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Author Topic: A baby shower registry *eye roll*  (Read 17594 times)

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Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #45 on: August 07, 2011, 12:55:19 PM »
I actually think the second wife comparison is pretty apt. A nice present wouldn't make it any better, though.

Since many traditional wedding vows include the line "forsaking all others" I'm going to have to disagree.   ;D

You have to see it from the perspective of the tot for it to work. 

Judah

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #46 on: August 07, 2011, 01:13:41 PM »
I recall a thread where many parents objected to bringing gifts to a birthday party for the birthday childís sibling. This would be a different one time situation, but I still would say there a fair number of people who feel that children need to learn that someoneís other people get to have special moments that they may not be included in. I see both sides, and there arenít really absolutes about it being rude to bring an extra gift or not bringing an extra gift.  I would expect parents in either situation to not make the giver feel pressured or bad for not following the parenting decisions they may not be aware of.

I'd be one of those parents; thankfully, no one did this.  The birth of a sibling is a pretty momentous event, but it's not a gift giving occasion.
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I'mnotinsane

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2011, 01:24:36 PM »
I actually think the second wife comparison is pretty apt. A nice present wouldn't make it any better, though.

Since many traditional wedding vows include the line "forsaking all others" I'm going to have to disagree.   ;D

You have to see it from the perspective of the tot for it to work.

Since a woman of marrying age *shouldn't* have the perspective of a tot it is not a good comparison.

Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #48 on: August 07, 2011, 01:36:18 PM »
I actually think the second wife comparison is pretty apt. A nice present wouldn't make it any better, though.

Since many traditional wedding vows include the line "forsaking all others" I'm going to have to disagree.   ;D

You have to see it from the perspective of the tot for it to work.

Since a woman of marrying age *shouldn't* have the perspective of a tot it is not a good comparison.

Its an analo...

Never mind.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #49 on: August 07, 2011, 01:47:17 PM »
When my 2nd daughter was born, we did give a gift to my toddler. It was a baby doll, and my dad fixed up my doll cradle for her to have. She had a baby to take care of too. (I did have to laugh though when she was concerned because her chest wouldn't work to feed the baby) Her grandparents did bring her a gift too, but that was the only extras.

Instead, I had her help me open the gifts for the baby and let her show them to the baby. She was excited her sister got gifts! She wasn't even 3 yet either. Being involved with the baby is more important than getting gifts. That is what makes a sibling feel special.

Children need to learn to be excited for someone else. It prevents becoming gimme pigs later in life.

Roe

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #50 on: August 07, 2011, 01:49:31 PM »
The whole "let's try to make little Susie feel better by getting her a gift and making sure to give her attention first" makes me cringe.  I can't stand it.  That's what has created the entire "everyone gets a first place ribbon" mentality.

Let's face it, some things in life are hard and can be difficult to go through. And without going through those events, our kids will not grow or mature.  When we try to prevent those life lesson  from actually teaching  them, than we do weaken our kids and keep them immature for much longer. 

But then, this is just my simple opinion and I'm sure I'll be blasted for thinking that a child should have to endure such horrible  life lessons.   ::)

Roe

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #51 on: August 07, 2011, 01:52:27 PM »
When my 2nd daughter was born, we did give a gift to my toddler. It was a baby doll, and my dad fixed up my doll cradle for her to have. She had a baby to take care of too. (I did have to laugh though when she was concerned because her chest wouldn't work to feed the baby) Her grandparents did bring her a gift too, but that was the only extras.

Instead, I had her help me open the gifts for the baby and let her show them to the baby. She was excited her sister got gifts! She wasn't even 3 yet either. Being involved with the baby is more important than getting gifts. That is what makes a sibling feel special.

Children need to learn to be excited for someone else. It prevents becoming gimme pigs later in life.

Thank you!!!!  Absolutely!

My boys always got excited about their younger siblings because I did include them in the excitement. 

I also let them open up the baby gifts and though they thought "onesis" were not good gifts, they did enjoy unwrapping the gift.  ;) 

Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #52 on: August 07, 2011, 01:55:09 PM »
The whole "let's try to make little Susie feel better by getting her a gift and making sure to give her attention first" makes me cringe.  I can't stand it.  That's what has created the entire "everyone gets a first place ribbon" mentality.

Let's face it, some things in life are hard and can be difficult to go through. And without going through those events, our kids will not grow or mature.  When we try to prevent those life lesson  from actually teaching  them, than we do weaken our kids and keep them immature for much longer. 

But then, this is just my simple opinion and I'm sure I'll be blasted for thinking that a child should have to endure such horrible  life lessons.   ::)

I don't think a parent trying to make a difficult transition easier for a young child means that they'll go on to be the kind of parent you're talking about.

There are plenty of opportunities for children to learn hard lessons, I don't think sibling relationships should be sacrificed on that particular altar.  It would be far far far far far more important to me that my children have a good relationship free of jealousy than that I make a 'stand' over them being 'weakened'.  ::)

What's so bad about making little Susie feel better?  A newborn won't care or notice who you go to first, an 18 month old will.  They might not remember it but they will be aware at the time and those are very very formative times.

My parents had a similar philosophy to mine when me and my brother were growing up (obviously where my views come from) and what they got in return weren't selfish 'gimme pigs' who don't know how to be happy for others, they got two siblings who were always close, rarely fought, never felt that the other was favoured, never had jealousy issues and remain close as adults, always being very generous with each other.  I think I'll stick with what I know works.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2011, 01:57:08 PM by Larrabee »

Schmoopie3928

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #53 on: August 07, 2011, 02:09:39 PM »
May I suggest a spinoff thread if you wish to continue pushing the issue Larrabee? This thread has gotten so far off track I had to re read the OP to remember what the topic was.
OP, I would not go. I would not feed the gimme pig.

Larrabee

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #54 on: August 07, 2011, 02:17:23 PM »
May I suggest a spinoff thread if you wish to continue pushing the issue Larrabee? This thread has gotten so far off track I had to re read the OP to remember what the topic was.
OP, I would not go. I would not feed the gimme pig.

I'm not going to start another thread, I'm not 'pushing' any issue.  I keep trying to drop it but others keep responding to earlier posts which makes it very hard!

I'll just have to stop clicking on this thread I think.

Apologies OP.

wendelenn

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #55 on: August 07, 2011, 02:44:43 PM »
The whole "let's try to make little Susie feel better by getting her a gift and making sure to give her attention first" makes me cringe.  I can't stand it.  That's what has created the entire "everyone gets a first place ribbon" mentality.

Let's face it, some things in life are hard and can be difficult to go through. And without going through those events, our kids will not grow or mature.  When we try to prevent those life lesson  from actually teaching  them, than we do weaken our kids and keep them immature for much longer. 

But then, this is just my simple opinion and I'm sure I'll be blasted for thinking that a child should have to endure such horrible  life lessons.   ::)

****applause**** it really does promote an "all about me me me me" mentality. Kids need to learn that life isn't all about them and that it's OK for others to (gasp!) actually be excited about something and someone else!!
"I don't mean to be rude", he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

"--yet sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.  "Best to say nothing at all."

567Kate

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #56 on: August 07, 2011, 02:46:59 PM »
OP, I would not go. I would not feed the gimme pig.

I agree that the best plan is just to avoid this train wreck. RSVP no, and then send along a card when the baby's born.

Judah

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #57 on: August 07, 2011, 02:51:53 PM »
When my 2nd daughter was born, we did give a gift to my toddler. It was a baby doll, and my dad fixed up my doll cradle for her to have. She had a baby to take care of too. (I did have to laugh though when she was concerned because her chest wouldn't work to feed the baby) Her grandparents did bring her a gift too, but that was the only extras.

Instead, I had her help me open the gifts for the baby and let her show them to the baby. She was excited her sister got gifts! She wasn't even 3 yet either. Being involved with the baby is more important than getting gifts. That is what makes a sibling feel special.

Children need to learn to be excited for someone else. It prevents becoming gimme pigs later in life.

and

The whole "let's try to make little Susie feel better by getting her a gift and making sure to give her attention first" makes me cringe.  I can't stand it.  That's what has created the entire "everyone gets a first place ribbon" mentality.

Let's face it, some things in life are hard and can be difficult to go through. And without going through those events, our kids will not grow or mature.  When we try to prevent those life lesson  from actually teaching  them, than we do weaken our kids and keep them immature for much longer. 

But then, this is just my simple opinion and I'm sure I'll be blasted for thinking that a child should have to endure such horrible  life lessons.   ::)

Yes to both.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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Zogs

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #58 on: August 07, 2011, 03:00:44 PM »
When my 2nd daughter was born, we did give a gift to my toddler. It was a baby doll, and my dad fixed up my doll cradle for her to have. She had a baby to take care of too. (I did have to laugh though when she was concerned because her chest wouldn't work to feed the baby) Her grandparents did bring her a gift too, but that was the only extras.

Instead, I had her help me open the gifts for the baby and let her show them to the baby. She was excited her sister got gifts! She wasn't even 3 yet either. Being involved with the baby is more important than getting gifts. That is what makes a sibling feel special.

Children need to learn to be excited for someone else. It prevents becoming gimme pigs later in life.

I think you're Super Mom.   ;D
Rub it on, nose to tail, rail to rail...

vTenebrae

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #59 on: August 07, 2011, 03:08:37 PM »
I actually think the second wife comparison is pretty apt. A nice present wouldn't make it any better, though.

It's not, though.  The relationship between a parent and child and a husband and wife is completely different.  Your husband is an adult and choosing to add someone into your marriage.  You are aware that he is now choosing to include someone else and, very obviously, has decided that your relationship isn't good enough.  You have a choice as to whether or not you want to remain in such a relationship.  You can leave, if you want.

With children - there is a relationship between mommy & daddy and mommy, daddy, and each child.  A child doesn't get to choose whether or not to remain in the relationship.  A child is being added to the family dynamic, which is an adjustment for everyone - not just the child.  On top of that, most parents will take the time out to prepare their children for any additional children.  Even toddlers can get the general idea that mommy's tummy now has a baby in it and that baby will come out.

Quote from: Larrabee
If I had a toddler and a newborn you can bet your life that nobody would be coming in my house unless they agreed that they would greet the toddler first before even glancing at the baby, and that it was either no gift or gifts for both.  Anyone who thought it was unreasonable would be welcome to stay away!

Then you're teaching your toddler that they are more important than their new sibling. They get first dibs on everything AND a present just because baby does? That's setting a precedent for disaster.

I actually have a toddler and a newborn.  Maybe my two year old is just completely amazing, exceptional, and beyond the norm of most 2 year olds, but she's actually done quite well with the new addition.  We didn't molly coddle her, we didn't make guests give her gifts just because baby got some, and we certainly didn't make sure that she was placed in the front and center - before baby.  People came over, coo over the baby, and, as friends and family would do normally I think, spent time talking to her too.  She was greeted the same as every member of the household.  Yes, baby got a bit more attention up front, but the Tenetoddler was hardly ignored and treated like she didn't matter.

I didn't have to make special rules and accommodations.  She was told a baby was coming.  She was informed that she's the big sister now.  She met the baby.  We got her a little special gift "from the baby", just because we thought it would be sweet.  She is adjusting to being a big sister.  Family and friends have visited and it's really not been a big deal - she was treated the same as always, save for a few moments when someone was paying attention to the baby and she had to wait.  That was no different than when guests were paying attention to mommy and she had to wait or when guests paid attention to daddy and she had to wait.

It becomes a traumatic big deal if you MAKE it a traumatic big deal.  If you act like the kid should/will/is jealous.. they will act accordingly.  If you act like this is life and we all have to adjust, kids are resilient, they'll roll with the punches.

I didn't get special treatment when my sister came.  My nieces and nephews didn't get special treatment or treated with kid gloves whenever a baby came.  Everyone has adjusted just fine, without freakouts.  We didn't have to set special rules or tell people to "bring gifts" in order to appease other siblings.

The mother mentioned in the OP is trying to bilk her friends for stuff and spoiling the older kid - imho.  I'd decline the invite.