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Love Is Loud

During my first year of grad school, I had trouble finding a quiet place to rent that fit my budget. At one point, I crossed paths with a man who was newly divorced, had a large house in an upscale neighborhood, and he wanted to rent a room out, very cheap, to a live-in housekeeper. Friends and family were initially concerned for me, a younger woman moving in with an older, single man, but I wasn’t worried, he seemed like an ordinary guy and his profession, home, and neighborhood all suggested it was a safe place to rent. A month later, he met a woman on-line and they went on a date. On their second date, he invited her to stay the night. As I had plenty of studies to keep me busy, and it was a very large house, I didn’t think anything of it – what goes on behind closed doors was none of my business.

About two the next morning, I woke to the distant – but loud – sounds of giggling, spanking, and assorted moans and howls of ecstasy. My bedroom door was shut, and the landlord’s bedroom was on the other side of the house, but from the volume of their enthusiastic love-making, I could tell he’d left his door open. Figuring the appropriate thing to do was be patient, I did nothing. After twenty minutes of continuous noise, I decided to study a while and hope that things would quiet down. After an hour, although impressed by their stamina, I was too embarrassed to confront the pair and I retired to the loft above the garage where it was slightly quieter, if not totally insulated from the din, and got a few more hours’ sleep on the sofa up there. When I left for class the next morning, I didn’t encounter anyone in the kitchen (I guess they needed to sleep in, which, given their exertions the night before, made sense).

As the day wore on, I felt more and more uncomfortable about what had happened. They knew I was in the house… why not keep it down, or at least shut the door? I spoke to few friends about it, and their reactions varied from astonishment to horror and they convinced me to find a new place to live. When I considered explaining to my landlord exactly why I was leaving, I felt so awkward that I said ‘forget it, just load up the car while he’s at work, leave a note, and never go back’ – which is what I did. Maybe there was a polite way to confront him about the issue, but even if I’d found the right words to say, I would still have wanted to move out.

I stayed in the only motel I could afford while I looked for a new place to rent. The motel had roaches, but at least they were quiet. 0824-10

When I was college aged, I encountered the same dilemma of unintentionally hearing my hosts engaged in some rather enthusiastic lovemaking.  I honestly don’t think the love-screechers have any clue how loud they are.


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Bint August 25, 2010, 5:08 am

    Moving out and leaving a note because you heard two people making love noisily? To me that’s just a major over-reaction. You should have just politely called up to them to say you’re having trouble sleeping. I really don’t understand what was so horrific about this at all. On the etiquette side, he’s bad – but how much rent did you pay him when you moved out, for example?

    Practically everyone I know has been in a similar situation – it’s just laughed at before you ask the person to keep the noise down next time. It definitely wasn’t worth that drama of loading up for a motel!

  • Skoffin August 25, 2010, 5:20 am

    I’m a tad confused, as I don’t see why one occasion of awkwardness is enough to flee from a rented home without even speaking to the owner. Unless there were other incidents that were not mentioned, this just seems bizarre and even kinda rude.

    Perhaps they did not realise how loud they were, maybe they didn’t actually even leave the door open. (It was just an assumption, after all) And if it were open it’s possible that they did not even know it. I’ve been annoyed at my bedroom door lately as it has taken to swinging open on its own accord, or my boyfriend will go in and out of the room and forget to close the door or not do so fully. Basically, with only one known incident there is no way of knowing what those people really had going in their minds. It’s possible that they were just decent folks taken by a moment to then find that their tenant suddenly skipped out on them.

  • The Big Gripe August 25, 2010, 8:07 am

    I don’t know…if I were a major “love screecher,” I think I’d have some idea that shouting, moaning, and spanking all tend to make noise. Noise which should be kept to a minimum out of consideration for the others in the house, even if they are “only” tenants.

    Still, the tenant should have personally told the landlord why she was moving, giving them a chance to apologize and change their behavior. I suppose it is possible to get “carried away in the moment,” and not realize someone else might still be awake to hear you.


  • JS August 25, 2010, 8:26 am

    If the OP was that uncomfortable, then I guess moving out was the right thing to do, but I have to think that a quick “You may not be aware of how easily sound carries in this house. Would you mind keeping it down when entertaining your guests?” (either in person or in writing) probably would’ve solved the problem. I agree with the Admin that many of the more enthusiastic among us honestly don’t know how loud they are. Should they? Perhaps. But I can see how one’s mind might be momentarily distracted from matters of etiquette, despite the fact that courtesy should always be at the forefront of our thoughts.

  • Anonymous August 25, 2010, 8:47 am

    To be honest, this whole thing is just weird, and it starts with you agreeing to be a “live-in housekeeper” for a man you don’t know. Neighborhoods and jobs mean nothing–creeps abound across the socioeconomic spectrum.

  • Cubie August 25, 2010, 9:01 am

    I’m not exactly pleasant or shy when woken out of a dead sleep. I would’ve said something (snarky) myself, and not the next morning, either.

  • summer August 25, 2010, 9:11 am

    Beyond rude when you have paid guests in the house. I completely disagree with other posters on here. This sort of thing should not be tolerated and I am with OP on moving on. It is embarressing to a great majority of us to have to speak up to people about their intimate times If it’s that common to some of you, you might want to re-evaluate your relationships. No way was OP overdramatic.

  • Hanna August 25, 2010, 9:24 am

    I don’t blame the OP. No, it probably wasn’t a good idea to be a live-in housekeeper for an older, single man. But she was rightfully weirded out. This story probably wasn’t appropriate to post on this website at all, in my opinion.

  • Cady August 25, 2010, 9:25 am

    I think the OP overreacted. And it is WAY more rude to move out without notice than it is to have sex (even loud sex) in one’s own home.

  • Xtina August 25, 2010, 10:33 am

    Unless there was something else strange going on that the OP isn’t mentioning here, moving out, sticking the guy for rent, and never speaking to him again were pretty bad ways to handle the situation. The OP would should have simply left a note or spoken to the landlord to tell him that she had “heard some noises” last night from his end of the house that he may want to take care of–I bet just the hint of the fact that someone had heard him and his lady friend would make him far more quiet in the future. If it happened again, then she would have grounds to tell the landlord that she was going to move out (and give him fair notice).

  • L.A. Lady August 25, 2010, 10:42 am

    Moving out while no one is home is a big over reaction. I would invest in some headphones if you need that quite of a place to study.
    Did you have a lease or contract with your landlord? I’m suprised he didn’t try to reclaim his damages from you leaving with no notice.

  • Tracey August 25, 2010, 10:55 am

    I agree with you about moving out. I would have been very uncomfortable in that situation. It won’t be the last time that happens so why stick around? Just knowing it’s going on even if I said “keep it down” would make ME feel awkward and not so safe anymore. That is just way TMI for a live in housekeeper to know about their “roommate” and employer. No way did that guy NOT think of you being in the house at some point. Maybe he thought “she’s asleep and on the other side of the house, therefore she won’t hear a thing.” But that still seems awfully inconsiderate of him to totally abandon the thought of “there is a young lady in this house and I don’t want to embarrass her if she’s awake.” No one gets so caught up in the moment that they forget where they are for over an hour! LOL!

  • Gloria Shiner August 25, 2010, 11:20 am

    People need to learn what is and is not a breach of etiquette. Just because you don’t like something does no mean it is a breach of etiquette.

    Seems like the OP was looking for an excuse to be offended and/or to move out.

    Meanwhile, there are good, comfortable earplugs on the market for times when you need your hearing to be less acute.

  • Zhoen August 25, 2010, 11:43 am

    The writer sounds incredibly young and naive on every level. These are the reactions of someone with no experience, and therefore lacking social grace. In my early 20s, I would no doubt have reacted much the same way, with as much painful embarrassment. Not polite, but not intentionally rude either.

  • Calliope August 25, 2010, 12:10 pm

    I agree with other commenters that it was a bit of an overreaction for the OP to just move out without speaking to the guy. I certainly don’t believe he committed any sort of etiquette violation. If the OP was uncomfortable, she was right to move out, but I don’t understand why she did it the way she did.

  • Louise August 25, 2010, 12:14 pm

    If you feel uncomfortable, by all means move out; however, do it properly. I don’t know what your lease said, but most landlords require 30 days notice.

    What did the note say, I wonder?

  • Serenity August 25, 2010, 12:22 pm

    Yes, I think a note asking him to be more aware would have been the best thing to do, moving out over one incident is extreme.
    i had upstairs neighbors I was friendly with who were extremely loud while ‘enjoying” themselves. So much so that it woke me up every morning for a few weeks…I mean, MY bed was getting shaken! After realizing it was not going to be an occasional incident, I left a very polite note explaining they were waking me up every day and to please tone it down. The male got a little defensive, and said “well, we’ll try, but no promises”. That perturbed me a little, so I replied, “Well, try hard, because the next note will be for the landlord, and I’d really hate to embarrass you that way”. Never got woken up again :)-

  • Calliope August 25, 2010, 1:34 pm

    @Tracey, I can understand that people have different comfort levels, and that what one person finds acceptable might be offensive to another, but I don’t understand why this situation would make anyone feel unsafe. If this man said or did anything to indicate that he was being loud intentionally as some sort of advance toward the OP, that could be a reason to feel unsafe. But just knowing that another adult has an active sex life is “TMI” and reason to feel unsafe in his home? I just feel that’s a bit prudish.

  • JS August 25, 2010, 1:54 pm

    @Tracey–so people are never allowed to have sex in your own home when a roommate, tenant or live-in employee is in the house? Sounds…fun. And @summer, what on earth is a “paid guest?” The owner wasn’t running a B&B–it’s his home, and the OP was a tenant/live-in employee. It’s not like the owner was supposed to be providing her with guest towels and breakfast in bed.

  • livvy August 25, 2010, 1:58 pm

    I think the OP’s weird position, of being both a paid tenant (who would logically have rights and standing to protest) and an employee “live-in housekeeper” (who would generally be expected to ignore employer’s behavior, but would also have the right to quit) muddies the situation.

    I agree that most people have no idea of the noise they make, and additionally, the man may have assumed that his large house / distance from room would have shielded the noise. He may also have been drinking, explaining the (possibly) open door. Or, one really really creepy theory might be that he was hoping that she’d join in the “fun”. Unless OP thought the last theory was correct, moving out of a nice, cheap rental seems a bit extreme….she was a bit older, a grad student, I’d have thought she’d probably been exposed to some of that kind of risque behavior during undergrad….

  • Jamesy August 25, 2010, 2:03 pm

    As a person who has heard the gross sounds of roommate sex (albeit, it was a friend and not an employer), I agree with the general sentiment on the board that there was an overreaction on the part of the OP. However, had this been a recurring theme in her life and the employer had been seemingly leaving the door open on purpose as some sort of voyeurism kink, then she would have been correct in heading for the hills ASAP.

  • Breezy August 25, 2010, 2:14 pm

    During my sophomore year of college, the girl who lived right above me and her boyfriend got frisky and left the windows open. When my roommates and I heard what was going on, we made sure to close our windows…LAUGHING uncontrollably all the while. While the situation was a bit uncomfortable and awkward(hence the laughter), it wasn’t that big of an issue.

    However, when the girl and her boyfriend got frisky in the middle of the night and woke up my roommate (whose bed was right below hers), my roommate reported to the Resident Advisor that the noises coming from above were too loud for that time of night.

    It then became a non-issue henceforth. Since the girl was made aware that there were other people around her to didn’t appreciate hearing bedroom noises.

    Which makes me wonder why the OP didn’t mention anything to the landlord prior to moving out. Maybe he was unaware that the sound carried across the house and just needed to be made aware of the issue. If he persisted with his LOUD nighttime activities, then I could understand the OP moving out.

    But to move out without notification or explanation seems naive and immature. It sounds more like the OP was uncomfortable with the situation from the get-go and was just looking for an excuse to move out. After all, the OP stated “Friends and family were initially concerned for me, a younger woman moving in with an older, single man”, which seems like maybe the bedroom activities are just a convenient excuse.

  • MeganAmy August 25, 2010, 2:27 pm

    Serenity, I love your reply to the defensive man who perturbed you!

    I just wonder if the OP’s landlord didn’t leave his door open for a reason. Either trying to impress her in hopes of convincing her to be his next partner. Or trying to upset her to get her to move out. It just seems strange that he wouldn’t pay attention to see if the door were open or not.

  • anotherloginname August 25, 2010, 2:38 pm

    Total over reaction. If there were signs this was going to be a regular occurance I can certainly understand moving out, but after one time? The only etiquette breach I can see here is from the op who left without so much as a good bye.

  • lbarton August 25, 2010, 4:10 pm

    I think the OP was right to move out as she did, and I don’t think she should have moved in in the first place. This guy sounds majorly creepy, and I don’t believe for a minute that he didn’t know that she could clearly hear him. The thought probably turned him on, and who knows what he might have done or had planned next. Sounds like a perv to me. Meanwhile, it sounds like it was a very casual relationship in terms of the tenancy, so I don’t see the harm in her moving without notice, although she could have made arrangements to speak with him somewhere in a safe, public place. Then again, what more needed to be said. I’m sure, given the timing, that he knew exactly why she left. Good move, OP. Best to be safe.

  • Wink-n-Smile August 25, 2010, 4:28 pm

    Wait, wait. You were the housekeeper AND you paid rent? Shouldn’t the room have been part of your pay for keeping his house?

    Not that it matters now, I suppose.

    I vote for earplugs or cotton in the ears, for the night, and the next time you see him, a smile and compliment on his stamina, or “Glad you enjoyed yourself so much, and for so long! Oh, but after I woke up, I wanted to get a glass of milk, and was afraid to go to the kitchen, for fear I might see something – it sounded like it was so close, rather than the other side of the house. Did you forget to close your door?” If he responds with anything other than embarassment and a promise to close the door and keep it down in future, you can remind him that you were awoken from your sleep, and request that he please do keep it down, in future. If he still doesn’t respond contritely (or worse, asks you to JOIN THEM), that is when you tender your resignation and find a new place.

  • Kriss August 25, 2010, 5:34 pm

    I agree with Gloria

    Sex, like bathroom habits and female hygiene, are facts of life and can cause great tension between roommates. To run right out after one uncomfortable night was not only over reacting but down right rude though. He let you into his home to help with the bills and you stiffed him. I hope you paid for the month in advance or left an appropriate amount of money along with the note.

  • Jan74 August 25, 2010, 6:58 pm

    I think part of the issue here is the confusion of boundaries. A lot of comments are talking about the lease and notice and his being her landlord, but the way I understood it, she is not a paid guest at all, she is in one of those bizarre Craigslist type arrangements (where they are advertised all the time) where one will work for rent and either pay extra cash to make up the rent, be even with no extra payment, or be paid extra cash for their money. The fact that we don’t even know which of the 3 types of arrangement makes all the difference, and even if it is the first, where she also pays extra aside from keeping house, the owner of the house will probably still feel like she is his employee, not his tenant, and it is his house to do as he pleases.
    I’m not saying that the loud sex isn’t enough reason to be creeped out, but another example of this boundaries issue is when she says she went to the loft on the garage to sleep there. If you were in a classic “I rent a room in a person’s home” situation, you would not feel comfortable doing that – you wouldn’t even feel comfortable using the kitchen and other common areas unless invited into them. You’d restrict yourself to your room alone, and the bathroom. But as she is more of an employee, she feels like she has basically free reign of the house she cleans during the day.

  • Amanda August 25, 2010, 10:53 pm

    I don’t see what the big deal is. If it was happening every night I could understand but it happened only once and she moves out? I’ve heard people having sex before. It’s never really bothered me. People have sex. The only problem I can see is that it kept her awake.

  • Princesssimmi August 25, 2010, 11:57 pm

    One of my coworkers had a problem with a neighbour with a squeaky bed and an active sex life. I think her solution (since she didn’t know which apartment it was coming from, only which floor it was on) was to leave a can of WD40 outside each front door on the floor with a note to do something about the noise. As far as I know, she hasn’t had a problem since.

  • Mojo August 26, 2010, 12:55 am

    Everyone I know, who’s ever shared a house, has been through this. It is a common problem, it can be handled and resolved tactfully. Moving out should really be the last resort. Besides, if you don’t even tell him what the problem is as you leave, he can’t fix it for the next tenant who moves in.

    For instance, I lived in a house where the downstairs front room had been converted into a bedroom. The tenant and his fiance were often taken with ‘afternoon delight’. Unfortunatley, they chose the Saturday afternoon I’d brought my Mother and seven year old brother to visit. Mother bit her lip and ignored it, but my brother kept asking “What’s that noise? What are they doing in there? Can I have a go?” Mother’s face was a picture!

    I had a few quite friendly words to my housemate, and we got over the embarrasment and could laugh about it. But even after he married his girlfriend, she couldn’t shake her nickname of ‘Mona’.

  • Simone August 26, 2010, 2:59 am

    I’m divided on this – on the one hand, the story as told seems fairly innocent and I think could have been dealt with in other ways without leaving and so on. If the story is read as given I think at least the courtesy of a note would be called for.

    On the other hand, some women have been assaulted partly because although they were uncomfortable in a situation and didn’t leave for fear of causing offence or displaying bad manners. In other words they let convention override their gut. As has been pointed out, the OP was not extremely young so perhaps if there was something about the situation that was making her *that* uncomfortable then it may have been her instincts telling her something was wrong, in which case it is definitely right to leave.

    Without knowing the OP I think it is difficult to make a drama queen/smart woman call on this one.

  • lkb August 26, 2010, 7:19 am

    I guess I side with the OP: In that situation in which she is a live-in employee, there is no way to get around the fact that this is her boss’ private home. She may have felt awkward telling him how to behave in his own home. (I’m on the conservative side, and I think I would too, whether in writing or face to face.)
    Yet, this is her home too, I guess I wouldn’t like to have to resort to earplugs every night in what is supposed to be my living space either. Perhaps she should have given more notice or handled it differently, but given the awkwardness of the situation, I guess I can’t fault her too much.

  • Maryann August 26, 2010, 10:42 am

    I’m totally with the OP. This isn’t the usual, “Oh, the people in the next apartment don’t know how thin these walls are.” That’s a situation where you write a note. I mean, he left his bedroom door open for over an hour and they could be heard from another building. I would have moved out, too. That is beyond creepy. That sounds almost like… shudder… an invitation to join in. Excuse me while my skin crawls away.

  • RP August 26, 2010, 12:21 pm

    If the guy wanted to get 30 days notice of her moving out then he shouldn’t have had her working as a housekeeper in exchange for the rent. Most places in the United States are “at-will” states: you can quit or be fired at a moment’s notice. This means that as the live in housekeeper she could quit immediately. She did not owe it to him to remain in his employ.

    I don’t blame the OP for not wanting to discuss her employer and landlord’s sex life with him. I think it would have been better if she had: the door being left open could have been a mistake and they may have been more mindful had she said that they kept her up with the noise. However, she did leave a note so she didn’t disappear with not explanation.

    I don’t think the OP’s age matters that much. If you’ve never had a problem with a roommate having loud sex then you’ve never had to do it before. It’s not like there’s some deadline for having that kind of problem. Besides, being comfortable talking about sex with your partner or with a doctor does not translate into being comfortable complaining to someone you don’t know well about their volume during sex.

    Maybe the OP could have handled it better but I disagree that it’s the non-issue all of the “what’s the big deal” comments are trying to make it out to be.

  • SHOEGAL August 26, 2010, 4:01 pm

    I’m sorry – I can’t get past agreeing to be the live-in housekeeper for a dirty old man. Creepy.

  • Calliope August 26, 2010, 9:15 pm

    @Shoegal, nowhere does the story say that he’s “old,” it just says he’s older than the OP. (Not that it would matter if he were old; there’s no rule that people have to give up their sex lives after a certain age.) And what’s “dirty” about him? I don’t know why the prudishness this post has sparked is getting to me so much, but it is! I don’t get why people are referring to this guy as dirty and creepy, when there’s nothing in the story that indicates he’s either of those things.

  • SHOEGAL August 27, 2010, 7:58 am

    Well – the fact that he wanted a live in housekeeper and thought it would be ok to hire a young lady risking her reputation and respectibility. Whether it is right or not, people are watching and drawing their own conclusions. He should have been conscious of how this looked. I mean, come on – if he wanted someone to clean up his house – there are maid services and probably more qualified professionals who would have fit the bill. AND the OP was putting herself into a potentially dangerous situation – I don’t get it. She didn’t know him at all. He might have appeared normal but so do serial killers. Call me a prude – but if I knew my live in housekeeper was just doors away I wouldn’t have loud sex with the door open!!!

  • Tracey August 27, 2010, 8:26 am

    @Calliope and JS, the OP said she felt awkward. I agreed with her. The OP said regardless of what she would have written in a note, she still wanted to move out. I agreed with her. Her friends agreed with her and encouraged her to do so since she no longer felt comfortable there. I agreed with her. I guess by your standards all of us that are more conservative are being prudish?

    It’s more disturbing to me that half of these comments are suggesting you can have noisy sex in your own home with guests/employees/roommates in the house and not care one bit about how your actions are affecting another. THAT is a breach of etiquette. I never said you can’t have sex in your own home, how ridiculous! Not considering how YOUR actions (whatever actions in whatever situation) affect others is rude. In this case, the rudeness actually was awkwardness that eventually made the OP uncomfortable enough to want to live elsewhere.

    Calliope said “If this man said or did anything to indicate that he was being loud intentionally as some sort of advance toward the OP, that could be a reason to feel unsafe.” Should the OP stick around and see if his intention is to make an advance?? Creepy! How about give the benefit of the doubt to the OP and let her trust her gut. You may not agree with her for leaving without notice and staying longer to “work” through the notice….but you can’t expect her to change her conservative values and just accept that her landlord/roommate/employer is not being offensive with loud, open door sex; especially since he KNEW she was in the house.

  • Bint August 27, 2010, 10:24 am

    Summer “If it’s that common to some of you, you might want to re-evaluate your relationships.”

    No, I don’t want to re-evaluate my relationships simply because my opinion differs from yours, and it’s incredibly rude of you to make such a suggestion.

  • Twik August 27, 2010, 12:07 pm

    I guess I’m old fashioned, because I would expect hosts or other people sharing accommodations keep their sexual escapades within private. If you can’t have sex without waking the whole house, don’t have people stay with you.

    I suspect that the presence of an audience, in this case, was causing an increase, not decrease, in volume. People love to show off.

  • Shayna August 27, 2010, 7:34 pm

    Personally I don’t care to hear the noises of other peoples love-making. Unfortunately, my DH and I once, unknowingly, were the source of some awkwardness in this regard. We were newly married and feeling particularly frisky while showering together. I figured out the next day that the sounds must have travelled through the plumbing of our apartment building, as the gentleman living below us gave me a very knowing wink and a “And how are you feeling today?” while the couple on the ground floor gave me looks of contempt. Since that incident, we’ve been much more considerate of others.

  • Elizabeth Bunting August 28, 2010, 7:16 pm

    I think the OP being quite young would probably have felt more awkward than those of us who are older.

    I am not too sure how I would feel living in a house where the owner, the only other occupant, was having casual sex with people whom he met over the internet. How did the OP find out that it was someone he met over the internet and did not really know her?? He must have told her.

    The OP should have given proper notice in person and then left if it bothered her that much. Proper notice in this case would be 30 days since if there is no lease, she would be on a month to month rental.

    There are a lot of details missing in the story,

  • LadyPek August 29, 2010, 1:43 am

    I’m still LOLing at “risking her reputation and respectability”. Very 1950!

    She did not know for sure that his door was open, that sort of thing can get out of hand fast, the women in question very likely didn’t know anyone was in the house, and lots of people have sex with people they’ve recently met, whether you think you know them or not.

    I think it was an extreme overreaction–mentioning that you could hear their exuberance would have very likely been enough. And I didn’t know people lived with roommates without earphones 🙂

  • Michellep August 29, 2010, 10:45 pm

    I see nothing wrong with the comment “risking her reputation and respectability.” Bring back the 1950’s values! The issue here is etiquette, plain and simple. It’s irrelevant how old either of them are, how long the landlord knew the woman, whether he knew the door was open, etc. The situation seemed like a bad idea to start off with; but both the landlord and OP were rude.

  • JS August 30, 2010, 8:49 am

    @Tracey, of course I wasn’t saying that, nor did I say that in either of my earlier comments. In fact, I said quite the opposite–that she should’ve left a note, and that I would expect the owner to rectify the situation. Because yes, if you’re made aware that others can hear your nighttime activities, you should be more quiet. I believe I also said that “If the OP was that uncomfortable, then I guess moving out was the right thing to do.”

    But–he was having sex. As people do. He should keep it down, because it is a private activity, but the fact that ONE TIME he was loud enough to be heard (and that he may have forgotten to close the door, or the door swung open, or what have you) does not make him a perv or a creep, nor does it mean that he was covertly asking the OP to join him (???). The far more likely scenario (and far more common scenario) is that he wasn’t concentrating on etiquette at the moment and didn’t realize he could be heard. If she left a note (or otherwise brought it to his attention) and he didn’t change his behavior? Then there’s better grounds for saying he’s rude and possibly a creep.

    So, yes, if the OP felt that uncomfortable, then I suppose she should’ve moved out, but (since you asked) yes, I do think you and the OP are both being overly prudish. Which is your right, as is my opinion.

  • Jillybean August 30, 2010, 10:09 am

    @Michellep – really? You’d like to bring back “values” that would ruin the reputation of a young lady just for living in the same house as a single gentleman? Um…no thank you. I, as well as many a friend, have had (quite platonic) male roommates throughout the years and am quite thankful that it wasn’t at risk and ruin of my reputation and respectability. Shall we declare women who aren’t virgins unsuitable for marriage, as well?

  • skoffin August 31, 2010, 11:57 am

    I’m quite astounded by some of the reactions here. I myself am considered a bit of a prude and I certainly do not want to know/hear the details of other peoples sex lives. However it happens, and we must learn to handle these situations. I do not consider ‘fleeing the premise in horror’ to be handling the situation. I moved into my boyfriend’s flat when I was 20 and on occassion I heard noises coming from flatmates rooms, while it was kinda awkward and I’d rather not be hearing it I certainly would not take offence to it or tell them to move out.
    The OP never mentions the man making advances towards her during the time before this incident, so there is absolutley no reason for any of us to assume that his relations with another woman is somehow some sordid hint to his desires for the OP. She also made an assumption about the door being open which a number of people have latched onto as proof of him being a creep, except we do not really know if it were open. Some houses carry sound quite prominently, but we do not know as none of us were there. Not even the OP seems to know.
    That big ol’ house was likely the family home before his wife left, living in a place for a while you get used to things a certain way. The guy probably was not aware of how sound travelled in the house as he never had anyone there to complain about it before.

    I do not like some of the comments made in regards to the ‘online relationship’. I knew my boyfriend online for five years before we met in person, fell in love and eventually moved in together. Even so, a lot of people make assumptions based on us ‘meeting online’ and a lot tend to look down on people who have met via the internet. As the OP has already made a few assumtptions, I am willing to bet they also made some assumptions based on how the man and woman knew each other and for how long. She never specifies how she knew and the way the story is written makes it seem as if she didn’t know much about him anyway, so I don’t see why he’d be telling her all about his date.

    I’d like to think that we live in a time where a woman can live in a house with someone and it is all platonic with her being seen as a harlot. I hope these are not the values we wish to bring back to society. And surely it cannot be seen as healthy to see any male with a sex life as a would-be rapist.
    This situation was handled poorly, and I do not find it far to label the guy as ‘creepy’ based on the little info we have been given.

  • Enna September 5, 2010, 10:48 am

    I’d got up gone to the bathroom and SLAMED the door so they knew I was awake and could hear them. The OP should have mentioned that she was distrubed during the night but from her reaction I wonder if more had been going on?

  • Amy September 6, 2010, 2:15 am

    Yep, happened to me too. My dorm-mate had a male visitor over in the middle of the night…..she had a lofted bed and mine was right below her…..EEWW. This happened twice before I let her know how RUDE it was to be having sexual relations approximately 2 feet above my head…..she said that she “thought I was sleeping” EEWW!