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Author Topic: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?  (Read 4537 times)

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MrTango

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2011, 11:34:50 AM »
My name could be a two part name but the way it is spelled, it is only one name.  Occasionally, people have referred to me by either just the first part or the last part.

I just don't respond, because most of the time, I have no idea they are talking to me.  When I do finally realize they are talking to me, I'll respond with, 'I'm sorry.  I didn't realize you were talking to me.  My name is (partoneparttwo).  What can I help you with?'

I started doing that to my sister.  For example, if my name were Daniel, I'd be perfectly fine with Dan, but I would not respond at all to Danny.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 12:28:52 PM by MrTango »

Ruelz

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2011, 12:19:09 PM »
First of all - your name is your name.  Whatever you chose to be called is what people should call you.

I don't mind nicknames...but to me those are 'family' use.  So I picked names that didn't really have 'standard' nicknames, so that makes it easier.

But we still have issues.  My daughter has a legitimate french name.  But to make it easy in this neck of the woods we've anglicized the pronounciation.

So let's just say her name is spelled Danielle, but we pronounce it 'Daniel'.  We will get people insisting on calling her Daniella.  No matter how often we correct some people, they just keep calling her Daniella.

She's given up for the most part if it's strangers or short-term acquaintances.
"The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions." Ellen Glasgow

Snowy Owl

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2011, 12:33:25 PM »

Ooh this drives me crackers.  I have a fairly long but conventional first name, the pronunciation of which is not difficult for most people in the UK.  I like people to use my name, not some abbreviation or diminutive that they want to call me.  I do tend to correct people.  I usually say something like "I prefer you not to shorten my name, could we stick with correctname?"  I say this with a smile and it usually works.  I hate having my name shortened and the only people I'll take a petname from are my parents.

I don't mind if someone from another country or background struggles with the pronunciation.  When I lived in Brussels I was quite happy to tolerate an approximation of my name with a slightly incorrect pronunciation.  I know full well I didn't pronounce my Spanish colleague's name  correctly, but I did my best. I would never try and change or shorten his name simply because the pronunciation was difficult. 

I do think that if someone asks to be called a certain name, it behoves one to try and call them that. 
And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.

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Bethczar

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2011, 12:38:22 PM »
I've had that problem before.  My first name is a nickname, think something like Lexy for Alexa.  In a couple of different jobs I've had people call me by the formal version of my name, and then of course I don't know that they're talking to me.  I admit when I was younger, I ended up kind of snapping at one woman that "formal version" was not my name, my name is "nickname" because I was getting so annoyed at being addressed by "formal name" :(  And yes, I was introduced to her by the correct version of my name.

I really cannot understand why it is so difficult for some people to realize that yes, my parents gave me a nickname for a first name, and yes it is unusual, but this was the only name my father liked. Given that I was born in the '70's, I consider myself lucky that is the only unusual thing about my name.
POD (from Beth, NOT Elizabeth)

taxing

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2011, 03:07:51 PM »
This reminds me so much of a guy in (sixth form, UK) college. I was in a small computing class, and he was a year older than the rest of us, he had failed his first year so was having to repeat it. Despite this he thought he was just so cool. He called all of us 'Bob', male and female, because he 'couldn't be bothered to remember [our] names'. That's genuinely what he said. This went on for two years and we all just eye rolled and ignored him. A couple of years later he saw me in a club, and shouted 'Bob! Bob!' I heard someone shouting Bob, but didn't turn around because that's nowhere near my name. Then, 'Bob! BOB! ... REALNAME!'

So he still knew my name two years after I'd last seen him... but couldn't remember it while we were in the class together?  ::) Total powerplay.

Sanity Lost

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2011, 03:19:48 PM »
My pet peeve is when they change it by changing the last letter or dropping it entirely. Lets say my name is Anna and they continually call me Ann or spelling it Anne. Its nitpicky I know but how much harder is it add that last "a"?

The rest of my family is similar and the only person they tolerate the name changing is my DH. He has a severe speech impediment and has a really hard time with some sounds; so he is the only person allowed to call my sister "Loli" which is the closest that he can say her name.

So if a person has a real reason for being able to not say a name I give them a pass.

Seven Ate Nine

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2011, 03:40:11 PM »
I told a coworker earlier this week that I'd rather be called by the wrong name than by a nickname.  My name is Amy.  She was calling me by another coworker's name, and I corrected her (gently... I'm new, and the other name is similar enough that I understood).  I have another coworker who calls me "Aimer"  I hate that nickname.  I will tolerate "Aim" if I have to, but I don't particularly like it.  I can't understand why people can't just use the name that I introduce myself with.

DH has the same problem.  He introduces himself with his full name, and people will say "Hi, [Nickname]"  I just roll my eyes and let him deal with it as he sees fit.

Surianne

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2011, 04:46:40 PM »
Diminutives and nicknames are often a power-play. They certainly are for DumDum.

We've discussed this before and have had a few people passionately defend their right to call you what they want. Because everyone likes nicknames (except those of us who don't, but never mind us. We'll just grow to love them.) and loves being nicknamed.  Those of us who don't shouldn't mind those who nickname; we'll learn to love it. Which, see power-play above.

I don't think putting words in the mouths of other posters is very useful though, is it?  Because I was one of those posters you're likely referring to and that is definitely not what I said.  Nor is it what anyone else said that I can recall. 

I think you're really misrepresenting the "other side" here, which isn't fair to the people who participated in that thread.

(Post edited to make my point in a less confrontational manner because I realize it might get lost in my longer 1st attempt.)



« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 05:01:57 PM by Surianne »

Jaelle

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2011, 05:23:55 PM »
I have a short version of a name that's often seen its longer version. (Let's say ... Beth instead of Elizabeth.)

I went to see a new doctor. I had my correct name on all the paperwork, signed my correct name, etc ...

When the physician's assistant came in to see me the first time, she said, "Hello, Elizabeth."  ::)

Argh. I said, "Actually, it is just Beth." She seemed surprised. (And my name ... my actual name ... is not an uncommon one.)
“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

Cuddlepie

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #24 on: August 09, 2011, 08:57:29 PM »
I'm allll alone.  :'(

It doesn't bother me at all whether people use my full name or the shortened version. 

BarensMom

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #25 on: August 09, 2011, 09:22:01 PM »
I have a long name, for example, Gwendolyn (not my real name, of course).  Most people will call me Gwen, but only family and very close friends will call me Gwennie.  I don't much like when someone I've just met starts off the bat and calls me Gwennie, but I'll usually let it go and not let it bother me. 

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #26 on: August 09, 2011, 10:48:20 PM »
Diminutives and nicknames are often a power-play. They certainly are for DumDum.

We've discussed this before and have had a few people passionately defend their right to call you what they want. Because everyone likes nicknames (except those of us who don't, but never mind us. We'll just grow to love them.) and loves being nicknamed.  Those of us who don't shouldn't mind those who nickname; we'll learn to love it. Which, see power-play above.

In fact, creating a false intimacy is one of etiquette's biggest sins.

In the classic sense, you are supposed to address Robert Jones as "Mr. Jones" until HE has said, "oh, please, call me Robert / Bob." And then you use whichever one he gives you.

Con artists work very hard to create false intimacy. And choosing a nickname, or going straight to the first name is one of the ways they do it.

That doesn't mean, of course, that everyone who does this is a con artist. But that's why some of us have such a strong reaction to not wanting people to be all chummy with us when they don't even KNOW us.

TomatoBunny

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2011, 08:18:32 AM »
My first name is for legal paperwork only; I solely use my middlename in everyday life. My firstname, let's say 'Cynthia', can be nicknamed to Cindy. You can't do much with my middlename, 'Tee'. I've only had one teacher ask if it was short for Teresa and my aunt likes to address my holiday cards to just 'T', even after I innocently corrected her when I was young.  ::) 

In my last place of employment, I filled out all the paperwork as usual; Cynthia Smith. Awhile later, I get my insurance card in the mail... and it is for Cindy Smith. CINDY. ... what?  >:(  So the next day, I stop by HR, to get it corrected and they tell me that I should not have put Cindy on my applications/forms if I didn't want it on my card. Excuse me?  >:(  I explained that I don't know what happened, but I do not use my first name and would NEVER write down Cindy on anything.. ever. They just said they'd get it fixed and the next card was correct. The very frustrated part of me sorely wanted to add "and you need to SHOW me where it says Cindy on my file." but that was just stray thoughts in my head..  :P

TOLady

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2011, 09:04:07 AM »
In the classic sense, you are supposed to address Robert Jones as "Mr. Jones" until HE has said, "oh, please, call me Robert / Bob." And then you use whichever one he gives you.

I realised I had become an adult when my Mom started introducing her friends by their first names instead of Mr/Mrs. Smith.  ;D

However, I was in my late 20's befor that happened...

Karpool Kitten

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Re: S/O of a S/O-When coworkers refuse to call you by your name?
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2011, 03:35:09 AM »
I'm terrible w/names, but I admit it.

And apparently it works in the reverse.  It never fails when I'm introduced to people that "hear" a completely different name.  Not a nickname, not a shortened version...a totally different name.

"Hi, this is my wife Beelzebub."

"Nice to meet you Amanda."

"No, it's Beelzebub."

"Howdy Christine."

I get told a jillion times "You look just like my friend Beth/Tracy/LeighAnn/Heather."  Well, I'm not.

I've worked w/one woman 15+ years who CANNOT get my name right. 

I was even told by a grocery cashier (after she looked at the name on my check), "That's not your real name."