Just a little back story before we start. My friend *Lily was one of the first people I knew out of college that owned a house. She and her boyfriend lived in the house, but also rented a room out to her boyfriend’s friend, Tim. Tim had a girlfriend, and we’ll call her Tina. Tina had no job, and consistently did little or nothing to contribute to any of the house hold expenses and was in general, annoying. Not to mention she would parade around the house in a string bikini, and believe me, you did not want to see that. I digress…
So in a few months of knowing this lovely girl, Tim tells us Tina is pregnant. “Oh Joy” Lily and I think. Fast forward to about 3 months before the baby is due, and we get a verbal invite to her baby shower. When Lily and I arrive, we are asked what we would like to drink. We at first both say “Iced Tea” but then the host tells us she has “Sangria” which is a wine concoction. So, knowing that we might need a bit of booze to get through this baby shower we agree. The host(Future Grandma) of the party writes down what we had to drink, and Lily and I just shrug it off.
As we settle down we notice that about half of the guests are having a form of alcoholic beverage. I’m not talking just beer and wine, I’m talking hard liquor. Half way through the shower most of the guests are sufficiently buzzed. We were a bit concerned for the guests over the age of 70, who we could not tell if they had mild dementia or were drunk. The host and all of her friends were doing shots of Jagermeister at the kitchen table, while Tina lamented that she could not participate. We then notice that there really isn’t a lot of food, just small deli sandwiches and a veggie tray.
Then the party games start. Most of them were normal, with the toilet paper around the belly and what not, but then the host and Tina start handing out colored sippy cups. Inside the sippy cups was whatever you ordered when you first arrived. Lily and I just stare at each other and look down at our sippy cup. The host announces “Whoever can chug the fastest wins this gift basket!” Our eyes wide, Lily and I contemplate how we are supposed to “chug” sangria. Too late, the game has already started! Bottoms up! Needless to say after that little game we were not going to be driving home anytime soon.
We weren’t expecting nice afternoon tea, but playing drinking games at a baby shower is just a little too trashy even for most alcohol friendly college girls.
Hope baby knows Grandma is a Booze Hound. 0812-10
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Isn’t this along the same lines as the swearing debate? Some people are for it and others find it in extremely poor taste.
While I wouldn’t have been thrilled to be a part of this rip-roarin’ baby shower (or any baby shower for that matter), my material leans a little blue when I’m in social situations. So, drinking games at baby showers? Not my idea of super-fun. Casually cursing in social situations? Fine by me.
Tina is a bit amiss in having drinking games at a baby shower, true. However, she did not participate, nor did she force everyone else to. You chose to join in the games rather than politely excuse yourself. Between that and the constant snarking about Tina (calling her “trashy”), her guests (apparently, over-70’s having a good time are either demented or drunk), and attire (maybe a bikini was a bit much (or little) but it’s her house, her rules, her outfit), you are guilty of far more etiquette failures than Tina.
Wait, misread. You were criticizing Tina for wearing a bikini on a daily basis around the house? Who cares? I wear sweats and T-shirts all the time around the house because no one is watching. That just puts you a little further into E-Hell.
Did someone pry your jaws open, pour the sangria down your throat and rub your throat, forcing you to swallow?
I’m sorry, but you sound pretty snarky to me. You commented on Tina’s size before pregnancy, you attend her baby shower, drink her booze and then comment on how tacky it all is.
I hope Tina is not a friend – for her sake.
“We were a bit concerned for the guests over the age of 70, who we could not tell if they had mild dementia or were drunk. ”
Well….
“Not to mention she would parade around the house in a string bikini, and believe me, you did not want to see that.”
Frankly, I don’t think I would want to see what the LW is wearing when she “parades” around her own home.
I think it sounds like a great baby shower. Much better than sitting around drinking soda and tea and pretending to be interested in watching the guest of honour open all her presents. My family, bless them, has alcohol at all its functions, and it certainly helps ease the tedium for me.
OP, I think you were expecting an afternoon tea.
I’m on the same boat with other posters. You decided to get booze because you think you need some to get through the party (which sounded like you didn’t want to be there anyway), complain about other people being drunk, then you played a drinking game, and then complain about it. You didn’t have to participate in the game–you could have faked chugging it if you didn’t want to make a scene and just “lose” graciously.
Hmmm, so does Tina live with Lily? Or is she just a frequent visitor because of Tim? If she lives elsewhere, what she wears in her own house is her business. But if she’s just a frequent guest at Lily’s then she shouldn’t be doing that….regardless of how she looks. And anyway, it’s not OP’s concerns since she doesn’t live there/own the house.
Add me to the list of people who doesn’t quite agree that there is a horrendous etiquette issue here. And I too was thinking that they’d be given a bill. I had to read it twice to understand that it was the actual drink and not the bill they were given. Serving alcohol at a baby shower is not the brightest idea because the Guest of honor cannot drink. But hey, Tina didn’t drink.
OP seemed very judgmental and snotty. No one told you to participate in the game if you didn’t want to. You don’t have to chug the alcohol if you don’t want to.
Tina doesn’t seem to be a saint in any way. But OP might have gotten more sympathy if she didn’t come out sounding so snotty and hypocritical.
Having alcohol at a baby shower isn’t a faux pas. Wearing a bikini in your own home isn’t a faux pas. How do you know she didn’t contribute to household expenses? Why didn’t you say no to participating in drinking games, if they gave you the vapours?
Add me to the list of people mistified as to why this made the page. Was it the OPs attitude?
I think the only reason that the OP brought up the insufficient food was that maybe guests were getting drunker than they normally would because they were drinking on empty stomachs.
I thought she was going to get a bill for her drinks too.
Takes all kinds to make the world, revel in the difference 🙂
I’m with Pers and Shannon–baby showers are boring at the best of times, so offering alcohol seems fine to me. And I just reread the OP–the chugging game was with SIPPY cups! How cute is that? Nice touch to write down what each guest was having so the hostess didn’t inadvertently give alcohol to a guest having iced tea.
No one made you drink. So don’t complain about it. You could have turned down the alcohol.
Maybe the host who is Grandma was trying to make the party fun for the young adults by including alochol? When my Grandparents had ther 50th wedding aniversary celebration they had a tradtional fruit cake and my grandma got a Harry Potter cake for the children: she thought that not all the children may like the fruit cake and thought it might be a bit more intersting for them.
I remember seeing my grandpa tipsy once, didn’t have a bad impact on me, just made me giggle. Now, so long as no one got so drunk they couldn’t walk or were sick then it’s okay. If anyone did get that drunk the drunk idiot would have caused the ettiaute breach.
Have to say OP, you don’t know Tina couldn’t get a job – she could have been looking but not found one – after I graduated it was when the reccession kicked off in the UK and I was applying to lots of jobs for 15 months until I got one. And as you didn’t live there OP you don’t know if she did do some things. If she walked around in a bikini when you were there and that made you feel uncomfortable then fine you can say something, but if there is no one in the house Tina can walk around in nothing as one poster as already said: however don’t be too crictical on Tina’s body – you wouldn’t like it if someone was cricitcal about yours in the same way. You participated in the drinking game so you can’t critise the host for it. As for there not beig enough food – maybe you have a point if alochol is being served having plenty of food is a good idea.
As for saying you didn’t know if the older guests were drunk or senile that is rude, they could well be a bit tipsy but I think they are more likley to be happy that they have a new addition to the family member. Sometimes people who are 70+ can be a bit forgetful, but that’s because they have so much infomration, knowledge and memories in their brains that some of it is bound to get a bit muddled. Other times people who are 70+ can have even better memories then a 25 year old.
So because MTB wasn’t drinking, no one else should either? OP sounds like a snob, looking for a reason to hate on MTB. I have no idea what bikinis around the house have to do with sangria in sippy cups, but I don’t see what was so bad about the drinking game. Not every woman wants to spend three hours ooohing and ahhhing over a hundred different onesis and pee-pee tee-pees. Heaven forbid people relax and enjoy themselves.
As for the elderly people getting tipsy – that’s their business, provided (like everyone else) they don’t have a pre-existing contradindicated condition that prohibits alcohol consumption. When I’m old and grey, I hope to still be vibrant and fun enough to get tipsy with friends and enjoy myself.
I don’t think OP’s issue is about the drinking, but about MTB and this was the vehicle for it. Loosen up, OP. Drink, don’t drink – choose freely and allow others to do the same.
Ok, I’m going to lean more towards the OP on this one.
While I have no problem with drinking at a baby shower, it seems pretty obvious that folks were not just having a nice sangria with the afternoon festivities, but seemed to be getting drunk.
Getting drunk is never okay at any social event whether it’s in someone’s home or out. This isn’t just a case of relaxing and enjoying themselves, or I doubt OP would have shared this story.
@ Fallishere: the OP says this:
“We were a bit concerned for the guests over the age of 70, who we could not tell if they had mild dementia or were drunk.”
They were either going senile or drunk? This is rude because the OP is making assumptions on people she has only met first time – how about going into more detail e.g. the people were falling over or had slurred speech or breath that smelt really strongly of alcohol or being sick. That kind of discription would be more descrptitive of drunk people.
Also:
“Hope baby knows Grandma is a Booze Hound.”
That is making rude assumptions on meeting Grandma once. Even if some of the guests got drunk that doesn’t mean Grandma is a “Booze Hound.” If Grandma got drunk it would be bad but it does’t make her an alcoholic or mean that she can’t be trusted when the baby is born.
I have to come in here solidly on the OPs side.
The event in question was a baby shower. The guest of honor at such an event is the MTB. The entertainment centered around activities that the guest of honor would like to participate in, but under the circumstances, could not. The entertainment for this party centered around excluding the guest of honor. Excluding guests from the party activities is generally inconsiderate. Intentionally designing entertainment to absolutely exclude the guest of honor is, in no uncertain terms, rude. End of story.
The deal with Tina and the bathing suit is odd as it seems to me that most posters are reading a different story than I did. The house is owned by Lily. She lives in it with her boyfriend and rents a room to Tim (who is also a friend of the boyfriend). Tim’s girlfriend, who does not own the house, does not rent from the landlord, does not contribute to household expenses, nonetheless spends a good bit of time in Lily’s hose in a state of undress. I think etiquette requires that if you are at somebody else’s house, you dress modestly, not in a state of near nudity.
@fallishere – Getting drunk is NEVER okay at ANY social event?
Yikes, I’m in trouble.
Is this something others agree with? I’m an advocate of drinking responsibly, but I love to get silly with my girlfriends until we’re all dancing around singing karaoke, totally uninhibited. I call that drunk. Are we perhaps defining it differently?
@MSR – I think it’s only rude if the guest of honor thinks it’s rude. Perhaps it was Tina’s idea. Perhaps she wanted the party to focus more on the guests having a good time than herself. And as Tina herself was helping to hand out the sippy cups, it doesn’t sound as if she were sitting in the corner, excluded.
I might agree with you about the fact that Tina shouldn’t be walking around in a house that isn’t hers, that she’s not even really renting the space, just hanging with her boyfriend, in her bikini, but I don’t see what business it is of the OPs. It’s clear that the OP has much hostility toward Tina and her family (“…and believe me, you did not want to see that.” “Tim tells us Tina is pregnant. “Oh Joy” Lily and I think.” “Hope baby knows Grandma is a Booze Hound.”).
And any thought I might have had of siding with the OP (a quickly fleeting thought) was demolished with this: “We weren’t expecting nice afternoon tea, but playing drinking games at a baby shower is just a little too trashy even for most alcohol friendly college girls.” Because despite them passing judgement and looking down their noses at Tina, they participated in the game. They didn’t decline. And further the OP claims they were too drunk to drive after playing, which means, quite frankly, that they had far more than one sippy cup of sangria. So, sure the OP can think something is trashy if she wants, but if she willingly participated, then she is just as bad.
Oh – and not to mention, when you hate someone (and she clearly hates Tina), the polite thing to do is decline the invitation.
While I agree that it’s unusual to have drinking games, much less alcohol, at a baby shower, I’m not finding a breach of ettiquette here. Nobody forced you to attend a shower for someone you clearly don’t like and no one held you down and forced you to drink alcohol.
Alcohol’s fine at a baby shower, in fact I was just at one a couple of months ago where there was a lovely, classy-as-all-get-out mimosa fountain, as well as white and red wine poured by waitstaff. Sheesh, diet soda gives rats cancer, and we’re allowed to mention that swill in the same sentence as babies…
@ Fallishere I think that’s a very sweeping assumption about people being drunk. True some people aren’t good to be around when they’ve got a few under their belt (and they shouldn’t drink) but most people who drink are just looking to have a good time and loosen up.
And where/when they do that is none of your business unless it directly affects you in a negative manner.
while i would be somewhat taken aback to find a drinking game at an afternoon baby shower, that’s on Tina’s mother, not Tina. we don’t know if Tina agreed to it, or maybe just lost the battle during the planning for the shower. it’s also possible that she didn’t know anything about the “Sippy Cup Slam” until it happened.
but Tina parading around a house she doesn’t own, contribute to in any way, and is a guest of someone renting a room there, no matter who happens to be there, in a string bikini? yeah, i’m afraid i wouldn’t look too kindly upon Tina myself. and unfortunately, that may tend to color my judgement of Tina in other areas.
I don’t drink, and I am shocked, just shocked, I tell you … that the OP went to a shower for a girl she obviously cannot stand. That, to me, seems to be the primary etiquette violation here, but it provided a fertile ground for some others. OP was glad there would be booze to help her get through the shower, but apparently there is some upper-age limit for celebratory drinking of which I was previously unaware. My grandmother would have been surprised, too; she liked a cold beer on a hot summer’s day. I don’t think she’d be any more pleased than I am about the implicit assumption that “over 70” equals “dementia”. I didn’t see anything that made it clear that MTB’s mother drank too much, so why is she described as a boozehound? OP doesn’t mention any bondage games, so I’m guessing she wasn’t tied down and forced to participate in the drinking game. It isn’t morally indefensible to have alcohol at a party attended by adults. It just isn’t.
Neither Tina’s bikini, nor her employment status, nor her contributions to household expenses, seem to have any bearing on the event at issue. As far as I can tell, the primary social error committed by the hostess appears to be a certain lack of planning, in that perhaps it might have been good to have more food on hand. It’s hard to tell, because there *are* sandwiches, there *is* a veggie tray, so the faux pas of *no* food has been avoided, fortunately for all concerned.
Neither Tina, nor her mother, nor the other celebrants, seem to me to have done anything wrong, but the OP seems determined to find fault with them.
I repeat: don’t go to celebrations in honor of people you don’t like. Your chance of offending people is likely to be significantly reduced, as a result.
And the sippy cups were a really cute idea!