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I'm not sure if this is a true 'hell' story, but it is always good for a chuckle. Perhaps it falls in the Gimme Gimme category. Generally speaking, most brides register for china and linens at places like Macy's or perhaps Crate and Barrel (a personal favorite). But hardware stores and other places are getting in on the wedding market so it wasn't too unusual to find that friends had registered at Target. Nestled between the toasters and the boom box was what we felt was a small but tasteful gift. It was certainly affordable. A $1.95 box of Rice Krispy Treats. faux0903-01

My fiance and I went to a wedding for an old friend a few months ago. Unfortunately, we weren't incredibly excited because neither of us particularly likes our friend's now-wife. Anyway, the wedding was outdoors (fine) and at the bride's father's house (fine). However, it was a potluck wedding, and all of the guests were asked to bring hamburgers and hot dogs! The bride and groom invited about 250 people, including family from as far away as Brazil. After the wedding (which was a half an hour late starting), and an hour and a half wait before dinner, everyone sat down at five long tables. It was a buffet, and, since my fiance and I know that the bride didn't like us, she had us sit at the table that would eat last. She also included the best man's parents at this table--the best man's father was also the minister!

Forty-five minutes later, our table finally gets to go up. When we arrive, there is *nothing* left. Members of the groom's family were scooping the remnants of salads out of bowls, and we could only have hot dogs, as none of the hamburgers were left. To top it off, the groomsmen barbecued the hamburgers and hot dogs in their suits since the bride and groom hadn't hired cooks! 

Shockingly, it gets worse. After dinner, the bride and groom say they have a "game." They ask all the people wearing yellow to get up and leave the tent--they have to hold the garbage bags for the leftover food! Everyone wearing blue must clear the table. We were flabbergasted! One woman (the mother of one of the groomsmen), who wore yellow, was actually warned in advance of the game, and got up and left the tent because she was so offended. 

Finally, the bride and groom stood and thanked people for bringing food, and for a certain brewery that provided free beer for their wedding. Not only did the bride and groom mention the brewery in their speech, they wrote its address and phone number in their wedding program!!

Two months later, my fiance and I found out that the wedding party didn't even eat hamburgers and hot dogs--they had a meal catered for them, while everyone else ate from the BBQ.   faux0925-01

A very close and dear friend of mine was to be married and of course I was invited, along with my mother. I expected it to be a rather nice wedding, as the families were well off.   My mother had been asked by the bride, however, to "help out" with the food at the wedding. My mother, though finding this a little strange, agreed and she and I both arrived at the church early to see what exactly helping out entailed.

Upon entering the auditorium we were startled that the only decorations on the otherwise bare stage were a few potted plants. Assuming this would be addressed we walked into the adjoining fellowship hall where the food would be served. The room was empty of all chairs and when another friend of ours (another person asked to "help out") arrived, we discovered that the bride had instructed that no chairs be set
out. Then the big shocker came, the cake. It was a cheap cake from the grocery store with "Congratulations ____ &_____" written on it and nothing else. Two bowls were designated for punch as well as some large jugs from which to pour the punch. Plastic cups and forks were set out and some paper plates.

Finally, a man arrived with the decorations for the church. It consisted of a large white arch a few floral pieces and a carpet for the bride to walk down. The guest book was laid out with a cheap pink pen with the father-in-law to be's business emblazoned on it. The ceremony was admittedly quite nice and there was plenty of room for everyone, the bride looked beautiful and it went off without a hitch- well, until it was over.

The guests moved into the fellowship hall for cake and ate standing (except for the few who ventured into other parts of the church and found chairs.) While the guests ate, the
wedding party had their pictures made. Once that ordeal (it took FOREVER) was done and most of the guests had left, the wedding party left- to attend the PRIVATE reception with the REAL wedding cake.     Faux 0519-01

I have remained on friendly terms with my ex-boyfriend "Steve" since we broke up about 12 years ago. (I got married 3 years ago; Steve came to our wedding and my husband had no problem with it.) Steve recently became engaged and will be getting married in 2 months. Last month, he called to tell me that his fiancée (who I have not met) had forbidden him to invite me to the wedding because I might "still have some influence over him". No problem. I disagree with her logic, but I'm not going to tell her who she should invite to her own wedding.

Well, last week I received an invitation to Steve and "Jean's" wedding. I was initially delighted, thinking that Jean had reconsidered, until I opened it and found that someone had marked a big black "X" across the invitation and written "You'd better not come" on the response card!    Faux0612-01

I just recently found your sight and I knew I had to post this absolutely appalling story!! I have a friend, we'll call her "K" , who asked me to be the MOH in her wedding.   I was flattered and readily accepted, the two of us began to make plans and we were having a blast!! "K' calls me two weeks after asking me in tears telling me there has been "a problem".   I calm her down enough so I can understand her and she proceeds to tell me that the problem is the groom's sister "A" . I inquire what happened and she tells me that "A" has REFUSED to be in the wedding unless she can be MOH and that if I was her friend I would understand because this was her brother's wedding day and it meant so much to her.

"K" was mortified (as was I ) and tried to reason with her that we had been friends for years and shared so much and that my being her MOH meant a lot to her on HER wedding day. "A" would not budge, she resorted to refusing to attend the wedding at all if she was not allowed to be MOH and to never allowing "K" in her home again if she insisted on insulting her in such a way. My friend who had not wanted her in the wedding at all and was only doing it to start life with her in laws on an amicable note was now being in not as many words told that this would cause a riff in her new family (the groom was close to his sister) .

So, because I wanted to be a good friend and because I knew it was not by choice but by force that this was happening assured my friend that it would be all right and I did not mind giving up my MOH duties to "keep peace". So, with that done we thought problem solved and I was still an intricate part of the wedding planning and both "K" and I knew that this did not change our friendship . However, little did we know that "A" would not end there with her pettiness. During the "party" we had to make the wedding favors "A" became angry with me because I had made more favors and was trying to "show her up" and "embarrass her" , during the bridal shower I bought my friend two presents one for them as a couple (a set of matching towels in "K" favorite color) and one for "K" just because (a basket filled with "spa" items, lotion, soap, perfume etc) she accused me of "flaunting myself" , she threw these tantrums in front of the people at both gatherings leaving my friend embarrassed and apologetic to everyone for her rudeness.

Fast forward to the wedding day, I bought my friend a blue garter to wear so she could do the something old new borrowed and blue thing and she had mentioned that she did not want to get rid of the wedding garter she had bought because it was so pretty and I thought "K" would love this because she could still throw the garter yet get to keep her bridal garter, I guess not, "K" began to cry and I knew this was because she was happy and touched NOT UPSET however "A" proceeded to tell the everyone how "thoughtless and cold I was for making "K" cry" and then she ran out of the room, it turns out she went to to tell her brother(the groom) and now he is beating on the door asking "K" if she is ok and "K" is now forced to explain that she is crying because she is happy that I had been so thoughtful.   Well "A" was witness to this and of course this made her even madder and now she is going around muttering something (I am pretty sure it was B*&%$) under her breath, because now everyone else is avoiding her because it is obvious she is off her rocker.

The next kicker was the delivery of the bouquets.  "A" had insisted that she and she alone be allowed to go with "K" to pick them out and that they were to be a surprise for everyone else,(meaning me) "K" agreed I mean what harm could be done, right?? Wrong, the bouquets are delivered and "K's" bouquet is stunning and we are all oohing and aahing over it and the "A" draws everyone's attention to the attendants bouquets, mine was beautiful and tasteful just what an ATTENDANT should carry, however "A" bouquet was as big and grand as the bride's!!!!!!! "K" was horrified and began to question what was going on, "A" explained that she had decided that since she was MOH that her bouquet should be nicer than mine so that people would know she was the bride's special person chosen to be MOH .

At this point "K" became hysterical because this bouquet was seriously tacky, and everyone could tell that it was in bad taste and she began to wail that she was the bride and not "A" and that "A" had gone to far this time, and that she would be damned if "A" was carrying that thing, (mind you we are about 45 minutes away from the ceremony.  At this point "A" who had been a royal pain the entire time began to cry too and said she was so sorry and she did not realize that it would be a problem and the florist made a mistake and what could she do to fix this horrible mistake. "K" who is one of the most kind hearted people you will ever meet now begins to feel guilty for throwing this tantrum that everyone thinks she was completely entitled to and tells "A" not to worry about it it is to late to fix now anyway, and we will just use the bouquet, and that will be that. "A" stops her waterworks immediately and is all happy smiles, we finish getting ready and the ceremony goes off without a hitch.

During the picture taking she became angry again, because "K" wanted her picture taken with each of her attendants seperately and then together and then one of just the attendants, "A" insisted that she should have priority because she was MOH and that I did not need my picture taken with "K" it was a wastes of film and money, well, the photographer insisted this was common and that it needed to be done to "even out" the wedding photos.  "A" shut up and the photo session ended.

Fast forward to the reception, the bridal party is sitting at the table and the photographer is getting some shots in for posterity sake, he finishes and mingles to get photos of guests. "K" asks me to come sit next to her, the pictures were done and she wanted to talk to me and it should not matter if we sit in order now so I sat there maybe 5 minutes when FOB comes over and proceeds to tell us that "A" has said she is leaving (before her coveted MOH speech- lol) because I so thoughtlessly stole her "throne" and was being selfish. So once again because we want this speech (that she had been telling everyone she was working on so hard because it meant so much to her) "K" is forced to apologize for "A" and I move seats. Time for the big speech, here it is: "S"(the groom) and "K", Congratulations, and Good Luck" . Well, if you are still with me I hope this story makes it to your page I consider it to be the "Queen" of all Wicked Witch stories, Luckily the bride and I laugh about it now.    Faux0728-01

Less than a year ago, my cousin "Rachel" decided to marry the guy she'd been living with for the last two and a half years. The wedding was a $40,000 extravaganza at a local castle, with nothing but the best. The bride's parents were asked to finance the entire event, even though they enjoy very modest means (he's a construction worker, and she's a bank teller). Graciously and lovingly, they agreed, and proceeded to take out a loan to cover most of the expense. Another note I must add is that my family (and therefore, Rachel's family) is of Portuguese descent, and so were the vast majority of the guests. Portuguese weddings are expected to be very lavish, with several courses of seafood, meats, and desserts and a completely open bar. Likewise, the guests know that nothing less than a generous gift is expected of them, preferably in cash. (It's just the unspoken custom in this culture). Therefore, my cousin and her new husband were treated to VERY expensive wedding gifts. For example, my parents gave her a $1,000 check. My gift to the bride and groom amounted to approximately $500. There were approximately 300 guests, so you can imagine how huge a booty they walked off with at the end of the evening.

This would all be fine and dandy, if they hadn't decided to get a divorce three days into their honeymoon. Nothing dramatic had happened, no fights, nothing. Just a "mutual decision" that they weren't ready for that sort of commitment yet" (mind you they had lived together for almost three years by then, and it should not have taken a $40,000 wedding to determine that they "weren't ready"). To make a long story short, instead of returning the gifts they received to the people who had so generously given them, they decided to keep them (even though their marriage officially lasted a grand total of only three days). What's worse, I recently found out from her own mother that they returned all the gifts and split the money in half. Furthermore, Rachel never made an offer to use that money to help her parents repay the huge loan they had taken out to finance her wedding... Also, neither my parents nor I have yet received a thank you note (although the so-called "wedding" took place almost a year ago) for the gifts we gave them --and a few other guests to whom I have spoken have not either. Apparently, since the marriage was a bust, they felt no need to acknowledge the gifts (or to return them, for that matter!). Needless to say, we are all outraged at their immeasurable and shameless greed.   Faux 0910-01

When my fiancĂ© and I were setting up our wedding registry, the woman helping us mentioned a previous couple, who amongst other things (namely furniture for every room in the house) they asked for ten (yes, 10!) trips to Hawaii. She actually had people coming to her complaining when they saw the registry! - and here I felt bad for the nice duvet we'd put on our list...   faux 1009-01

My friend Renee recently had a baby shower experience that left her (and me) speechless. Her husband's cousin Danny had one kid by a previous girlfriend and had now gotten his current girlfriend pregnant. Danny's mother Marie, who disapproved of her son's laissez-faire attitude about girlfriends and offspring, nevertheless decided to throw Danny's pregnant girlfriend a baby shower. The girlfriend, Gabriella, was perfectly willing to partake of everything a baby shower entails, even though there was no wedding in the offing.  My pal Renee gets invited to the shower, along with about five or six dozen (yes!) other family members and friends. Renee doesn't want to go, seeing as how a) she has never met Gabriella before and b) she herself shares no blood with either Danny or Gabriella, but because she and her husband live just a few blocks from them, she feels that she must attend.

The invitations stipulate that each guest should bring a favorite childhood book "to help start the baby's library." This would be a cute idea if it were the only thing they were expected to bring, but no, the invitations clearly state that the books are to be in addition to the "regular gifts." It is raining cats and dogs, and Renee has dashed from where she parked her car into the Elks Hall, where the shower is being held. She has her book and her "regular gift" nicely wrapped. As she's standing there taking off her coat, she's greeted by some woman she doesn't know. This woman makes it a point of showing Renee the large jar into which Renee is now expected to put some cash "to help start the baby's first bank account." Renee is inwardly outraged that she's expected to bring two gifts and cash and sweetly says, "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I left my purse out in the car and I hate to go back out there while it's raining so hard." Renee goes into the main room and sits down. Gabriella does not get up to greet her, nor does she even acknowledge that Renee has taken the time to attend.

The stupid baby shower games begin. One of these involves looking under your chair to see if there's a diaper there. If the diaper is "soiled," you win a prize! Renee's diaper is indeed "soiled" (i. e., there is an unwrapped chocolate candy bar in it to simulate excrement) and she wins a prize. She proceeds, to her horror, to win two more games over the course of the next hour or so. As the shower is winding down, one of the hostesses grabs the money jar and starts passing it around to try to get more out of the poor guests, saying that there's a prize for whomever puts in the most cash. She then plants herself firmly in front of Renee and in a stentorian voice, says for all to hear, "Honey, it's stopped raining now and you've had such good luck winning all the games--are you suuuuurre you don't want to run out to your car and get your purse so you can contribute just a little something for the baby's bank account?" Unreal!!!!Faux 1130-01

Page Last Updated May 18, 2007