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Author Topic: A baby shower registry *eye roll*  (Read 17515 times)

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snugasabug

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A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« on: August 06, 2011, 11:27:12 AM »


My friend is married......but separated from her DH.  She has a 5 year old daughter from this marriage.

Friend has moved in with her boyfriend and is now pregnant.  Friend has asked her mom to throw her a baby shower.  ("Even though it's not MY first baby...it's HIS first baby.....and the baby deserves a shower!!!!" is her rationale)    The baby shower has not happened yet, but the registry info was posted on FB for one and all to see.

I am glad that I was in the privacy of my own home when I took the liberty of checking out her registry.  Aside from the 101 "essentials" including mostly high priced items such as cribs, dressers, strollers and various baby contraptions, friend has added a bicycle, a huge backyard trampoline, a few game systems and games as well a new nintendo DS system.  Of course....why wouldn't she include such items?

Do you know the top of the registry where there is a spot for the parents-to-be to write a message? Usually it would say something like "It's a Boy!" or "Gift Cards Preferred" or "We are so excited for our little girl! She should be here on August 8th!" kind of thing.   Well this registry says "Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too!"

I won't even mention that my friend signed the registry using her first name and the Boyfriend's last name. Seriously! She is still MARRIED to another man!!!  Her legal last name is that of her husbands!!!  She has not even gotten a divorce.  I am pretty sure you can't just start using someone's last name because you want too.

Anyway...I thought you would love to hear this lovely registry that is dripping with entitlement.  So do you think I should get the baby a car seat and maybe just add the $500 trampoline for her little girl?????

Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2011, 12:18:53 PM »


I won't even mention that my friend signed the registry using her first name and the Boyfriend's last name. Seriously! She is still MARRIED to another man!!!  Her legal last name is that of her husbands!!!  She has not even gotten a divorce. I am pretty sure you can't just start using someone's last name because you want too.


I'm with you on the rest of the post, you aren't actually going to go are you? 

But to the bolded, in some places, yes you can.  You can go by whatever name you want as long as the purpose isn't to commit fraud.

Zogs

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2011, 12:34:30 PM »
Wowee.

That is all.
Rub it on, nose to tail, rail to rail...

Skoffin

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2011, 12:41:18 PM »
Could be worse, she could have written: "Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too! (oh, and me!)"  ;)

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2011, 12:42:20 PM »
This sounds almost like something a cousin of mine did.  Very sad.  I declined the shower invitation.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2011, 01:25:35 PM »
Sometimes I wonder if there is a “bizarro” etiquette book floating around that some people get a hold of and follow.  It must take a lot of effort to violate the rules of etiquette so blatantly in so many ways. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Balletmom

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2011, 06:04:34 PM »
Ouch.

Think I'd have to pass.

jaxsue

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2011, 06:32:46 PM »
Could be worse, she could have written: "Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too! (oh, and me!)"  ;)

And add, "A Nintendo for the boyfriend!"  :D

immadz

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2011, 06:53:21 PM »


I won't even mention that my friend signed the registry using her first name and the Boyfriend's last name. Seriously! She is still MARRIED to another man!!!  Her legal last name is that of her husbands!!!  She has not even gotten a divorce. I am pretty sure you can't just start using someone's last name because you want too.


I'm with you on the rest of the post, you aren't actually going to go are you? 

But to the bolded, in some places, yes you can.  You can go by whatever name you want as long as the purpose isn't to commit fraud.

This. It  could also be that she legally changed her name even though divorce proceedings are still underway.



Clockwork Banana

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2011, 05:36:30 AM »
Disclaimer:  This is NOT directed at the OP.

It is my opinion is that this type of behavior is more prevalent today because we as a society allow it.  By that I mean we may roll our eyes, complain privately to our friends or forum buddies, but then ultimately capitulate by attending the shower and purchasing a gift.  We definitely do not approach the friend directly and explain our distaste for their behavior because that would cross the bounds of etiquette.

So and so is a friend.  Friend is acting in a ridiculous entitlement-fueled fashion.  We ask ourselves:  "Who are you and what have you done with my friend"?  Our preference and instinct would be to teach friend a lesson by rewarding the gift-grab with exactly nothing.

But we do not do that.  Our social conscience will not allow us to 'punish or deprive' the new baby or (bride-to-be).  Nor do we wish to cause possible permanent damage to our relationship with friend.

So, maybe we do not purchase a gift for the five-year old. We have our principles, after all.  But we still attend the shower and give a reasonable gift for the new baby.  But let us suppose that 25 percent of the shower attendees do actually feel the pressure to purchase a gift for the five-year old.  This is still a big win for friend.  They have now gotten away with egregious behavior, and the bad taste it might leave in the mouths of their friends and family will fade over time.  It will be excused by hormones or new-bride excitement, and life goes on.

And because this worked for friend, it is now a model for friend of friend to emulate.  And so it goes. (Channeling Kurt Vonnegut here.)

I don't know what the solution is.  There will always be people who feel that an invitation is an obligation.  We see it all the time with posters asking if they are required to send a gift after receiving a wedding invitation from the second cousin thrice removed of the fourth wife of the supervisor of a part-time job they held in college twenty years ago in a town three thousand miles away...............

I guess a gift should be inversely proportional to the demand.  Hah.  I'm off to go live in my fantasy land.

Oh, and I wouldn't mind a trampoline if there are any going begging........

Vall

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2011, 08:23:04 AM »
"Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too!"
 ???  Why?  Is this a shower for her unborn child or both of her children?

Am I reading this correctly that the registry and gift requests info has been posted but invitations haven't been even sent yet?

The M2B's mother agreed to host the shower.  Is the shower going to be for family only?

The name-changing issue is confusing (and I think a little tacky since she's still married) but I really wouldn't care about that.

You aren't seriously planning to attend, are you?  If you are, I'll be looking forward to reading the story.

Spoder

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2011, 08:53:01 AM »
Disclaimer:  This is NOT directed at the OP.

It is my opinion is that this type of behavior is more prevalent today because we as a society allow it.  By that I mean we may roll our eyes, complain privately to our friends or forum buddies, but then ultimately capitulate by attending the shower and purchasing a gift.  We definitely do not approach the friend directly and explain our distaste for their behavior because that would cross the bounds of etiquette.

So and so is a friend.  Friend is acting in a ridiculous entitlement-fueled fashion.  We ask ourselves:  "Who are you and what have you done with my friend"?  Our preference and instinct would be to teach friend a lesson by rewarding the gift-grab with exactly nothing.

But we do not do that.  Our social conscience will not allow us to 'punish or deprive' the new baby or (bride-to-be).  Nor do we wish to cause possible permanent damage to our relationship with friend.

So, maybe we do not purchase a gift for the five-year old. We have our principles, after all.  But we still attend the shower and give a reasonable gift for the new baby.  But let us suppose that 25 percent of the shower attendees do actually feel the pressure to purchase a gift for the five-year old.  This is still a big win for friend.  They have now gotten away with egregious behavior, and the bad taste it might leave in the mouths of their friends and family will fade over time.  It will be excused by hormones or new-bride excitement, and life goes on.

And because this worked for friend, it is now a model for friend of friend to emulate.  And so it goes. (Channeling Kurt Vonnegut here.)

I don't know what the solution is.  There will always be people who feel that an invitation is an obligation.  We see it all the time with posters asking if they are required to send a gift after receiving a wedding invitation from the second cousin thrice removed of the fourth wife of the supervisor of a part-time job they held in college twenty years ago in a town three thousand miles away...............

I guess a gift should be inversely proportional to the demand.  Hah.  I'm off to go live in my fantasy land.

Oh, and I wouldn't mind a trampoline if there are any going begging........

I'm SO with you, kramercat.

As far as the bolded goes - y'know, sometimes it does work that way. Personally, I give gifts based on my relationship with the person, not on what type of celebration they have or where they register.

Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2011, 09:03:19 AM »
"Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too!"
 ???  Why?  Is this a shower for her unborn child or both of her children?



I realise a shower is different, as they are only supposed to happen when there aren't any older children, but for the record I would never dream of showing up with a present for a new baby and nothing for an older sibling.  I think its a reasonable condition for parents to set.

Spoder

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2011, 09:08:01 AM »
"Please include a gift for my 5yr old daughter too!"
 ???  Why?  Is this a shower for her unborn child or both of her children?



I realise a shower is different, as they are only supposed to happen when there aren't any older children, but for the record I would never dream of showing up with a present for a new baby and nothing for an older sibling.  I think its a reasonable condition for parents to set.

My understanding was that it's a shower for the mother, so the presents are for her - some of them might be for the baby but most of them are to be used on the baby (like diapers), aren't they?

I don't think it's reasonable for parents to set a condition that guests have to bring presents for all children, regardless. If I go to a birthday party for one child, I don't have to bring a gift for every other child in the family (I might choose to, but that's different than being *told* to).