Are you sure you're not pregnant?

[Biker Granny]

I've been known to reply...Nope...and I can prove it...ya wanna see?

[Irishkitty]

I hate this question, I get asked it often. Ok, ok, I know I'm short and need to lose 10lb, 
... Ok 20lb!

It's so frustrating, and yes, I do sometimes answer with the "nope, just fat!" response. I've always had a bit of a tummy, but recently it's gotten bad. Really upsetting when you've been ttc for years and people keep asking.   

I was once 'congratulated' by a waitress who had just served DH and I the equivalent of a bottle of wine each,  I was soooo tempted to say "Nope! And now your tips coming with us!"   

[Ruelz]

While I was in the hospital having my first baby, I made 'friends' with another young woman.  I gained a lot of weight with each pregnancy, she was one of the naturally thin women...

After we each had our respective babies, she saw me in the hall while I was walking (sans baby) and asked me when I was having my baby! 

Too funny...and yes, I still looked pregnant...and she was already back in her pre-pregnancy clothes...while I ended up having to wear my pregnancy outfit back home because the 'going home' outfit I had brought with me didn't fit.

[Reuth]

When I was about 20 I worked at a grocery store, and customers started asking me when I was due. It was really weird because I was terribly skinny and certainly did not look pregnant. (One time I just said, "October" because I was tired of denying it. Strangely enough the person did not ask any other questions.)

Several months later, customers started asking, "How's your son?"

A few years later, I was shopping and a little girl exclaimed, "I know you! You pick up your son from daycare!"

Strangest part, I lived in a pretty small town, so you'd think I would have met this girl who is apparently my twin!

[Ginya]

This just aggravates me to no end. DH and I have been married for about 2 years and family and others always ask, like it's just expected. The worst was about 6 months after DH and I had been married, I was sick and posted a status about how I hated being sick. Immediately a pregnant acquaintance (who every time she's expecting says I'm next GRR  ) posted I might be expecting. Everyone and their dog started posting similar comments even after I posted I most definitely was not, I finally had to explain in graphic detail why I was not (That time of the month) and they finally dropped it. Not ehell approved but it stopped them from bothering me.

I'm 5'3" and not very big, so when people ask it always annoys me. Not because they think I'm fat but because it's not their business. I've had several run ins with old classmates who apparently had nothing else to do but gossip and thought I had a child or children in one case.  Not sure why people care so much but they've stopped bugging me mostly, although DH said people have asked him about my pregnancy status. I'm guessing because I've made it abundantly clear we will tell them and they need to find better uses of their time.

I've been known to reply...Nope...and I can prove it...ya wanna see?

I LOVE this ^ 

[JustEstelle]

A co-worker (and former friend) of mine did this to me right after DH and I married.  If I was tired or mentioned even remotely feeling un-well, she would pipe up with, "Oh, she's pregnant!" 

I'm ashamed to say that I got her told, in no uncertain terms, but this was long before my e-hell days.  I do not understand why a woman's reproductive status needs to be anyone's business outside of her SO and doctor.  Nor do I understand why, after living with my (then) DF for six months prior to our wedding, speculation on my reproducing suddenly became fair game.  The only thing that had changed for us was that ceremony and piece of paper.

Sometimes people just (not in a good way) amaze me at their gall.

[delphinium]

I like this reply when somebody asks if you're pregnant, "Well, I wasn't when left home this morning"
 

DH and I eloped and people assumed we had to get married.  One co-worker implied that I "must have thought I was pregnant and that was why we eloped." when it was obvious I wasn't pregnant.  I got asked by a former employer, "Did you have a baby, honey?"  LOL  We were married  7 years before our DD was born..

[Giraffe, Esq]

When I was about 20 I worked at a grocery store, and customers started asking me when I was due. It was really weird because I was terribly skinny and certainly did not look pregnant. (One time I just said, "October" because I was tired of denying it. Strangely enough the person did not ask any other questions.)

<snip>

For some odd reason, reading this made me want to answer the question with whatever last month is - in other words, clearly more than 9 months away.  And then watch them try to do mental math.

I know, giving that answer has the potential to wreak more havoc (especially if it's to someone math-challenged but able to spread rumors at work, etc...), but the temptation, oh, the temptation.

[Seraphia]

This just aggravates me to no end. DH and I have been married for about 2 years and family and others always ask, like it's just expected. The worst was about 6 months after DH and I had been married, I was sick and posted a status about how I hated being sick. Immediately a pregnant acquaintance (who every time she's expecting says I'm next GRR  ) posted I might be expecting. Everyone and their dog started posting similar comments even after I posted I most definitely was not, I finally had to explain in graphic detail why I was not (That time of the month) and they finally dropped it. Not ehell approved but it stopped them from bothering me.

Oooohhh! I got that too right after we got married. I posted on Facebook about how I was glad I didn't have a shift that day, since I wasn't feeling well. Cue instantaneous speculation, including a PM from my sister-in-law (just "in case" I didn't want to announce publicly yet). Um...no, definitely food poisoning. Definitely, definitely food poisoning.

*sigh* I know people were just excited, but it made me a little angry. I mean, seriously? If I'm going to announce a baby, I'm not going to do it with a sidelong nod to stomach problems or a random quote from Major League. (Again, nice guess SiL, but wrong)

[BeagleMommy]

I got a variation of this from the doctor who delivered DS.  DS was born 5 1/2 weeks early so this was not my regular doctor.  I delivered very quickly (exactly 2 hours) and the doctor asked "Are you sure this is your first baby?".

I was tempted to turn to DH as say "Honey, did we leave the other one at home?"

[koukla]

I Got this from a client about 2 years ago. He insisted I must be '6-7 months because I looked fatter in the waist. Either that or I was just fatter. But he was almost positive I was pregnant'. I'm not the tallest woman in the world, nor am I the thinnest, I accept that. I am built like a woman (think marilyn monroe's silhouette). My job requires me to spend most of the day standing up, and at the end of the day I tend to be slouching a bit, due to tired back muscles.

He was met with an icy stare.

[wyliefool]

--Ar you sure you're not pregnant? Really ? Because you must be. Blah blah...

--You know, you're right. How could I have forgotten??  ... Ooh. ...  I think my water's about to break. You'd better step back. :Bend over/grimace/etc.:

 

[hobish]

I got the question 2x in 2 days  Both times i repleid with, "Nope, just chunky," and the 2nd time said i need to lay off the Halloween candy.

When I was about 20 I worked at a grocery store, and customers started asking me when I was due. It was really weird because I was terribly skinny and certainly did not look pregnant. (One time I just said, "October" because I was tired of denying it. Strangely enough the person did not ask any other questions.)

<snip>

For some odd reason, reading this made me want to answer the question with whatever last month is - in other words, clearly more than 9 months away.  And then watch them try to do mental math.

I know, giving that answer has the potential to wreak more havoc (especially if it's to someone math-challenged but able to spread rumors at work, etc...), but the temptation, oh, the temptation.

I want to steal this. One of the people was a coworker. I would love to see the rumor go 'round and see how long it took for someone to figure out, "Wait ... she's due in October? What?" 

[oz diva]

Reading the answers in this thread there's two reasons you get asked this question.

1. you've been married for more than 5 minutes so you must be up the duff by now.   

2. you have a big tummy 
 
Mine mostly fall into the latter category. It happened to me just the other day, perhaps I should touch it delicately and say that yes, I do indeed have a litter of puppies in there.

[hollandoates]

I had one of my nieces ask me this, once. I just said, "nope!"

It wasn't an issue until later, when she said that she "liked me better when was thinner" (?!) My sister apologized and said that my niece was addicted to shows like America's Next Top Model. My response was, "I guess it's time for auntie to get little niece some feminist literature!"