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Railroaded Right Out Of Hostessing

This story is actually currently happening as a write this, and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it. (I’ve never been good with confrontation or saying “No.”) My good friend, let’s call her X, and I are both upperclassmen in high school. X happened to have a birthday coming up this Thursday, the 21st. I’m no good with dates, so unfortunately I had no idea until about 10 days before. She mentioned she had no plans for the day, so I suggested we plan a small get-together of good friends.

Later we started planning a guest list which probably had no more than five or six people on it, not including X and myself. She had to leave to go home later that night, and said she’d text me about the details. I completely forgot to check my phone that night, so I was very surprised to check my Facebook the next day to find an invitation to her party, with the location listed as my home. On top of that, the number of invites had grown from six to thirteen. (12 of which have RSVP’d that they are coming.) Several of the people invited I have never met.

Afterwards I checked my phone to find she had texted me asking if her party could be at my house. When I saw her again a few days later, I brought up that I had no idea the party was going to be at my house until the Facebook invite. She apologized but said she didn’t know where else to hold it. She asked if that was okay, and being completely spineless, I said it was.

Since I suggested the get-together, should I be the assumed host? I understand most people my age don’t host their own parties to avoid being a “Gimme-Pig” as it’s been called, but putting hosting responsibilities on someone else without consent seems just as rude.   0718-11

It  sounds like an epic communication failure.    I do wonder whose home you thought this party should have been when you suggested it  because you reacted with  surprise at the news  it was being hosted at yours.    If you suggest a get together to honor a friend, I think you need to follow through and assume from the get go that you are the hostess and it is your home being offered or another location of your choice as the party venue.

It appears to me that there was a failure of hostessing leadership when you did not take the lead to make arrangements for the event location and X stepped right into the leadership vacuum and made decisions you should have.  X was very wrong to do that.   She wasn’t happy or was confused about the management of her party in the hands of someone she didn’t trust enough to follow through with planning details.   X should have let the party planning chips fall where they may since taking hosting of one’s own honorary party into her own hands was pretty tacky.


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jamie September 15, 2011, 4:46 am

    Um, maybe I’m in the minority… but depending on age and family closeness, isn’t it possible that a family still might host a birthday party for their child? =\ (in response to “I understand most people my age don’t host their own parties to avoid being a “Gimme-Pig” “) Some families still host large family get-togethers for birthdays, regardless of the kids’s ages. I’m 25, and I’ve only had one party ever hosted by my friends, my 17th birthday when they surprise kidnapped me to a movie and dinner. Maybe my friends are all “bad friends” or introverted or something, but for the most part, I’ve always had to make the plans for my own birthday celebrations after I was old enough for my mom to stop handling it.

    I don’t understand why X would set up the whole facebook invitation herself, add twice as many people, -and- put it at OP’s house without at least continuing/finishing the original conversation with OP first. I guess it’s a bit of miscommunication and X assuming it’s okay that she just carries on with whatever plans she feels like… but if it’s common where X and OP live for other people to host birthday parties, shouldn’t X have handed over the reins to OP? =\

    As to the question “should I [the OP] be considered the host?” — I guess so, now… but if you don’t want it at your house, I would say something soon so it doesn’t start getting set in stone! Maybe a nearby park if you have one? As long as everyone helps clean up, it might be a little less stressful for you/your parents to not have it in your house.

  • lkb September 15, 2011, 5:32 am

    I think the OP has an out in this: If these are high-schoolers then I assume they are living with their parents. OP can simply say, “I’m sorry. My parents put their foot down when they heard how many people. Either we limit it to the original five or six we had talked about or no party.”

    Parents should have been consulted long before this anyway.

  • Boca September 15, 2011, 5:59 am

    Don’t be too hard on your friend or yourself. You are children learning the “ropes” so to speak. You should have been ready to host before you suggested the party to your friend, yes. She should have waited for you to take the lead, yes. Next time you will be ready before you suggest a party. This is how we learn. Also, mature young women do not make excuses for their mistakes. They avoid making them, when possible. Your friend used you. She was obviously ready to pounce on any slight suggestion that you were willing to host a party for her. I’ll wager your place is better suited to a party than hers. So, be nice. Give a lovely party. Enjoy. Learn.

  • Bint September 15, 2011, 7:26 am

    X has been pretty naughty, but I have little sympathy with you. You aren’t good with dates, you don’t check your phone despite X saying she’d text you, and you don’t back out when she asks if it is ok. And despite checking FB ‘the next day’, you don’t contact X until ‘a few days later’ when you see her, rather than responding to the text.

    No, no sympathy.

    You made a suggestion then failed to follow up on it despite an evening discussing it, and I wonder if this has happened before with X, and this time she decided you could make good on what you’d agreed. She was wrong – that is a given. It doesn’t mean that flakiness of the type you describe is ok either. I had friends like you when I was younger and they were never worth it. The failure to respond, the plans that don’t materialise, the ‘I’m not good with’ weak excuses…the only assumption finally was that that friend didn’t care enough about me to make the minimal effort of being a normal friend.

    You should have told her it wasn’t ok. You should have texted her. Too late now. Learn from this. Keep an eye on X so she can’t take advantage, but have a look at your own behaviour. Keep these examples up and people may make more assumptions about you that could be far more damaging than a party.

  • Aje September 15, 2011, 7:35 am

    You’re in high school, yes? If it was me I’d talk to my mom and explain. My mom would probably say something along the lines of, “No way. Say no and blame me.” And then I’d tell my friend, “Sorry but I discussed it with my mom and we agree it’s a bad idea.” It’s one thing for your friend to offer your house if it was actually YOUR house- but it’s not, is it? It’s your parents. To me, that makes this whole thing even more of a rude gesture.

  • sv September 15, 2011, 8:15 am

    I would say that since X s a good friend you should swallow your ( valid) angst about the miscommunication and host the party with good humor and grace. That being said, if you are going to host I would urge you to quickly take charge of the situation, otherwise you may find yourself hosting a party that is completely out of our control. Especially if it has been posted on facebook!

  • essie September 15, 2011, 9:02 am

    Technically, you’re a minor, so your parents are the hosts for this party. Please apprise them of this ASAP, so they can take the reins.

  • Jojo September 15, 2011, 9:06 am

    I agree with Ms Jeanne. As the unexpected host of this event, it’s not unreasonable to change the venue. OP shouldn’t have to give a reason why, simply say the alternative venue is better suited the party. OP suggested the event and is thus, by default, the host but that doesn’t place the burden on her of hosting people she hasn’t agreed to invite, and particularly not in her own home.
    If X is so keen to have a larger number of people and knows them personally, then it is reasonable that her home is a better venue as they are more likely to know where it is. As a host and a student, I would also evenly share out responsibilities to the other guests so that I wasn’t landed with a huge bill for throwing a party twice the size of the one planned. A public place where everyone can buy their own food and drink, and chip in on behalf of the birthday girl, may be the best option.

  • Dark Magdalena September 15, 2011, 9:12 am

    What if the OP had been planning on hosting it at a third party location, like a skating rink or the like? I think it was extremely bold to not only assume it was going to be at the OP’s house, but even more bold to a) not wait for an answer to the text asking if it was okay, and b) assuming the OP’s parents had okayed it.

    I also have to wonder why the OP didn’t see the friend until a few days later. If someone suddenly assumed that the party would be at my house, I would be calling/texting/e-mail to see what could be done about the situation, even if it was okay that it be hosted at my house; I wouldn’t be waiting days.

  • Erica September 15, 2011, 9:15 am

    My first thought when reading this was, “how are the parents going to react?”

  • --Lia September 15, 2011, 9:50 am

    You seem to know where you went wrong. You sensibly ask what you should do now to fix it. This doesn’t sound like a terrible situation as you and your friend aren’t angry with each other. It sounds like you both got caught in a bit of spinelessness, her by inviting more people than she felt comfortable, you by not having a plan and being clear on exactly what sort of party you were hosting. But you’re friends! Remember that, and here’s what you do.

    Ask your parents if you can have the party at your house. Ask if they’ll help by staying home and being on hand. Pay for the chips and dip yourself. Nothing fancy, just the minimum refreshments. Put on some music and greet your guests. That’s it. A quiet party where the guests are expected to chat with each other. In this case, a little on the boring side is a good thing. People will come, eat, chat, listen to music, and leave early. You’ll have helped your friend through her faux pas. The two of you can talk it out later. Perfect.

  • Zhoen September 15, 2011, 9:51 am

    This is one of those occasions when you need to get your parents involved, either to assist you in the mess you AND your friend have made, or by calling it off. This is part of being young and learning, which is where parents come in with a save or a veto, because it is their house and they do get the last word.

    Then, you need to learn the importance of saying no, not being a doormat, and not making promises you cannot keep. Your friend needs to learn not to make assumptions, nor press a friend into a forced agreement.

    This is why most adults don’t insist on their own birthday celebrations, it so easily gets fraught.

  • Ali September 15, 2011, 10:06 am

    I disagree with the admin regarding a communication failure. The party invitation was sent out the day after the initial discussion. I’m sure the OP thought that they were still in the planning phases while the ‘guest of honor’ just went ahead and sent everything out without confirming or asking.

  • TheVapors September 15, 2011, 10:09 am

    I agree with the Admin on this.

    X was definitely in the wrong to not only assume that the party was going to be at the OP’s house, but then to invite people who OP had no idea were going to be invited. She did a very tacky thing, indeed. She could have easily waited a day to confirm before invites were sent out. And, in fact, she sent out her own invites anyway… which to me completely negates the notion mentioned that someone else is supposed to be hosting her birthday party.

    Yet, OP did originally offer to throw her a little get-together, so like Admin I wonder where OP was thinking this small group was going to be getting together in the first place. And OP did give confirmation now that the party could be held at OP’s house. So. OP, you are now, even if you didn’t consider yourself to be before, the host.

    I see the worst thing done, though, was to invite more people without confirming. Even if OP & X did assume that this little party was going to be at OP’s house, why would X assume it was okay for her to add more people… and go ahead and send out invites… without confirming?

    The best thing I can think to do in this situation would be to play the gracious host, but certainly let X know (in a polite, but firm way) that not only can’t she invite more people without confirming, but that she really should’ve thought to confirm before sending out invites in the first place. And keep this situation in mind if you ever have an ideas about hosting parties for other friends. Set clear boundaries from the beginning.

  • An September 15, 2011, 10:09 am

    I disagree with admin – simply because this is a high school situation and things are kind of done different at that point in your life. Typically, most high school students are still living with parents or family so to just assume it’s okay to throw a party without asking is rude and a recipe for failure.

    Same for X assuming so. Parties / get togethers are more difficult at this stage in life than if you were out on your own because you need parental permission which may not be granted, a set of rules, etc. She was incredibly rude to invite everyone to OP’s house without confirming details. I don’t think she was unhappy. They were planning it together and she told OP she’d be texting her with details that night.

    If someone says to me “We should do a get together” I don’t assume that means they’re throwing a party at their house in my honor and I’ll invite everyone.

  • Teapot September 15, 2011, 10:25 am

    You’ve stated that you and X are upperclassmen in high school. So I’m guessing you are in the 15-18 year old range. This means that in truth, your parents are responsible for the party. That will included total strangers to you and them. Are they even aware of what is going on? I think they need to be informed ASAP. They may very well put a stop to this. I know I would. X caused the mess when she started inviting people into your home. She needs to find another party site.

  • acr September 15, 2011, 10:42 am

    If these were two adults, X’s offense would be pretty egregious. However, being teenagers, I don’t think it’s too bad. I can kind of see X assuming that the OP would host, since she suggested it.

    At this point, I think the OP should host the party, if at all possible, but X should chip-in for half of the cost (esp since she doubled the guest list) and should assist with prep. Ideally, she would also assist with clean-up, but you can’t guarantee that she’ll stick around once the party is over.

  • Chelle September 15, 2011, 10:46 am

    OK – let’s not forget that this girl is in high school – she probably lives with her parents and may not be capable of “hosting” a party. When you’re 16 or 17, “Let’s get together” usually means ‘let’s go to the mall’ or something like that. I would have never assumed that she meant that she would host a party.
    I think the ettiquette ‘faux pax’ would be entirely on X – she should have NEVER assumed that she could invite her friends to OP’s house, especially without checking with her first. I find it incredibly rude that X created a FB event without hearing back from OP about using her house.
    Remember, we’re not talking about an adult that offered to host a party in her home; we’re talking about a teenager who offered to gather friends to hang out on her birthday.

  • Twik September 15, 2011, 10:50 am

    I must admit, if I was told by a friend, “let’s have a party for your birthday,” I would assume that *she* was offering to host. So, I’m not sure why the LW is surprised that her friend thought that she had offered her services. Otherwise, she is putting the responsibility for the party that *she* suggested on someone else.

    Of course, her friend was wrong to start inviting people to someone else’s home without consultation – that’s very presumptuous, and one should not have to expect that. But the moral is, if you think there should be a party for someone, and start the initial organization, people will likely think that yes, you are the host.

  • Amp2140 September 15, 2011, 10:59 am

    I disagree. A get together of 7-8 friends could easily happen at a restaurant. I don’t think the OP intended a party, as much as a simple get together.

  • The Elf September 15, 2011, 11:10 am

    Ah, texting and facebook. What did we ever do before the days of instantaneous response? 10 days before is plenty of time to have waited until morning to go over the details. I don’t hold with the rule about not planning your own birthday party, so long as gifts aren’t expected and the host pays for everything. To me that’s no different than just throwing a backyard BBQ except there’s a birthday cake for dessert. But planning your own birthday party at someone else’s house with more people than what was previously discussed and then putting it out for the world to see before confirming the details with the “host” is really rude.

    Does anyone else totally feel sorry for the OP’s parents? They’re the ones who likely have to pay for the actual party, not to mention that since it is at their house they have to clean up before/after and cancel their plans for the night. They’d be able to put much of this on their nearly-grown daughter, but it still leaves a good bit of unexpected and unwanted pressure. They can say no, of course, but that creates another set of problems.

    OP, you need to work on growing that spine. It’s hard, I know. I had problems with confrontation at that age too. I finally started figuring it out around age 25. But your life will go a lot easier once you learn to stand up for yourself, say no, and establish boundaries. It definitely did for me.

  • --E September 15, 2011, 11:10 am

    X was wrong twice: first in taking over, and second in making assumptions about your intentions for this get together.

    That said, you are at an age when lots of people are still sorting out how these things are done. I assume you don’t have your own apartment, so at the very least, you need to confirm with your parents or guardian if it will be okay to have a gathering of this size at your home. If they say “no,” they you have an iron-clad way out of the situation, but that may not help your friendship.

    How important is X to you? I would guess she’s rather important, so any nuclear options are out of consideration. You and she should sit down face-to-face and have a collaborative pow-wow about how you’re going to handle her party. Have some alternatives in mind regarding venue and what sort of party it will be.

    You need to step up and be the hostess. I don’t think it’s tacky to throw a party for oneself, but it is better (particularly before you’ve started accumulating spouses and children) to have friends handle most of the planning.

    I don’t know if X is the sort to fight to get everything her way, or if she will accept that the actual host of the party gets to decide how it runs. Thus my suggestion of a collaborative meeting with her, where you work all that out. Find out what she would like, and then do your best, within the constraints of budget, time, and venue, to make that happen.

    As for being good with confrontation and saying No… It’s like any other skill in life: You will get better at it with practice. I recommend you start practicing it in small ways. You’re young, and it will be a vital skill in life. Better you learn it now.

  • . September 15, 2011, 11:19 am

    She could have done one worse and did what a friend and I (embarrassingly, looking back!) did in middle school and have the party at a friend’s house but leave her off of the party materials (invites, shirts, etc.)!

  • Clair Seulement September 15, 2011, 11:44 am

    Please let this be a valuable lesson to you, and then maybe you won’t end up one of those late-20-something Birthday People we’re constantly hearing about on this site.

    “There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.” — Dave Barry

  • Maitri September 15, 2011, 12:22 pm

    I often think that Bint is a little too over-the-top harsh, but on this story, I mostly agree with her. I think that X is wrong, yes, however I think the OP is being particularly wishy-washy. After suggesting a get-together, she should have taken the reins, arranged the guest list and invites, and so on.

    X was probably sad that her birthday wasn’t being commemorated and got overly excited when the OP offered to host the party. Then when the OP didn’t respond for several days, X went ahead and planned it in her excitement. She did apologize. That was the point at which OP should have said “No, that will not be possible. Let’s figure out another location.” Actually, I’ll take that back – the point to say that was immediately after she got the invite on Facebook, not several days later.

    I think that anyone can be “good with dates” if they organize. You’ll need to organize if you plan to go on to college. May I recommend a good day planner with a monthly/daily calendar? It will really help with college course and activity planning. Becoming more organized would be a really good thing for you to accomplish now rather than later in the working world.

  • Allie September 15, 2011, 1:16 pm

    Ah, kids and birthdays. Wait until you’re my age. I keep my age and birth date a closely guarded secret, and friends and family are absolutely forbidden even to mention it. I usually just go out to dinner with my husband, and he hasn’t even bought me a birthday present for the past couple of years (he gets too busy with work and hates shopping). I usually just treat myself to something nice and guilt free, or on occasion he’s gone with me and I’ve picked something out. Doesn’t matter who pays for it, as our money is all together and has been for years. Last year my boss put my birthday in her calendar and threatened to do something. I booked my vacation for that week, and will do so again next year.

  • tkarsjens September 15, 2011, 2:16 pm

    Obviously, when X left for the night, she was not under the impression that the party would be at OP’s house. If she was under that impression she would have had no reason to text OP and ask if it could be at her house. When OP did not respond to the question, X went ahead anyway and that’s a huge problem. “Oh, can I borrow your car?” no response, okay I’ll just take it. Um, that’s really not how things work.

    But OP, you have a great learning opportunity. People will take advantage of you if you allow it. When you got the text, you had two choices. 1) agree to have it at your house if this is something you did indeed really want or 2) text her back and say “I wanted to have it at ___. My house isn’t available.” If you said yes when you didn’t want to, then that’s a learning lesson. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself (politely). No one else will.

  • Enna September 15, 2011, 2:30 pm

    I do agree with Admin about the failure in communication. I think it could be down to immaturity – hopefully the OP will learn form this and so with OP’s firend. If the OP still lives with parents then there is nothing wrong with asking for their advice even if it is to ask them to say “no too many people.”

  • A.L. September 15, 2011, 3:01 pm

    I agree with Amp2140 that a “get together,” which is what the OP proposed, is not necessarily the same as a “party.” A “get together” of 5-6 could mean dinner in a restaurant (with everyone paying their own way), game night at someone’s house, a picnic/outdoor games in a park, a trip to a “fun park,” going to see a movie, or just wandering the mall to spend time with friends. A “party” is hosted by one or more people; a “get together” often isn’t–it might be as simple as someone informing friends that “X and I are meeting on the 21st to do A activity; if you want to join us, let me know. We’re meeting at B o’clock and it costs $C.”

    Plus, there are the issues of highschoolers needing parental permission to host a party at their house, and I see no reason to assume that the OP was offering to host a party at her house when she suggested a get together. I would have interpreted the suggestion as “Hey, if you don’t have any special birthday plans, let’s hang out with OtherFriends for a few hours; it’ll be fun.” For X to not only assume that the OP could host a party for twice as many people as discussed, but also for people the OP doesn’t even know is absurd.

  • Jo September 15, 2011, 4:34 pm

    You definitely need parental permission – if you even WANT to do this. And I’d be very leary of any invitation posted on Facebook. Ad hoc events like that have been know to blow up completely out of proportion with guests the host never even heard of, much less invited.

  • Jamesy September 15, 2011, 4:53 pm

    I agree with Chelle and Amp2140: “Let’s get together” or “Let’s have a get together” could have easily meant “Let’s have dinner with several people for your birthday”.

    In my experience, Birthdays after age thirteen (or sixteen depending on religion and family traditions) were generally not celebrated or were a casual affair. “Oh, it’s my birthday next week. Dinner at the diner? All of us? Great.” Families were never involved and checks were always split evenly.

  • Cindy September 15, 2011, 6:45 pm

    I completely agree with everything Bint said. X was wrong to assume it would be at your house and invite people to your home without hearing back from you, but your flakiness is inexcusable.

  • Nadine September 15, 2011, 8:23 pm

    The other friend has overstepped, but the OP needs to get her act together. She needs to become “good” with dates and check her messages if someone is expecting to send her a message. It’s all part of growing up.

  • chechina September 15, 2011, 9:34 pm

    Easily fixed, OP. First tell your friend immediately that you were spineless and it’s actually not cool with you to have the party at your house, and what are the other options so you can post it on Facebook? Then post to the same thread on Facebook: “Change of plans! We’re all meeting at *place* instead. *google map of place*.” The people that want to go will go and those that RSVP’d out of politeness won’t care because they won’t be there.

    I agree with Bint’s post above, though. I’m not really on your side on this, but there’s no need to make the situation worse.

  • Edhla September 15, 2011, 11:41 pm

    I realise X was in the wrong too (I was always raised that it’s rude to invite yourself over to anyone’s house, bar very close family, and doubly wrong to bring someone else, triply wrong if they are a stranger, quadruply wrong if it’s a PARTY!), but I’m kind of unimpressed with your role in this. I can’t believe you offered to plan a party for her and then refused to plan one, refused to check your phone, refused to reply on Facebook… she no doubt felt that you had no intentions of planning a party for her and if she didn’t plan her own, it wouldn’t happen at all. If you’re not prepared to plan a party, don’t offer to!

    I also find it hard to believe you’re really that bothered by the party, since after seeing Facebook and finally checking your phone, it then took you DAYS to get around to contacting your friend about the location and doubled guest list.

    Also, what Chechina said.

  • Avisse September 16, 2011, 8:56 am

    I too am unimpressed with your flakiness. You’re responsible for the planning since it was you who suggested a small get-together. Your admittance to not being good with dates, and not checking your messages imply that you’re not a very organized person, so perhaps your friend X, knowing your history, took her own initiative and went a step ahead. But of course, X was wrong to assume it would be ok since you did not reply her, but had you check your message then, you could have avoided all of this and reply back suggesting another place, rather then giving X the chance to go ahead with her plan.

    And why did you wait a few days to talk to her about the party list and location? Could you not have called her immediately and discuss? And the worst part is, that was your chance to change the party location, but you blew it by being spineless!

    Bottom line is, yes it was rude of X to use your house for a party without first asking your permission, but it was also rude of you to offer X a get-together but not being entirely committed to it. If you had it all properly organized and stood your ground, this problem would never have gotten that far.

    You can still fix it by growing a spine, talk to X and explain to her gently but firmly how you’re not comfortable with hosting the party at your house, and suggest another fun place. And do make an effort to be more organized in future and know your own limits (if the task is more than you can handle, don’t accept it) or you’re just going to come off as unreliable.

  • Gilraen September 17, 2011, 4:16 am

    No, in this case is an acceptable answer. X was wrong to assume you not answering was an implicit yes. In fact I find this extremely rude.
    She was also wrong inviting more people than you were aware of to your house. AND to top it all off it is your parents house, not yours and you do not have their permission.

    As you, I assume, have been friends for ages she is most likely aware of your tendency to avoid conflict and say yes. With that she is taking advantage of you. You can hide behind the parents thing if you want – after all you are a minor, but really X is taking advantage of you.

    So you have several options: Let it go and let yourself be walked over and get into trouble with your parents. (who is paying for damage?) and keep your friend happy.
    Tell her no, parents are not allowing it and leave her to clear it up.
    Tell her no and tell her the real reason; if she wants a birthday party she either hosts it herself at her place or she is to rent a venue, but not your house. Oh and not answering is not a yes. This honesty may cost you a friend, but really she is not behaving like one anyway.

    One option makes you feel bad for a long long time – where you are being walked over. The other require strength and courage, but ultimately will be better for you as a person

  • Jennifer September 17, 2011, 10:51 am

    Sorry, Admin, but you are WAY off base. First, the communication lapse was only about a day. NOT enough time to justify such huge changes.

    Second, they’re in high school. She needed to ask her parents if it was okay. Without confirming that it was okay with the parents, she invited over way more people.

    Sorry, but the LW did nothing wrong. The friend was WAY WAY out of line.

  • Cat September 17, 2011, 2:23 pm

    With five or six people, I would have thought going to a pizza place and then home for cake would have been fine. Putting things on Facebook is not the way to invite people since teens may take it upon themselves to send the invite to others and it expands out of control. Send an invitation giving a specific time and date as well as a place.

    You are young and are learning to handle these things. No one knows how to manage all social functions from the get-go. Learn to take control of situations and to say no when you mean no. Politely, of course, without blaming anyone, “I’m sorry, but that’s not going to be possible/convenient/within my budget.”

    It’s too easy to move from “my parents won’t let me” to “my husband/wife won’t let me.” Take responsibility for your own life and rules as you grow. I can tell my boss no when I need to. He knows that I won’t do some things and respects my limits. I wasn’t that way at 16; I learned that my conscience would tell me when I got off on the wrong path as I got older and learned to listen to it. Peer group pressure will get you in trouble, no matter how old or young you happen to be.

  • Enna September 19, 2011, 10:31 am

    I can see both sides, e.g. Bint’s view that the OP should be more firm, but also the other side that the OP’s firend should have been clearer – texting is not always a good way of communication, especailly over organsing things that involve several people, sometimes calling to talk is better. As this is involing a group of people it would have been better for the firend to give the OP a call to discuss it and go through the details: a text message can take a while to get through and it is wrong to send a text with details then set up a facebook event BEFORE the host comfirms that is okay. Besides the normal curtesey for waiting for comfirmation form the host anything could happen, there could be a power cut or a burst pipe. Personally I think the OP and the OP’s firend need to have a sensile chat and chalk this up to expierence. Both the OP and the firend need to be better at communication.