The Dating Game

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I had to share this story of the most horrendous date I've ever been on! I was 19 at the time and I was working in a small law office temporarily during the summer before my junior year in college. The partner at the firm had his son working there as an office administrator. Now this son, whom I shall call SleezBall, was in his late twenties, strikingly good-looking and intelligent. Add to that the fact that he was fairly wealthy thanks to a hefty salary and possibly a trust fund from his dad, and the guy was, on the surface, perfect. I learned the lesson very quickly that looks can be so deceiving, which was definitely the case with this guy.   

SleezBall started by casually inviting me to walk with him to get coffee in the mornings. I was flattered, but I've never been the type of person to read too much into someone else's intentions, so I figured he was just being polite. Then he would ask me to go to lunch with him. I figured out very quickly that his intentions were for us to become more than just co-workers. I was slightly hesitant because we did have to maintain a working relationship as well, but I was young at the time and didn't really think through all of the consequences. And besides, I was only going to be there a few months before I'd have to go back to school. But I was very conscious of how my boss, SleazBall's father, would view this kind of relationship, but SleazBall was quick to dispel my uneasiness by saying he had spoken to his father and he was fine with it. I should have known he was full of you-know-what right then. What dad approves of his late-twenty-something son hitting on a 19 year old subordinate in the work place? But who knows, maybe his dad was just as sleazy!   

Anyways, I was pretty excited when SleezBall asked me out for dinner one night. Up to that point we'd only socialized during the normal work day. We were planning to meet at a really nice, classy restaurant down town so I wore something nice, but conservative. I met SleezBall at the restaurant and he greeted me with a soft kiss on the cheek. I was not exactly prepared for that kind of gesture, but didn't think much about it. When the hostess came to seat us, SleezBall told her we would just sit in the bar. I was very nervous at that point because I was not 21. I would be mortified if we were to get kicked out of the restaurant because I was underage, but SleezBall assured me he knew the wait staff very well and I would not even have to show an ID because I was with him. Fine. So we go to sit down at a booth right by the window. SleezBall obviously knows the menu well and orders a bottle of ridiculously expensive wine and chocolate covered strawberries before we even have dinner. I thought that was a strange appetizer to order, but again, I said nothing. I did have a few sips of wine so I didn't appear to be totally out of my element and I started to loosen up a bit. 

We talked and had a generally good time until SleezBall decided that he wanted to sit right next to me so he could offer to hand feed me strawberries and kiss my shoulder and neck at the same time. He was whispering some totally inappropriate, suggestive things to me and I was mortified. Keep in mind, we were surrounded by older, well-to-do individuals who I can only imagine were repulsed by the show we were putting on. So I quickly ate the strawberry and excused myself to the restroom. I came back and found SleezBall had finished off the entire bottle of wine by himself and was about to order another. I told him that I wasn't feeling well and needed to go home. He said he was going to stay a while longer, but would walk me down to my car. I insanely agreed. 

Once we were in the elevator, all hell broke loose. We had to go down 40 floors to get down to the parking garage, so it was a long ride. SleezBall proceeded to attack me in the elevator, kissing me hard on the lips so that I couldn't even get the word NO out. He even went so far as to pull my hair in what I can only imagine he believed to be a sexy turn on for me. I was disgusted. Luckily another couple got on the elevator about half way down so he stopped. I hastily said good bye to him once we got to my car and got in before he could even say anything.

Work the next day was agonizing. I would not even look at him. I know now I could have, and should have had that disgusting excuse for a man put in jail for sexual assault and at the very least, fired for sexual harassment at work. As it was, I was just happy to quit the job early and never have to deal with him again.

DatingHell0716-04

I dated a guy from work, we'll call him "Jason."  Jason and I met the first day of training, and had immediate chemistry.  I was new to the state and didn't know my way around, so at first I just thought it was nice to have someone to show me the city.  I didn't think the interest was mutual.  But by the end of the first week, we had a date.  Several more ensued, often 2 or 3 nights a week.  End of the first month, we'd gotten to the "exclusive dating" stage (a little fast, maybe, but it didn't seem so at the time).  

All the while, he'd casually bring up a girl named "Mary."  At first, he made it seem like Mary was his best friend, and nothing more.  Then, it emerged that Mary was his ex-girlfriend.  Then, it became all too apparent that Jason and Mary were still harboring mutual interest (or just a really good sex life...).  Jason left for a weekend and stood me up when we were to have dinner with another co-worker and his wife.  My suspicions were confirmed.  He had driven to Mary's house.  3 hours away.  I was furious, but being not a little naive at this point, forgave him and got back together with him.  

Less than a month later, I had just gotten back into town from a trip to New Orleans with my dad, and tried to call Jason.  No answer.  I figured he'd gone to bed already.  Oh was I wrong.  I called several times the next day to try to get together with him, when I was informed by his SISTER that my suspicions were, once again, confirmed.  Jason, while I was away, had packed his things and Mary had picked him up.  Not for a weekend, but for good.  He moved away with her, and never had the decency to call and tell me we were over (not that I couldn't have guessed at this point).  He's not called since, and I remain friends with his sister.      I hope he steps on a tack.

DatingHell0810-04

I was at a party one night, one of those where you crash there that night. Anyway, the hostess invited this guy "Dexter" and we really hit it off. After some small talk inside, we went out to the driveway so we could talk with a little less noise surrounding us. We talked about everything, books, family, future plans, all the while laying on our backs and watching the stars. I suggested that we drive out somewhere away from the city lights to better view said stars, and he agreed.

The place we went to is out in the country and surrounded by trees. We were in a clearing of the trees where we could view the sky and the trees made like a bowl around us with lightning bugs flashing all around us. We were laying on his car and it was perfect.

We noticed that it was getting late, so we hopped back in the car and headed back to our friend's house. We got there around 2am and went to find a place to sleep (I'm a good friend of the hostess, so I was promised a bed).

We climb into bed and sleep in each other's arms.   It. Was. Wonderful.   We woke up looking into each others eyes with the sunlight filling the room. Oh, it was perfect. He had to go to work and he said he'd call.

Since then I had called him about five times and once he finally answered. We planned to go garage saling together about a week later. Anyway, he stood me up on that one with the excuse that his stepmom had his phone and his phone had my number. I let that one go by as just an accident. He stood me up two more times before I just stopped calling.

On the night of the fourth (of July) some friends and I went to a local pizza place and who was there being social? Dexter. I went up and said "hi" and then I pulled him aside, we hugged and I whispered in his ear, "I liked you, I really did, but I'm giving up on you" and all he had to say was "Understandable".

Eurgh. "You just WAIT till my therapist gets a hold of THIS piece of the puzzle!!!"

DatingHell0808-04

A few years after I graduated high school I ran into a guy I had known for quite a while. He ended up calling me and we agreed to go on an official date, but I warned him not to expect too much. We decided to get together on a Sunday, he would call me that morning and we would make our plans. All I asked was that he not call me before 10am as I have to get up for work early during the week, and relish being able to sleep in.

Friday night he calls and leaves a message that he's at the local fair seeing some friends play in a band, asking me if I want to meet up with him. I had already made plans with a friend and wasn't able to call back. He call me 5 more times that night wondering where I am and why haven't I called him?

Sunday morning rolls around and he calls at exactly 10 am. I answer in a sleepy voice as he had waken me, and without even saying hello says "You said to call anytime after 10". Not a good way to start.

So I get up, he picks me up and we go out for smoothies where he brags about using a 2 for 1 coupon. We actually have a pretty good time talking and catching up. We decide to go to the mall and walk around, and he buys me a kitty ear headband that I wear the rest of the day. Very sweet. He had been trying to hold my hand all day, so I figured since he bought me the ears, I would finally let him. He would NOT LET GO! We decide to go to the movies and as we are leaving the mall he says "Well, since I bought you the cat ears you can pay your own way into the movie." This is coming from a guy who lives at home with his parents and has no responsibilities, while I am living on my own, supporting myself, but whatever.

We get to the movies and once we are inside, he goes to the snack stand and he buys himself every kind of snack you can imagine. Once the movie started I should have pretended to go to the bathroom and had my friends come get me.

He finally takes me home and walks me to my door. I had told him earlier that I didn't kiss on the first date (total lie) and lucky for him he didn't try. Although that didn't stop him from asking me questions like what kind of underwear I wore and what my favorite sexual positions were. I never went out with him again.

On another note, I once gave my number to a guy who turned out to be getting the number for his brother. I left this party at 6 pm, went to a friends and got home around midnight. His brother had called me 10 times, some within 1 minute of each other. When he called again that same night within minutes of me walking in the door, I screamed at him that I was trying to sleep and to never call me again.

DatingHell0806-04

I went on a blind date with a man I had spoken to on the phone.  He sounded nice, and normal!  We met at a restaurant, and he was waiting for me outside.  All was well until we were actually seated.  Among his "sins": 

He ate like a pig, grabbing everything in sight, hogging all of the bread, etc.

He complained to the waitress about the prices.  (This was NOT an expensive restaurant, by the way.)

When the bill came, he complained because soup instead of salad had added a big $1.25 to the bill.

He asked to borrow my cell phone during dessert, and proceeded to call and scream at his ex-wife while we sat at the table.  She hung up on him, and he called her back.  After a loud and very embarrassing conversation, he calmly told me that he had used my cell phone because she would have recognized his number and wouldn't have answered.  He then told me every gruesome detail about their marriage and about what a witch she has been since their divorce.  (I sympathized with her rather than him, believe me!)

After dinner, we walked outside and by this time all I wanted to do was go home.  We stood near my car in the parking lot, and he asked if I'd like to go out again, this time to a movie.  Before I could answer, he sneeringly suggested that it be a porn movie at his apartment.  He then proceeded to reach up under my blouse and feel around.  I managed to extricate myself from his grasp, got into my car, locked the door, thanked him for dinner, rolled up the window, and high-tailed it out of there.  He followed behind me in his own car for blocks, honking his horn and waving out the window.  The pig didn't even get it that the had grossed me out!

I think this date includes pretty much every dating faux pas possible!!

DatingHell1003-04

I am quite humiliated to tell this story. The story itself is so brief, I'll give a little prologue and epilogue to expand on it. I first met the wonderful woman who would be my wife while in college. Her name is "Tiffany," and I'm "Jason." I was in film school and she was studying biology at different colleges in the same city. We met at a small theater where we both happened to go Friday nights.

I thought she was the most adorable girl I'd ever laid eyes on. She seemed to be smitten with me as well, but circumstances kept us apart for well over a year. Finally, one day I decided the next time I saw her, I'd ask her out. It was the best decision I ever made. We hung out a couple of times before actually going out on an official date. It is the second time we hung out that I made an egregiously horrid faux pas which, when I look back on it, boggles my mind.

She came over to my apartment to hang out. She was okay with the fact that my place was a mess, that I was a portly, unshaven, out-of-work filmmaker. The sparks were flying between the both of us. Now here's the moment of "oh my God". She suggested we go out and get some coffee. I replied, "Nah, I've got coffee here!" I PROCEEDED TO POUR COFFEE THAT WAS STILL IN THE CARAFE FROM THE MORNING IN TWO MUGS AND MICROWAVE THEM. I then handed her a cup of nuked sludge and asked if she wanted cream and sugar.

The fact that she didn't retreat from my apartment in disgust is a testimony to the fact that she and I are truly meant to be together.

You change quite a bit during your twenties. I really don't think you become the person who you are going to be until you hit twenty-seven or so. Now in my early thirties, I look back on that incident, and other things I said and did around that time, and think, "Who the hell was that idiot?"

My wife and I have now been married for over five years, and our love has grown with each passing year. I consider myself to be one lucky SOB to not have scared her off with my oafish behavior and stomach-churning habits. I am a very different person now than I was, all in good ways, mostly due to her making me want to be a better person.

And, I'm proud to say, we don't even own a microwave.

DatingHell0819-04

Here's one for the annals ... I had just finished a long relationship with a very abusive guy and moved back to my hometown.  I had decided that maybe I wasn't destined for love, or that I could _learn_ to love someone.  Wrong ...

I'm an actress and was working at my local Renaissance Festival.  One of the jousters, let's call him Psycho (since all my friends do), asked me out.  I have to admit, to a romantically starved woman, it was very sweet, the knight in shining armor bearing roses thing.  He wasn't my type physically, nor was he a stellar conversationalist, but I figured I'd give it a try.

I should have known better.  He was really antisocial, negative and a complainer.  I'm social, positive and hate complainers.  But I was lonely, and for a while, it was nice having someone with whom to go out .  On Fridays every now and again, we'd get together.  At last we became intimate, but it was never anything exciting.  In fact, more times or not, it was _not_ happening, if you know what I mean.  He'd just fume and kick me out of his apartment as he berated himself for his failure.

So, following one of these non-event times, a good friend of mine and performer at the Festival passed away.  I was invited to the memorial and asked Psycho along.  He agreed.  Now, I knew he was antisocial, but figured these were his friends, too.

I thought wrong.  He sulked the entire time, requiring that I couldn't talk with friends but cater to his moods.  I finally left him at his table to wander around and share my sense of loss with my friends.  He came up and insisted we leave.

Fine.  At the car, when he went to unlock my door, he couldn't get the key in.  So he snarls, "Can't get it in here, either!" At my friend's memorial!  Now it's kind of funny in a pathetic way, but at the time it was just horrible.

I didn't talk to him on the ride home, and broke things off.  He went around telling everyone how I was a man-eater, and the next time I saw him was when he stopped by to give me back everything I'd given him.  That actually was rather wounding, but I was glad for one of them, which was a first edition of the book  "Star Wars" which said it was written by George Lucas.  He also snapped open a picture of a naked woman in bondage, showed it to me and asked if I sent it to him and if it was me.  I laughed at him then and told him he had been spammed, get over it.

That should have been it, right?  If only it had been ... The next year he works at the Faire, as do I.  At first he is nasty, then he begins shooting wistful looks my way.  I don't care - I don't bear him any animosity, just don't need him in my life. I'm dating casually at this time, nothing permanent.

Finally he gets up the nerve to ask me out again.  I stupidly say sure, but only as friends; I mainly agree because he's finally gone on some medication that he says "takes off the edge".  He accepts those terms.  But this time, it's worse.  He complains about everything, hates his co-workers because they don't speak English, hates the food where we go out, hates my choice of movie ...

Yet, even though I keep hinting I don't want him in my life, wouldn't he be happier, blah etc., he insists that (and I quote) I owe him more than 3 days a week to see him.  Yep, he's treating this like we're dating, so I get chilly on him.  Finally, no more even seeing each other.  Whew, right?

Wrong.  To make a long story short, after he spammed the office where I work to pay for my acting habit - with the same picture and saying it was me! - keyed my car and then totaled it, I got a peace order against him.  I went to Court with my fiancé (now husband), who is everything I ever dreamt of and who evidences that you _don't_ need to learn to love someone, love happens.

As for Psycho?  I warn all of you ladies out there ... if you see him, run.  Run fast (but not too fast because he has little legs and can't keep up).  And to everyone - never settle.  You don't have to if you're willing to wait for the right one.

DatingHell0903-04

I'm a young, single mom struggling to re-enter the dating world. When a co-worker, "Ruth", asked if I'd be interested in going out with "Ryan", I enthusiastically replied in the affirmative. I had met Ryan a couple of times, and had always thought he'd be a great catch. So, I gave Ruth permission to give Ryan my phone number. 

A few days later, when I hadn't heard from Ryan, I asked Ruth if she had spoken with Ryan about me. She replied that she had, in fact Ryan was excited to take me out, and was planning our date for the coming Friday night. I was bothered by the fact that Ryan was planning a date he had not even asked me out for. But, I went ahead and arranged to have a babysitter. Throughout the week, I waited for Ryan's call. It never came. 

Finally, at about 6:30 Friday night, Ryan called, saying he'd pick me up at 7:00. Seeing as how this would be my first date after having my baby, I decided to overlook Ryan's complete lack of manners and just try to have a good time. Ryan arrived almost an hour late, talked non-stop about Ruth, and neglected to tell me what he had planned for our date. Turns out his plans were to take me bowling. I mentioned that I hadn't bowled since I was a little girl, but I would give it my best. He reassured me by saying that he hadn't either, so we'd be re-learning together. It only took a few frames to realize that Ryan was actually a very good bowler. In fact, he later revealed to me that his mom was in the national amateur circuit, and he had been in a bowling league since he was big enough to lift a ball. 

I decided to just ignore his arrogant attitude, and shifted the conversation to world affairs. When Ryan commented about the "6 billion people in the U.S. depleting our economy", I tried not to laugh. I politely asked, "You mean the 6 billion people in the WORLD, don't you?" To which he replied, "Read a newspaper, honey, there's like 200 billion people in the world." I changed the subject, asking where we were going for dinner. He got a twinkle in his eye, and told me it was a surprise. On the way to dinner, I began telling him about my then 10-month-old daughter. He proceeded to tell me all the things I should be teaching her, and all the things I'm doing wrong. 

Then, when he pulled into a gas station, I felt relieved, thinking that I'd have a break from him while he gassed up. But, he drove past the gas pumps, and pulled right up to the building. Turns out, the place we were having dinner was the little food court inside the gas station!! Needless to say, I ate as quickly as I could, and asked to be taken home. When he dropped me off, he said, "I have a friend that's going through a divorce. I gave him your number, so expect a call from someone named Devon." It was the worst date I'd ever been on!

DatingHell1130-04

Page Last Updated May 15, 2007