Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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I love my cousin dearly, but this has got to be a huge etiquette faux pas on her part. She and her fiancé recently had a house built (finished in September) and they're getting married within a year of that (in May). She has been understandably excited about her new house (her first house) and her upcoming wedding (first wedding for both of them). As we're close (I'm her MOH) and she's had so much happening, we've been calling and e-mailing frequently over the last few months. I recently received an e-mail in which she told me she was planning a housewarming party "and here's a link to our registry." About 2 weeks later I received an automated update of her registry.

Now unlike a lot of posters, I AM a big fan of registries. I would rather get a present I KNOW someone wants than try to guess what they would like. But a registry for a housewarming? I always thought a housewarming party was to invite people over to see your new home -- not an occasion to receive gifts. I also thought that if someone WANTED to bring a gift to a housewarming, an appropriate gift would be a plant or a nice bottle of wine. To her credit, she didn't register for anything expensive (most of the items are in the $10.00-$20.00 range) but she's going to have a registry for her wedding in May. Couldn't she have waited until then? As for me, I'm going to bypass the registry and give her a nice bottle of wine.



I love this site, and just thought of another story.  About a year ago, I received an invitation to the 25th wedding anniversary of some family friends.  The invitation said "no gifts please".  I know that this in itself is a little rude, but thought hey, at least they're not being greedy, and happily attended. However, at the party, the couple's daughter was passing around this ridiculous looking plastic, silver-colored piggy bank (saying that the 25th anniversary should have everything silver) for donations to be used on her parents' impending retirement!!!    I just ignored the piggy bank, until the middle of the party where daughter storms up to the DJ, interrupts the middle of a dance, RIPS the microphone from his hand and starts to admonish everyone for being so cheap.  She says that she had "no gifts please" on the invitation  because "obviously", that particular statement means you are supposed to bring cash!!!   I remain dumbfounded after a year has passed.  



One of my relatives and her fiancĂ© recently built a lovely home and held a housewarming party.  I was excited about the party until I received the invitation, which listed their gift registry.  I'm all for gift registries, but for a housewarming?   I always thought that a housewarming was a way to show your new home to your friends and family -- not a way to gain gifts.  To her credit, none of the things on the list were expensive items (they were all small items for entertaining mostly $20 or less, with maybe 2 or 3 higher-priced items) but I was still a little shocked.  She's getting married within a year, and I know all of these people will be at her wedding.  I think it is in poor taste to ask for gifts from people twice within the span of a year.    



So I received this today in a mass e-mail. The girl who sent it is usually selfish, was all through high school. But now, at 21 years old, she is sending her birthday list gimme list to me, and everyone else who has ever shook her hand. I haven't personally talked to this girl in about 3 years. But anyways, here's the e-mail I received from her:

"So I realize that not everyone wants to drop $50 on me for my birthday gift, so here's a revised list with relatively affordable items.  Though Kathryn did set the trend by giving me Ultimate Spider-Man, and it was even early.  The rest of you have some tough competition to live up to.

FOR $20 and Under (cheap ass friends)

Outlaw Tennis for the Playstation 2 Outlaw Golf 2 for the Playstation 2 Outlaw Volleyball Remix for the Playstation 2 Guide Book for Ultimate Spider-Man Guide Book for Soul Calibur 3 Cute Jewelry from Candies at Kohls Cute Jewelry in general Posters of Tom Welling Posters of Hotties in general CDs that don't suck Movies that don't suck on DVD or PSP UMD

Sin City Books that don't suck

Shopoholic Series Cash, no personal checks or credit cards FOR $20 and More (better friends)

Soul Calibur 3 for the Playstation 2 Kingdom Hearts 2 for the Playstation 2 SD Memory Card compatible with the Canon PowerShot A610 Grand Theft Auto:  Liberty City Stories for the Playstation Portable White Logitech EA Sports limited edition wireless controller for the Playstation 2 Star Wars Battlefront II for the Playstation 2 Psychonauts for the Playstation 2 Metal Gear Acid for the Playstation Portable Cash, no personal check or credit cards" 

Maybe if this girl had actually called me...invited me to celebrate her birthday with her (by the way I didn't even know her birthday was coming up) I might have gotten something from her "$20 and under" list. But now she won't even get a reply to her e-mail from me.  



My girlfriends and I have a mutual friend "Vicki." Even though she was quite nice at first, we're not close to her, and you'll soon see why. Vicki is constantly sick and cannot hold down a steady job but has time to tell us all about her medical problems. From acid reflux to fibromyalgia to arthritis to endometriosis to her gall bladder to migraines this girl has had it all. This list of maladies doesn't even include all injuries from her numerous car accidents. Her husband works for a major company that has a fantastic insurance plan which is how she can afford all of her ongoing medical care.

Vicki constantly talks about herself and all her problems. Our nice dish sessions gradually turned into discussions about doctors, insurance plans, and hospital stays. She rarely asks about us and what's going on with our lives because she's so busy letting us know when her next doctor's appointment is and what for. If we began distancing ourselves from her she begins pouring it on thick and acting like we're the best of friends. It's quite difficult to listen to her go on and on about what's wrong with her, especially when there are so many Americans who don't have any healthcare at all. She even went as far as to list every single accident and illness that she's ever had in her life on her website. The real kicker was when I had a look at her website last year and found this:

Next week, I will be going back in for my 13th surgery in a little over 4 years. It's looking like I will be in the hospital for a couple of days then recovering for up to 2 months afterwards although with my very low immune system it might be longer. Since my husband and I know people love to send flowers to me, my favorites are Moonshadow Carnations From 1 800 flowers and they are $29.99.

You'd think with all of Vicki's problems she'd be more concerned about why she has to have over a dozen surgeries in a year rather than getting the right kind of flowers. At this point we hadn't been seeing Vicki at girl talk sessions anyway. I passed around the website to some of my friends who'd never seen it at all, and word must have gotten back to Vicki that we were pretty disgusted with what she'd written. She ended up taking down her entire website right before her surgery. We haven't heard from her since.


Page Last Updated May 15, 2007