Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

Should I use this on my mother?

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wyozozo:
I hope she offers better advice to her patients. Her compassion seems a bit lacking.

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: wyozozo on August 06, 2011, 11:46:23 AM ---I hope she offers better advice to her patients. Her compassion seems a bit lacking.

--- End quote ---

She is a great doctor, honestly, and is actually very compassionate with her patients.  I am her daughter, however, which means that she does not have to be "professional" (for a lack of a better word).  I will give it to my mother, she is very candid and straightforward; but she knows when to and when to not say things to patients.

Virg:
I have to cast in with Sway's first paragraph here.  Don't argue, don't engage, don't discuss.  Don't bring up your friend again, advise your friend to look elsewhere for advice, and apply the bean dip liberally if your mother brings it up.  You said yourself that "It is mostly useless to argue with my mother about those sorts of things...".  Therefore, don't do it.

Virg

afbluebelle:

--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on August 06, 2011, 02:14:39 AM ---BG: My best friend is 22. She cheated on her husband, the stinky brown stuff hit the fan, and the emotional abuse really started to get heavy.  She feels like she deserves it because of what she did.  END BG.

I told my mother of the most recent altercation (in which he went to jail for putting his hands on her (the first time something physical has happened)).

--- End quote ---

Not trying to judge your friend, but if your mother knows the backstory (i.e. cheating, fanning, then abuse raining down) it might cloud her opinion of your friend just a wee bit. I don't doubt your friend, but their is abuse, then there is "my husband called me names... he said he forgave me, why can't he forget it. I'm so abuuuuuuuuuused". I see a lot of both kinds in my job...

I hope that your friend can find a resolution for her situation that is safe. But yeah, your mom might not be the best source of advice.

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: afbluebelle on September 10, 2011, 04:06:31 PM ---
--- Quote from: Dark Magdalena on August 06, 2011, 02:14:39 AM ---BG: My best friend is 22. She cheated on her husband, the stinky brown stuff hit the fan, and the emotional abuse really started to get heavy.  She feels like she deserves it because of what she did.  END BG.

I told my mother of the most recent altercation (in which he went to jail for putting his hands on her (the first time something physical has happened)).

--- End quote ---

Not trying to judge your friend, but if your mother knows the backstory (i.e. cheating, fanning, then abuse raining down) it might cloud her opinion of your friend just a wee bit. I don't doubt your friend, but their is abuse, then there is "my husband called me names... he said he forgave me, why can't he forget it. I'm so abuuuuuuuuuused". I see a lot of both kinds in my job...

I hope that your friend can find a resolution for her situation that is safe. But yeah, your mom might not be the best source of advice.

--- End quote ---

My mom doesn't know the entire backstory.  It did come up again (what my mother had said) and my sister (recovering alcoholic chimed in), "Then you need to tell me to grow up, too."  My mother did  >:(.  Further conversation revealed a little bit more about what she meant by it.  I still don't agree with her assessment but I at least understand it now.  She pretty much said that if Dark Friend was more mature, she would have been able to see the abuse for what it was.

Also, the abuse happened before she cheated and only got worse after the fact.  He fit the classic signs of an abuser; it wasn't just, "Oh but he was mad at me today because I didn't go to lunch with him, he's soooo abusive!" (I've definitely heard that, too, and promptly told the person that it was not abuse; if she wanted to hear about abuse she should visit a woman's shelter.  She pretty much just wanted attention.)

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