems like more of the bickering nonsense they had in HS, with the OP 'coming out on top' - and based on the substance of the OP and subsequent responses, it seems like that was the intention to which I took umbrage.