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Category: Just Plain Tacky

Wedding Wednesday – Bean Dipping Kisses

admin26 Comments

Hello E-Hell, I am totally stuck.

I have a big family wedding coming up in May, and I’ve learnt that our Auntie H is in attendance. Auntie H definitely does not get along with my family for reasons we have never been clear on. She’s made it clear to our faces and the rest of the family that she cannot stand us. Which is fine, we’re all adults now, and only see each other at large family gatherings.

My issue is that even though she hates us, she still insists on kissing and hugging us hello when we’re in public. We’re not kiss-y people generally,  and we resent being physically manhandled by this woman in what is effectively a display on how she’s certainly not the problem in the family (most evidence I have is far too identifying, but she’s dug herself a hole on more than one occasion.)

So, the question is, how do you ‘bean-dip’ a kiss? My sisters and I are long past the age where we can hide, and I don’t want to make a scene. I just don’t want to be kissed by people who would stab me in the back at the first opportunity. Any advice would be gratefully received.   0406-19

I think the best approach is to take the initiative to greet her with a stiff-armed handshake.   If you are seated upon introductions, it’s hard to hug someone in that position and a stiff arm stuck out in front of you with a happy “Well, hello there!” should be enough of a signal to even the most obtuse person that you prefer to not be hugged.  There is plenty of non-verbal communication that can be expressed in a handshake including the non-verbal statement “Don’t get closer to me”.

Wedding Wednesday – The Minimal Expectation of Good Bridal Hospitality

admin78 Comments

I’ve attended 4 weddings in the past 12 months. All were extremely expensive affairs.

Now, my own daughter got married a few years ago, and I informed her of the behavior I expected during the reception – namely, that she attempt to visit every table and speak to every guest. Not only that, but my DH and I also visited and spoke to as many guest as possible – including those we did not know.

Am I in the wrong – because at none of these 4 weddings did I witness any of this. At each of these weddings I was never approached by the bride, groom or the hosts. In some cases I did go to the bride and groom and offer my greetings, but in others there was never a good time to approach them as they were dancing or socializing with the wedding party.

This last wedding took the cake. It was an outdoor wedding. Temperature at time of wedding was over 90 degrees, and only seemed to get hotter as the night went on. As soon as the ceremony was over and the cake cut, special dances and speeches over – the bride and her bridesmaids disappeared into the air-conditioned facility (where no guests were allowed) and I did not seen them again.

The groom did circulate some, but the parents of the bride did not.

I used to love weddings, but now they just really upset me with this type of behavior. I’m sure brides and groom will say – there were too many people, we couldn’t possibly speak to all!! Well, my answer to that is to have a smaller wedding.

Am I unrealistic in my expectations?  0806-18

No, you are not unrealistic in your expectations of how hosts and guests of honor have an obligation to , at minimum, greet their guests and thank them for coming.   Receiving lines used to be the standard way in which this was accomplished but the practice has fallen by the wayside as too formal and time consuming.

But, honestly, what do you expect when the wedding industry pushes the idea that this is the bride’s day, family and friends must cater to her every whim, and huge guest lists go hand in hand with invitations that clearly state a preference for money?  Guests are simply a means of acquiring more assets and once that exchange has occurred, the guests’   usefulness has been fulfilled.

Wedding Wednesday – It’s Not The Size Or Type Of Ring That Matters

admin97 Comments

My partner (D) and I have been together for almost 5 years and have discussed and come to the conclusion that we’d like to get engaged. Perhaps not a “big romantic surprise”, but it works for us.

Together, we went looking at rings, and found a gorgeous one that I fell in love with…he went back a week later and “secretly” bought it. I’m a full-time, disabled college student, and we’re on a tight budget, so the gems are lab-created and set in silver, and the price was under $100. Not a problem for us, but perhaps for D’s family.

You see, the rest of his family is much more well-off than we are, and they seem to value big, fancy diamonds. His brother recently proposed to his own girlfriend, and at a holiday dinner she showed off the ring to the other women, who in turn passed around their own engagement/wedding rings, while talking about the costs and carats! I was shocked!

My question is, once D officially proposes, how can I politely deflect questions about my ring? I’m not ashamed in any way of it, but find discussing diamond values tacky in the extreme, and want no part of it. Particularly because I suspect the family will unfairly judge D over “his” choice. 0627-18

This is one of those situations when you have to calmly keep your mouth shut while basking in your own happiness with the ring.   The really good laugh you can enjoy with yourself and fiance is that diamonds are not the rarest gems, emeralds, sapphires and rubies are, but clever marketing has created a high priced demand for gems that are actually quite plentiful.   You dodged the bullet of falling victim to the hyped marketing about diamonds and paying thousands of dollars for a diamond ring that can never be resold for what it was purchased for (diamonds suck as investments).

Wedding Wednesday – 50% Hosting Is 100% Rude

admin116 Comments

I’ve got another one for you, and I’m not particularly sure about the etiquette here, despite my opinions.

We’ve got a “destination” wedding coming up. So we are looking at $500 in flights, another $300 in hotels, suit rentals, taking time off work, and the typical expenses that come along with it. Hey, we RSVP’d, we want to see our friends get married, give them a nice gift, and go on our merry way. Usual wedding stuff. I’m actually quite looking forward to it.

The issue. It has come to our attention that the wives of the groomsmen, while invited to the rehearsal dinner, will be footing their own bill for said dinner. Many of the wives have opted out of attending. Now, these wives all had the future bride and groom at their wedding/reception dinners, and their meals were paid for, and a location for those dinners specifically chosen so that all could be accommodated and paid for by the wedding couple. I know that the future bride and groom cannot afford any additional mouths to feed at their very expensive rehearsal dinner location (+$100/person, plus drinks), and that this location was picked because it has special meaning to the couple. I would have chosen a less expensive venue, but it seems they really have an attachment to the one chosen.

So, at what point would paying for one member of the couple- But not the other- at the reception dinner be okay? Or is it never okay?

I have an opinion- But I would love to hear both yours and the eHell community thoughts on the matter.   0913-16

Whether it is a wedding reception or rehearsal dinner makes no difference in the etiquette. It is beyond rude to invite a couple to a dinner and pay for one half of the couple while declining to pay for the other.  It’s never okay.   Ever.   I don’t care how sentimentally special the dinner venue is for the hosts.   In this case, place became the greater prior than people.   On a budget?   Either reduce the number of attendants involved in the wedding or find a dinner venue that is affordable so that everyone is offered the same hospitality.