My DH has a friend, DN who is married and has 3 kids. DN has been someone who I didn’t “click” with from the first moment I met him (it may have been the fact that he didn’t tell me he had a potentially deadly allergy to a food I served him until he almost ate it, even though my hubby asked for his likes/dislikes and allergies). When I met his wife (AN) we “clicked” until the 2nd time we really talked. She would say things that weren’t accurate and would let her kids do things I had just asked them not to do (like climb over baby gates put up for safety). For this and other reasons, I chose not to associate with them in our personal space (I will be polite, smile etc if I run into them in public). If DH wants to hang out with DN he will go there or arrange to meet at a park, etc. DH knows I am not comfortable with the N family and tries to take my feelings into account without hurting his friendship with DN.
As a compromise, we agreed to invite the N family over maybe every 3 months. DH invited them over for dinner and then my youngest (6 month old baby) got sick. Nothing bad, but coughing and low grade fever. I was concerned that she might have something contagious and told DH to call the N family and reschedule (they have a baby 4 months older so I was concerned about their baby). Even though the N family knew we were concerned about passing on something to their family, it took DH to tell them we were cancelling the dinner and would reschedule for them to not show up.
When we did reschedule, we also invited the T family over (JT, NT and kids). They had kids about the same age as everyone else and we thought it would increase the fun for the kids. Because of scheduling we had told both families a time frame (ex from 2 pm -4 pm) that we would be able to host. This was mostly for the N family or they would spend the entire day despite hints to leave.
The day of the meal and everyone shows up (N family is late). We had planned a dinner that was a kid pleaser, but would also appeal to adults. We were also lucky to have a beautiful spring day so the kids were able to play outside before and after the meal.
When we finally got down to serving, the T parents and my DH and I started serving our kids and getting them situated in the kitchen (vs the dining room where we ran out of room) before we served ourselves. DH and I then had to serve the N children. Both N parents served themselves and started eating and only really concerned with their almost 1 yr old and ignored the 4 and 2 yr olds.
After we were done eating, we let the kids go out to play and I started putting away things. The T family parents made sure all of their kids took care of their plates and that their kids put them in a place I had designated. The N family parents laughed and made comments of how messy the baby was (as a mother of 3, I wasn’t surprised).
NT offered to help with dishes, which I appreciated, but waved off. AN during this time told her husband to make her another full plate to take home, without asking if it were ok. If she had asked, I probably would have said it was fine, but she just started having him load up a paper plate for her to take home (I wish I had told her that I was sorry, but I had plans for the leftovers, but that thought didn’t come until after we finally got them to leave).
While the kids were outside playing, AN tried to only allow her kids to play with mine, even though the T family had children that were much closer in age (ours are 2 yrs older) and ours were playing with things that were too old (maturity wise) for the N kids. She also actively discouraged her older kids from playing with the other kids and disregarded the safety of the almost 1 year old. I had to tell both parents 3xs that their son was crawling on my non baby proofed deck (and was about to climb over both of them to get him) before they noticed.
When the time we had set as the end was up, the T family rounded themselves up and left in a flurry of happy, tired kids and thanks. The N family kept trying to sit back down and stay. AN started a conversation about babies. During this conversation (about breastfeeding) I had to continually remind the N kids to put on shoes, jackets, etc as well as herd them towards the door. The only time DN joined the conversation was to tell both DH and myself that he hates it when his wife breastfeeds b/c it makes her fat. Both DH and I had the deer in headlights look and DH finally managed a response about how breastfeeding is my choice and he supports it.
We finally managed to get the N family out 1/2 hour after the dinner ended (and the other family left). DH went to help our oldest study for school and I started doing clean up. Where the T family and our family had sit, it was reasonably clean. Where the N family sat, there was food all over the floor and not all of it was around the high chair where the N baby sat. I was not expecting the N family to leave my house spotless, but after watching the T family and ours clean up, I would have assumed they would have tried to clean up a little.
Between leaving a huge mess (and showing no attempt at cleaning up) and the horrible comments the DN said about his wife in front of her (and in company), DH has agreed that we will no longer host the N family. 0329-16