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Hyping The Drama In An Already Dramatic Dilemma

The recent shooting at Parliament Hill in Ottawa hit very close to home and I was grateful for social media to both update friends and family and get a sense of what was going on. But, a friend’s actions left me shocked and I wonder if I should have shown a more “polite spine” in dealing with her.

My husband works just around the corner from Parliament Hill and he was due to head there for a meeting the morning of the shooting. When news broke, I had just arrived home with my six-month old daughter after dropping my toddler off at a playgroup. I couldn’t get hold of my husband, and posted the following on Facebook: “Thanks for the concern everyone. Haven’t heard from (husband), but I’m sure he is safe and in lockdown. I’ll keep you posted.” I also mentioned in a comment that I wasn’t sure if my husband had already arrived at Parliament Hill when everything happened.

Shortly after, an acquaintance, “Lisa”, posted this: “My friend, (husband), was at Parliament Hill this morning and he is missing. I’m so afraid he may be dead.” She tagged me, so all of my friends and family, including my mother-in-law, could see the message. I learned about the message when my MIL called, afraid that I wasn’t telling her everything. (At the time, we really didn’t know much about what was happening and there were a lot of rumours, so this message made things worse.)

Worse, Lisa started posting on my wall every 30 minutes or so, asking why I hadn’t updated everyone. I was more concerned about keeping my daughter safe (my neighbourhood had been told to lock doors and stay away from windows – disconcerting to say the least), and trying to get in touch with my husband than updating Facebook.

I really didn’t know how to respond to any of this. I was shocked that she was managing to make a tragedy that had nothing to do with her – or with me for that matter – ALL about her. I didn’t say anything in the end, but I can’t help but feel that I should have told her she was being irresponsible and inappropriate. I would love to know what you and your readers think about this.

By the way, my husband was fine. He was, as I suspected, in lockdown and they had been asked to turn off their phones for security reasons. 1028-14

You communicate to her by deleting her posts, untagging yourself from her posts and blocking her from commenting on your wall or not seeing your profile at all.   My view is that your Facebook page is “owned” by you and as the administrator of your  FB wall, you get to decide the content that appears on that page.  If someone posts something to your wall that has the potential to cause heartache and panic among your loved ones or you who see it, you eliminate the source.   You are under no obligation to let comments like that remain on your page.

I don’t believe in feeding drama queens by responding since in most cases these people are narcissists who have an egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others.  No amount of logical appeals or stern rebuke changes a narcissist’s behavior because they believe it is all about them.  Lisa ramped up the drama concerning your husband because it got her attention from others and fed her need to be perceived as the source of dramatic news.   There is just no point in arguing with the crazy.



Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Waltzing Matilda October 29, 2014, 6:49 am

    Admin is right. For some people, everything that happens is all about them. They feed on the drama of it and, with the lack of anything exciting or interesting in their own lives, have to showcase their ‘closeness’ to anything memorable. Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t fix stupid – you can only control your reaction to it. Mostly, all you can do is ignore them. Sometimes, you do have to say something, however. When my aunt died a few years back, my cousin-in-law (aunt’s grandson’s wife) plastered the news all over her Facebook page the instant she heard. Aunt’s other grandchildren hadn’t even been told at that stage as they were on holidays. One of her other grandsons found out about his grandmother’s death by reading it in Facebook. He was distraught. Cousin-in-law’s mother-in-law apparently had some very choice things to say, and the post was removed, but not before the damage had been done. It wasn’t her news and she had no business broadcasting it until she was sure all close relatives had been informed. As for your Facebook, you absolutely own anything that appears on your own personal page. Feel free to delete anything and everything that annoys, upsets or irks you or doesn’t fit with the way that you want to communicate with the world. Having said that, I recently had a very objectionable comment left on one of my Facebook updates that I’m leaving there. In Australia, we have recently lost a former prime minister who (let’s be frank) absolutely polarised popular opinion – he was either a god or the worst prime minister we’ve ever had, depending on your political leanings. I’ll put my hand up and say I fall into the first category, and put a status update on my Facebook commiserating with his passing. One of my Facebook friends (the husband of a woman I’ve known for many years, though I don’t know him all that well) proceeded to post a HUGE (and I’m talking several hundred words) comment ranting about all the evils of that side of the political spectrum. I posted a very short comment, telling him to take his political ravings elsewhere and unfriended him. I’ve left the post there, though, to make sure everyone knows what a dweeb the man really is.

    • ImJustSaying October 30, 2014, 10:46 am

      I never post about events that I am not immediately attached to before the primary person. I hate when people post wedding photos and baby pics before the family gets a chance. News of a death is even less appropriate to post without permission.
      This hit close to home when on a Groupme (private texting service) list for the arrival of my “niece’ was set up specifically so only family and close friends would know when Labor started and all the details following. Once the baby made her debut Dad sent the private group her full name (the middle name was a secret) and all the fun details.
      I happened to check facebook while everyone celebrated to see another in the group had posted ALL of the information even the secret middle name. It was lest than 5 minutes after the baby was born!
      So I said in the private group “Hey “Jane” we’re not supposed to post on FB until the family does it.”
      Her response “Was there a memo?”
      Another family member clarified “It’s customary to wait until the family announce the birth info especially when the baby is overdue”
      Then Dad confirmed “Yes “New Mom” want to make the announcement please don’t post.
      She deleted the post.
      Imagine if I hadn’t gone on FB? The overflow of Texts and calls and other communications would have flooded the new parents minutes after they met their new child.

  • Charliesmum October 29, 2014, 7:15 am

    Agree with Admin 100%. I think it’s human nature for us to look for connections to major events, bad or good, but she quite clearly wanted to make a major tragedy all about her.

    Not to make light of the situation, but I’m willing to bet Lisa also ‘vagueposts’ in hopes people will ask her what’s wrong.

    And I’m very glad your husband was okay.

    • Raven October 29, 2014, 8:48 am

      Vagueposters are the absolute worst. For the uninitiated:

      OP: Could really use some good thoughts right now.
      Reply: What’s wrong? Are you ok?
      OP: I don’t want to talk about it. (See also: It’s personal/ I’ll text you later/ It’s complicated/ It’s a long story.)

      • Devin October 29, 2014, 4:11 pm

        The vague posts are the worst, and I refuse to feed into them. The most recently happened just yesterday. My friend (IRL) checked in on FB at the hospital. Within minutes there were dozens of posts concerned with her well being, because she had been in the hospital recently for a serious medical issue.

        Hours later she updated “Just in for a flu shot, my doctor runs his weekday clinic out of this hospital. Thanks for the concern. XOXO” This isn’t her first FB attention grab, so I’ve just stopped responding to any of her posts.

      • Disconnected October 30, 2014, 2:40 am

        Oh the vaguebooking. One of my friends said something along the lines of, “I’ve just done something I’m really not proud of.” my response (and I’ll admit a touch rude) “Then why are you posting about it online?” My reply was deleted within 5 minutes.

        • Enna November 8, 2014, 5:30 am

          @ Disconnected – at least your friend was being honest that he/she has done something wrong. Maybe the friend is taking responsiblity for their actions? I think it is interesting that it was your reply that got delated – did the post get deleated too?

  • Kimmylou October 29, 2014, 7:29 am

    Crisis brings out the true nature of people. Lisa has shown you that she a self centered drama queen. Believe her.

    • Elizabeth October 29, 2014, 11:16 am

      People will tell you alot about themselves if you just listen!! Lisa is saying “I am drama!”

  • NicoleK October 29, 2014, 7:36 am

    Maybe she was trying to show support in her own weird way.

    • Lizajane October 29, 2014, 8:15 am

      By telling the OP that her husband was missing? You’re very kind.

  • clairedelune October 29, 2014, 7:52 am

    Agreed with Admin as well–what an absolute nightmare Lisa sounds like. OP, please don’t criticize yourself for not “showing a more polite spine” with her in the moment–you were in a stressful situation; I think that ignoring her nonsense was the absolute best course of action. She didn’t deserve the energy it would have taken you to answer her back, politely or otherwise.

  • Kiki October 29, 2014, 7:53 am

    I agree with everything admin said. Block her and move on. On another note, you can change your privacy setting so that you have to approve anything you’re tagged in. It won’t automatically post to your page until you sign off on it. I did that when timeline was new and haven’t regretted it ever.

    • Livvy17 October 29, 2014, 10:05 am

      This is an excellent suggestion, thank you. My only caveat to the admin’s statement above is that sometimes it’s very difficult to block out someone like this when they have facebook friendships with some of the same people you do…but this will help enormously!

  • SweetPea October 29, 2014, 7:57 am

    First: I am glad you all are alright.

    Beyond that, I also agree with admin. More than once, I have deleted comments and posts on my wall/posts/photos, and nobody has ever asked me why I did that, so they either didn’t notice, or got the message. With this woman, I might be tempted to cut Facebook ties with her, but that’s up to you.

    If I had seen her post early, and if in the same situation, I may have left a comment on her attention grabbing post along the lines of “this is false. Please remove this post.” While perhaps I would get minor e-hell treatment for not sending it privately, it would have let the people who read it know that while definitely not a normal day, it wasn’t what this woman was saying.

  • EllenS October 29, 2014, 8:08 am

    This goes right back to the “ring theory” in a personal crisis (health problems, loss, etc.). A kind and loving friend maintains their proper place and directs help & support inward to meet the needs of the person who is having a hard time.


    A selfish and manipulative person tries to redraw the circle and make the real sufferer meet THEIR needs (for information, “updates”, attention, etc). Totally agree with Admin – block, block, block.

  • B October 29, 2014, 8:16 am

    The moment she posted ‘I’m afraid he may be dead’ would be the moment I lost it with her. Seriously, posting that is beyond tasteless. As if you need to see that when you are worried for your husband.

    That said, I suspect Lisa went all dramatic because apart from being an idiot, she did not grasp how serious this could be. By your own admission, you’d made two posts about your husband being involved in a potential crisis…on Facebook. Now to me, and many others, this just would never happen. Family members would have been informed by phone or text of the situation; I would never, ever put up an FB post that everyone I’m linked to could read about how my husband MAY be affected by some terrible event. It is probably because I’m older, but for me, it would feel like I was starting drama and seeking attention until I knew if he’d been involved or not, and I would not want anyone beyond close family to know about it. Or someone like Lisa coming out with stuff like this while I wait for news.

    • B October 29, 2014, 8:18 am

      Actually, I have realized that you may have been posting purely to respond to those people. Well, I still wouldn’t. Really, who goes on FB to say ‘I’m so concerned about your husband! Is he all right?” That’s being dramatic. Nobody needs a public post like that at such a time.

      • mechtilde October 29, 2014, 3:16 pm

        It can have it’s uses- rather than having to call 25 people every time there is more news, or be inundated by calls it can be much easier to put up one post that everyone can read. I know one lady who stated a facebook page so she could keep friends and family updated about her son’s serious illness without having to be constantly on the phone.

        • Lizajane October 30, 2014, 8:11 am

          This is a very good point and I agree completely. This was the OP’s tale to tell. Lisa took it over and spread false alarm.

    • Meghan October 29, 2014, 1:22 pm

      I was in Boston on the day of the Marathon bombings, and I posted to Facebook to let people know I was OK, as did many of my friends. Cell service was overwhelmed, and I couldn’t get a hold of anyone, including my mother. But pretty much everyone I know is on Facebook, and it was the most efficient way to tell people not to worry. My brother saw my post and was able to tell my mom I was fine. It’s how I was able to track down other friends I knew had been in the city that day. You may not like it, but I can tell you from personal experience it is effective. And when you don’t know if people you care about are OK, and you can look at their Facebook to see they are, you are grateful.

      • Krocki October 30, 2014, 7:17 am

        Agreed. I live in a place where the occasional air missile or bomb disrupts day-to-day life. when this happens, lots of people (including myself) post a short notice that we’re ok. doesn’t mean anyone starts worrying about those who didn’t post, but at least you don’t need to start a chain of phone calls to put your mind at ease. it’s sort of a courtesy post that doesn’t need to be “liked” or commented on. So I get why OP posted. As far as her friend goes…even hard to give her the benefit of a doubt…I can’t see any good or selfless intention here. By the way, something to be said about general Facebook etiquette here: Should one post or tag or share things about others without asking their permission first? I think not. I believe one shouldn’t, for example, post a picture of someone else’s kid unless they have permission. And while it is usually acceptable to share someone else’s status update (since they are already making it public), no way should anyone make up a status about someone else’s situation without their knowledge and permission.

      • Surianne October 30, 2014, 9:20 am

        Yes, I have friend in Ottawa and I immediately checked Facebook to see if they were okay. Most checked in on Facebook as quickly as they could, knowing that many people would be worried about them. The OP did nothing wrong or unusual and there is no reason Lisa should have responded that way.

    • Jennifer October 31, 2014, 1:06 pm

      I had a similar situation last year. My Dad had passed away and the brother who broke the news to me went on FB, within 30 minutes of telling me, and posted it for everyone to see. I had not been able to reach my younger brother yet and HIS daughter (a teenager who uses FB all the time) found out about Dad via the FB posts. Younger brother is pissed off at older brother and accused him of being a drama queen, niece is upset because she didn’t get the news from her Dad, step-Mom is upset, etc…

      • Mikayna October 31, 2014, 8:57 pm

        What a pity your family members were so upset about who got told what and when and made your father’s passing all about themselves. The only thing I’d be upset about would be losing my father, regardless of how I found out.

  • Lizajane October 29, 2014, 8:17 am

    How was Lisa “in the know” about a matter of national security?

  • Anonymous October 29, 2014, 8:45 am

    That’s why Facebook has a Hide button, but in this case, I’d privately ask Lisa to delete her posts.

  • Michelle October 29, 2014, 8:50 am

    Glad to hear your husband was safe. Prayers for those dealing with the tragedy.

    I agree with Admin’s advice. Delete, untag, block, etc. She was completely over-the-line to make such a horrible comment about your husband and then to blow up your FB feed with demands to for you to update. Plus, she panicked all your family and friends with her dramatics.

    She’d definitely be an ex-acquaintance after this.

  • Raven October 29, 2014, 8:53 am

    You are the admin of your FB page. If someone posts something on it that you don’t like, for any reason at all, you are entitled to comment on it, request its removal (by the poster, not FB itself), or remove it yourself. Or all three. Whatever you want to do on your page is your business, as long as you are following the policies of FB. No one has the right to stir up nonsense and drama on your FB page. That is what their FB page is like.

    Think about it like this: FB is a community. Each person’s page is their home. Everyone can do what they like in their own home, but no one can go into someone else’s home and damage their stuff. Homeowners have the right to privacy and to set rules for guest behaviour. People who cannot abide by the homeowner’s rules are asked (or forced) to leave.

    As a fellow Canadian, my heart goes out to your family, and I’m so glad your husband is ok. It was completely inappropriate (and bordering on ghoulish, if you ask me – “he may be dead” is not something to post on FB) for your friend to try to force you to march in her Crazy Parade. Untag, reset your permissions, and consider speaking to her about why it’s not appropriate. If it continues, unfriend/block.

  • burgerking October 29, 2014, 9:24 am

    For those families in the military, police or in political fields, we have something called opsec. Opsec means to not post anything about military movements, police operations, or political projects. That means that if your spouse, in this situation, is in a situation like this, it stays off all social media. recently, a young naval wife found out her husband had died during a military maneuver because she had first posted something to her facebook page about not being able to reach him, and then when a friend found out from news reports that his shop had gone down, she posted it back to the woman’s page to let her know. In both cases, the women were wrong in going to social media.

    • Dee October 30, 2014, 2:55 pm

      Isn’t this good advice for all news that is important enough to require being disseminated personally? I can’t fathom any reason to post milestones or bad news on social media before every interested party has been properly notified. Otherwise, how can a person complain that a posting results in reactions from people? You can’t control what others do with news you give them, but you can control the way you give people that news. Using social media to break news to people is just opening a can or worms.

  • PJ October 29, 2014, 9:30 am

    Agree with Admin.

    Lisa used your time of crisis and heartache as her own spotlight. Wow.

    What she did was horribly inconsiderate and self-centered. *Your* husband was out of communication during a dangerous time. *You* were bearing the worry of that while taking action to ensure the safety of yourself and your little baby. Whether Lisa was an acquaintance, a friend, or even your own sister, *she* was not in your husband’s inner-circle and had no right to go off and running by posting more information / greater worries / etc than your post.

    It was a time when you needed words of encouragement or prayer or good wishes. There was no call for escalated drama or demands for updates to satisfy Lisa’s desire for information that she could then share with her entire world.

    I glad to hear that your husband is safe. My thoughts and prayers go out to the people who had to endure this horrible experience.

  • Library Diva October 29, 2014, 9:42 am

    I developed a new policy when my mother died: for any major life events going forward, I will lock my Facebook page to posts until I’m certain everyone I want to tell myself knows the news, positive or negative. My mother died early on a Friday morning, and we couldn’t reach a lot of people right away because they were at work. I didn’t want anyone to find out the news because they saw a post from a well-meaning person who wrote on my wall to offer support. I opened it back up the following morning after everyone had heard.

    It’s hard to know whether Lisa was well-meaning, is a mere Facebook drama queen, or is some combination of the two. Bad news tends to do funny things to people. If Lisa is an IRL friend, maybe you should have a talk with her now that everything’s died down. Tell her how her online behavior had a ripple effect. Maybe she will think things through more in the future.

    You can also change your settings on Facebook so that you have to approve any posts that someone tags you in. The tags will show up on their own wall as just your name, but won’t become a link and won’t go live on your wall until you say it’s OK.

  • Elizabeth October 29, 2014, 10:00 am

    I agree very much with Admin and will add that this is why acquaintances really don’t belong in your social media network. Too easily, these peripheral people are suddenly IN your life, and making your life about them. Erase her, and anyone else that really isn’t close to your life, from such access to your life.

    I’m glad all is well for you despite this foolish person’s intrusion in your life.

  • AnaMaria October 29, 2014, 10:30 am

    It’s sad that people have to be like this- it sounds like OP did a great job of thinking rationally and keeping her head together in a horrific situation, but of course, who wouldn’t want the support and prayers of friends and family in the midst of it all? Thanks to social media, OP had the option to post a simple facebook post while caring for her daughter to get the word out, and then this drama-queen has to come along and blow the whole thing up just to get attention. If Lisa is really a friend, OP can find ways to stay in touch with her other than facebook (at least until Lisa learns some social media etiquette), otherwise, it sounds like life could carry on just fine without Lisa.

    Years ago when the Virginia Tech tragedy occurred, I was studying abroad and was catching up via online chat with a friend back in the States. She was carrying on and on about how worried she was about a friend in Virginia and I was panicking for her, thinking her friend was trapped in the chaos and horror that was occurring on the VT campus. I asked my friend if her friend lived in the dorms or if there was any chance she might have left campus for the day…and she awkwardly confessed that her friend didn’t actually go to VT or live anywhere near the campus; in fact, she lived clear on the other side of Virginia from VT and my friend had no logical reason to believe she would be anywhere near the VT campus. Maybe she was genuinely worried, but it seemed to me like she just wanted an excuse to get in on the drama. “Oh, there was a shooting at Virginia Tech today? I KNOW SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN VIRGINIA! Everyone pay attention to me and be concerned about how this situation affects me!” I know people love drama, but why people want to find connections to something so terrible and tragic is beyond me- it’s like they think it’s a movie and they want to make sure they are cast in a leading role. They don’t understand that shootings are real, real people loose their lives, and real families and communities suffer afterwards.

    OP, I’m so thankful to hear that your husband is safe and sound. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your neighbors in Ottawa!

    • LovleAnjel October 30, 2014, 10:37 am

      I have friends who work and do research in the building in which the VT shootings happened. I was watching their FB pages like a hawk that day (they were all okay – not teaching the classes involved). I may have said something to my husband, but I sure as hell didn’t broadcast anything. It’s not my tragedy.

  • Annastasia von Beaverhausen October 29, 2014, 11:13 am

    Ugh. The shootings in Ottawa were awful – I have a close friend there and was texting with her (to make sure she and her family were ok – they were.

    She posted a very nice – ‘everyone is OK, we are safe, blah, blah’ sort of note.

    Some idiot friend of hers came and posted as a response(this is less than an hour after the news broke) ‘Obviously this is the work of the government trying to drum up support for going into Syria with air strikes! I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but it’s TRUUUUUEEE!!’

    People like this hag, and your idiot friend Lisa require no response – their written words do a good enough job of telling the world who they are.

  • Ms. Charming October 29, 2014, 11:16 am

    I’m always amazed at the number of people I meet that have to make everything about them. When I got engaged, I told only my immediate family first, then proceeded to tell my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I was not ready to blast the news over Facebook yet, but it turns out I didn’t have too, as a few of my cousins posted on my wall and mentioned me is posts. I quickly deleted them and asked these people not to post anything personal about me. It was my news to share, not theirs.
    Sadly, these instances extend further than social media. I worked at a big law firm (500 people) and my friend, a lawyer, told me in confidence that she was pregnant, but did not want anyone to know. Well, I am not sure how this woman “Nosy” got hold of the word, but she proceeded to blab to EVERYONE who would listen. By the afternoon, everyone knew my friend “Mary” was pregnant. Mary confronted Nosy and asked that she not share personal information about her. Nosy’s response: “Well, you’ll eventually show, and then everyone will know, so what’s the difference?” Unreal.

    • cdubz October 29, 2014, 1:05 pm

      My BIL and SIL are having their first baby. I wasn’t there for the gender reveal party, but immediately after the announcement to the guests of honor and the rest of the attendees at the party MIL was on Facebook announcing the gender, along with sending messages to myself and DH. BIL and SIL didn’t even have a chance to process or announce it themselves on Facebook yet, MIL totally stole that from them.

      A couple hours afterward, BIL called DH and told him what they were having, he hadn’t a clue his mother ruined his surprise yet. I don’t know what happened when they finally found out.

      • Tracy W October 31, 2014, 4:24 am

        If BIL and SIL wanted a chance to process or annouce this themselves, they could have found out the gender before the gender reveal party. They could have had their facebook statuses up and ready to post at the gender reveal party, if that was important to them.

        Seriously, who holds a party to reveal information and then expects people to not pass this along? How is passing along information revealed at a party, however hastily, stealing?

        • Lizajane October 31, 2014, 10:05 am

          Because it was their news to share. She didn’t steal the news, she stole their opportunity to share it.

          • Tracy W November 5, 2014, 5:18 am

            They did use their opportunity to share it, at the gender reveal party. A method of sharing which has its disadvantages and, I presume, advantages, like all other methods. One of the disadvantages is that the information is out to other people before you have a chance to process it and tell anyone individually.

    • Tracy W October 31, 2014, 4:19 am

      It’s long been known that if you want to keep a secret, don’t tell anyone. To quote Benjamin Franklin, who lived a couple of hundred years ago: “Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

      With my pregnancies and births, we were careful to tell our parents first, and then our siblings, with one sibling in particular kept until last, and then we posted our news to Facebook immediately afterwards. You share news with someone, you lose control of it. Miss Manners has been saying this for a while.

  • PhDeath October 29, 2014, 11:27 am

    What a terrifying situation, OP, and I’m so glad all was well.

    A close family member ran the 2013 Boston Marathon. I was extremely proud and excited and had been on Facebook throughout the morning, updating on her progress, chatting with family and friends, and leaving her messages to read after the race. In other words, many of my FB friends were aware that I had a loved one at the race.

    Due to the strain on telecommunications immediately after the bombings, it was some time before a text message was able to get through that my family member was safe. I posted a message on my FB wall, noting that I hadn’t had an update, was doing my best to stay calm, and would pass along any news when I received it.

    That didn’t stop a number of people from commenting (several within minutes of one another, and on the same thread, where it was easy to see), “Any news???” “Do you know anything yet?!??!” and so on. Every comment caused another shot of anxiety. I would have abandoned FB altogether, but those of us in the family knew it’d be the easiest way to get out a message quickly to everyone, so I couldn’t turn away.

  • JD October 29, 2014, 11:34 am

    OP, so glad you are all well. What a terrible day for you all, waiting to hear.
    You are right to be offended. I really dislike when people claim tragedy that isn’t theirs. When a terrible “storm of the century” blew into our beach area some years ago, almost a dozen people were killed and many homes and some businesses washed to sea. One of my co-workers told everyone that “WE lost several family members!” No, her niece’s husband’s extended family — not any of his close relatives — lost several family members. She couldn’t name these people (even last names) or give their relationship to her niece’s husband and would not have recognized them if she saw them — none lived locally, just were holding a reunion at the beach — but believe me, she sure talked as if she was suffering a close loss. Ugh.

  • Ashley October 29, 2014, 11:46 am

    There’s nothing wrong with deleting comments as you see fit, though if you were busy trying to reach your husband and care for you daughter, I can see how that might have been difficult as well.

    I’ve deleted comments in the past. I have no qualms about it, and no one has questioned it.

    In cases where I know there will be updates, I always post something that makes it clear that I will post updates WHEN and ONLY when I get them. Had to do that when I was in the hospital late last year. I went from what should have been a few simple tests and nothing else, to an overnight stay, and a bunch more tests. I spelled it out for people “All I know right now is __________________ and I will update more when I find out more, please don’t ask anything, just wait” Worked out perfectly.

  • Magicant October 29, 2014, 12:03 pm

    This person just leaves me stunned. This was an event where people were killed, and she made it about her.

    • Cora October 29, 2014, 3:38 pm

      There are more of them than we realize. About fifteen years ago, I lived in a very large high-rise where a man jumped to his death. There was talk for weeks after, of course; most of it from normal people who wanted to know how his family was doing and if they needed anything. But I kept overhearing this one stupid resident responding to any mention of it with, “Well, IIIIIIIIIIIIIII have a FIVE-year-old DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!” Who had seen and heard nothing, same as her mother; but the woman kept loudly announcing to all and sundry about how difficult it was to have to explain suicide to her kid. As if the guy took his own life just to piss her off. Unbelievable.

  • kingsrings October 29, 2014, 12:09 pm

    People like Lisa are moths to the flame when it comes to drama. They need to be a part of it and will make themselves be a part of it by doing things like this. The same happens when someone they know dies. All of a sudden they were best buds with the deceased, even if they barely knew them. Their FB profiles and talk become grief grandstanding about the deceased.
    In the OP’s case, this friend really crossed the line by instilling fear in the husband’s family. I think she needs a firm talking to.

  • Marie October 29, 2014, 12:27 pm

    I’ve noticed this on social media lately for missing persons cases – families will often make a page for their missing loved on, and those pages are usually full of comments from people who have absolutely no connection to the victim or the family demanding information and insulting the family for not keeping the “public updated”.

    And when there’s a high profile murder case/accidental death, people who never knew the victim will show up to the funeral and cry and openly grieve in order to make a scene, even though they did not know the person at all.

    Or then sometimes you have the fake family members that make media statements, such as when Cory Monteith died and his “cousin” was making tons of statements and showing up on TV talking about his “loss”. Turns out the family had no idea who he was.

  • Dee October 29, 2014, 12:42 pm

    Lisa is a confirmed drama queen without empathy for others. She escalated an exchange unnecessarily. However, she did not start that exchange. It’s not clear if OP was able to contact ALL of her hubby’s friends and relatives before she posted her fears on Facebook; I would imagine that posting would have come as a shock to anyone close to hubby but who did not know hubby was caught up in that attack, and that could be a lot of people. So, Lisa took it a (dramatic) step further. Whether she thought it was okay to do that because the subject was already started by OP or not it seems to me that this issue speaks to the increasingly common posting of personal crises on Facebook. As someone who’s experienced receiving bad news via Facebook I can attest to how upsetting that kind of behaviour is. I have sympathy for what the OP went through with her hubby but I don’t give OP a complete pass on this. Don’t post potentially upsetting news on social media until everybody has been notified properly first. It’s just common courtesy.

  • Kat October 29, 2014, 12:44 pm

    Agree with the ring theory. If she was truly afraid he was dead, she should have gone to someone other than his wife and mother for reassurance.

    I’m so glad your husband was okay.

  • Gena October 29, 2014, 1:26 pm

    Almost as bad are people who keep asking for updates. If I have an update I’ll let you know!

    When we were in the waiting room while my sister had a baby, for some unknown reason you could call from the waiting room to her delivery room. My mother and my sister’s close friends were calling every few minutes asking for “updates”. When they told me it was my turn to call, I refused, saying that if they had anything to tell us they would, and we shouldn’t keep bothering them. They ignored me and my sister eventually had the phone in her room turned off.-

    • kit November 1, 2014, 1:48 pm

      When my sister had driven to hospital to have her third baby, my own mom chatted to me (they were babysitting the older children so they knew when she went – and told me, too) and she said it has been so long and whether she should call them. I told her that I think calling either her or her husband would be extremely impolite – I do hope she dropped that plan.

      Unreal. Calling someone currently in labor? How does that idea even enter someone’s head? Because they believe the mom-soon-to-be has nothing better to do than inform you “I… uuh… am having… aah… this contrac-… ooh… -tion right now”, right? Nor has the support person who may be holding her up or massaging her back, I suppose.

      There’s a reason we didn’t tell anyone when we went to have our first baby, and told only my MIL who was to come babysitting (and who was really good at keeping secrets – she didn’t even tell her husband (that’s FIL) when I was expecting before we OKd it months later) when having our second. Most of the relatives and friends (really anyone but the babysitter if you need one, as you can’t avoid that one) actually don’t absolutely need to know such things before after fact – it only makes them impatient and stupid.

  • Karen October 29, 2014, 1:36 pm

    Oh hey, you know my SIL!

    When the Boston Marathon was bombed, and I was trying to get home, she posted SEVERAL Facebook and Twitter updates, about how “worried” she was about me because “no one had heard from [me]”.
    I almost never facebook, and don’t have a twitter, so I missed all of this. I called my mom as soon as I could, but contacting every single relative was NOT on my priority lists. Later, she said that I should have “checked in” on social media so she wasn’t worried.

    This- btw- is the same woman who made a huge deal about where she would be able to nurse her baby during my wedding reception. That wouldn’t be that much of a problem, but she needed this room in three hours and my wedding was starting in 15 minutes.

    Some people need to make EVERYTHING about them.

  • JL October 29, 2014, 2:52 pm

    I am the OP and I would like to thank Admin and all the commenters for assuring me that I wasn’t bordering on cowardice for not responding to Lisa. Had I been thinking more clearly, I would have deleted her comments, but honestly, it didn’t even occur to me at the time.

    I want to clarify that I posted to Facebook because it was easier than responding to the individual texts and messages I was receiving from friends. Most of my friends and family, in and out of Ottawa, know the nature of my husband’s job (but he is neither military nor police) and, thus, that he works in the area of Parliament Hill, so a quick message seemed the easiest way to communicate to assure them. Even with few details, I was fairly certain that he was safe at the time, and commented that he was supposed to be at Parliament Hill only in response to a question from the spouse of my husband’s colleague. I did, however, speak to my MIL before posting anything.

    I finally un-friended Lisa last night. The funeral for the young soldier who was killed was held yesterday, and Lisa managed again to make it all about her, writing that she was “too sad to go to work and her life would never ever be the same again.” Enough drama, and I was thinking more clearly yesterday.

    • B October 30, 2014, 6:20 am

      Seriously? People think your husband might be in danger *right then and there* and they are bothering you with texts? Not even your family? This is so inappropriate. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

      Lisa is vile.

    • Tracy W October 31, 2014, 4:30 am

      Using Facebook for this seems entirely sensible. We did something similar when my brother was recovering from a very bad accident.
      And your friends contacting you with messages and texts sounds like an indication of their affection for you and your husband.

    • Goldie October 31, 2014, 11:01 am

      Wow, Lisa has just outdone herself. Good for you on unfriending her.

  • SusanB October 29, 2014, 4:07 pm

    As others have already said, delete and block. Do not ask her to remove her posts because once again it will become all about her.

  • sylviatexas October 29, 2014, 4:28 pm

    “You can’t argue with crazy people.”

    or talk to them, or get anywhere with them, & it’s a good idea to do everything you can to protect yourself & your information from them.

    Your story reminds me of 2 incidents.

    First: My mother was a genuine narcissist, a certifiable, card-carrying, spotlight-hogging, star-of-everybody-else’s-show egomaniac.

    When I was about 4, my father ordered a slide from Sears for us children.
    It arrived in a box, & my father & my uncle put it together.

    The piece that covered the dangerous sharp metal edge at the bottom came off the next day & sliced my younger brother’s little toe nearly off, & his pediatrician stitched it back together & sent him home.

    The day after that, my mother told the story over & over, pausing dramatically & shaking & gulping & gasping:
    “Dr G took one look at me & said, ‘Mrs T, David will be fine. Nurse Pat, take care of Mrs T, & bring her some coffee & be sure she’s okay.'”

    The story became more about the entire doctor’s office clustering around her & taking her elbow & *making her the center of attention* than about my poor 2-year-old brother having blood spurting from a nearly-severed toe!


    On about September 13, 2001, I dropped in to visit a small office of 5 people in a sleepy suburb of Dallas.

    I overheard the office manager telling someone about the events of September 11:
    “I told everyone not to panic! I got my girls & I kept them in my office, & I did this & that & blah blah blah!”

    Somehow, she was a heroine for having been in charge of an office of 5 in a strip mall in a small, unthreatened town in Texas on the day 3000 people died in New York.

    You can’t reason with crazy!

  • Rebecca October 29, 2014, 5:20 pm

    What do I think of Lisa’s FB behaviour? Appalling and insensitive. I’d have sent her a sternly worded message and regretted my own posting about it on FB at all.

  • Yasuragi October 29, 2014, 6:44 pm

    I live in central Japan and the Great Tohoku Earthquake and tsunami hit the north in 2011. I was no where near where the quake hit and the worst thing we got was a few books falling off the shelves, our internet and phones were out for a few days and some blackouts here and there. I wasn’t able to contact family until several days later.
    When I finally checked my Facebook I found pages of…concerned? posts from people I had never even met. Looking deeper into the rabbit hole I found that these people were friends of relatives of my brother’s girlfriend’s friends. They have never even met my brother let alone me. But, boy howdy, were they concerned.

    “Yasuragi where are you?? Are you OK?”

    “Has anyone heard anything?? Was she caught in the tsunami? Is there a way to check lists of survivors?? Please share this!!”

    “We’re all sending prayers and good thoughts to Yasuragi in Japan! No one has heard from her and we’re all in a panic!!! Does anyone have more info?? WE HOPE YOU’RE OK YASURAGI!”

    Ah, well, thank you sister of my boyfriend’s girlfriend’s cousin.

    My level headed sister tried to put in her two cents with :”We’re all worried but Yasuragi doesn’t live where the earthquake hit. Maybe she doesn’t have internet right now. I’m sure she’ll call us when she can.”

    When I got my internet back on I posted on Facebook that I was ok and a few details. Then I got posts like this:

    “Such a relief!! We all started crying as soon as we heard the news we’re so happy to know you’re ok we’ve been blessed more than we can know. I’ll let everyone know you’re ok!! My kids are so happy to know you’re alright. I just can’t believe you’re OK!! It was such an awful tragedy and our hearts go out to everyone who was involved!”

    Wow, really? You started crying? Like, literally? That’s awfully empathetic of you my sister’s high school friend’s older brother’s girlfriend’s friend…um….wait, who are you again?

    • AIP October 29, 2014, 7:24 pm

      Comment of the week!

  • AIP October 29, 2014, 7:24 pm

    Admin has the measure of Lisa all right.

  • Syn October 29, 2014, 7:32 pm

    I agree with admin in that you should’ve just deleted the posts and tags. Possibly leave a comment or send a PM that says you’ll let everyone know when you hear more.

    But I’d also like to point out that your friend may not have meant to make it about her, this might simply be how she responds to crisis situations. My best friend is a nurse on neurological ward and at work she copes with emergencies like a boss. But when something even slightly upsetting (I don’t mean “someone offends her”, I mean kids throwing sticks at her window or a someone dinges her car or *anything* that could barely be considered a threat but still violates your personal sense of safety), she withdraws into herself and starts going over it again and again. I love her, but she does not cope with personal stress at all. She once called me in tears because she couldn’t find her graduation papers. She didn’t need them anytime soon, she was just upset because she’d lost them, and it took me ages to talk her down, telling her if they can’t be found the school will send a new one. I guess to some people it might seem like she’s straining for attention, but I’ve known her for 10 years and she simply has bad tools with coping with conflict. Putting all her energy into thinking about it and talking about it with others is how she deals. It can be incredibly frustrating, especially as I’m the type to count my losses and move on, and wallowing in stuff seems pretty pointless to me, as does panicking about situations you can’t affect.

    I don’t know if your friend is like this, but if she doesn’t usually make a habit of trying to be in the middle of attention, I’d try to talk to her about how to contain her stress and not let it spill over onto others.

    • Syn October 29, 2014, 7:42 pm

      I read the OP’s comment. Seems I was being optimistic about the friend not just being hungry for attention.

      • hakayama October 30, 2014, 8:52 am

        @Syn: Looks like your best friend might benefit from the proverbial “neutral party personal guidance” to help her with chicken manure moments of her life. Thank Heavens she keeps her cool in professional situations, but I still hope that there is never any “cross contamination” between the different areas of her life. An all around “even keel” would be nice. 😉
        Please, please, please…do not stretch your imagination to give Lisa the “benefit of the doubt”. If that is how she shows her optimism, then a vulgar expression might be applied regarding what she can do with that optimism.
        In any case, there is such a thing as blessed silence coupled with prayer, meditation, wishful thoughts, as opposed to blasting away a presentation of worst case scenarios… Believe me, I know some Lisas, and they are NOT about others, OK?
        Just the ONE snapshot of Lisa would be enough to mumble “how do you do” when meeting her.
        NOT “it’s nice to meet you”, because that would be an absolute lie.
        P.S.: It’s OK to be judgmental and discriminating. Even though these days the words have a one track bad rep, the original meanings are most desirable. 😉 (Check it out in your Funk & Wagnalls, as the old saying goes. Or Google it!)

        • Syn October 31, 2014, 9:43 am

          My friend is aware of her failings, and we’ve occasionally gotten into fights because I’m very much the opposite and can’t always empathise with her distress over minor things and come off as uncaring about her feelings. But she can’t help it, she starts to feel distressed and it’s not like she can turn it off. I try to pay attention to my own feelings of frustration over her behaviour and try to not let it show, and instead be as compassionate as I can while stressing the facts of the situation to her. When she called me in hysterics about her graduation papers, I stayed calm and repeated over and over again that if she can’t find them, she can order a new copy, until it got through to her. Then she finally calmed down and thanked me for talking her down. There’s a reason we’re best friends 🙂

          • Syn October 31, 2014, 9:49 am

            To stress that my friend isn’t just doing her hysterics for attention, I have clinical depression, and during bad episodes my friend has come over to take care of me, including feeding me and taking me for walks. We both have our weaknesses, and we both know how to comfort the other. I wouldn’t give her up for anything.

  • hakayama October 29, 2014, 7:56 pm

    With “random regularity” we meet with exhortations to eliminate clutter in our surroundings. The reference is to “stuff” that is there, innocently waiting to get in our way as we need to move onto things we need at the moment.
    Interestingly enough, I cannot recall a single appeal to de-clutter the human element in our lives. I move that we start doing that without any sense of guilt, of “what ifs”, of “if onlys”…
    Just drop the people that have a negative influence on your life. Even if it’s just a one time but significant event. That one happening showed the entire Lisa. It showed that the OP and her nearest and dearest not only do not benefit by her presence, but are harmed. At the same time, there is no way Lisa can be helped by them. Their only “use” for her is as a foil for her histrionics, her one “woman shows” when opportunities arise. Heck! I am sure that she can readily build/create those opportunities.
    Dear OP JL, I wish you a contented life, without cliff-hangers, without anxious moments, without Lisa.

  • crella October 29, 2014, 9:23 pm

    Yasuragi, that’s wild 😀 I used to get a lot of emails from relatives (pre-FB) whenever we had a quake simply because they didn’t know where a lot of these places are. The phone would ring and my mother would say ‘Is it near you?’ ‘No’ ‘Oh, ok’, but this is just completely different, wow. ” my sister’s high school friend’s older brother’s girlfriend’s friend” made me laugh.

    • Eva October 30, 2014, 3:17 am

      Thats mothers for you.

      In my hometown years ago our town archive collapsed due to some fault in the underground railroad being built. 2 people died. Now that archive was in the town center and I live and work on the outskirts. The latter at least mum should have known, having visited me before.

      Still I recieved a panicked call, wether I was all right. *sigh* lacking television at work I had not even noticed the tragedy happened.

      • JD October 30, 2014, 11:45 am

        My dear elderly aunts used to call with every hurricane coming even near Florida, asking if I was alright. I live in Northwest Florida, but let one pass over the Keys or Miami, and they called. Funnily enough, the year we had 4 hurricanes in 6 weeks (I’m still trying to block that year out of my memory!) and all of them affected my area to some degree — knocking out power for days, damaging roofs, knocking down some trees, etc.– they never called, assuming I was nowhere near the problem. They had NO sense of geography whatsoever. Even looking at a map, one couldn’t explain it to them. Oh, well, I knew they loved me and meant well.

        • Lizajane October 31, 2014, 11:18 am

          A lot of people don’t “get” Florida. I have family in Miami. When we crossed the FL state line, we wete about halfway there time-wise. We live in Indiana.

      • EchoGirl October 30, 2014, 12:41 pm

        I think when it’s immediate family, it’s a little different. My dad does this a lot (he once called me in a panic because a woman in my town was run over by a bus and her name hadn’t been released, nowhere near where I was), and he’s usually the most calm person I know. But that’s completely different from some friend-twice-removed doing it.

  • missminute October 29, 2014, 9:27 pm

    I would not have been restrained as you. I would publicly commented that she was being horrible on her awful status, have untagged myself, and deleted her. After the crisis of course.

  • NostalgicGal October 29, 2014, 9:31 pm

    2000% with the admin here.

    Spouse has FB I do not, I seen something on his site and commented about it to a niece in a phone call. She had posted the item to his page. Well she totally had a flipout because I knew about it. (this is the gal that if you say anything at all about anything to her it’s out her mouth or through her fingers as fast as she can repeat it, especially to her mother, my SIL Witchina… ) She was FURIOUS and she unfriended my DH her ‘favorite uncle’ because I had *RUINED* it for her. He told her plainly well you get us as a package deal and unfriended her as well and blocked her. This was the one that used to call me her favorite aunt because when DH and I came over, I’d go play barbies and board games with her because I didn’t want to interact with her mom… now I’m the evil personified (I think there’s a thick helping of mummy-un-dearest there) DH is not upset, just disappointed, in her.

  • just4kicks October 30, 2014, 4:46 am

    Ah, yes the drama coworker/friend/neighbor. I think we all have had one. I had a coworker who used to LOVE making up stuff to get us riled up. “Hey…don’t your kids go to school in X town? Just heard there was school shooting an hour ago.” Or “Hey…isn’t your husband a cop? I just heard a cop got shot and killed this morning.” She was a very bitter divorced woman who by her own admission, her kids didn’t want anything to do with her. She got a huge kick out of us scrambling for our phones, and then would say “oh I guess I got the info mixed up…Sorry.”

    • Mary October 30, 2014, 3:47 pm

      I don’t even think she counts as a drama queen. More like a pathological liar!

      • just4kicks October 30, 2014, 11:38 pm

        That too @Mary.
        I tried to be friends with, but that ended the day she was stocking shelves the next aisle over and heard her talking about me, not knowing (or caring) I could hear her. I have IBS and bladder issues.
        The person she was talking to ( a new hire) said, “I don’t think I’ve met her yet, which one is she?” “Sue” replied, “the one who always works the early morning shift and always smells like cheap perfume and piss.” I was horrified and embarrassed, and had myself a good cry in the ladies room on break. I avoided her like the plague after that. One of my friends who works there happened to come into the ladies room and asked me why I was crying. I told her, and asked in all honesty, if that was true…do I really smell? She said of course not, and really wanted to go after “Sue”….I asked her to please not say anything. I was horrified enough.

  • Angie October 30, 2014, 12:59 pm

    Yes, some people are just drawn to drama for sure. A few years ago there was an explosion on my street. A murder-suicide which also killed two men in the house next door. Many of the surrounding homes were damaged so heavily that they couldn’t even be lived in, and the people had to find other places to stay until the repairs could be made.

    Although I wasn’t even home when it happened and I didn’t know any of the four people who died, it still shook me up that something like that could happen on my normally quiet block, so I did make a few posts about it on Facebook, partly so I could let people know we were all right.

    For the next few days, every time I went somewhere I was bombarded with questions about what had happened, because there were so many rumors going around, and people were disappointed to hear that I really knew nothing more than anyone else. I remember one woman asking if I had been able to get back into my place yet, and she actually looked crestfallen when I said I was able to go back in that same night. She had probably told people that she knew someone who was homeless because of the incident!

  • Ergala October 31, 2014, 10:03 am

    I agree with admin 100%. When my husband’s grandfather was dying (he became ill quite suddenly) I had told my best friend at the time about the situation. My husband and I were quite upset about his illness, this man was absolutely amazing and loving. I didn’t think it was fair or right that he was suffering the way he was, he didn’t deserve it at all. An hour or so later my best friend posted on her FB wall how she was so upset about grandfather’s illness because it was making us sad. Now all her friends were offering HER condolences and some even trying to cheer her up by cracking jokes about heaven. This woman had never met grandfather since he lived the next state over. My husband just about lost his cool and I had to stop him from going over to her place that was down the road and chewing her out. Instead I made a post on hers and said that this was a difficult time for us and that I would appreciate it if it could be kept on the respectful side in regards to jokes. Someone made a comment about me making it about me to which I responded for the last time stating that he was OUR family member, not hers. And I left it at that. Best Friend was very insulted that we didn’t tell her he had passed away until a few weeks later. We are no longer on speaking terms. This wasn’t her first offense.

    Some people have to be in the spotlight all the time and they will jump at any opportunity to be in it. Sadly I’ve seen it from family members who were not involved at all with the deceased. There was a murder here of a young woman I went to school with and played soccer with. She was very very loved and it happened in front of her young son. The boy’s father hadn’t really had anything to do with her or him for most of the child’s life. In fact the young woman worked two jobs to support her and her son and had even helped the father get a car and insurance to be able to come see his son more frequently to which he didn’t do. He was also now engaged to another woman. After her death the father’s mother suddenly created a account for people to send donations to to help with the child’s care since they assumed the father would get custody of him. The backlash was huge. My schoolmate had had zero support from him at all raising their son and now they wanted money to raise him from everyone. Needless to say he didn’t win custody, the mother’s family did.

    • Goldie October 31, 2014, 4:36 pm

      “Someone made a comment about me making it about me”… WHAT? It WAS about you. Sometimes I don’t even understand what goes on in people’s heads… Very sorry about your loss.

      Your second story, too. Mindboggling. Their young son’s and grandson’s mother was murdered in front of him and their first reaction is to use it as a money grab??? How do people live with themselves after this? Good to hear that there was a huge backlash, as it should’ve been!

  • Goldie October 31, 2014, 10:20 am

    I unfollowed a casual acquaintance on FB once for something similar. She’s a kindergarten teacher. Two days after the Sandy Hook shooting, on a Sunday evening, she made a FB post about how she is afraid to go to work tomorrow. We live nowhere close to Sandy Hook. I unfollowed her right away. Five-year-old kids died and her first reaction is to make this about her for no good reason? But this woman’s post was so benign and harmless compared to Lisa’s. Tagging OP knowing that OP’s in-laws would see that post, i.e. basically telling OP’s elderly in-laws that their son might be dead – who on earth does this??? I don’t usually unfriend/block, but I would consider it in this situation.

  • Laura October 31, 2014, 10:26 am

    If she had posted something like, “I’m so worried about my friend X, my thoughts/prayers/good vibes go out to him and his family.” I would find that more or less fine. (definitely less fine if she’s just doing it to be dramatic and seeks attention, but not so bad if she’s genuinely concerned).

    I can’t even fathom saying she fears he’s DEAD and then tagging his wife and family! How insensitive can one be?!?!

    Honestly, I would’ve politely told her off by posting something like “This alarmist behavior is not helping the situation . I will update when I know more. As I’ve said, I have every reason to believe he’s fine and in lockdown.” If she persisted after that I would tell her I find her comments insensitive and inappropriate and then either hide her or block her.

  • Cat October 31, 2014, 5:37 pm

    I avoid this sort of thing by not posting anything on Facebook until it is a certified fact. I don’t need the drama of “what ifs”.

  • Sylvia October 31, 2014, 8:04 pm

    There is a lesson here – don’t post anything on FB that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the newspaper.

  • Angel November 1, 2014, 12:28 pm

    Facebook can be a great tool in situations like this–when you can’t always call from your cell phone. I am glad that your husband is ok, OP. That must have been a scary situation to find yourself and your family in. Your “friend” has very poor judgment when it comes to posting online. I would take the admin’s advice as she is absolutely right. Delete and block features are your friend especially at a time like this. I can’t imagine what she was thinking stirring up all that drama on FB–but then again I can’t for the life of me understand why people post half the things they do on FB. I am guilty myself of “vaguebooking” but only if it’s something positive–and usually it’s something that most of my friends understand. I think FB should be used for positive news generally, and I tend to hide a lot of that negativity from my news feed as I really don’t like to see that. I had to hide one friend of mine who endlessly posted her frustrations regarding her foster child/adoption process–at the same time she was posting pictures of her foster children which you are not allowed to do legally. I hide her posts because she was behaving immaturely and while I sympathized at first, I just couldn’t deal with the negativity anymore. The adoption process can be tough. But I don’t need to see and hear every detail. Especially when you are not in compliance with state law and using poor judgment too.

  • Enna November 8, 2014, 5:37 am

    Admin is right, you can block her or delate her responses to your posts, set your settings on FB so you have to approve anything that you are tagged in.

    My firend “Katy” was doing some decoarting in her home. Her children were away on a school trip and one evening we decided to go out with another firend “Pixie”. Katy puts a FB status up that she is going out for a film and a meal with firends. She then tells us some relations have put comments up about why is she going out when she has decorating to do and decorating doesn’t take that long to do (Katy has been working hard and been putting progress on FB). Pixie’s and my reaction is: yes it doesn’t take long to do so Katy can come out with us. Katy is upset so delates the going out status. Pixie made a very good point that Katy could just have delated the comments or pointed out that she’s done most of the decorating.