"The poised will someday be victorious over the tacky heathens of the world!"
Here I go again sending readers away from this page and to another but this was such a good story not to share.
How the World’s Only Feudal Lord Outclassed the Nazis to Save Her People
Dame Sibyl Hathaway protected her people with the unlikeliest of weapons: Feudal etiquette, old-world manners, and a dollop of classic snobbery.
I’ve been unsure about whether to submit this or not, but it has become clear that this is a recurring problem and I would appreciate some advice about how to firmly and politely put a stop to it.A year ago I moved back home. Prior to that I shared a flat with my best friend for two years. It did not end well. In fact, our relationship disintegrated to the point that I was barely in the apartment for the last six months of the lease and I haven’t really spoken to her since. I don’t want to go into too much detail but there was a lot of bullying and emotional manipulation involved and a long list of very petty grievances that built up to the point that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve really only told two friends details about what has been going on, and mainly because we were chatting when everything was happening and I trust them. When people have asked I have been vague on the details. God knows what my room mate has been telling people but I decided early on not to feed the friend groups appetite for gossip.
Our mutual friends don’t really understand what’s going on and one in particular keeps asking me when I’m going to talk to roomie again and last week, at a party and in front of a few people, said “I figured once all the dust settled you’d go back to being friends”. I understand that she comes from a good place and means well but I’d love some advice on how to shut this down. I find it super awkward and keep fumbling for an answer. It was a close friendship, I’m sad it ended, perhaps in the future we could be friends again but right now that won’t be happening. I thought answering my friend the first time would be the end of it, but I keep being ambushed. How do I get her to stop without having to detail why I’m not interested in a friendship with my former roomie right now? 1124-18
As I’ve gotten older, my tolerance for busybodies has waned. I’m more likely to tell people who should know better that they need to mind their own business. When people will not accept polite deflections of their nosy, rude and presumptuous comments, it’s time to get firm and you do that by stating one of several options:
“This issue is between and ‘ex-friend’, it is none of your business and I would appreciate it if you would stop asking me.”
“That’s an interesting assumption…”, followed with silence.
I’m sure readers can devise even more options. The key is to deliver such statements with a cool calmness. No crying, no drama, no shrieking, no twinge of nastiness to your tone of voice. Just a dead calm poker face that means business.
I am wondering what people think about the etiquette of going to a book launch when you may not buy the book. Would you feel obliged to buy the book knowing there was food and drink provided? I am regularly invited to book launches (some by friends and others by authors I have heard of but don’t know well) and don’t always want to purchase. I hadn’t thought anything of it until someone said to me, “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t intend to buy the book”. 1126-18
Book launches are an advertising expense for the publisher (or the author if self promoting) and it’s written off as an expense in the hope that eventually the revenues will be greater than the expense. In my opinion, it would be imprudent for any business owner to presume that 100% of his/her potential customers will all respond to advertising and purchase the item being advertised. It simply isn’t realistic.
However, having as many warm bodies at a book launch or signing is advantageous…nothing worse than walking into a book store and seeing a sad author sitting forlornly at a signing table with no one interested in his books at all.
So , go, enjoy the book launch parties. Just because you don’t buy the book at the event does not mean you won’t at a later date.
I am a private music lesson teacher that got my start teaching as a teenager and then picked it up again as an adult in my 20’s.
I received a text from my best friend this morning. She stated that I borrowed a Christmas music book from her a while back and she wants it back. I vaguely remember borrowing a book from her when I first started teaching again and didn’t have a library built up approximately 12 years ago. I’ve since acquired literally hundreds of music Christmas books. I was shocked that she asked me this because I had forgotten about it because that was 4 houses ago, a marriage ago, etc…A lot of life has happened and I can’t even picture the book. I asked her if she remembered what it was called or what it looked like and she can’t. I spent two hours looking through all my music books to see if her name was written inside any of them and I found nothing.
My questions to you are:
Is there a statute of limitations for demanding something that was loaned to someone?
Should I just purchase a new random music book for her since I can’t replace the one she lent me? 1120-18
You ask an interesting question regarding a statute of limitations to demand the return of a loaned item but I submit that there is another question you have failed to ask and that is, “Is there a statute of limitations on how long a loanee can retain possession of a loaned item?” And yes, there is.
Taking possession of an item that has been loaned to you comes with an implicit understanding that the loan period is not for an eternity. There is an implied understanding that if a DVD or a reading book has been loaned, the loan period consists of the time it takes to read the book or watch the movie. The loan of a Christmas music book implies that the lender gave it to you to use during the Holiday season and then would have a reasonable expectation of it being returned to her once that holiday season was over.
You asked to borrow a music book and then never returned it. What has transpired over time is that you didn’t “borrow” the music book, you took it to own indefinitely. Your best friend has extended a lot of grace to you in being patient for the return of her music book.
Is 12 years too long to wait for the return of an item and then asking for it back? Maybe. But it’s clearly been on your best friend’s mind, at least off and on, for 12 years. She may have, in kindness, not reminded you of the loan because she has witnessed the stress of you moving 4 times and go through a divorce and struggling to build your music teaching business.
Since neither of you can remember which book it is, I would suggest that you offer to your friend the option of either coming to your house and choosing one of your many music books in your now extensive library or choosing a new music book that you will purchase for her.
Hello there, I’m hoping to get some insight into a small problem I’m having with a good friend.
I loaned my good friend around $500 in January. We’ve been friends for years and she’s normally very responsible and a loyal friend. The job market for her field isn’t the greatest, so when she was job searching last autumn, she was only able to find a job that gives part-time hours to new hires. I loaned her the money, and she assured me that she’d pay me back within two months, once her situation evened out and she accrued more hours. My husband and I had no problem with these terms.
That was a few months ago. She paid me a small sum of money in February, but she still owes me a few hundred dollars. In the past few months, she’s flown across the country for a weekend trip and then invited me on another trip she’s planning in a few months. She’s also posting pictures rather often on Facebook when she’s out at bars, restaurants and clubs. I have no problem with her having fun, but I know that going out twice a week can get expensive, especially if you factor in dinner and a cab ride. When we talked about her paying me back (one month ago and then a week ago), her reasoning is always the same; she said she still needs to get her finances in order and she’s really embarrassed that she owes me money.
I guess I’m feeling a little judgemental that she’s “living the high life” (or at least giving the impression on social media), but still owes us hundreds of dollars. We are trying to save up for a down payment on a house, and right now, every penny and every point on our credit score counts. I’m just not sure how to address it with her that I think it’s inappropriate that she’s spending all of this money and still owes us. I know it could always be worse, it IS only a few hundred dollars, not thousands, but it’s also the principle of the matter. But I don’t know what to say to her that expresses that the grace period has come and gone, and we’d like the money back based on the terms we agreed to.
Thanks so much for any insight 🙂 0427-15
You should accept the fact that you will never see that money again, write it off as a lesson learned and never, ever loan this person money or anything of tangible value to her again.