Category: Bad Business

That restaurant owner shaming the OP story reminded me of this. 
 
My husband and I went to a new little  sandwich shop in town to try it out.  We both ordered a burger and fries.  It was about one in the afternoon, so we weren’t surprised to see only one couple, who were about to leave, as most people here get 12 to one off for lunch.  We noticed that several tables had not yet been bused, but there was only one waitress in this tiny place, and she started cleaning them as we sat down.

Our burgers came quickly enough, and I bit into mine just before my husband did.  He had his burger to his mouth but I immediately said, “Stop.”  I explained that the meat in my burger didn’t taste like beef – or pork – or chicken – or turkey – or even vegetarian, all of which I’ve eaten.  I can’t even explain what it tasted like – not spoiled, just … odd.   He couldn’t resist trying a bite and quickly agreed with me.  We signaled to the waitress, and I explained that our burgers tasted funny – they didn’t taste like beef.  She assured me it was good freshly ground chuck.  I said again that they didn’t taste like beef and we didn’t feel comfortable eating them.  Her response, with a patronizing smile, was, “You’ve probably never had really good ground chuck before, just plain old cheap hamburger.” 

I kept my temper, but I told her I’d eaten plenty of good beef, and this wasn’t it, and we needed our checks.  She refused to comp our meal, and only gave us a discount on our glasses of tea.  My husband, who was paying, finally said fine, but we’d never be back.  As we were walking out, my husband pointed to the tables she was clearing, and asked if I had noticed that all of them had plenty of food left on the plates. The shop was closed in less than three months after it opened.  I still wonder what it was they were serving as “beef.” 0115-19

My first thought was to wonder if the beef was grass-fed. Pasture raised beef comes with a hefty price tag as being more organic but it definitely can have a taste to it that some people dislike.

You called the waitress over and complained that the burgers did not taste right, not that you suspected spoilage. Had you used the words “tastes spoiled” in your communication with her, this would have escalated the situation to one that should be taken very seriously by any restaurant owner. Failure of the staff to address the possible serving of spoiled meat could have been resolved by requesting a leftover box be brought to your table with the stated intention that you are delivering the burgers to the Health Department to determine if the meat is, in fact, spoiling.

In the situation where you cannot detect that the food is spoiled but rather you don’t like how the food tastes, I believe the common response is to pay for the meal, leaving food uneaten if you choose to, declaring to yourself that you’ll never eat there again and possibly write a detailed food review of the restaurant.

I am a woman in my mid-30s and a bit on the bigger side, especially after traveling long distances which usually leaves me a bit bloated for a few days. The weight is a thing I am working on, but it’s slow going. My partner and I had traveled across Germany for a family event and after said event, we decided to spend the evening with a good friend. Since he lives in the area, he picked an Italian restaurant for our dinner and the food was excellent. 


Then the fun started:

We were sitting in the booth furthest from the door, with me by the wall, my partner across from me and our friend next to me by the aisle. The woman running the restaurant, came over to ask if we needed anything and we asked for the check. As is customary, she offered a drink on the house (usually Grappa, Ramazotti, etc.) and all three of us declined. She then singled me out and said something to the effect of, “Well, you’re not allowed anyway in your condition”. Note that I’d had the tomato soup with gin as starter and my empty wine glass was still standing right there in front of me! I couldn’t come up with a snappy/snarky/any reply at all, because I had a case of total brain freeze. She did say that when I sat down it had looked as if I was pregnant, then went to get the check and I hid under the hood of my jacket while the guys were what I can only describe as bemused. 

The woman came back and said that being pregnant was a great thing to which I replied that my sisters had told me otherwise (actually, the worst they told me was about back pain, I just really did not want to have that conversation), but she still wouldn’t get the hint and leave me alone, she said she had loved being pregnant and that my mind would certainly be changed once I was pregnant myself to which I replied that I had no plans of having kids. This is something most people accept as a valid life choice and I usually put in a disclaimer that I reserve the right to change my mind, you know, when talking to people whose opinions actually matter to me. This woman proceeded to label me as a child hater which is definitely not the case, I love my niece and nephews to bits, I just don’t know that I would make a very good mother. 

I tried to defend myself and I don’t even know why I felt the need to explain my life choices to a total stranger. This went unheard, because by then, she had told the friend sitting next to me that he’d just have to work on me a bit to change my mind. He told her that he had nothing to do with that, my partner was following the whole train wreck of a conversation with disbelief, but finally managed to get a word in and bring the conversation to the check that was lying on the table, asking the woman to leave us to figure out who owed how much. The total for the three of us was 69.60 EUR, we left 70 and left before anyone came back to the table to further comment on our lives. (Please note that usually we are generous tippers, but in Germany the servers do not have to rely on tips to make ends meet, tips are just a bonus for exceptional service and the way that woman brought our good times to a screeching halt – just, no.)

The woman never apologized for making assumptions and running her mouth, though she did run out the front door after us to thank us and wish us a good evening.

The evening ended with the three of us heading to a bar and the bar tender making me the “special version for bad mood” Long Island Iced Tea, getting my mood back up to silly and drowning the fat-shaming, the contact embarrassment and the “you’re inadequate as a woman, because you do not put your uterus to good use”-shaming in empty calories… 

 
How and when could I or we have convinced the woman to shut up? Is that even possible with such a person? She was entirely tone deaf and reading moods at a table was obviously not her strong suit (which is kind of weird in a person running a restaurant) and she basically went off on a monologue in the middle of that without leaving us much if any room to get a word in. I really don’t feel that I have to defend any choice I make with regards to my own body and life to a complete stranger, but I am also the kind of person who can’t just tell a person to drop it with no room for argument. I could have just walked out once she went to get the check and left one or both of the guys to pay and sorted it all out later, but I could not imagine that someone working in service could be so obtuse and make her patrons so uncomfortable and continue a conversation that should have had her apologizing after voicing her first assumption. Also, the seating arrangements did not really lend themselves to a quick escape and for all I know, the woman would have cut me off to have the exact same conversation in the middle of the restaurant in front of the other patrons, but without the support at my table…

Next time we were up there, my partner’s parents suggested going to that same restaurant and I was very happy when we went somewhere else after I told my MIL the above story… 0110-19

I hate brain freeze. Why do the best snappy comebacks pop into your head hours later?

The restaurant owner made several major assumptions…1) that you were pregnant, and 2) that she the authority to reprimand or control your consumption of alcohol while pregnant. You don’t need some new and snappy comeback. Recognize where your boundaries are and when people cross that boundary you react accordingly. An icy stare and silence works great. Or the classic Ehell comeback, “My, what an interesting assumption”, coupled with that icy stare. People erroneously think etiquette exists to make people feel comfortable. No. It can often aid in making people appropriately uncomfortable and that’s a good thing.

I’m not sure how wide-spread Teacher Appreciation Week is, but that time has arrived here in the United States. I am absolutely in favor of showing teachers they are loved and respected, but I always get apprehensive when the time comes to send gifts (if desired. No one is required to send gifts or even a note of thanks). I’ve always been a nervous gift-giver, as I wonder how many coffee mugs or other trinkets a teacher can really stand to receive over the years. I tend to give small food items that they can eat and enjoy or pass on if desired. I try not to give physical objects because I don’t feel I can possibly know enough about them to get something that they wouldn’t just consider clutter.

This year has brought a new conundrum in my gift giving apprehension. My youngest goes to a daycare Montessori school. This is not a required school grade as he is only 3 and we pay for the services out of our own pockets. We did not do this with my eldest and I have no idea if daycare providers, if they happen to have some curriculum, are considered teachers. In the end, I decided the best course of action was to give something, even if in doubt, and planned to get some food treats, when I received the following email:

Dear parents,
(School Name Removed) will celebrate Teacher Appreciation Week on Monday. We would love to be able to give all 14 teachers a monetary gift to show our appreciation. I will collect money until next Wednesday and present gift cards to the teachers on Friday. Last year we collected 700.00 and we’re on way this year with 200.00 collected so far. Please leave cash or checks in the designated folder at the sign in table or if Venmo if more convenient. Thank you so very much!!

I’m not sure it is appropriate for someone who runs a daycare to request money for their employees. Also, while it does indeed solve my gift conundrum, my contribution would be lost amongst everyone else’s.

I would love to hear thoughts on how to best show appreciation to my children’s teachers, and whether daycare employees are teachers too. Is food really the way to the heart, or should I expand my horizons? 0507-18

That is odd that the daycare center owner is the one initiating the collection of money for her employees rather than a parent taking the lead in organizing that.