Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

Should I use this on my mother?

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Mental Magpie:

I don't think the "so kind of you to take an interest" line is appropriate here. She didn't take an interest. You were telling her something that didn't concern her. I guess I'm wondering why your mom needed to know. Do you usually share things like this with her? If you don't like what your mom has to say, don't bring up friend or friend's situation to your mom in the future.
This may not apply to your situation, but if I confided in a friend about such a difficult/painful thing as infidelity, and abuse, I would be mortified to find out that my friend had decided to share it with anyone.

I'm watching this thread with interest, because only your mom being a doctor keeps me from thinking we are sisters.  ::) One of my relatives has had severe issues with depression, and Mom has said several times it's because people that age are lazy, and that if Relative only did some volunteer work, it would all go away.  (Interestingly, Mom changed her tune for a while after having to actually spend a weekend with this person, but it's coming back slowly.) As far as I can tell, there is no civilized reply to things like that...but if there is, e-Hellions will have it!

Dark MagdalenaMy question is, when my best friend comes up again, what do I say to my mom?  FWIW, my mom is a medical doctor; she knows the signs of mental abuse and knows that it is real.  I have no idea why she suddenly thinks that this is a matter of simply growing up instead of a response to mental abuse.

Why would your friend come up again? Will your mom ask about her? That was common enough with my mom. We knew each others friends and took an interest in them, so that seems natural enough to me. If it would be you bringing her up, then think about not doing it and saving yourself the aggravation.

Appeal to her medical expertise. Ask her why, as a medical doctor, she thinks it's immaturity rather than emotional abuse. Question her about the signs that you've seen that seem to fit emotional abuse. Why does she think they don't apply in this case? Get her into her professional pattern of thinking and see if her opinion changes.

Mental Magpie:
Twiggy: My best friend has asked me to ask my mom advice on the situation, and she (my best friend) does not mind that I have told my mom.  My mom also inquires about the situation from time to time.

FlyingBaconMouse: That sounds like something my mother would do!

Sway: I did not think of that; that is absolutely brilliant. I will update when the conversation arises.


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