Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

Should I use this on my mother?

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Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: Merry Mrs Martin on December 16, 2011, 11:07:40 PM ---  I think it's best you limit asking your mom's advise about emotional subjects.  Right or wrong she's entitled to her opinion if you ask her opinion she is entitled to voice it, if her opinion upsets you don't ask.

I had a friend once who was in a bad situation I let her cry on shoulder gave advise she ignored after about I don't know 100 of the exact same instance I got really blunt.  (I don't know how to make clear how obvious the outcome was without giving information if she recognize so just trust me it was OBVIUOS along the lines of "I stuck my finger in a light socket and it hurt" )  " really? obvious thing happened AGAIN? I can't believe he did that 101 times you could have never seen that coming(I was 14/15 )especially since he said he planned to continuedoing obvious thing.  It's not going change , wanting it to be different will not make it different. I don't want to hear about this anymore"  I simply was not equipped to fix this issue , he was an evil jerk but she had no intention or capacity to face reality. It was like dealing with a drug addict who hadn't hit bottom yet.  It took her several more months to walk away from this situation only to enter an almost identical situation and stayed in it for 10 years.

--- End quote ---

As a general sort of update, what you did is pretty much what I did.  We barely talk at this point but I think it's for the better.  I can't be her crutch forever.

As for what my mother said, she and I talked about it.  She meant exactly what she said.  I told her why that peeved me so much (because it seemed like she wasn't taking into account a million other things AND that it's like saying you can grow up out of alcoholism).  She told me that you can, but then explained.  I told her why that was the stupidest thing to say to me at the time and she agreed; she said she wished she could have worded it better.

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: Nayners on December 16, 2011, 10:13:58 PM ---I understand what your mother is saying. Believe me, at the age of 23, you've haven't yet experienced anything that would allow you to understand your mother's point of view. Being a physician is what your mom does for a living. If a woman comes to see your mom professionally, with the same situation as your friend, ethically she is obligated to assist her in some way. Her personal feelings will be put to the side.

I think you are misinterpreting what your mom means when she says your friend should "grow up". Somewhere along the way, your friend didn't get something that she needed, to know when it was time to walk. For whatever reason she remained in an relationship that finally escalated to physical violence.

Since you know that your mom may not always say what you want to hear, just say "OK". No need to argue if she doesn't agree with your point of view. I'll bet in about 20 years you will remember some of your disagreements and realize your mom was actually right!

--- End quote ---

Please refrain from making assumptions about my experiences. 

It's not that I didn't want to hear it, it was that it was like saying someone can just magically snap out of a deep depression by growing up.  My mother admitted that what she wanted to say came out wrong.


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