I would like some advice on bean-dipping. Being of child-bearing age and married for several years, I often get the, “When are you going to have kids?” question. It’s a delicate subject in my marriage, and a very personal topic I don’t care to discuss.
In one-on-one scenarios, I say something like, “That’s a very personal question,” and it is a gentle nudge away from the subject without embarrassing the other person, who usually has good intentions.
Recently, I was asked this in front of a large group of people. I didn’t want to point out that I felt the question was too personal. I didn’t want to embarrass her because I felt she was more naive than rude.
It was the perfect moment to bean-dip, but my mind was blank. There was no bean-dip or other food around!
How do avoid your mind going too blank to bean dip? Do you have a couple topics in mind ahead of time? Am I over-thinking this? 1201-15
Only you know what topics regarding your personal life are off limits for further discussion by others. You mentally draw the line in the sand delineating at what point questions become too nosy and invasive. When someone crosses that line, you have a ready topic of discussion that you promptly redirect the conversation as if the question asked of you never existed.
Let me give you an example. Several years ago my son was in a long distance relationship that many thought would result in marriage but did not. We decided we did not wish to discuss this fresh news with acquaintances, particularly the nosy, gossipy ones who wanted to know every salacious detail as to who broke it off and why, and if asked what happened, I changed the subject to something entirely different, as if the question never made it to my ears. Months later, when asked, I simply said, “Oh, that? It’s old news,” and changed the subject again. You don’t owe people information or explanations about facets of your personal life. People love to talk about themselves so changing the subject by asking them a question about their work, new baby/grandbaby, new car, latest trip, etc. usually works.