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Author Topic: A baby shower registry *eye roll*  (Read 17514 times)

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Poirot

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #75 on: August 08, 2011, 09:55:57 AM »
SingActDance, I too am a hardliner on second showers, and when my DIL was thrown one (that is a horrible story in itself) by her MOTHER for my second granddaughter, I refused to attend.  :-[ (Although of course I bought gifts for my granddaughter later, and the third one this year.  :))

However,I am fine with a shower for a second baby to a mom in a new marriage, if it is the first baby for her new husband/partner. But, IMO, only his family/friends should be invited or involved, as they didn't have a chance to celebrate HIS entrance into parenthood. (No one who attended the first shower for Mom should be invited to attend a second) I am a firm believer that fatherhood is a critical rite of passage for men (and the female relatives of that man, ie grandmom) that should be celebrated too.

As to the gifts for the older sib, vtenebrae wins the internets!!

Quick story (that I think illustrates vTenebrae's point): BG:
I recently went down to visit my DS & DIL and grandchildren in NC. I hadn't seen them since them since middle GD's B-day in March. Middle GD got lots of B-day presents then.

DS's B-day was June 24th, so I had his gifts to take on the trip. Oldest GD's B-day was July 1, so I had her gifts for the trip and of course I had lots of new baby gifts for the baby. I was worried about middle GDs (age 2) reaction when both of her sisters got lots of presents, and she didn't, so I gave it alot of thought. Here's what I did.

I bought all three girls small gifts. (Hula hoops for the two oldest, and a hula hoop shaped rattle for the baby), coloring books, crayons and my special homemade treats that they love. During the arrival (Mom-Mom's Here!!!!!!!!!!!!What did you bring us Mom-Mom???????????) I gave these to everyone, everyone is happy. Much love, playing and kisses ensue.

Later, after dinner, we did cake and individual presents for the B-days, and new baby. Middle GD was really happy for her sisters and enjoyed helping the baby open her presents. Then she went to her room and got one of the things I had gotten her for her birthday in March to play with, so she reminded herself that she had her own Mom-mom presents too!

If this had been a new baby NOT my grandchild, I may or may not pick up a small trinket for an older sibling, but that would be based solely on my level of closeness with the CHILD. And if ANYONE ever instructed or REQUESTED me to bring any gift, I would be declining.

Children only notice that things are not 'equal' is adults bring it to their attention.
A spoon! A spoon! My kingdom for a case of #%^***** spoons!

Spoder

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #76 on: August 08, 2011, 09:58:52 AM »

However,I am fine with a shower for a second baby to a mom in a new marriage, if it is the first baby for her new husband/partner. But, IMO, only his family/friends should be invited or involved, as they didn't have a chance to celebrate HIS entrance into parenthood. (No one who attended the first shower for Mom should be invited to attend a second) I am a firm believer that fatherhood is a critical rite of passage for men (and the female relatives of that man, ie grandmom) that should be celebrated too.

Now I'm confused again! I thought the whole baby shower tradition was firmly a women-only thing?

PeasNCues

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #77 on: August 08, 2011, 10:04:07 AM »
I think a shower is a great opportunity to introduce an older sibling to the concept of, "Look, see all this stuff for the baby? The baby needs it because he/she is going to be a lot of work! Do you want to help put away the stuff for the baby? Do you want to help set up the nursery?"

That way the older sibling can be directly involved in helping with the impending arrival of the baby. A lot of problems with older siblings not only come from jealousy, but of a feeling of loss of control. I think if they had input/guidance with regards to their new sibling it would help with their anxiety about how things are changing.

On the other hand, making sure that a sibling would recieve a gift whenever the baby does has the potential to teach them that (1) the arrival of the baby is only going to mean more stuff for them (which will be a disappointment when the baby arrives and takes up a lot of mom and dad's energy!) (2) whenever the younger sibling gets something, they are entitled to something as well (birthdays/special rewards would be seen as "unfair" rather than a positive thing). There are much better approaches, IMO. An invitation like this would recieve an immediate, "No thank you" from me!  ;D

When my younger siblings were born, we got "I'm the Big Sister" tshirts. Nothing else. And we were very excited.  :)

Spoder - Jack and Jill baby showers are becoming much more prevalent. In a J&J, the mother and father are both in attendance and both male and female friends/relatives are invited. ShieldMaiden's shower as a J&J and none of us would have had it any other way.
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

567Kate

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #78 on: August 08, 2011, 10:05:43 AM »

However,I am fine with a shower for a second baby to a mom in a new marriage, if it is the first baby for her new husband/partner. But, IMO, only his family/friends should be invited or involved, as they didn't have a chance to celebrate HIS entrance into parenthood. (No one who attended the first shower for Mom should be invited to attend a second) I am a firm believer that fatherhood is a critical rite of passage for men (and the female relatives of that man, ie grandmom) that should be celebrated too.

Now I'm confused again! I thought the whole baby shower tradition was firmly a women-only thing?

This is changing. Every baby shower I've been to has included both of the parents-to-be and a co-ed guest list. While I'm sure that's not the case universally, it's quite common for men to be at showers.

I actually feel the same as Poirot on that count. A first-time dad and a second-time mom can have have shower thrown by the dad's side that the dad is present for. Traditional etiquette would say that only the mother's status counts, but I think it's fine to celebrate a man's entrance to fatherhood.

This particular case has a whole lot else wrong though.

Spoder

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #79 on: August 08, 2011, 10:10:16 AM »

However,I am fine with a shower for a second baby to a mom in a new marriage, if it is the first baby for her new husband/partner. But, IMO, only his family/friends should be invited or involved, as they didn't have a chance to celebrate HIS entrance into parenthood. (No one who attended the first shower for Mom should be invited to attend a second) I am a firm believer that fatherhood is a critical rite of passage for men (and the female relatives of that man, ie grandmom) that should be celebrated too.

Now I'm confused again! I thought the whole baby shower tradition was firmly a women-only thing?

This is changing. Every baby shower I've been to has included both of the parents-to-be and a co-ed guest list. While I'm sure that's not the case universally, it's quite common for men to be at showers.

I actually feel the same as Poirot on that count. A first-time dad and a second-time mom can have have shower thrown by the dad's side that the dad is present for. Traditional etiquette would say that only the mother's status counts, but I think it's fine to celebrate a man's entrance to fatherhood.

This particular case has a whole lot else wrong though.

Oh, okay, thanks 567Kate, and PeasNCues.  :). I guess I also assumed 'women only' because I can't imagine most guys I know being remotely keen to to the traditional shower stuff - I think they'd all decline, to be honest!

jaxsue

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #80 on: August 08, 2011, 10:14:48 AM »
Oh, okay, thanks 567Kate, and PeasNCues.  . I guess I also assumed 'women only' because I can't imagine most guys I know being remotely keen to to the traditional shower stuff - I think they'd all decline, to be honest!

I've only been to one shower that included men (wedding shower). Within 10 minutes all the guys vacated the party and went into the den to play pool! Can't say I blamed them. I'd much rather be doing that than being stuck at the shower (there was great social pressure to attend showers in this group).  :P

I haven't been to a shower for several years and I don't miss them at all!

PeasNCues

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #81 on: August 08, 2011, 10:17:42 AM »
ShieldMaiden's shower included men, as I stated before, and they were actually very enthusiastic. You'd be surprised how guys can get excited about their buddy's impending fatherhood.

I love babyshowers, especially when it's a J&J :-D
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

Hushabye

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #82 on: August 08, 2011, 10:29:43 AM »
ShieldMaiden's shower included men, as I stated before, and they were actually very enthusiastic. You'd be surprised how guys can get excited about their buddy's impending fatherhood.

I love babyshowers, especially when it's a J&J :-D

Ours was as well.  There are very few things in my life as funny as those guys sucking on baby bottles (a game to see who could empty one the fastest) and trying to come up with clever things to put on onesies (which resulted in an awesome "Family Guy" reference, a pirate onesie, and a couple of other gems).  I think that the more events like this move to embrace the role of fathers in their babies' lives, the more society will move away from the stereotype that raising children is "women's work".

The issue in the OP... That registry is insane.  I mean, I can get behind having items on the registry that you're planning on buying yourself after everything to get the completion discount, but I'd likely hold off on including them until after any showers were held.  Otherwise it gives the impression that this one has given: major gimmie pigness.  I would probably not attend.

Spoder

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #83 on: August 08, 2011, 10:36:19 AM »
I think that the more events like this move to embrace the role of fathers in their babies' lives, the more society will move away from the stereotype that raising children is "women's work".


I don't know...maybe. I'm not sure there's a correlation. I mean, I'm glad that your guys embraced it and had fun, that can only be a good thing. But my brother, for example, is the most involved father I've ever seen, yet I am 100% sure you wouldn't get him near a baby shower!

vTenebrae

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #84 on: August 08, 2011, 11:01:09 AM »

However,I am fine with a shower for a second baby to a mom in a new marriage, if it is the first baby for her new husband/partner. But, IMO, only his family/friends should be invited or involved, as they didn't have a chance to celebrate HIS entrance into parenthood. (No one who attended the first shower for Mom should be invited to attend a second) I am a firm believer that fatherhood is a critical rite of passage for men (and the female relatives of that man, ie grandmom) that should be celebrated too.

Now I'm confused again! I thought the whole baby shower tradition was firmly a women-only thing?

Well, it used to be that child rearing was considered to be "woman's work" too.  Dads are much more involved now, so it stands to reason that a shower could be for them, as well.
 

Hushabye

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #85 on: August 08, 2011, 11:05:48 AM »
I think that the more events like this move to embrace the role of fathers in their babies' lives, the more society will move away from the stereotype that raising children is "women's work".


I don't know...maybe. I'm not sure there's a correlation. I mean, I'm glad that your guys embraced it and had fun, that can only be a good thing. But my brother, for example, is the most involved father I've ever seen, yet I am 100% sure you wouldn't get him near a baby shower!

I wonder how much of that is because people think of baby showers as these mythical women-only things where all the women sit around and share pregnancy stories while unwrapping frilly little baby outfits, awash in a sea of blue or pink streamers (I'm trying to gather all of the most stereotypical shower details I can, things that would really not appeal to most guys [or a hefty number of women]).  I could picture a lot more guys getting behind attending a BBQ with some present opening on the side (actually, I could picture myself getting behind that sort of thing ;D).  The two things would have to change hand-in-hand, I think.

And I'm certainly not saying that guys who never get behind baby showers wouldn't make good dads.  I think it's more of a society-wide thing, that if we stop looking at showers as solely for welcoming women to parenthood and more for welcoming parents to parenthood, then maybe it will have an effect in shifting the stereotypes that moms parent while dads babysit; that women are the ones who stay at home; that fathers who work have real jobs while moms who stay at home don't (I just got an earful about that one recently); etc.  Give 'em an incentive to get behind embracing parenthood by not locking them out of the "welcome to parenthood" parties, as it were.  (I think all that is a long-winded way of saying that I think looking at baby showers as welcoming moms to motherhood but not dads is sexist.  Just figured that out...)

PeasNCues

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #86 on: August 08, 2011, 11:06:29 AM »
I think that the more events like this move to embrace the role of fathers in their babies' lives, the more society will move away from the stereotype that raising children is "women's work".


I don't know...maybe. I'm not sure there's a correlation. I mean, I'm glad that your guys embraced it and had fun, that can only be a good thing. But my brother, for example, is the most involved father I've ever seen, yet I am 100% sure you wouldn't get him near a baby shower!

I think it all depends on your perspectives. I think it's kind of sad to put a never-ever on a J&J babyshower because it's just not a manly thing to do when obviously there are so many men who have a lot of fun!
'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air.  Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

http://inanitiesofanidlemind.blogspot.com/

Poirot

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #87 on: August 08, 2011, 11:08:04 AM »
Sorry, but I never could understand why only the Mom got any kind of celebration for parenthood. And, just maybe, in this time when there are so many absentee 'baby daddies', making sure the fathers are included every step of the way will encourage TRUE fatherhood, not just procreation.
A spoon! A spoon! My kingdom for a case of #%^***** spoons!

SuperMartianRobotGirl

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #88 on: August 08, 2011, 11:09:46 AM »
I've only ever seen one father-to-be at a shower, and it was a very typical women-only shower but he at the last minute decided he'd really like to go to, and as he was the dad, why not?  I thought it was a great idea to have the dad there, but that is the only time I've seen it happen.  Since it is typically a woman-only thing here, I would think it was odd to have one for a second baby to a different father, but if it were a co-ed thing here it probably wouldn't seem strange to me.

Giggity

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Re: A baby shower registry *eye roll*
« Reply #89 on: August 08, 2011, 11:14:45 AM »
This is changing. Every baby shower I've been to has included both of the parents-to-be and a co-ed guest list. While I'm sure that's not the case universally, it's quite common for men to be at showers.

I've never seen a man at a baby shower, and I've been attending them for 30 years. (Maybe Texas men are better at getting out of hen parties.  ;D )
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