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The Doormat Awards Needed

My husband and I got married a couple of months ago, it was a very small wedding with only close friends. We went away the week after for our honeymoon and after we arrived back my friend came over to visit us. And didn’t leave for about 3 weeks.

This friend was at the wedding, she split up with her ex in December and had since been living at her parents’ house, rent free, and they paid off her debts. So basically she had over 3 months to save up money to find her own place.

Whilst staying with us she borrowed money from me, managed to quit her job, fell out with her parents, went about bitching about me (not my husband). We did not invite her to stay with us – she moaned to a mutual friend that she thought it was inappropriate that me and my husband cuddled on the couch to watch TV in the evening, her words were, “I don’t need to see that, they should have more respect for me when I am a guest in their home.”

She left my house one night and sent me a bitchy text about the way I apparently spoke to her. I apologized and found out while she was away she had told a lie that caused trouble between my BIL and his flat mate. I stopped answering her calls because I was too angry to speak to her and she sent me a text telling me I had to “justify” myself to her. I replied that she had crossed a line and she told me I would regret speaking to her that way. She also Facebooked my mum to ask her about me.

Whilst talking to a mutual friend (who has had a fallen out with her due to her borrowing her car, lying about insuring it for her to use and drink driving in it) I suddenly pieced together why she was staying with me – it wasn’t for me, it was for my husband. She had taken sneaky photos of him and even started referring to him by a pet name I use for him!

She owes me about £200, should I just write that off or ask for it back? 0425-14

OP, you and your husband are doormats and everything that has happened to you is due entirely to your lack of a spine of any kind.  You have “Walk All Over Me” written in invisible ink on your foreheads.  When this “friend” tried to overstay her welcome on her first visit to see you after you arrived home from the honeymoon, you should have politely but firmly shown her the door while yawning uncontrollably.  Under no circumstances should her luggage have walked through the door without an incredulous, “What is that?”, followed by an equally incredulous, “You are doing what in our house?”

Boundaries are a good thing.  Ponder and consider your personal and married boundaries and then enforce the boundaries.   Not caving in to an uninvited house guests, no lending money to deadbeats, no photos of us in our home, would be a good start to the list of boundary lines.   Forget the $200 since trying to retrieve it would involve interacting with a loon and give fodder for more drama.   Some things in life just aren’t worth the price of the theatrical drama.   Chalk it up to the price of a lesson learned.

Dear readers, is there anyone out there who can make me a custom image of an Ehell doormat?   I really, really need one because it is submitted stories such as this that are just screaming to receive an official Ehell Doormat Award.    In the interim, I’ll just have to link to these images…..


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Red Cat April 30, 2014, 4:50 am

    Admin is correct – you brought this on yourself. I know it is sometimes hard to stand up to friends, particularly when they are going through tough times, but I can’t believe neither you or your husband couldn’t ask her to leave, particularly if you found her behaviour so egregious.

    Consider the £200 an expensive lesson, and resolve never to let someone trample you like that again.

  • Marozia April 30, 2014, 5:11 am

    I agree with Admin. Forget the $200. It’s not worth the stress.
    NEVER, under any circumstances, invite a person (friend or stranger) to stay in your home, whether as a favour or to even help pay the mortgage. You’ll find it hard to get rid of them.
    Good luck to your and your new husband.

  • Cherry91 April 30, 2014, 5:15 am

    Honestly I don’t know why the OP even bothers referring to the steamroller of the story as her “friend” considering she’s a moocher and a liar who has no respect for other’s property, apparently had designs on OP’s husband and threatened her for being understandably annoyed at the BIL incident.

    Run, OP. Get as much space between you and the Steamroller as possible and keep it that way.

    • Teapot April 30, 2014, 10:52 am

      Most of the time when people submit their stories about problems with their friends, I’m downright confused by the word. Apparently the word ‘friend’ must have taken on a whole new meaning since I learned it. It used to mean someone you truly liked, whose company you enjoyed, who would have your back and you would have theirs, etc. Today it seems to mean anyone who floats through your life, no matter how selfish, rude and cruel they are.

      Forget the money. It was the fee you paid for learning an unpleasant lesson.

      • Spike April 30, 2014, 7:35 pm

        I was thinking the same thing myself Teapot. How can someone become friends with someone to the point where they are invited to your intimate wedding and I guess somehow not notice that they are unstable and have no regard for boundaries? I’m not trying to be insulting, I’m genuinely curious as to how this comes about. I have about 7 close friends (close enough that I would consider hosting them were they in need, I mean) and the idea that any of them would behave in this manner toward me is laughable.
        I mean, you hear about people getting married and the spouse turns into a completely different (and sometimes scary) person right after the wedding, so I know it can happen that people get the wool pulled over their eyes by people who are playing some kind of game…

        • Pipkin81 May 3, 2014, 12:46 am

          She wasn’t stupid, she is very good at manipulation. My other friend got it a lot worse, this woman drove a wedge between her and a lot of her close friends – she is managing to rebuild a lot of friendships. They worked together and as the friend in the story had made sure that she always looked like she was there for friend 2, it wasn’t so easy to notice that she was an absolute flaming nightmare.

          She is good at hiding her true colours – my husband can spot a fake 50 miles away and she managed to get past him.

          • admin May 3, 2014, 7:57 am

            I’m currently reading “People of the Lie” by Scott Peck, MD and your “friend” would definitely fall into the category of “evil” Dr. Peck writes about. (Peck is a psychiatrist.) What amazes and frustrates me is how frequently people fail to recognize evil or to call someone evil who is quite deserving of the label.

      • EllenS May 1, 2014, 12:02 pm

        Users proactively seek out people with weak boundaries (aka not-shiny spines) and work to make them believe they are friends (or lovers, etc). Then when the user shows his/her true colors, the target is often too shocked, confused or intimidated to react appropriately.

        Unfortunately, people who have been targeted by one user, tend to keep meeting the same sort of “friend” over and over again until they do the necessary inner work to develop healthy friendships with healthy people. People who already have strong boundaries just don’t get to this point because the users “feel them out” and move along to a softer target.

  • English1 April 30, 2014, 5:20 am

    Write it off so you can cut her out of your lives immediately.

  • Just Call Me J April 30, 2014, 5:29 am

    Write off the 200… it’s a small price to be paid to get rid of that much trouble!

    Depending on how recently this happened, you might want to change your locks as well, just to be safe.

    • Bibianne April 30, 2014, 7:39 am

      I second the motion on the “change the locks”.

    • Cecilia April 30, 2014, 8:27 am

      I just want to second the “change your locks”.

      I had a similar situation, except it was with my sister. I never thought about asking for the key back because it was my sister. Until things started disappearing- food items, books, blankets, pencils, my son’s notebook paper for school. It wasn’t until dirty dishes started appeared in the sink and movie charges on my cable bill that I (finally) put 2 & 2 together. When I asked her about it, she said “We are family, I didn’t think you would mind”.

      I thought that was the end of it, until I came home ill from work one day and she was there, watching TV and making sandwiches. I told her to leave and called the locksmith. We don’t see each other very much.

      • Cecilia April 30, 2014, 8:30 am

        I forgot to mention that I asked for the key back after the dish & cable incidents and she gave it to me, but (obviously) had made a copy.

      • PM April 30, 2014, 9:51 am

        ARGH! I hate it when people use “we are family” as an excuse to treat you like dirt. I cut a relative off over his vitriolic, over the top responses to all situations, including posting profanity laden rants on a social media site I used for work. And several people tried to use, “But he’s FAAAAAAMILY” as a reason to give him another chance. I told them that family is supposed to treat you BETTER than some random stranger they meet on the street, not worse. So he was cut off.

  • Anonymous April 30, 2014, 5:34 am

    All true, but Admin, you missed that it was 200 British pounds the OP’s “friend” owes her, not 200 dollars–200 British pounds is closer to $500, so it’s quite a bit more money to write off. With that in mind, is your advice still the same? I mean, I agree about ending the friendship with this woman (obviously), but if someone owed me $500, I’d want it back, because $500 is a lot of money to me, and to most people also, I’d imagine–that kind of money could pay for probably about a month of groceries for two people (at least), or a year’s gym membership for at least one person, or pay off at least one utility bill, or simply be set aside as a pretty good stash of “rainy day” money. So, losing $500 probably isn’t something I’d just let go. I know that friends are more important than money, but this woman isn’t a friend, so I think that, in this case, it’s okay to at least ask for the money back before severing all ties–and, if she was a friend, it’d be okay to at least talk about a repayment plan. The OP might not see the money ever again, but it’s okay to ask–I mean, couldn’t that be the first step in ending the doormat pattern? Also, I think that a lot of “doormat behaviour” can be chalked up to the simple fact that most people tend to trust their friends and loved ones, so lending money, putting them up in their homes, etc., seems normal, until they start backstabbing them like the woman in the OP did.

    • admin April 30, 2014, 7:20 am

      Good point. The OP could ask but given what we’ve been told about the woman, I find it highly doubtful anything but drama and ugliness would be the answer.

    • Ann April 30, 2014, 7:42 am

      Actually, 200 pounds is actually much closer to $350 (current exchange). While still a lot of money, the OP might consider it the price of a lesson learned.

      • Kal April 30, 2014, 4:40 pm

        I’d view it as a fairly cheap price to get rid off a “friend” like that, compared to what they could have ended up costing in the long run anyway.

    • Kimberly April 30, 2014, 9:18 am

      In all chances, after everything the OP wrote about this friend, do you think she is ever really going to receive her money back? I don’t think so. Drop the friendship period, and consider it a lesson learned.

    • The Elf April 30, 2014, 2:58 pm

      $200, $500, $1000….. I’d still write it off. Not worth reconnecting with someone like this to get it; you know the person is just going to lie and string you along. If you must get it back, try once, then sue in small claims court (also more trouble than it is worth, IMHO). I’ve had to learn this lesson the hard way too, OP. You want to be nice to people who you consider friends, but “nice” too often means “take advantage of me”. Consider it lessons learned and be happy you caught on to it – especially her true plan – when you did. Another lesson would be “don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose.”

    • WMK May 1, 2014, 9:50 am

      While I agree that it may be a considerable sum of money, it’s not worth enough to ‘poke the bear’.

  • mom2four April 30, 2014, 6:26 am

    I need one of those door mats. I let an old friend from University into my home for a few weeks until he found an apartment and he ended up staying for 6 months. A few days after he finally left he posted on his face book wall “I have decided no longer to be a door mat” and I thought about asking him what that made me. I didn’t though but I have learned from that to have a firm exit date for house guests.

  • Devil's Advocate April 30, 2014, 6:49 am

    I have to agree with the Admin here. Seriously? How do you allow someone to just walk into your house and stay for three weeks without it being prearranged? This time being a doormat has cost you dearly. At least for me and my husband we had nothing when we got married and 200-300 dollars would have been a lot of money. By not setting boundaries you have lost that 200-300 dollars because even if you ask her for it back, you aren’t going to get it.

    Given what you have said about her attitude, I can only imagine how she acted day to day (probably non-helpful, selfish, and constantly making rude/inappropriate comments) and you put up with it. It’s time to grow a back bone.

  • Lo April 30, 2014, 6:50 am

    let the money go, it’s the price you’ve paid for being too accommodating.

    Nothing could be worth continuing to engage with this person. Sounds like someone I’d pay to be rid if. Get her out and keep her out, bar the door against this person’s return to your life. She sounds utterly frightening and loathsome.

  • bloo April 30, 2014, 7:11 am

    I was getting so annoyed reading this post. Both at the OP and the friend.
    Until I read the last line:
    “She owes me about £200, should I just write that off or ask for it back?”
    My stomach hurts from laughing so hard!

    • Pipkin81 April 30, 2014, 2:42 pm

      Hi op here. Glad it made you laugh. I wrote the last line tongue in cheek because I do completely agree with admin about me being a doormat. Took me twice as long to recount the story, I was so busy hitting my hand off my forehead saying ‘how guillible am I? Lol

      • Michelle C Young April 30, 2014, 5:13 pm

        I’m so glad you see the humor, Pipkin81. You’ve already learned your lesson, and posted here to share the lesson with others. Hopefully, someone else will read this and stand up for themselves before it ever goes that far.

      • bloo April 30, 2014, 9:28 pm

        Pipkin81, thanks for having a good sense of humor! Sorry to laugh at your pain…

        It takes an unbelievably self-centered individual to infringe on a newly married couple like that. You’d be perfectly within your rights to say ‘No visitors, please!’ for a long time.

        But you’ve probably know for a long time that she’s difficult, right? 🙂

    • Angel May 17, 2014, 1:37 pm

      Yes, I had the exact same reaction at the end. It’s like a punchline to a joke or something. And yes, even though it is pounds–I probably would not ask for it back–I have had similar stuff happen to me and it seems like a small price to pay to rid yourself of a toxic relationship.

  • sv April 30, 2014, 8:02 am

    Write off the money – it’s easier, because if you ask for it back you will have the stress and anger of not receiving it anyway, so just accept the fact that it is gone. Cut this woman out of your life and never look back.

  • HollyAnn April 30, 2014, 8:05 am

    Did you seriously want advice about the $200 or did you just want to whine? Isn’t it obvious that you should cut off all contact with this “friend”, de-friend her on Facebook and avoid her at all cost? No one can take advantage of you without your permission and you need to withdraw permission to her and anyone else like her.

    • Dezrah April 30, 2014, 11:04 am

      Believe it or not, the original function of this site was more about collecting the stories of whiners than offering advice. Some of the best stories on this site are people reporting (you might even say whining) about outrageous things done to them. I personally like the middle ground this site has taken over the past few years that put it somewhere between crazy anecdotes and advice column. Bottom line, if someone does mostly whining, well that’s the point and you should cut them some slack.

  • CaffeineKatie April 30, 2014, 8:05 am

    I have NEVER understood people saying “and he/she just wouldn’t leave” Pack their things, set the boxes outside the door and change the locks!!! They already have no affection or respect for you, or they wouldn’t do this.

  • Shannan April 30, 2014, 8:19 am

    At the risk of being repetitious, grow a spine OP!!!!!!! How did this woman even get into your apartment much less stay for 3 weeks without being invited??????? You and your hubby are the more insane ones in this submission….

  • Wendy B. April 30, 2014, 8:39 am

    I don’t feel much sympathy for OP here, as the admin said, she was asking for trouble the minute she allowed her friend to stay…and stay…and stay…

  • Cat April 30, 2014, 8:47 am

    There is no way to fight a liar. I have tried for years and the only way to deal with them is to never speak or to see them again.
    Your money is gone. She is never going to pay you back. If she didn’t sign a loan document stating terms, it is her word against yours. You know already she is a liar.
    Cut her out of your lives and don’t let someone walk all over you again. Lesson learned.

  • JKC April 30, 2014, 8:53 am

    This person is not your friend. Get her out of your house yesterday and don’t get your hopes up about getting that money back. Block her on Facebook, block her phone number, change your locks, and don’t have any further communications with her unless it’s through an attorney. At this point, you just need to get yourselves away from her before she causes you any more trouble. It seems that she is the common denominator in all of her failed relationships with other people, so I doubt there will be any ‘mutual friends’ to worry about in the long run.

  • LonelyHound April 30, 2014, 9:41 am

    OP, as one who has had a similar story posted here my advice- cut your losses, change your locks and inform your husband, if you have not, of the pictures you found. My situation was slightly different in that my Problem had been invited into my house, but when the full story was told the advice was the same- send Problem packing. Once the dust had settled all parties involved, except Problem, sat down and talked it out. We cut Problem out of our lives and visa-versa, and we are happier for it. This Steamroller is a toxic person. Just as my Hubby was made aware of Problem’s feeling for him, you need to make sure yours understands the gravity of what Steamroller is doing. It is not something to be flattered by, but something to be concerned about especially since she has a track record of causing rifts.
    Send Steamroller packing.
    Forget the money.
    Have a serious sit down with hubby.
    Expensive lesson, but a lesson nonetheless.

  • PM April 30, 2014, 9:57 am

    OP, Write off the 200 pounds. you will never see it without a prolonged battle in small claims court. And she will drag you through the mud, causing huge drama over your “cruelty” and obvious “jealousy” over her charms. You have something you believe she wants, your husband. And if she believes she has something you want, your 200 pounds, she will do whatever she can to hold that over you. If she believes she has something you want, she believes she has power over you. Take your power back.

  • starstruck April 30, 2014, 10:14 am

    i don’t think i would have let her stay in the first place. my respone would have been, surely there are friends of yours that DIDN’T just get married? right? try to stay with them. maybe iam just a little jealous to but i really wouldnt want a female who is not family to stay with me and my husband. i tried that with my boyfriend in collage (who is now my husband), and didnt work. its hard to have two women in the same house , kitchen etc, when one of them has a husband in the home. my roomate once walked around the house in sleep wear and i wasnt happy about that ,but when she tried to cook for him, that was it. lol she had to go

    • Brit April 30, 2014, 10:40 am

      Wow. I trust my husband around my friends.

    • JKC April 30, 2014, 11:44 am

      During our first year of marriage, we rented our 3rd bedroom to a female friend while she was finishing up her degree. Her living situation had fallen through at the last minute and she only had two semesters left to complete. She was a pretty quiet person and extremely respectful of both our space and our newlywed status, and had also been my roommate while the husband and I were dating, so we had a pretty good idea going in of what she would be like to live with. I would definitely not recommend that arrangement under any other circumstances, but it did work just fine for us. She pulled her weight around the house and two weeks after she graduated, she moved back to her parents’ home as planned to look for work. And for what it’s worth, my husband did all of the cooking and still does, for the most part.

      • Kimstu May 1, 2014, 8:10 pm

        I’ve been that single friend, and I’m glad not all wives are allergic to the very idea of any other woman living under the same roof with them. I’ve shared houses on a temporary basis with married couples, generally with young kids, and they’ve been awesome arrangements: I do tons of dishes and help ride herd on the kids, the husband and I have no interest whatever in any romantic escapades together, and when I move out the wife urges me to come back and stay with them again. (Even when the husband is an ex-boyfriend of mine from thirty years back! True story.)

        Of course, @starstruck or any other wife should not have to put up with any living situation she’s not personally comfortable with. But I think it’s important to point out that not all of us single women (and probably not even most of us, as a matter of fact) are actually scheming tramps trying to ensnare somebody else’s husband.

  • starstruck April 30, 2014, 10:15 am

    sorry i misspelled response:)

  • Justine April 30, 2014, 10:52 am

    DH and I had to have this talk with MIL. She complained that (we live in a different state) grandson (DH’s nephew) moved in with her and was not giving her any money, doesn’t work, eating all of her food, etc. DH said “How long is he suppose to stay?” MIL: “I don’t know.” Me: “What was your arrangement with him?” MIL:”Nothing. One night he showed up and asked to spend the night and has been here for 4 months.” DH: “Mom, did you ask him to chip in money for food, water, electricity, etc?” MIL: “No, he is my grandson!”

    And he is still there. But we don’t feel sorry for MIL.

  • Stacey Frith-Smith April 30, 2014, 11:01 am

    I feel sorry for the OP- but WHO lets an uninvited person move in for a few weeks right after having gotten married? People who are falling out with their own family and their employer simultaneously are unlikely to be charming housemates. As for the money- I would let it go simply to avoid the drama. She is out of your home and you have only to keep it that way and enjoy the rest of your life secure in the knowledge that you don’t have to indulge random persons who presume upon a connection of whatever type to the extent that they make themselves your dependent.

  • EllenS April 30, 2014, 11:24 am

    People like this don’t even consider you a friend, but a target. They are habitual, ingrained, users who just bounce from one enabler to the next. Every word out of her mouth and all of her behavior is designed to put you and keep you in a vulnerable position – sympathetic, surprised/at a loss, confused, defensive or guilty. That is why people like this lie so prolifically and don’t even bother keeping track of their lies- they don’t have a concept of objective “truth” – they simply say and do anything that will manipulate their target into complying with their wishes.

    You can try asking for your money back, it certainly won’t hurt your nonexistent friendship. However, do know that your chances of getting it back are slim to none, so don’t bother getting upset when she doesn’t pay you. The downside is, if she thinks she can continue manipulating you by dangling the possibilty of repayment, then you will still have her in your life.

    Probably the best thing to do is write off the money as “life tuition” and keep as far from her as possible.

    • JO May 1, 2014, 5:36 am

      “Life tuition.” Love it!

  • mark April 30, 2014, 11:27 am

    I would ask for the money back, in fact I would make somewhat of a stink about it. It’s not that I would expect the money back, but the easiest way to get someone to never talk to you again is to try and collect money from them. 😉

    OP I wouldn’t beat yourself up about her staying with you. I mean if I had a friend or family member in a bind for a day or two well they are welcome to stay with me. How could you know that this was someone taking advantage of you?

    • Margaret May 1, 2014, 10:29 am

      I was going to suggest something like this. I doubt you’ll get your money back, but any attempt at contact would be met with, “You owe me 200 pounds.” And if she is contacting your relatives, I’d ask them to respond to anything she says with, “You owe Pipkin 200 pounds.”

      • Margo May 7, 2014, 5:15 am

        This was what I was thinking. You want this person out of your life, and asking her for your money back is likely to put her off contacting you. And if she is thick-skinned and entitled enough to keep trying, then if she asks you for any more favours, you respond with “You owe us £200 from 2014. We can’t possibly consider any further favours when you’ve still not sorted that out”

        And as she is obviously pretty manipulative I would let my close friends know what had happened so if she tries to turn this into ‘Pipkin and her husband threw me out into the snow when I was destitute’ they already know otherwise!

        (Congratulations on your marriage, BTW)

  • Vicky April 30, 2014, 12:06 pm
  • darkprincess April 30, 2014, 12:36 pm

    This happened to me once with my husbands cousin, but add in stories about hoarding, a stolen car, lice, and rotten milk left in the guest room. In the end we bought him a train ticket to his mother’s home town, packed up his stuff, in garbage bags, put it in the trunk of the car drove it and him to the train station and watched him board the train. We stayed until the train left the station. He showed up at our doorstep two days later. We refused to even open the door. That ticket was the best money ever spent because it came with a shiney spine to tell him and his mother No.

    • PM April 30, 2014, 5:41 pm

      I’m amazed that he came back!! All signals pointed to, “You’re no longer welcome” and he came back?! What possible logic could he be using? “They’ll just be too uncomfortable to turn me away?”
      What did he say?

  • Amara April 30, 2014, 1:08 pm

    OP, the way you told the story made it sound to me like she had all the power in this situation including all of yours that you just handed over: “… my friend came over to visit us. And didn’t leave for about 3 weeks” and “she borrowed money from me, managed to quit her job, fell out with her parents, went about bitching about me (not my husband). We did not invite her to stay with us” and “I apologized ” and “I replied that she had crossed a line.”

    I am not dogpiling on you. Lord knows I have operated without or with very little spine for far too long of my life, but I think you will best serve yourself by looking at how you told the story and what it says about your actions (or inactions). That will be a very good lesson, one that should serve you well going forward.

  • Raymee April 30, 2014, 2:47 pm

    Haha, I love the doormat picture!
    Maybe we need the 10 ehell commandments.
    #5 I solemnly swear to always write a thank you note.
    #8 I will grow a polite spine , and will never let it buckle under pressure from boors would would seek to sink me to their level..etc.

    • Kiki May 1, 2014, 4:57 pm

      I love it!

      #3 Always pass the beandip

  • Pipkin81 April 30, 2014, 2:53 pm

    Hi op. I submitted this story as a warning to those that have this sort of cling on in their lives. I was a total idiot for allowing this woman in her late 20s to dictate my life . Part of the reason why I let her stay is because when I was 29 , my ex and I split up and because his parents owned the house we lived in I had to move to the other end of the country to live with my mum. I was unemployed, nearly 30 and living with my mum – I got a new job about 10 days later and moved out within 2 months. I felt that I knew her situation and wanted to help out.

    Obviously I didn’t know at this point she was an utter sociopath, who uses threats when she doesn’t get her own way. She is actually quite scary and has got people sacked from her last job that she had a problem with.

    Looking back with all the pieces of the puzzle together, I cannot believe I allowed someone like that into not only my life, but my husbands, my family and his family. It’s actually scary.

    She didn’t have a set of keys when she stayed here, she borrowed mines. The day after she left I sat in the house all day with all the doors and windows locked and the curtains drawn. I’ve blocked her on my phone so she can’t call or text.

    One last thing, I would love love love that doormat!

    • JKC April 30, 2014, 5:37 pm

      Glad to hear she’s out of your life. That sounds like such an awful experience.

    • Margaret May 1, 2014, 10:32 am

      If she is that bad, I think you should still get the locks changed. It takes 5 minutes and $2 to get a key copied where I live — she may have copied yours.

  • AIP April 30, 2014, 3:16 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks this would make a good Deirdre’s Photo/Video Casebook in The Sun, complete with dolly-birds with Essex accents?

    Or failing that, Jeremy Kyle? (Ok… Ok… I’ll behave).

    She’s a mare and OP is well-shot. Nobody who is that much of a mess is intending on giving the cash back, even with a small claims court judgement. Never lend what you’re not prepared to lose, a lesson the OP has learned the wrong way.

    • Brit April 30, 2014, 5:11 pm

      “John’s been distant lately” (woman muses in shower with strategically placed arms and thoughtful expression)

      • AIP May 1, 2014, 3:37 pm

        The next day..
        *the girls are in the bedroom trying on the proceeds from a lingerie shopping spree*
        Pipkin: “I can’t wait for John to see these”
        Trampy: “Oh babes, you’re so lucky to have a man like John to wear them for”
        *aside: “you’re lucky to have John full stop. Wait until he gets a load of ME in these bad boys”
        *Trampy shoots the oblivious Pipkin a triumphant, evil and possibly a bit constipated look

        • Brit May 2, 2014, 1:10 pm

          Deirdre says: Ring my advice line “Trampy friend?” for more ideas!

          • AIP May 2, 2014, 3:47 pm

            LOL- that piece of ridiculousness is the one thing I don’t loathe Rupert Murdoch for!

  • JO April 30, 2014, 4:27 pm

    I’m with admin! This woman is not a friend. Cut your losses and get as far away from this person (and all her drama) asap!

  • Rebecca April 30, 2014, 10:04 pm

    I met the 55-year-0ld version of her. Be glad it was only three weeks of your life and 200 pounds. Ugh. Good riddance. I do think you should pursue for the money. If anything, it will ensure she never contacts you again.

  • NostalgicGal April 30, 2014, 11:13 pm

    I hit a hard time, I had a friend offer I could stay and get a job and get on my feet. I showed up on Labor Day Monday, Tuesday I was at the temp/placement agency and Wednesday I was working. In one week I was paying half the food; in 7 I had been hired full time, found an apartment (across the hall) and moved out. Within three months I paid the friend half the rent and utilities for that 7 weeks. She had given me a leg up and I appreciate it to this day.

    Another friend, years later, needed similar. I helped them move; I figured in 3-6 months they would be out at least. It almost cost me my marriage and an eviction notice after 2.5 years. Had I known, I would have never offered. They didn’t have the same idea on get their rear motivated like I had had. I will never add up the other expenses, I don’t want to know.

    I can understand how the OP got into the situation, but hindsight is always 20/20 as they say. 200 pounds are worth ($337.52 USD at the moment I’m writing this). Call it cheap or expensive but I’d say swallow the loss and run. Cut off from this sponge and don’t look back. Never cave or give an iota on this one OP. I do agree on the comment about when the suitcase showed, WHAT THE BLEEP IS THAT and it would have gone back outside as well as the person!

  • JD May 1, 2014, 11:38 am

    Ha, one advantage of always living in a small place — if someone comes to live with me, he or she had better bring a tent!
    I can see a person surprising me with the intention to stay, but I can’t see me giving in to it. I may be a Southerner, but Southern Hospitality doesn’t extend that far. OP has obviously learned a really important lesson and I really doubt that situation will ever happen to her again! As to the money, I had to laugh at the comment that the easiest way to get someone to avoid you is to have them owe you money. So often, that old rule of life is so true! However, I’ve known a person or two who will owe you money and will boldly expect more or badmouth you as a proactive measure, so should it slip out that you never got your money back, everyone will think you’re a liar, mean, or trying to run down the “poor girl’s” reputation.

  • NostalgicGal May 5, 2014, 10:09 am

    Corrolary, we had a bishop of a faith as neighbor for a number of years. You would not believe the number of people that showed up on his doorstep expecting and DEMANDING to be taken in. They had relocated to here because of health/job/new-start, fellow on foot because his wife tossed him out of house and served him papers; they’d manged to get tossed out of their apartment and there’s snow on the ground…. and more than a few took having to call the authorities.

    He told me that early on in his ministry he had found out that indeed, a lot just needed a night on the couch, or a good meal and some gas for the car and they would be on their way; then there were some that moved in and expected to live like royalty and would not move out unless arrested (if the place burned down around them they thought the universe or he and his family would provide a new Taj Mahal with servants for them at the snap of fingers). So, he said he served the highest power; not as a landlord, innkeeper, gas station, and bank. It also didn’t matter if they were friends, neighbors and fellow parishoners; or from half the country away; he said the ones from out of town usually were better than the ones in-town… but. He’d had to get a spine (in e-hell terms) and learn to say NO.

  • Enna May 10, 2014, 6:17 am

    Taking advntage of someone is always wrong – so I think it is harsh to tell people “you deserve it”. Often people like the person in this story are expert manipulators and controllors. I’ve had my expiernces which someone who I’d known for along time and was a very good firend – then her behaviour did take a sinsiter turn, we started to agrue and with each argurement I drifter further away.

  • Enna May 10, 2014, 6:18 am

    I think it was very wrong that the woman is this story was after the OP’s husband… learn from it and move on.