I called my dad today after not being able to get into contact with him for about a whole week. I wasn’t surprised because he has a habit of promising to visit his grandkids and not showing up. The problem came up today, the sixteenth of December. I mentioned my SO and the children were going to Mississippi to visit SO’s mother for Christmas. He gets mad and screams that I’m always yelling about him not coming to visit but then I make plans behind his back. I explained it wouldn’t be behind his back if he had answered the phone. He seemed to calm down until I mentioned that my mother (they’re not together) was coming as well. He snapped, “Fine! Go to Mississippi”, and hung up on me!
Am I wrong for not taking his plans or feelings into account? My mom lives with me and my SO in the same state. We only see my dad if we drive four hours back to my home state and that’s if he decides he has time for us. Maybe I should’ve invited him but he’s never met my SO’s mom the twelve years we’ve been together while she and my mom are friends. Please help. I feel like I’m being selfish when I’m really not trying to be. 1216-15
Your dad has succeeded in guilt manipulating you into believing you are at fault. The only thing I would have changed is I would have left him voicemail messages asking him for his travel plans for the holidays so that you can make your own plans accordingly. One does not need to suspend life and keep plans on hold waiting for someone to make a decision or who procrastinates in communicating their plans as if they expect the world to wait with bated breath for the divine word to be given. It’s a classic case of “you snooze, you lose”. Sorry, Dad, but you snoozed and now you lose.