BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN

The "tortured" and the "torturees"

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Short but sweet: Gina, one of my bridesmaids, was a terrible mess in the lead-up to the wedding.  She hid the fact that she had broken up with her live-in boyfriend so that we would issue him an invitation and she could still bring him to the wedding and reception as her date, knowing that we were incredibly cash-strapped and had been in the unenviable position of being asked “can I bring a date?” more times than we cared to be.  In the meantime, she called every few days to cry about how difficult her relationship was, and that she and Nate were now on, now off, over and over. 

What I am really upset about, however, is that she hijacked my photographer at the reception (at a golf club), took him out on the green and proceeded to have a stack of portrait photo’s of her and Nate taken, at our expense!  The photographer was meant to be mingling at the reception and taking photographs of our friends and family, so that we had photos of everyone there, but instead, he sent us a few photos of the bridal table, one of the father of the bride giving a speech, and the rest of Gina and Nate all over each other on the green!  Now we have only the photos that guests managed to take with their own cameras, and Gina, who broke up with Nate two days after the wedding, wants us to send her their photos since we wouldn’t be too interested in them anyway!

 Bridesmaids0802-07

My story is one of a wonderful bridesmaid. Actually she was my Matron of Honor and my former college roommate.  I was getting married in December in a large church with many, many guests.  As my maids and I were getting dressed we noticed that it was getting hotter and hotter and hotter in the room.  Finally with sweat dripping down our backs we left the bridal dressing room to check on the sanctuary.  It was hot in there too.  Quite a feat considering the sanctuary had a dome ceiling and was all of three stories high.  Concerned that my guests would suffer heat stroke, not to mention the wedding party we decided that the heat MUST be turned down.  I was getting a bit frazzled considering that I was wearing what seemed to be miles of lace and satin and went back to the dressing room while my MOH went to find the custodian.  She found him in a broom closet / office with his feet up on the desk watching TV.  She explained that the heat was too high.  He denied the problem.  She explained that the bride was sweating and the candles were getting soft.  Again, he says it's not too hot.   She changes tactics from "Gee don't you think it's a bit warmish" to "It's too blasted hot, turn the heat down now."  He says that he can't turn the heat down.  When asked why he says that he just turned it up and it's at the approved setting.  She tells him that if he turned it up then he just needs to repeat that procedure in reverse in order to turn it down.  He again says that the heat is fine.  At that point MOH lost it.  She rose up to her considerable height of nearly 6 feet, glared down into his face and said "I am giving you 5 seconds to turn the heat down before I come down on you like an act of God!!"  Custodian jumped to his feet and miraculously found the ability to turn the heat down.   She was a GREAT matron of honor!!

 Bridesmaids0814-07

I have a total of four girls in my wedding. Three of them have full time jobs plus side jobs (one even going to school and lives out of state) The fourth one, we’ll call her “A”, works part time so you’d think out of all of them, she would have the least amount of problems making plans to go dress shopping. Well that is what I assumed and boy was I wrong.

 Around August I sent out an e-mail to my bridesmaids asking them what weekend would be good for them to go dress shopping. I suggested the weekend of my birthday as my fiancé was having a party for me and my out of state bridesmaid would be in town. Everyone thought that was great, everyone except A that is. She complained about how she is working so much (the most she works is 30 hours a week) and that she doesn’t know if she could switch with someone take a day off because she was thinking about possibly going to an amusement park one weekend. Let me say that in no way would I ask any of my bridesmaids to ditch work for me. Like my other three bridesmaids, I work two jobs so I understand. However, she did not have to work that day until later. We were going early in the afternoon and it is on her way to work. After much complaining, she finally agreed.

 Well, almost two months later it is my birthday – the day before we are supposed to go shopping. I get an e-mail (not even a call on my birthday!) from A saying that she can’t possibly go shopping because she was so sick. I had a feeling something like this would happen. This was supposed to be the day we picked their dress, time was running out – she knew this. So I wrote back letting her know that I would send her all the info. She then wrote back that she like the dress we had already decided on. This came as a surprise to me and the three other girls seeing as how we never decided on a dress.

 I was mad but it didn’t ruin the day. My other bridesmaids and I had a great time, and they picked out a wonderful dress. The only problem was the store would not order the girls’ dresses until A came in and did her measurements. I e-mailed A, who seemed to be on the computer a lot lately for someone who was so busy, and now “so sick”, telling her what dress and when she needed to be measured by – she had a little less than a month. Despite my anger, I was very polite. She did not reply.

 A couple of days later I found out that she went to a concert on the same exact day she e-mailed me with her sob story. My anger was growing. I sent her a nonchalant e-mail asking how the concert was. She wrote back enthusiastically about how great it was and nothing was going to make her miss it. Through further conversation, I found out that she would be going to look at condos with her boyfriend the next day. Still she was too sick to get measured but by this point she had changed her story from being so sick to having mono. A week later, I find out she is on vacation.

 The month she had had almost come and gone and I had not heard anything so I decided to call her cell phone. (I had not previously called her because I figured that she was an adult and didn’t need to be reminded) The phone rings twice then goes to voicemail. That’s right, she wouldn’t even answer her phone. So I left a message asking if she had gone and to let me know. The day of her deadline, I get an e-mail saying she would go the next week. I immediately picked up the phone and called her. Voicemail again. I leave a message saying that I am concerned about her e-mail because the dress needed to be ordered by that day. To my surprise, she called me back a few minutes later. She tried to give me more excuses – that she couldn’t go that day because she had work. (Again the store is right on her way and getting measured takes about two minutes tops) She said she would maybe be able to make it the next day before work. That was it. It was time for me to really stand my ground. I told her that she had to go by the next day or the other girls’ dresses would be ordered. They had been measured and paid for their dresses and it wasn’t fair to them. She said she would try.

 The next day was a Saturday so I did not have to work. At about ten I get a text from A saying she went for her fitting. Finally! A couple of hours later, I am on the computer and who should come online but A. How funny considering she made such a stink about maybe being able to go for her fitting before work. She must have gone to the store (which is closer to her work than her house) then back home to go all the way back to work again later in the day!

 The sad thing about this story is that it’s just one in many recent events including my oldest friend. She is getting married soon and I hope that nobody puts her through the stress she put me through.

 Bridesmaids0103-08

My husband has two brothers. He has always been closer to his younger brother, so when we got engaged, it was understood that his younger brother would be his best man.   He turned out to be the best man from hell. He and his girlfriend were late to the rehearsal, and then proceeded to get drunk and practically have sex on the table at our rehearsal dinner. (They were sitting across the table from his mom and our priest, to boot.) At the wedding itself, he was late and then showed up drunk...for good measure, he had also popped at least one Xanax. He hadn't shaved, either. His mother made him go home to shave after the pre-wedding pictures, so he looks pretty scruffy in the pictures of just the men. The wedding went off without a hitch. In the pictures of the wedding party afterward, he is making stupid faces in almost all of them. (Real mature, right? He was 29 at the time.) The faces got worse after we took a family picture of my husband's side of the family and he attempted to get his girlfriend--whom he'd been seeing for about a month--into the pictures. Fortunately, my older brother-in-law said, "I think it's just family," and he then made dumber faces than ever.   

Neither he nor his girlfriend ever showed up at our reception. We found out later that apparently they went back to their apartment and he passed out for the rest of the evening. We didn't speak to either of them for a month. It's been almost two years, and he has yet to offer any sincere apology to my husband or any apology at all to me.

Bridesmaids0126-08

About 20 years ago, I was a bridesmaid in my then-boyfriend's sister's wedding.  The future bride was a lovely person.  Her best friend was the MOH, and the future groom's two sisters were the other bridesmaids.  One of the FG's sisters, I'll call her "Alice", was very artsy and a little flaky, but seemed nice.  The bride to be chose floor length bridesmaid dresses which looked nice on everyone.  She told us that she didn't care what kind of shoes we wore, as long as they were dyed to match the dress and had a closed toe.  At that time, you could go into almost any shoe store and buy inexpensive white satin shoes that could be dyed to match anything.  So, that is what we all did - or so I thought!

The bride asked all the bridesmaids to come to her house a few hours before the ceremony to get ready.  She also offered to arrange (and pay) for her hairdresser to do our hair, if we wanted. I believe we all took her up on her offer, except (you guessed it) Alice.  Alice showed up at the bride's home 1/2 hour before the limo was supposed to pick us up for the ride to the church.  She was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and her long, straggly hair was wet because she had just gotten out of the shower.  When the bride (understandably a little upset) asked Alice what she was planning to do with her hair, she said, "Nothing, I'm just going to wear it down."  The mother of the bride did convince Alice to at least blow-dry her hair, but it looked terrible anyway. 

The best part was when she got dressed and joined the rest of us as the limo was pulling up in front of the house.  She said to her sister, "I think my shoes are chipping."  She had taken an old pair of white leather shoes and PAINTED them the same color as her dress.  Unfortunately, the paint didn't adhere well to the leather and by the time we walked down the aisle her shoes looked like they had leprosy!  If the bride's mother had had a gun, I think Alice would have been dead!

 Bridesmaids0320-08

I'm not even married yet, and already one of my attendants has made me seriously regret my decision. Unfortunately, the attendant in question is my matron of honor, as well as my older sister. I knew she was going to be problematic from the start, as she has a history of melodrama and being very self-absorbed, but for some reason I thought she could just pause for a few months and be happy for me. Silly me. It started the night I got engaged. I knew the night it was going to happen, so when I called my parents with the announcement, they invited my fiancé and I over for a quick glass of champagne. When we arrived, my sister and her husband were there. She promptly announced that my ring (which is absolutely perfect for me) looked too cheap, and that the diamonds in it probably weren't real. She had heard "somewhere" that jewelers were selling fake diamonds now just to make money, which was probably why mine were so dull. 

When I went to try on wedding dresses, she declined my invitation to come along, even though I rescheduled twice for her as she had previously said if we could to it such and such night, she could come. Finally, I just went with my mom, and we found the perfect dress. When I showed her a picture of it online, she announced that it was a tacky dress, and my wedding was going to be the "dullest event of the century". 

The final straw, however, came the night I asked her if she wanted to see the dress I had selected for her. The picture was online, and as she doesn't have an email address and I don't have a printer, it seemed easiest to just look at it at our parent's house, which we both were that night. Her response was that it didn't matter what her dress looked like, as the wedding wasn't that important anyway. My mom is insisting that she not be kicking out of the wedding entirely, but I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor, and I've stopped talking to my sister about the wedding. I shouldn't have been surprised by her attitude, but her incredibly hurtful actions have seriously damaged whatever was left of our relationship.

Bridesmaids0510-08

I specifically didn't give my evil twin sister the title of "maid of honor" because of what a self-centered Barbie she is all the time. I have the perfect example for you. The example is my "wedding present." First of all, for her wedding I hand-picked a complete set of twelve Victorian, antique teacups and saucers because she loves having tea with her girlfriends. She loved them! Great! For my wedding? A hand-picked ceramic vase from the red sticker bin at Wal-Mart. How do I know? Oh, she left the price tag on!!!!!!!!

I never mentioned the sticker. Instead I wrote her a gushy thank-you note about how much it meant to me.

Afterwards she said she wanted to take me out for a "special day for me" in Chicago. She said she would drive us into the city, we could go to some great stores and she would buy me a little something from one of her favorite boutiques. She then said we would also get manicures.

Right. The day of the trip, she "surprises" me by revealing it will cost $120 to ride the commuter train into Chicago. Yes, I would buy my own ticket. We went to her favorite shops all right. She spent about $400 on herself that day and didn't even buy me lunch. No manicures.

I suppose I should have crowned her Maid of Horror. Maybe she was just really gunning for that title.

 Bridesmaids0515-08

 I was engaged to my fiancé (now husband) for many years because we wanted to get our house in order before our marriage. In between this time, I (my choice) stopped contact with my three closest friends for their very selfish ways. I decided to ask two of my co workers whom I've grown really fond of to stand up for me during my wedding as bridesmaids. I work closely with these two and during 2 years we've spent a great deal of time together during work and during weekends! The first I'll call Carol, a very outspoken and generous woman almost 10 years my senior and the 'mother hen' of our trio. The second, I'll call Tasha is only about 5 years older and who I dub 'the saint' because of her church affiliation. Now Carol and Tasha was all gun ho when I originally asked them to be my bridesmaids. I even went as far as to take them, plus my sister (MOH) out to the local chain store so they can pick out whatever dress they liked, my only stipulation was the color. I didn't care about the make and they could each pick out different dresses as they are all differently shaped. I asked them repeatedly that they pick inexpensive dresses as none of us are that well off. They picked out lovely dresses, shoes and accessories that same day, and as a treat I took them all out to a great restaurant for an afternoon of drinks and fun. 

Fast forward two months later; I get a phone call on a Sunday from Tasha being very vague and giving me various halfcocked reasons why she now cannot be in my wedding. All surrounding a mysterious illness that had befallen an equally mysterious brother. Mind you we all work together (in the same dept.) take lunch together & go out together. Could she have said something to me in person? Sure, but where's the fun in that? Bonus! When I called to see if she could get a refund on her dress, I was informed that she had already picked up her dress (did not hear one peep from her about this). OK, fine. I'm starting to get the hint that she wants nothing to do with my wedding. It's been brought to my attention that maybe she is jealous because in all her life she's never had the offer of marriage or even came close to it as she is still waiting on her knight in shining armor. Since then, she's been distant to the point of being nasty. No more coffees, lunches, shopping joints or anything. She can't make eye-contact and was starting to become nasty to Carol, who throughout this whole thing was nothing but spectacular and in fact is now a dear friend and is very close to my heart. 

Tasha never returned her RSVP to the wedding, again she works within 15 feet from me! I took the high road and walked over to her cubicle to ask her if she & her guest would be coming and I got her signature laugh with a 'yes'. The week before, Carol called her to wish her a happy birthday only to find out that she was more than 5 states away and would not be returning until a week later. A full 2 days after the wedding. needless to say, that was the last straw and her name is permanently on my list (you know the list of ehellions that no matter what the apology, they have a scarlet E on their foreheads that mark them as evildoers). 

Now its a few months later, we still don't talk and while I'm not fanning the office gossip flames, it still irks me whenever someone asks me upon seeing a group photo, "Oh, I thought Tasha was supposed to be in your wedding." I have to grin and say, "Yes, she was..." and leave it like that. It may not seem like a lot to many, but for those who had to deal with the many stressful issues (like your MIL breaking BOTH ankles during your reception while stepping off a curb.. who does that??? I'm sure she did it just to annoy you. or while stepping out of the limo, your beautiful white gown gets caught in the limos undercarriage and getting a HUGE black soot stain along the front OR when not one or two or three but a total of 8 young females choose your wedding to test their liquor limits and starts hitting on married members of your family (husband included) or... I can go on, but every wedding has its issues, lol.) surrounding a wedding this I did not need and would like to boot this BM from hell right on into hell. And no amount of her 'churchain' (a phrase made up especially for those church members who feel that just because they go to church, that gives them leave to act like a heathen outside of church every day of their lives) prayers can save her!

 Bridesmaids0408-08

This is the story of my best friend's wedding and her awful MOH (Maid of HORROR). Let me preface this by saying that I was very disappointed that I was not chosen to be the Maid of Honor. The bride had been my best friend since fifth grade (and still is), and the MOH is someone she knew since she was little, but with whom she had not been close until the past year (only because the bride moved to the same area where the MOH already lived). I understand that family politics played a part in the selection of this nasty woman for the position. 

The other bridesmaids (besides me) were: A girl I had known since kindergarten who was also good friends with the bride, plus another girl with whom we had all gone to high school, plus the groom's little sister, who was nineteen or twenty at the time. The first event that gave us an indication that there would be problems was the discussion of the bachelorette party. The MOH suggested that we all go to New York for the weekend, have a nice dinner and see a show, then drive to the New Jersey shore for the rest of the weekend. I wrote back (this was all going on a thread of group e-mails) that the bride had told me personally that she just wanted to go barhopping in DC with all of us, plus a few other close friends, and that DC would be a lot more affordable than New York. The MOH responded that she thought it would be best if we did something totally alcohol-free, and that THAT was what the bride really wanted. (I checked later - it wasn't.) It eventually came to light that the MOH had the opinion that the bride had a drinking problem and didn't want to "enable" her.  The rest of us said, "Fine, that's your opinion, even though none of the rest of us think this to be the case." We also pointed out that if there was indeed a problem, the period right before the wedding was NOT the ideal time to address it!

Fast forward a few weeks to the bridal shower. The MOH planned the entire thing, asking us for no input other than money. It was a WINE and cheese-themed shower. So much for avoiding activities that centered around alcohol! The bridesmaids also used this occasion to reinforce the fact that none of us had a lot of money, so a bachelorette party in DC was much more within our means, especially after the MOH demanded so much money from us to help pay for the shower (without asking anyone in advance what kind of contributions they could manage.) We ended up having the bachelorette party in DC, graciously hosted (at first) by the MOH at her apartment. The first part of the evening was dinner at the Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant). The way our dinner was working was that we all paired up and ordered two-person dinners. I paired up with the sister of the groom, and we ordered the cheapest things we could, especially since we knew we were chipping in to pay for the bride's dinner. However, the MOH, bride, and one of the other bridesmaids went through FOUR BOTTLES OF WINE over the course of dinner. (Again with the alcohol!) I didn't have any because I didn't want to pay for it (and also because I'm a lightweight), and my dinner buddy was underage, so she didn't have any either. Of course, at the end of the dinner, the MOH wanted us (except for the bride) to split the bill equally. Needless to say, I politely but firmly refused.

After dinner, we went back to the MOH's apartment for a "Slumber Party" (which is like a Tupperware party, but with.. ahem... accessories for couples). We all chipped in to buy the bride a basket of massage oils, some naughty underwear, etc., and that was fine. The next plan was to go out to a few clubs in DC (the choices were limited to places that were eighteen-and-above because of the groom's sister, but no big deal). We all piled into the MOH's car and drove into downtown DC, where we were dropped off at the curb and informed that the MOH would not be coming with us because she didn't want to be around the bride when she (the bride) was drinking. We were all a little put off, but decided to say "screw it" and proceeded to get sloshed. We ended up at someone's house for late night (it was a friend of one of the bridesmaids) and crashed there. I honestly don't know when or if anyone called the MOH to let her know what was going on. I kind of remember her picking us up at some point. We had a blast, though.

Fast forward again to the wedding. We all showed up on time to the rehearsal, everything went smoothly. At the rehearsal dinner, the MOH was the first one at the bar and had a drink in her hand the entire night, but happened to say to one of the bridesmaids that, since none of us thought the bride had a drinking problem, we obviously weren't very good friends. She made several other snotty comments throughout the course of the evening. It became evident to the rest of us that the MOH didn't classify wine and martinis as "drinking", even when done to excess. (Apparently you can only have a "drinking problem" if you're drinking cheap beer or rail drinks in a noisy club.) By the end of the night, however, she figured out that none of us wanted to be around her, and excused herself from the sleepover the bride and bridesmaids were having that evening.

The Big Day went very smoothly, with the church looking gorgeous and everything going as planned. The reception was great and went late into the night. The next day, the families of the bride and groom had arranged a brunch riverboat cruise for all of us. The MOH was not present, and the bride hinted that she was so upset with her that she must have "forgotten" to invite her. Oops! To the best of my knowledge, the bride has not spoken to the MOH since the wedding. And when I got engaged, I didn't hesitate to ask her (the former bride) to be my Maid of Honor. It's what best friends do.

 Bridesmaids0402-08

My sister is six years older than me and has been married for years now. I was recently married in an old-growth Redwood park in Washington State. Our wedding was amazing, but Sissy had misgivings about EVERYTHING and didn't hesitate to rebel!

It was a small wedding - 20 people. Sissy said, "Aren't you bothered you wont get many presents?" See, she got $300 from EACH guest at her wedding. That's what makes Sissy happiest! My present to her at her wedding - hand-picked antique Japanese tea ware, which she has a penchant for. My gift from her - Picture frame with the bargain sticker still attached.

Our wedding had a 1800s-era theme - my husband and I met through the Historical Society and all our friends are part of the Society as well. My dress was a beautiful, plain blue 1800s gown and my husband wore an incredible Union Soldier uniform. All his groomsmen dressed similarly. My bridesmaids (well, all but one!) wore beautiful, plain gowns like mine in gorgeous 1800s patterns of black/white pinstripe, burgundy and light pink. Sissy wore a silk ball gown skirt and a sparkly tank top from the mall. WHY?? Because what she wants, she gets, and she through a flipping FIT when I said I wanted her to get a dress like the other girls. Sissy's a true narcissist and has, in the past, been violent when she doesn't get what she wants.

I asked her to do her hair in a lovely 1800s updo. She would have looked so beautiful. She agreed and I sent her a picture and she said it was all set. Yeah. On the day of? She showed up with her hair in a sort of messy knot that she wears every day regardless. In my wedding pictures she is the only person NOT smiling, NOT wearing appropriate formal wear OR makeup, and with her hair messy. My husband said I should crop her out of the pictures. Good thing she was standing on the end of the row.

Oh yeah. She also refused to stay at the hotel (when at her wedding, Guess Who was forced to spend $300 on a hotel), refused to come to the bachelorette party (which I threw for myself as a girl's night at my place since my sister didn't set one up for me), and refused to come to the hotel early on the day of the wedding to get dressed with all us girls because, as she said, it would be "a waste of her time."

Fabulous sister. Actually, forget that - I wouldn't even be friends with this person if she wasn't related to me. And she wonders why I don't call anymore. Why would I bother explaining? She obviously has no clue, or if she does, doesn't want to admit to the consequences of her selfishness. I'd rather enjoy my happy marriage to a wonderful man than spend time and energy on this relationship with her.

 Bridesmaids0624-08